| Dinner Date - Who Pays? CLOSED Thread]
Posted: 11/26/2007 8:24:32 AM | Hi All
It's my third date with a girl I'm really quite keen on - and this time it's for dinner. It's very early stages and so far we've only got as far as kissing on the cheek when saying goodbye. It was my suggestion to go for dinner, and I'm wondering what to do if she offers to pay half the bill. Should I accept?
I have to admit I would prefer to split the cost, since the restaurant is fairly expensive, and while I have a reasonable job - I reckon she earns about three times what I do. On the other hand I don't want to appear unromantic.
What do you folks think? | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 8:32:01 AM | | The one doing the inviting picks up the tab UNLESS other arrangements are discussed and agreed upon in advance. May I ask who suggested the "fairly expensive" restaurant? If it was her suggestion, you might be able to approach the subject of going dutch by stating it is a little rich for your blood. If it was your suggestion, you might be honest about the cost and say you spoke before you gave it enough thought so you need to change the game plan. That may illicit an offer from her to pay for half. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 8:32:45 AM | Here where I live it would have nothing to do with romance.....not in my age group anyway.
The person who asks the other one out does the paying. Simple as that.
If you asked her to dinner she should not pay any part of the bill . That is your responsibility. If you can't afford the expense then find a cheaper restaurant. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 8:33:57 AM | Your invitation, you picked the restaurant, you pick up the tab. Simple.
If you're concerned about the tab, maybe skip appetizers, go for the inexpensive main course and just a 1/2 litre of house wine and tell the waiter on the sly to keep the water glasses filled.
Say, you hope she doesn't mind but you thought going somewhere different for desert and coffee might make the evening a little more interesting. Maybe, just maybe ask her if she would be o.k. with desert and coffee at your place, but only if she's really comfortable. Otherwise, buy a couple of cupcakes and buy coffees on the way and go watch ice skating or something equally out of the ordinary.
Make up for lack of funds with an abundance of imagination.
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 8:35:19 AM | | If you invite her you should pay. If she insists more than once, "let" her pay the tip. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 8:37:30 AM | | It was me who suggested the restaurant - however I should clarify that it's not an especially expensive restaurant - just that all restaurants (apart from really grotty ones and MacDonalds) are expensive here in Central London :) | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 8:47:48 AM | | It sounds like you're stuck with picking up the tab. Some options would be to pick a different and less expensive restaurant or you could get creative (like a picnic but this really isn't the best time of year for that and finding an indoor venue might be difficult). Personally, if she insists on paying for half I see nothing wrong with allowing her to do so. Also, you might discuss with her the possibility of you paying one time and her paying the next. Don't be surprised if there's no "next" time. It is unfortunate that some women seem to be into the dating scene for free meals or entertainment. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 8:49:31 AM | | Then whats the problem? Dating costs money, it always has and always will. Is she worth an entree to you? Sheesh, I hope none of my dates have ever been on a site asking for opinions on who picks up the tab on something they invited me to? I didn't realize men had such a hard time with this part of the equation. All the best to both of you. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 8:59:47 AM | Well you should be paying as it was you who offered to take her to dinner but if she insist,s on paying her half its up to you.As for how far youve got on dates,kissing on the cheek well nothing wrong with that i wish i had guys that dated me and just gave me a kiss on the cheek For future ref some of us lady,s love macdonalds | |
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Jelnet
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Joined: 12/6/2006
Msg: 11 | |
| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:02:47 AM |
For future ref some of us lady,s love macdonalds
LOL - I think next time I will be suggesting MacDonalds!!!
(Asssuming, as someone so kindly said - there IS a next time ;) | |
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Jelnet
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Joined: 12/6/2006
Msg: 13 | |
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qu1nn
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Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 14 | |
| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:24:38 AM | | I always pay, whether it was me or her that asked. I guess its just my weird guy attitude and old school way of thought. Well, not always, 8/10 I will pay, the 2/10 being a lunch at some cheap place for her to pick up the tab. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:25:33 AM | Sorry man, you ARE going to have to cough up. It's not really fair, but it's the way it is. Let me just mention some male perspective on the opinions offered so far in the thread.
The one who invites should pay? Well that makes sense, but very few women will ask a guy out, so it is almost always the guy doing the asking and, according to this rule, the paying.
Dating costs money? Sure it does, but the man is the one usually spending it all! I think if more women were paying their fair share they'd be a lot less flippant over the idea of sticking one person with the whole bill every time.
