| | women become stalkersPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | You go on one date with a women, enjoy the eyecandy, have a pleasant conversation and do some cuddling and kissing and then leave. Why do they want more? Everything was paid for but you want to think about what happened, If I'm car shopping I dont get the first car I try out so why should it be an instant relationship with another person the moment you meet?
We just met and she is attractive, smart,good conversationalist,smells great and might be a terrific lover but why should you commit so fast? There are so many women out there why go with the first one you meet. So you cut communication and they still try to call the next day or walk by your home or go to your office, its suffocating. We guys need time to think about the situation. Do we want to change our lifestyle completely after one date? She was so attractive and witty she has her pick of guys and maybe a history, which she may or may not have started to tell you, So all that is needed is time and to check out other options on the dating scene, If in the end the guy decides she is the one but she found someone else, big deal, keep looking. The women on the other hand just keep hounding you and acting like you're the one after one date. What is it about this attitude? | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 6:47:31 AM | | maybe she really liked you and wants to see you again.. if you want her to change her attitude toward you then tell her.. whether it's just that you need a little space, or whether it's that you think you're moving too quickly, or just that you don't want to see her again.. it'll help her to leave you alone if you let her know how you're feeling.. | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 6:56:16 AM | Is it politicly correct to think a woman can be a stalker?
Guess you should contact her to tell her that you are not interested in pursueing a monogamous relationship with her.
Sounds like you messed up by telling her your real name and letting her know where you live and work. | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 6:59:36 AM | | I just like to be honest when Im dating. This way I don't have to remember which lies I told lol | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 7:09:10 AM | | If you really have a woman that's interested in you,i think you should count yourself lucky. | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 7:17:12 AM | Understand the concept of not wanting to remember the lies, trying to keep them straight. Hope you know my previous post was [tongue in cheek]. I tend to be honest with them also and can usually tell them if I feel the gut saying pursue this or no go or FWB situation. Seems most women I have known can appreciate honesty, even if they dont like what is said.
But seriously, if you feel she is stalking you, tell her it aint going to happen between the two of you. | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 7:21:11 AM | | you can make any normal person interested in you, just be yourself. It's just the ones that tape a GPS tracking device on your back when your not paying attention, that bothers me | |
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svj
| | Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 8 | |
| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 7:23:23 AM | Threads get deleted by popular opinion.
That being the case... no way this survives.
Asking why men avoid commitment is popular.
Asking why women seek commitment (the logical other side of the same coin) is not.
Especially with an inflamitory subject line like that.
Roll out the gong....
===================================
Edit: I'll be damned! Thread be saved!! Let the flames begin!!!
I know the gals will want their OP charred to a crisp... but can I get a bit done medium-rare? LOL | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 7:28:24 AM | | why do they want more!!! maybe your actions made her think that you wanted more after the first date (cuddling and kissing) walking by your house and turning up at work is a bit ott and an instant turn off but maybe you gave her the wrong signals m8. why did'nt you tell her that you were not intrested in her when she was foning or txtn ya | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 7:31:03 AM | Maybe society assumes that it is only men who cause the problems to women, and women never cause problems for men. So this woman thought it was impossible for her to do harm to a man, no matter what she did.
If you tell someone something enough times, they usually believe it. Could it be that this woman heard "women are always right and men are always stalkers" too many times? | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 7:37:58 AM | why did'nt you tell her that you were not intrested in her when she was foning or txtn ya
I didn't say I wasn't interested in her but I haven't made up my mind about her yet. I should know by just one date? It's practically impossible to know a person after one date | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 7:50:49 AM | | Maybe you should keep it in your pants until you know you want to be with her. Sex should not be like going out for lunch or playing tennis. Perhaps she trusted that if you got close to her it was because you wanted to. Nobody wants to be made to feel like.."yes you are cute but want to see if something better comes along". I am so glad I read your post and hope others do. Women are not cars. You do not test drive feelings. Perhaps in my humble opinion you should take that time BEFORE you sleep with a girl instead of AFTER. I am not just ranting for the women.. but for men too. If you dont want to see a woman again.. be honest and just tell her. Dont give her the run around. I really really hope all men on here are not like this guy. And yes I know you are going to call me names now because that is what most people who dont hear what they want to do. | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 7:59:35 AM |
Sex should not be like going out for lunch or playing tennis.
for you. | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 8:22:07 AM | Although I see where you are coming from Sultry, the "were not cars to be test driven" I have to say that I don't think too many emotions should be coming into play on a first date anyway. You should be assessing on a first date especially meeting someone on the internet.
