| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/25/2007 2:41:44 PM | | Would you date a person that has been sick? Or would you feel they may again become ill and you would not want to be a part of it. Should a person be upfront about any illness they may have had that could be an issue in the future? | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/25/2007 3:21:08 PM | Well Paul..that's a very interesting profile..I love the sense of humor! Do I get extra points for reading the whole thing?  Maybe you should write a book..get paid as well as laid.. Just kidding.....
Seriously..you answered your own question when you stated you want a woman that lives in the here and now on your profile. I know and understand the feeling of being sick (not many our ages haven't had some form of illness)..and the possible detriment that could bring to a relationship. For me..dating someone that was ill..or becomes ill after we've started a relationship is not the deciding factor of that date/relationship. It's all the things inside that person that makes the difference for me. I'll take the sweet..caring..giving..honest..even sick Paul over the lying..cheating..mean..cruel..well man..anyday!! Some will choose the well man no matter what. Some have a hard time dealing with illness period. Their are plenty of others that will date the man..not the illness. I doubt I'd put a past illness on my profile..although..it would be something I would discuss very soon after e-mailing and probably before meeting with a man..as I have done. The type of man I meet aren't the type that would worry about such things..and it is never the reason why things don't go further. I wish you luck and happy my friend! | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/25/2007 3:41:48 PM | I can't see any reason why someone in our age group would not date a cancer survivor. I think that your illness is more in the forefront of your mind than it would be in a potential mate/date. Sure there is a chance of recurrence and that may be something to be concerned about but who is to say the next person you date is not about to become seriously ill.
I am more concerned with how a man handles his current health. High blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol levels are rampant in our age group. Does he handle stress well, get plenty of rest and exercise, and pay attention to his diet? I pay more attention to his current lifestyle choices and his health now. | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/25/2007 6:02:33 PM | OP... would you cross the road after seeing an animal get hit or killed? Or would you never cross a street ever again? Point is... you can live in fear that 'IT' IS gonna happen.... or you can smile warmly and say.. I got across THIS street.. and if the sun shines on me tomorrow... I may travel even further... (from someone who HAS crossed that street)  | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/25/2007 6:21:29 PM | I would really have to evaluate the situation if it ever came up in my life again.
I once dated a cancer survivor...every single flippin' chance he got he would refer to himself as a "transplant body"! It was very odd to say the least. This isn't the reason we're no longer together but it sure was annoying. Maybe I should have starting introducing him as my boyfriend, "the Transplant Body"...? I won't even go into how he would go on and on and on and on about his nutrition regimen.... 
Would really need to consider this decision long and hard. And yes, we should all be open and upfront about such issues. Yes, I live in a fantasy...but that's how I'd like the world to be. | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/25/2007 8:19:56 PM | I am a survivor of a high-recurrence cancer. I mention my cancer history after a few dates, giving those who would run from it a chance to do so before I get attached to them. But then there are those who say "no problem" and think they mean it, but then can't or won't deal with the emotional and physical consequences when the cancer becomes active.
A few months ago a 10 month relationship ended because my cancer recurred after a long remission. (he was aware of my cancer history). The cancer recurred in a more serious form than I had previously experienced, so needless to say I had a lot to deal with. My partner went into immediate denial, not even giving me so much as a hug when I told him my diagnosis. I needed support from him, simple things like hugs and empathetic statements. Instead, he became alternately withdrawn and argumentative, saying things like "this isn't a bad situation--you just THINK it is"). I would burst into tears now and then after my diagnosis. He'd sit on the couch with his arms folded, waiting impassively for me to stop. I begged for support and told him what I needed. That backfired because he felt like I was telling him what to do and say, and he didn't like it. I finally had to break off the relationship because the way he was acting caused me hurt and stress. I would rather a man honestly say "I have to leave you, I can't handle your illness" than to be a coward and pick fights and run away from the problem until I have to break off the relationship.