Anyway, there is nothing you can do to get around this. Women have been indoctrinated with the idea that a man must pay for everything (despite equal wages and opportunities for women in society these days), so that's what you're going to have to do if you want to make sure she knows you respect her. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:27:05 AM | Pay if you like.....( mabey you'll get some)
OR.........
Let her pay if she likes......( mabey SHE'LL get some) | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:30:59 AM | | I could care less about who invited the other person. I think a woman should at least offer to pay her half of the bill. Why should a man feel like he has to pay the entire bill especially if there isn't mutual interest after the date? Many years ago, a lot of women didn't work. That's why men were always expected to pay. Today a lot of women have good paying jobs. I don't think that women should expect a man to pay the bill. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:34:43 AM | You're 'really quite keen on' her? Cough it up buddy - this is not the time to tighten the purse strings!  Enjoy your evening! | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:36:18 AM | Jelnet, man to man, there's something more you need to find out, and that is, if this gal is really interested in you or if she's just using you to take her out because she's bored or lonely. I say that because I'm reading that she's only offered her cheek for the goodnight kiss in these three dates you've had together, which denotes a lack of romantic interest on her part. And that you're wondering what to do if she offers to pay for dinner, is that because she's paid before?
I'd suggest that you pay for dinner. You asked her out: you pay. That's what a gentleman does.
If she offers, thank her but say no. She's just being courteous.
Here's where it gets interesting: If she then *insists* to pay for either both of you or for her part, I'm telling you that's a sign that she's not romantically interested. A woman who goes on to insist on paying, wishes to pay so that there isn't any obligatory feeling on her part.
Then you need to close the deal at the end of the night and go for a kiss on the lips. Just a nice two or three second smooch, lips only, that's all you're looking for. If she turns her head on you, you know she's not interested, period, and that you're wasting your time and money on her. | |
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*Tee*
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Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 20 | |
| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:36:35 AM | I really don't think dating has to cost money, not if you're imaginative and willing to try different things.
If you can't afford to go out, why would you offer to take her out to a restaurant you don't really have the money for? You can't very well expect her to pay half the tab if it was your suggestion.
If she's worth it, she would have been just as happy with a home cooked meal from you (providing you can cook..lol) or even just a movie in. If she's not happy with the fact that you're actually being responsible financially, then maybe you need to rethink if this is a person you want to continue to get to know....JMO | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:40:45 AM | | Well OP if this is your THIRD date and YOU asked her out to dinner, I think you need to be prepared to pay, however, if she offers to pay, you should say thank you but perhaps you can get it next time. This way, you already know another date is coming and if she is any decent woman in this day and age where both of you are working and making good money, she should have no problem with picking up the tab. Personally speaking, on the first date, whoever does the asking should always pay..that's my view on it....I would never let it get to a third or fourth date without offering to pay, but that is just me...The last thing I want is for a man to feel like he's being taken advantage of. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:44:48 AM | Hi OP:)
First, I don't understand why you would even suggest an expensive restaurant if money is an issue. Are you trying to impress her? Does she even care? Because I know I certainly wouldn't. In fact, I would most probably call you out on it....but that's just me.
Second, there are many many things things to do on a date that cost nothing, or next to nothing....why not visit a museum or take in the city lights at night, followed by a coffee or a drink in a nice little cafe?
Third, the amount of money one spends on another has NOTHING to do with being romantic....what a silly and antiquated notion, in my opinion anyway. Romance to ME is so much more than that....it's the way he looks at you....it's the way he makes you feel special....it's in the way he really listens to what you have to say....now THAT is true romance, in my opinion anyway. But to each their own I suppose:)
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:46:39 AM |
I get the feeling - I'm gonna have to cough up!! :))))
Yep OP, since you are the one who invited her I would take it as a given. Whatever happened to chivalry? not all of us women are feminists, and not all of us women have the opportunity to equal payment. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:50:09 AM |
Third, the amount of money one spends on another has NOTHING to do with being romantic....what a silly and antiquated notion,
I would also agree with the above posting, if you had offered a picnic, it would be romantic, but to offer a meal, and then expect the woman to cough up for half of it is far from it. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:54:48 AM | | Kind of noticing a pattern here. Seems most of the women are mentioning that its the one who asks is required to pay. I'm interested in knowing where this kind of idea came from? In this day & age it should not matter who pays or even take turns paying for going out would be better. | |
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