It's also a 2 way street.
More often then not, the grass is greener theory is going to come up and bite you and you risk at never having a chance with a really super person. | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 8:27:26 AM |
You go on one date with a women, enjoy the eyecandy, have a pleasant conversation and do some cuddling and kissing and then leave. Why do they want more?
I can't imagine why myself.
Everything was paid for but you want to think about what happened, If I'm car shopping I dont get the first car I try out so why should it be an instant relationship with another person the moment you meet?
I've always found comparing women (or men) to cars or shoes to be very revealing of the true character of the person doing the comparing.
We just met and she is attractive, smart,good conversationalist,smells great and might be a terrific lover but why should you commit so fast? There are so many women out there why go with the first one you meet.
Yes, certainly there are those who think that there is always a better piece of candy just around the corner. I find it best to avoid those types.
So you cut communication and they still try to call the next day or walk by your home or go to your office, its suffocating.
 Really? And how did you "cut communication" after ONE date. Did you tell her never to contact you again? I mean, how dare she call you and suffocate you???
If in the end the guy decides she is the one but she found someone else, big deal, keep looking. The women on the other hand just keep hounding you and acting like you're the one after one date. What is it about this attitude?
I have absolutely no idea why women would keep hounding you, truly. I also find people who talk about "women" or "men" negatively and apply the negative traits to all of the gender to be the best types of people to avoid. I mean "Women hound and suffocate men" and "Men are dogs" gets old. One of my greatest hopes is that the people who think that way find each other and bark together unto eternity. | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 8:46:06 AM | OP,
Maybe she is looking for more than an activity partner, whereas, you are only looking for an activity partner.
Perhaps all that hugging and cuddling gave her the idea you were interested in HER and not just "activities"
But, I'm gonna agree with Arugula
I have absolutely no idea why women would keep hounding you, truly.
HMMMMMMMM - - - | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 9:05:37 AM | OP, I had to read your post a couple times. You went out with her once, had a great time, enjoyed her company, kissed and cuddled, yet you cut off communication with her immediately? And although you cut off communication, she called, walked by your office, etc.?
Nothing to get bent about in my estimation. Did she even know you cut off all communication? Maybe she is understandably confused about the situation. "You had a great time, she evidently liked you, you seemed to like her, so why the cold shoulder?"
If I were in her shoes, I would be confused too. Under the same circumstances, I would be trying to understand your reaction and may think you misread her interest, so I would show some mild interest in return, such as she has done.
Maybe I'm misunderstanding the extent of her "stalking" you, but from your post, it just sounds like she's saying, "I'm open to getting to know you further."
Take her phone call, be honest, tell her that you had a great time, but....
you like to take things slow,
you are not looking for a serious, one on one relationship now,
you don't think office romances are a good idea,
you'd like to see her again sometime, maybe in a few weeks,
Whatever, just let her know where you are coming from, or else she's flying blind. Turn on the lights.
MS | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 9:18:30 AM |
Take her phone call, be honest, tell her that you had a great time, but....
you like to take things slow,
you are not looking for a serious, one on one relationship now,
you don't think office romances are a good idea,
you'd like to see her again sometime, maybe in a few weeks,
Whatever, just let her know where you are coming from, or else she's flying blind. Turn on the lights.
