| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 12:51:33 PM | about 9 months ago i ended a 3 1/2 year relationship and ive been debating on weather or not it was a mistake. this is going to make me sound soo horrible.
well i thought it was going good all that time, i mean...i was happy and we seemed happy.
10 months ago i was in the hospital miscarrying with my ex's baby. i was there a week from an infection, and there was no sign of him at all the whole time.
the day i get back, all my stuff is in the garbage, my car is at the junkyard because he wrecked it, and he tells me that the whole 3 1/2 years we were together i was nothing but money and ass and he had been having sex with this girl named kellyann...they are now going out. he says things to her that i always strived to hear. and i cant close my eyes without seeing them together. i put everything i could and was into that relationship and i just ended up being broken. when am i going to heal? | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:03:02 PM | When are you going to heal....I dont know, but I do know it will happen slowly and only if you want it to. One of the greatest inspirations I have gotten was from the movie "Meet the Robinsons", and that is to KEEP MOVING FORWARD. I cant say I have been in your exact position, but I can say Ive experienced simialr heartache, and I realized that I could either bury myself in the hurt and ask questions like "when will I heal?" or move forward and keep saying that I WILL HEAL.
When is not up to us, but I will be praying for you that you WILL heal and grow from this experience. | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:03:44 PM | and ive been debating on weather or not it was a mistake.
You really said that?? Stop your debating, it wasn't a mistake. You'll heal when you realize and accept just how horribly you were treated, how very little he cared for you, and that he isn't sitting and spinning over you...he's moved on. You will, too. But next time--and there will be many next times--teach your guy how to treat you. Do not ever accept such horrendous behaviors from anyone. And stop thinking about them together; that's what's eating at you and it's the wrong way to see things! | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:05:45 PM |  Feel relieved that you found out as soon as you did what type of behaviour he was capable of. Don't feel that there is anything wrong with you or that you are not totally loveable.
You're not broken: what you have gone through is extremely traumatic and you are having a perfectly human reaction to it. You'd have to be insane to feel nothing after that. Let yourself grieve -- it's okay to feel what you feel -- but know too that there is going to be more in your life than this and when you are ready, the next episode will unfold. I hope that it will be less painful for you. | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:11:06 PM | your 18 and you picked this guy. guess it will heal when you start to make better choices about who you hook up with. if you like a guy but he's a loser, learn to just have sex with him and not move in with him, that will save you from getting your stuff tossed in the trash.
good luck.
btw, where are your parents? what do they say about all this? | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:11:19 PM |
about 9 months ago i ended a 3 1/2 year relationship and ive been debating on weather or not it was a mistake.
Goodness gracious.. The guy got you pregnant, wrecked your car, slept around, verbally abused you, and when you are seriously sick in the hospital and needed him most he cared not a whit about you. And you ask whether or not it was a mistake to end the relationship??
It would have been a mistake to not end it! 
Grieve for a few days, but resolve to learn from the negative experience and improve yourself. If you at least learned how to better judge the character of your suitors, you would have come out ahead. | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:19:35 PM | | One of the happiest moments of my life was when I broke up with my verbally abusive ex. And you're actually wishing to be with an abuser? | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:28:00 PM | You've been with this guy since you were 13/14 years old. You will have other experiences get to know other umm...well young men, hopefully not boys.
Make plans for what you want for your future, don't get serious with one person right off, get to know them before you take up with another relationship.
Just curious about your parents, did they come visit you in the hospital? That's a lot to go through without some support. If you're estranged from your parent/s try to rebuild those bridges, if possible. Their love and support would really help you to rebuild your self esteem. You'll find someone who loves you for you and will treat you with respect. Noone knows when that will be, but you have to learn to love and care for you first. Take care of you, hon that was your first experince with a long term relationship and it turned out horribly. Learn and grow through it and love yourself again.  | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:29:51 PM | You may not feel it now, but seriously, you're better off without him. I'm just sorry you had to endure what you did in the process. I too put my heart and soul into an 8 year marriage when my ex decided to leave with another woman. I thought my life was over. Not long after I left the house and moved away I realized that the last 5 years of the marriage were terminally destructive and abusive emotionally. The end of the relationship was the best thing that could have happened to me. You will be a stronger person for letting him go.