In another situation some years ago, I had a few dates with a man, and things were going well. He called me almost every night. I had not gotten to the "I'm a cancer survivor speech" yet. Then I had a recurrence. I invited him over and calmly told him that I needed a simple surgery to remove it and that I'd be fine in a couple of weeks. I asked for nothing -- not a ride to the hospital, no hand holding. After my surgery, I checked my email and found one from him. He said he did not want to see me anymore because he couldn't take my "clingy neediness." I almost fell on the floor. This from a man who liked to call ME every night!.
To those who are considering whether to date a cancer survivor, please think carefully. You will hurt them more than you know if you can't be supportive when their cancer recurs. I don't ever want to get close to someone again and then have them turn on me when I'm so ill, because it's a devastating feeling. | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/25/2007 11:46:52 PM | *felinity..warning heeded..and thank you so much for your candor.
Not all recurring illnesses are cancer..but..I can definitely relate. I was diagnosed at 11 with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. I was never told that it is or can be a fatal disease..and pretty much took it all as just a pain in the *ss..more than a serious disease. I went through life doing what the doctors told me..and my head was buried in the sand all that time. I had my first stroke when I was 37..followed closely by my first heart attack. I lost the feeling as well as the use of my entire right side. I went through a few years of physical therapy only to have a second heart attack..then the second stroke at the age of 44..and had to start the therapy all over again. I worked hard for over nine years total..to get to a point where I can do alot of things most people do daily and I took for granted..even without most or any feeling in some parts of my right side. I went through my divorce and spent my time..12 years..raising my kids and getting better. I decided to wait to date until the kids were grown and I was able to at least try to maintain a "normal" relationship..not just a date here or there. I know their are others out in the world who can relate to what I've been through. There is no cure for what I have..and I'm sure you've all seen alot of the medications to help with the symptoms for this disease is controversial at best. Possibly quite dangerous/deadly. I was called by attorneys about "the lawsuit" that is still continuing on to this day over them. I can have a stroke or a heart attack at any given moment. I don't put this on my profile..but..before I meet someone..I do tell them I use a cane..and why. I have other complications caused by this disease..as is the case with alot of diseases. Thankfully..this has never been a deciding factor in relationships not working for me. I have found that most men I've dated didn't care one bit about my cane..and they too had some problem or other of their own. I'm not going to let this disease defeat me..until it takes me. Then again..I'm not going to re-bury my head in the sand either. I know my best friend has crohn's disease..and she has had men walk out on her or try to control it with a diet for her. The diets backfired and she's now gone through her second major operation. The control freaks are out of her life..and that wasn't easy for her. She made it through though..and now is engaged to someone she met from POF. Who knows what tomorrow will bring..so I try to live for today and make every moment count! It sure would be nice to make those moments count with someone special though! | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/26/2007 8:38:57 AM | Nobody ever promised us that life would be fair, we have all had our share of ups and downs. They say that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, well maybe it does is some ways, and maybe it's not quite that simple. I think we all know of someone who has had to deal with cancer at one time or another. Thanks to research, there are many more cures to this monster disease than there used to be, so if it is caught early enough the survival rate is encouraging. My heart goes out to anyone who has had to go through the regimen of treatments, the fear and the pain. Thank you to the above posters who have given us insight as to what is needed during those difficult days. Would I date a survivor? Why not? 
Pink | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:05:30 AM |
Would you date a person that has been sick? Or would you feel they may again become ill and you would not want to be a part of it. Should a person be upfront about any illness they may have had that could be an issue in the future?
You bet I would... in a New York minute! My son-in-law is a cancer survivor who has not only survived Hodgkins Lymphoma but being in a coma for 10 months after a bad motor vehicle accident when he was 10 years old. While he had to re-learn how to walk, talk and manage, he was also going through some radical chemotherapy treatment to cure his cancer. He is now 33 years old and I deeply admire so many things about him. He is always smiling, he's a laugh a minute, he sets his mind to something and does it and he has no problems setting his priorities to the things that are valuable in life.
