| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 5:03:28 AM | To make a long story short, I met a terrific guy online over 6 years ago. We lived a long distance away but became instant friends over the net and on the phone. We met, we had a long distance relationship and finally he convinced me to relocate to move in with him. I thought I had found the man of my dreams until earlier this summer. He just came out and said..."I don't think I am meant to be with someone, I think I am a loner and wanted his space". So that ended that and I moved back to where I came from. For the first month, we had no contact and then we started talking on the phone and MSN again. My councillor said we were first and foremost friends and didn't see anything wrong with that.
I came on here looking for more male friends as that is all I am prepared for right now and I am honest about it.
But last night, I found my ex on here and he is seeking a long term relationship. He wrote half truths in his description and I feel first..........that he is not being sincere, but also hurt that he couldn't just tell me that he has moved on. He invited me on a vacation less than a month ago and he also told me this week, that he missed me and wanted to see me again.
Am I crazy to stay in this friendship? Do you think he is playing on me until something better comes along? You would think at my age, I would know better. | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 5:14:14 AM | | He is most definitely a two-steppin' d0rk. A bona fide a$$hole. He deserves an extra large slice of cornsh1t pie for dessert. Love, Titus | |
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*Tee*
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Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 3 | |
| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 5:50:47 AM |
Am I crazy to stay in this friendship? Do you think he is playing on me until something better comes along? You would think at my age, I would know better.
If you still have feelings for this man, and any affection from him gives you hope, then you really are better off without this friendship. The only thing he seems to be good at, at this point, is head games.
I suggest you move on, any contact with him will be setting you back from getting on with your life..JMO | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 5:51:27 AM | He misses you & wants to see you again,but he's also on here looking for a longterm r'shp....... Pfftt..........................
Sounds like he's hedging his bets,& as soon as he meets the next woman,he wont want to see you..................
So,i have to ask,why would you even want to remain friends with this man ??
Hes sent you to counselling,too.:(
Dont be second best for him,or,anyone !!
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 6:09:26 AM | First of all OP, it doesn't sound like you told your counselor everything. I can't imagine one that would tell you they didn't see anything wrong with your relationship with that man. For you to move there and then for him to change his mind.......Oh Please !!! Change his mind !!!!!???? You must be kidding. It sounds like he just took advantage of you.
I have to agree with the others here, MOVE ON. He sounds like a real looser himself and you do Not need that type of man in your life.
So he's back on here............ let him...... he's a player and will find someone else to play with, but don't let it be YOU !!!!! | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 6:12:27 AM | maybe what he is saying is he doesn't want a long term relationship with you. what I would do in your situation is downgrade that person from friend, to aquintance and keep it a very superficial relationship only when its convienent for you.
I wouldnt seriously date anyone like that but if you can have a sexual relationship and "IF" thats what you want, without putting in any emotional investmentinto it, like a FWB situation then do it.... long as it works for you. | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 6:58:27 AM | Sheco... what you need to understand in all of this is that the issues he is obviously going through are his... they aren't for you to wonder over...
Whether you continue the friendship or not is your decision to make... although I can say that I would be hard pressed not to confront him with this and ensure that his duplicity is brought out in the open...
But then I've often been told that I'm very straightforward in expressing myself...
Whichever you choose... I wish you the best life has to offer...
Cheers... | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 7:06:43 AM | | if it's just a "friendship" then it wouldn't matter that he's looking for a long term relationship elsewhere.. but i get the impression that it's more than just friendship you're feeling toward him and so yes, i would back away from it because you're getting hurt.. | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 7:08:04 AM |
Am I crazy to stay in this friendship? Do you think he is playing on me until something better comes along? You would think at my age, I would know better.
I think this man has you on an emotional rollercoaster and you should just get off of it. I had one of those for 6 years and it is just not healthy. You still have more than "friendship" feelings but he has obviously moved on. Cut your losses, and throw this one back. Hopefully....someday.........he will realize just what he lost with you. | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 7:16:01 AM | | Funny thing about truths, what holds true for one is not necessarily good for the next person. Ball is in your court as he told you the only thing he needs from you is friendship. You can’t fault him here if you are picking up the phone. | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 7:23:04 AM | | I have to disagree with your counselor. He is not your friend. He may have been at one time, but he isn't any longer. You uprooted your life to move in with him and, suddenly after years together, he decides that he wants to live alone. What kind of friend does that? Now he's looking for a 'long-term' relationship with someone else. Perhaps he has realized that he is happier in a relationship, but I would be very leery of a man who can change his mind so easily about something so important. I would cut him out of my life for self-preservation, if no other reason. Best of luck to you. You have a good heart. | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 7:34:12 AM |
Am I crazy to stay in this friendship?
You think someone who treats you this way is your friend? Would you define friend for me?
Do you think he is playing on me until something better comes along?
Uh, yeah......
You would think at my age, I would know better.
Yes, I would think so. But I also see people is this age group (and I am right there with you agewise) start getting desperate to have ANY kind of emotional attachment in their life and see things that aren't there.
You aren't my friend if I am not 100% that you will take the sniper's last bullet so I don't have to.
This guy wants you on that back burner so he can get laid when his other sources run dry.
Wake up, honey. | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 7:58:38 AM | | I had a nine year relationship like that, disallusioned. IHe was the man I loved and totally trusted and one day he just said - I've changed my mind. That was a year ago last September - I still love him - but I've had no contact with him - my choice - since then. I knew I couldn't just go back to being friends like he wanted - I would never have moved on. I'm slowly moving forward. I'm slowly getting my life back but it has been a painful process with a lot of hard work. I so hope you are able to move on and find a true love. BTW he was a fellow Canadian from SK - not that it has anything to do with it. Hugs and I hope your life gets easier sooner rather than later - but it will get better. | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 8:30:51 AM | We've all been thru situations like this and it never gets easier.