He hurt you in so many ways that were not even physical. No one deserves that. Anger, hurt, confusion, lonliness are all just a few of the many emotions you will go thru.
Lean on your friends and family and MOVE ON! You may never fully recover from trauma like a miscarriage, but time heals all wounds. Please don't torture yourself by wondering if it was a mistake. You did the best thing for you.
Keep your head up, OP things WILL get better!! | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:32:30 PM | I hate to say it, but ....
The best way to get over someone old is to find someone new.
You just need to get your mind off of it.
If youre not up for dating, then hang out with friends, pick up a hobby.
When you catch yourself thinking about it, occupy your mind. | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:32:50 PM | | you will start to heal when you realize the sitation happened, even though it wasnt good and next time you'll remember what this has taught you. Then you will also heal when you realize it wasnt all your fault. So let it go and move on. | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:38:51 PM | | Wow! What a stone-cold pr1ck! Be damned glad he's KellyAnn's problem now! You're a tough 'ol broad. You'll get through it. Just dust yourself off and make sure your house is too small to let another a$$hole like that around to trash it. I HATE THAT SH1T!! Love, Titus | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:43:19 PM | someone should have called the child protection agaency on your parents a few years back. all this could have maybe have been prevented.
can't you find some good role model people in your area? like couples who have a good relationship so you can at least see how one is? I'm afraid maybe you have not seen much of that in your young life. | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 7:29:24 PM | OP, first love is a very intense thing, and very, very hard to let go, no matter how much of a jerk the guy has been to you. Part of it, is that your own sense of self is all tied into it, and being rejected, hurts, and makes you wonder "what's wrong with me?". My guess is that the part of you that is still hanging on to your feelings for him, despite what he did to you, is wanting "closure", having him back, so that you could be the one to leave.
I can't tell you how to feel what you know in your head, and what everyone else on here can see, that the guy is a Loser with a capital L, and your life will be much better without him in it. Knowing it, and feeling it, are different things.
For now, try to spend time with friends, and do things with just friends, girls preferably. Go back to school, if you can, and find interests in life, and leave dating for later. As you rejoin your life in progress, free of this jerk, in time you'll be ready to meet someone better, someone who will treat you with respect and legitimate concern. Needless to say, it's heartbreaking hearing of this happening to a young woman your age. | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 7:40:01 PM | 3 and a half years? Didn't you play basketball or anything in highschool? I suggest you make up for lost time as soon as you can - go do whatever you think interests you - try it and if you don't like it try something else. Find another way to define yourself than some idiot who hasn't treated you well. You deserve better but you won't get better until you believe it yourself. The only way to believe it yourself is to do things that will improve your self-esteem. And for goodness sake don't let some idiot define the rest of your life - he's a moron. Make a promise to yourself to not get involved with anymore morons.
And good luck to you - it hurts like hell now but it will get better and the busier you keep yourself the faster it will go. | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 7:43:41 PM |
if you like a guy but he's a loser, learn to just have sex with him and not move in with him,
Op.. I don't like this advise. Mine would be: If you like a guy but he's a loser, then don't be doin anything with him. Loser's are loser's. However, if you have sex with him/them you run the risk of getting in deep with him/them emotionally and you'll end up in the same situation once again. Why not hang with "winners" instead, only be intimate with someone who respects you and treats you right... much better feeling, believe me.
You're most likely still depressed over the loss of the baby as well. That could also be why you can't see how vile your ex is as a person in general and your hanging onto his memory.
You're 18. Concentrate on school/work, being with any good supportive friends you have.. Make yourself the best person you can be through classes and hobbies. Then you'll attract decent men. Forget losers and jerks all together. | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 7:47:44 PM | He didn't come to visit you in the hospital after miscarrying his baby.
He cheated on you.
He wrecked you car.