If someone as beautiful as he is only graced my life for 5 minutes, I would feel that the heavens were smiling on me. Whether we like it or not, death is a part of our journeys here and none of us is going to get out alive. If we can skid into heaven with our bodies all used up, a chocolate-covered strawberry in one hand and a glass of Bailey's Irish Cream in the other screaming "Whew... wutta rush!" about our lives, who wouldn't want to be so blessed? | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:23:47 AM | I was going to joke, but not exactly the right subject to joke about.
Yes I definately would date a cancer survivor and if it happened that the person became ill again. Then what better way to show your love & support for them by being there for them when they need it the most. | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:49:56 AM | Yes, I definatelly would. I have seen a lot of cancer in my own family. Some unfortunately have passed away and others are in remission. An illness does not define the person. And who is to say if we meet a healthy person they wont become ill after
getting involved. Are we so superfical that we would leave? I would hope not. And the fact that you said "survivor indicates that they are now cancer free. Yes, there are no guarantees the cancer wont come back. There is also no guarantee that if you get together you yourself wont get some devastating disease. Would you not hope she would stick by you?
Only you can decide if your feelings are strong enough to weather a reoccurance if it should happen. I wish you luck and hope you have the maturity to do what you think is the right thing. Life is too short to worry about what MIGHT happen.
LIFE ISNT ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS...ITS ABOUT LEARNING T O DANCE IN THE RAIN | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/26/2007 10:27:48 AM | Best post i have read in a long long time....it is absolutly beautiful and thankyou .........................is nice to know there are mature human's on the planet who are not walking around pertendin...thankyou for your words...and absolutly beautiful...i have tear's in my eye's as I read it....
I can not believe human's could ever be so daft and self centered to not realize love is about giving without motives to self cuz you want to kiss all the booboo's away and provide safe haven to the ones you care for....just prooooooooooooves half these folks are lookin to take from a relationship before they have the insite to offer without motive....
that is a gold star post and thankyou for your wisdom... | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/26/2007 10:31:22 AM | "Would you date a cancer survivor"
the first thing that came in my mind was "I definitelly wouldn't date someone that didn't survive as I am not interested in dating dead - they are not very active and dynamic any more, and also not very communicative and funny "
but yeah, it's black humour, not everyone appreciates
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/26/2007 10:33:20 AM | | It is all about the person as he/she is now....as other people have said on here most of us have been sick at one time and most likely will be as we grow older..I myself have COPD, but hopefully that would not deter any man from having a relationship with me....A relationship is built on sickness and health no matter what. | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/26/2007 12:40:40 PM | Did. Stage III colo-rectal. Colostomy. Lots of Chemo/radiation damage. He had a very hard time telling me. Right after we decided to live together, he was having major problems with blockages. As he was sitting on a chair in front of the toilet literally throwing up shit, he looked up, bleary eyed, and asked: " Would you like to rethink?" No. Not then, or ever. Not as many times as I was called to ER, not even the last two weeks of his life in ICU. I do not regret any minute I was ever able to be in the same room with him, as long as he lived.
On the No Guarantees front, he didn't ever have a recurrence of the cancer. He died of sepsis, which kills more peeps every year than heart attacks.
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/26/2007 12:49:01 PM | Having been extremely ill for a couple of years prior to my liver transplant, I can unequivocally state I WOULD date someone who's been sick. I believe a positive attitude is some of the best medication around which is why I believe I'm still here. I do think you should be upfront about the illness though. It will weed out all the weak and uneducated people who I'm sure you don't want to associate with anyway.
Many people are overly concerned about what "might" happen in the future as far as major illnesses are concerned. I personally don't believe in what might happen because all we're promised is today.
Smile, laugh, love and be happy ...  | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/26/2007 2:33:40 PM | In a heartbeat, I would. Having survived one who didn't, and known plenty who survived either cancer or some other issue... can't understand their being anyone who is perfectly healthy at my age or even below....
I am always willing to get back on a good horse. | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/26/2007 3:01:00 PM | steelerfan02 wrote:
Would you date a person that has been sick? Or would you feel they may again become ill and you would not want to be a part of it. Should a person be upfront about any illness they may have had that could be an issue in the future?
A both valid and reasonable question.