" The heart will always hurt ,but the memories are what kill you "...
This guy or gal if the tables were turned is not worth it.In the long run you will be the only one getting hurt all the time .
It will take time ,but "..Get thru It " ..and you will ,just do'nt give up no matter hard it is .. | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 9:25:15 AM |
he also told me this week, that he missed me and wanted to see me again.
That means he hasn't found anyone and is horny... | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 9:44:53 AM | Exactly why I would NEVER be the one to relocate.
Please cut off all contact. Do it for yourself! | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 10:09:47 AM |
Please cut off all contact. Do it for yourself!
And while you are doing things for yourself, learn how to spell "disillusioned".
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 10:16:48 AM | hmmm...let's see...
back burner gal
FWB
having his cake and eating it too
Or, to give the guy the benefit of the doubt, he's so screwed up in the head he doesn't know what the hell he wants.
But do you need to live your life in the midst of HIS confusion?
I'd rather have NO ONE than someone I couldn't reasonably expect to be there for me.
Hey, pick a time when you think he won't be online for a few days(to take it down) and write him a really nice testimonial...that he means well but really is one confused SOB...
Naw wait, I won't withdraw that suggestion but I do, in all fairness have to say to you that maybe he expects longterm relationships to be like the hot new romance ALL THE TIME. it used to be called the "seven year itch", the point in a marriage where the new has worn off and the couple has gotten a bit bored with each other.
And therein lies the problem with cohabitation/non marriage relationships. It's dirt easy to end one, compared with ending a marriage, which is complicated and expensive.
Now, before I get trampled by a big herd of yahbuts goin' nowhere fast,let me add that I'm NOT condemning nonmarital LTRs out of hand. In many situations these days, the committed-but-not-married arrangement makes a ton of sense, if you don't have religious scruples or other issues that could color the whole thing with guilt or a sense of wrongdoing.
But there it is OP, it might be the nonmarriage LTR version of seven year itch, or maybe he genuinely has lost interest. At any rate, I think you need to let it go and STOP CONTACT. If it is 7yr itch, he may recognize that he screwed up...but don't hold your breath or anything.
Cindy O | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 11:51:26 AM | maybe you were thinking the casual realtionship of FWB was only for the young and naive ? .................... and you did not know you were heading there with this man.
that he wrote half truths in his description should tell you all you need to know..... shoot him an email to his profile saying hello .. and wish him luck finding someone. | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 12:39:42 PM | I am answering here as I don't know how to start a new thread. What Pssst had to say is very true. We live 8 hours away and after the first month of breakup we msn and phone each other and talk about our days. It has been purely platonic that way. But my reaction to this, shows me I haven't let go. He was probably the best friend I ever had and we just really connected on that level where we were so much in tune with each other.
He knows already I am not going back to him nor is he getting anything from me sexually. I did confront him on the phone and he simply said he didn't think I would like to hear that and that it would hurt my feelings. Well, I told him that finding out this way was worse. Needless to say, I am not taking anybody's advice on here lightly and I have some thinking to do.
I thank everyone for your input. | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 5:37:31 PM | | Not that it matters, but when you relocated to be with him. How long were you there? | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 5:48:41 PM | maybe what he is saying is he doesn't want a long term relationship with you.
I agree . Just because he says he is looking for a long term relationship does not mean he wants that with you. You said you were only chatting online as friends now so he does not owe you anything beyond chat buddies. In what way is he telling half truths on here in his profile? We don't really know why your relationship broke up or if you are being honest here ,but anyway if he wasn't happy being with you he has the right to break up with you. It was up to you to relocate or not . You are a grown woman after all.
I had gone on a few dates with someone from here and decided i did not want to go on anymore with this person and told him so. His response was that i was not really looking for long term since i had rejected him. I do want to meet someone ,fall in love and maybe even get married someday but not with him. | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 9:16:55 PM | | Rayclass....you don't know the circumstances of our relationship that was 6 years in total and you don't know that he convinced me to go to his city. Yes, I chose to move away and back to where I came from to be with friends and family. You are right, he does deserve to have another long term relationship. You don't need to know his half truths........I just worry about the next unsuspecting woman. I resent the fact that you would say I am not being honest. I think that is one of the many virtues I have above anything else. | |
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| I feel disallusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 9:28:12 PM | | I think it's a valid fear that you think he might hurt other women, but I think you should still give him the benefit of the doubt. Also, I think you should put the past behind and move on to a better life. Yeah, easier said then done! | |
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| I feel disillusioned
Posted: 11/24/2007 9:29:07 PM | There is really no way to know if anyone is being honest on here. I usually doubt the stories i read in here . If you choose to take that personally then that is not my problem . We are strangers to each other therefore don't know if one thing the other says is truth. Resent what i said all you like ,but it is not personal . I don't know you . There are three sides in the truth his side her side and what actually happened.
Besides if you are so concerned about the next woman due to his lying ways why are you carrying on a relationship with him still ? I would think that if he is such a liar and a bad person as you have portrayed him you would want nothing to do with him. As for you moving to where he lived well i stand by my statement that you are a grown woman and decide for yourself what you will do in life. I hardly doubt anyone had a gun pointed at you. | |
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