He threw your stuff in the garbage.
And your question is....."was it a mistake to end the relationship?"
There is no time frame on when healing is going to take place.
There is no overnight cure. It's a gradual healing. One day at a time. | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:03:24 PM | Wow does that blow!! I hope this doesn't come out wrong, but be thankful you miscarried his baby. Actually, now that I think about it, that could be the reason he felt he needed to move on. That in no way excuses his behavior (He's still an idiot!) but you having his child probably meant more to him than you will ever know, and he unfortunately took it on you without any regard for the pain that you went through as well.
As far as the healing process goes, what you went through was tragic. Women who have abortions have a tough time afterwards, but there pain is by choice, whereas you didn't deserve to go through what you did. My advice is to stay strong, and rather than find a "significant other", simply focus on finding a good friend or two. A support group may also prove helpful as well. The important thing to do is not go through this alone. I wish you nothing but the best of luck, and hope you get through this. | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:11:07 PM | You probably will never heal completely, which I think is a good thing. If you heal completely it could be a sign that you've become hardened, so keep just a little bit of that sadness and confusion there to remind you how deeply you loved. You must have put your heart and soul into that relationship because there would be no other way that you'd be able to put up with someone like that. Now you can move on, get to know and love yourself a lot more, and eventually find someone who is worthy of you.
What is it that gives you peace and contentment? Do you like gardening? walking in the forest? by the river? animals? helping people? painting? Find the thing that makes you feel serene and spend lots of time doing it. That's where your healing will come from, and from the wisdom of other people's experiences. Listen to the old fogies - lots of them were there where you were once too. | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 9:50:01 PM | OP - I learned something just the other day.
Not sure I can pass along the full concept of it in just a few lines but ...... it is actually very helpful in any situation of this type.
Shut off the chatterbox.
The chatterbox is the worthless self chatter that many of us do. I know I do.
- why did I do that
- what if I had said ........ and not ..........
- but we were so much together
- I wonder if I should
- my hair did not look very good that night
- I .............
For a long time - I have been stopping my chatterbox with “shut up Ron - no one cares”
Now that there is actually a word for it - it is even easier to ....... shut off the chatterbox.
Here is a bit more logic .........
Everything you are or ever will be ....... is up to you.
More .........
You life is NOW - right now - right in this very moment.
Nothing can happen in your life (actually happen in your life) in the past - because you life is right now.
Nothing can happen in your life in the future - because you life is ....... right now.
I have tried this a couple of times. I hope I remember it and do it more often.
Just shut your eyes and think about this very moment. Don’t think about anything in the past or anything coming up. Think ONLY about this very moment.
If a person can think about NOTHING but this very moment - it is very calming.
Even if you have a problem that has be nagging at you. If you shut you eyes and think about this very moment ..... do you actually have that problem in this very moment ....... usually not.
“how am i supposed to feel?”
Shut your eyes and live in your REAL life. This very moment is your real life. Don’t keep trying to live in the past. The past often holds regrets. The past is not your life - your life is right now. | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 11:53:59 PM | i cant thank you enough for coming on here and trying to help me (as being a stranger)
you guys have helped alot. | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/28/2007 12:10:27 AM | | just had a look at your profile and noticed some negative talk - read up on positive affirmations and stuff and rewrite them as positives. Write it say it hear it believe it and good luck to you. | |
|
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/28/2007 1:55:05 AM | I see those little think happen very often
the bigger mistake women do is not to investigate the man they hung out with
and when the possible honest men ask them out they refuse their invitation
and fall with the bad one .
good luck ladies .
may GOD illuminate your path and bring success in your lives.
 | |
|
| |
| how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/28/2007 2:44:16 PM | You're only 18, teenage romances rarely last forever these days. Keep in mind that half of what he is saying to you is complete BS. He is trying to hurt you. Stay away from them, stop going where they go and try to move on with your life. The hurt will last for as long as you allow it too consume you.
Consider yourself lucky to have gotten away with only a wrecked car. | |
|
Home
login 