I would say, yes. So they have been sick and have recovered. Maybe next week I will be sick or have cancer. Who here is guaranteed a tomorrow or one of healthy perfection? I believe in treating people as I would like to be treated and would hope that somebody would stand by me if the situation was reversed.
As far as being upfront, well not in the profile or even at the first meeting, but if somebody has had serious health issues, then it should be shared before the relationship gets too far along the road. | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/26/2007 4:08:36 PM |
"Would you date a cancer survivor" ... the first thing that came in my mind was "I definitelly wouldn't date someone that didn't survive ....
I had exactly the same thought when I saw the thread topic, and after reading the responses, so did most of the men who answered- maybe it's a different (male) way of coping with the issue, or a collective dark sense of humor.
I think it has more to do with how the person I'd date feels about being a survivor... a few people I know are of the "I survived and the world OWES me" variety, using the cancer as an excuse socially unacceptable behavior, or a crutch for being a couch-potato and being active. Worst was a friend that uses the cancer (even though it's been 4.5 years in remission) as an excuse for avoiding working, and staying in bed most of the day. Then there's my ex-friend the martyr-complex survivor- you have to love me BECAUSE I survived, not because I need or deserve it. Sorry, but no thanks.
I don't think I'd want to date a person with those attitudes- not after seeing how my father dealt with his cancer- stopped chemo and radiation because it made him too sick and would have only added a few months of agonizing pain to his life anyway, then went back to doing what he loved most, and was out camping the weekend before he died. He went out doing what he loved with the people he loved.
It boils down to, for me, the person's attitude. Sense of humor about the illness? Sense of self? Appreciation for life? Not afraid of dating me? | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/26/2007 5:17:43 PM | I have dated women with chronic mental illnesses. (not intentionally btw) Don't know what is worse - such an illness or cancer.
I am a cancer survivor for the now.
I believe in telling people pretty early on. Like the first email or so.
I can see where some would not want such in their lives. I met one widowed woman who did not want to take the chance of subjecting her children to such a truama again. I understand her thinking completely.
I look at it as yet 'one more' criteria that people use to measure one another. I take no offense to it. Not - what I want - however I do understand.
I do not know what the future holds for me. However, I am hopeful none the less.
Best to all.
p.s. I have thought about putting my 'status' with my cancer in my profile - however I have yet to determine a nice way to weave this into my profile. | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/27/2007 6:53:23 AM | | I don't see it as any difference because someone who has no medical illness history could be sick but not know it, and any of us could get sick or drop dead at any moment anyway. Live long enough and something goes wrong. That's what insurance is for, in practical matters. In terms of being concerned the cancer was dormant or would recur anew, for some cancers that is a greater risk, for others it is not. I am not looking for long term in the sense it is guaranteed, just in the sense it is intended. We live one day at a time anyway. The future is nothing until it happens, except as something to look forward to. When someone wants to stay with you it just means the chances of today turning bad are lower. Makes it easier to wake up knowing the person next to you is friendly. There is an awkward probationary period with someone who is or might become terminally ill, when you are developing feelings but before you have reached the point where they pledge you all their stuff should things head south. | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/27/2007 7:25:54 AM | YEP! I sure would, I have met many cancer surivors and they ALL have one thing in common, the will to live and breath WITHOUT fear.
I love that in people, think about it, your faced with meeting the grim before your time is up, and to turn around and bit him right on the butt and say "get the hell away from me". What more courage would any one need is to have someone like that by your side?
We all have experienced hard times in our lives, yes I said ALL, has to be all or we wouldn't be here, right? But how many of us have grabed hold of EVERYTHING in our being and held on til the storm passed? A few, yes, but I believe those people who have slid out of the arms of death have such an enlighted heart, it's always comforting. A bit deep, but you asked. | |
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| Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/27/2007 7:36:29 AM | The will to survive and the personal growth it brings makes for more interesting dating.
If someone focus is on the fact that they once had cancer that would make them a little dull. If they had moved on the enjoy life, they would bring joy to others.
It all depends on the survivor. | |
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