Now if he did that it would mean that he would have to be honest and upfront with his agenda, and that may mean some "drama" and that is no fun when you can just be deliberately ambiguous. Why is it that usually those that post these types of scenarios are the ones that have been the most deceptive or ambiguous in their intentions and when they are asked to communicate all of a sudden that becomes "drama"? | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 9:47:42 AM | Boy you must be a great catch!!!!!!!! I personally would never hound you, not even
one phone call ever. And you're right shopping for a woman should be just like shopping for a car. And when it starts creaking or giving you trouble or gets dented, just trade it in for a newer model! That's what they do where I live! | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 10:40:08 AM | | Just where is it you live lmao. Do they trade in men like that also must be a surplus of people out that way personally I do not mind a little older model with a few miles on it more than likely she/ it is worth the time and effort to repair especialy if she is a class. | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 12:51:46 PM | I have no problem being told that a man is not interested in me or is uncertain. I appreciate the honesty, I know where I stand and I can move forward from there.
If a man cuts off all communication and I liked him I assume the best--he did like me and we still have good feelings/connection, but he is busy or something else is going on. I try to stay in communication to be helpful and supportive. If it goes on for a while that he remains silent and unavailable I get the hint and sorrow for his cowardice and immaturity that he just couldn't talk to me straight.
The men who do talk to me straight, whether I like what they are telling me or not, demonstrate that they respect me as a person and win my high regard in the area of relationship communications. Gold medal, actually! | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 1:24:18 PM | Well...the only reason I can think of ...as far as stalking, is that somehow she got her hopes up. Did you lead her on in anyway?
Anyways, I do think you are generalizing. I am a woman. I dated someone and was heartbroken when he found and married someone else. But, I did not keep pursuing him. However, I will not go so far as to say I just shruged it off and said no big deal. I really liked him...I still do.
Also, it makes no difference if she is attractive and witty and can get other dates. With woman and men if you are attracted to them and deep feelings develop no one else matters.
I know the most georgeous man in the world (as a friend). Women would just stop dead in their tracks and stare at his translucent blue eyes. But, everytime we would get together (as friends) he would actually cry about his girlfriend leaving him. I didn't get it ..she wasn't anything that great if you ask me. But, he obviously loved her.
I don't think this is a gender issue. Also, heartbreak is difficult on everyone...you should show a little more compassion. But, the best thing for her would be to end all ties so she can get on with her life. | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 1:58:12 PM | (quote)Maybe you should keep it in your pants until you know you want to be with her.along". I am so glad I read your post and hope others do. Women are not cars. You do not test drive feelings. Perhaps in my humble opinion you should take that time BEFORE you sleep with a girl instead of AFTER. I am not just ranting for the women.. but for men too. If you dont want to see a woman again.. be honest and just tell her. Dont give her the run around. I really really hope all men on here are not like this guy. And yes I know you are going to call me names now because that is what most people who dont hear what they want to do.(quote)
Hi sultrysmile36
You didn't read my post or you would have read that all we did on the first date was cuddle and kiss. Sex was not in the cards on this the first date. Althought your response would be just, if sex was obtained on the first meeting. The first date is a tryout by both people and if you don't like the car analogy, how about a job interview? You don't get the job the moment you walk in the door unless it's under the table or illegal. Usually your resume has to be considered , your comportment during the interview reviewed however you don't kiss the HR rep unless it helps. Waiting before sex sounds fine
You'll get no names from me lol | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 2:07:11 PM | ^^^ if you did not have sex with her why is this in the sex thread? It should be in the dating thread. I somehow think you are being untruthful. I think you posted this thread as a put down to women. As a matter of fact, I know you did.
Again, it is not just women who might do what you consider stalking. And men and women can equally get hurt. I think your ego is having a field day with this ...that is if you are even telling the truth...because personally i can't see it. | |
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| women become stalkers
Posted: 11/23/2007 2:24:24 PM | Divineadvisor
Isn't this the forum for sex and dating? Although you may be right that I should have put this into the dating experiences column. My bad. Are you trying to read me from another plain of existance? Not telling the truth? why lie when I'm seeking information?
Regrets if I offended you. I should have assumed that if the thread is here then sex was involved and it wasn't. It also wasn't meant as a putdown of all women that would almost be considered racist. There are a lot of different personalities out there and we as humans have a habit of gravitating to certain types and avoiding others. So don't take offense at the thread and keep the chip off your shoulder it is not an attractive trait | |
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