| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:23:05 PM | I was having a conversation the other day with this girl I know... anyway.... she and I were talking about a male friend she has... she was saying how he dates several women... they all think they are the only one... he is usually having sex with the women...
she went on to say... how she knows several of the women... hangs out with... chats with... etc... I was confused.... how can you hang out with the women... knowing that the man is dating several women... and these women all think they are the only one... her comment was... well you know... he is a man... that is how they are... they should know that...
so my other thought was... thinking she needs bad dating karma for participating in his madness... how can you be friends with someone who you know uses others... deceives others.... and plays women.... she again was like... well he is a man....
I asked her if she ever says anything to him about this or feels bad that she has the info that the women need... and she said no... it isn't her place...
so... I am confused... I couldn't befriend the women... if I knew that my friend who was the man was cheating on them... any more than I could befriend the boyfriend of a female friend if I knew she was cheating on him...
have are expectations of people only become about how they treat us?? and has nothing to do with their overall character??? | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:30:18 PM | People like the guy in question should be ostracized by anyone with a sense of morality.
Being a manwhore/cheating/etc. is just not something we should accept. The more and more we accept these relationship damaging actions, the shorter and shorter relationships will be. | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:32:20 PM | | Thanks... I agree... that it seems odd to me... that she plays the game with him... it is one thing to not have it brought around you... but to be friend the women... hang out with them... just makes them believe him more when he tells them they are the only one... it is like an accomplice... I don't know... it just seemed sad that she thought his behavior is ok... basically because it wasn't happening to her... | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:35:31 PM | OK I'll ask this question...... has he committed to exclusivity with any of these women???
:))
Witchy | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:36:40 PM | They think they are in a commited relationship... from what I understand... they all say he is their boyfriend... and he says he loves them to them... so yes...Result: The Letter M
but the bigger question is... could you call a man who treats women this way a friend??? | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:40:29 PM | Well than... I would call him a player, but we all have our own karma and our own lessons to learn. He'll get caught in his own game eventually. The good news is.... all men aren't like that but shockingly, enough of them are. I hope he is at least using protection and if he isn't I hope at least the ladies in question are. Bad ju ju if not.
:))
Witchy | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:48:04 PM | Unless you want to be EXACTLY LIKE the friend who condones this type of behavior and doesn't say anything, you CAN'T be a friend with somebody like that... why WOULD you? In all likelihood, a woman like that who just goes, 'oh well' is that way because she doesn't want any of HER skeletons to be found out. And chances are, if YOU'RE the one who's being cheated on....she's surely not going to tell you.....even worse....SHE might be the one of the ones he was with.......
And incidently.....the only reason a kock is able to have free reign in the henhouse, is because all the hens keep needing to have their eggs fertilized............. | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:49:09 PM | | I was one of a couple of women this one guy was sleeping with. My best friend knew that he was sleeping with 2 other women she knew and hung out with. She didn't tell me about the other women, but they all knew he was sleeping with me. They all lived for the drama! When I found out, it wasn't pretty. Needless to say, I am not hanging out with any of them anymore. I am no longer friends with the woman who was my best friend for 20 years. You'd think she could have told me? As it turns out, they were all laughing behind my back, some friend, eh? They are all still friends, and hang out together. For all I know, he's doing them all. I don't care, they deserve each other. I'm worth more than the disrespect that they all show. I don't think there is much question about how I feel on this issue. How anyone can condone that kind of behavior is beyond me. | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:51:15 PM | there is another thread much like the theme of this one only she is the woman involved with a man who cheats and even lives with another women. thats some crazy stuff. where can i meet women with such low self esteem?
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:54:42 PM | What a difficult question, but a good topic OP. 
First, I'll share my thoughts about him. If he is leading these women to believe that they are the only ones in his life and they are in an exclusive relationship with him and all the while he is doing this with several women, he will get his one day. Karma is a b****. I do not know how he could manage to juggle so many women and none of them has caught on yet. I hope that one day he realizes the harm that he is doing to these women and learns from it. But he sounds like he has no heart or soul.
Second, I cannot believe that his female friend thinks that his behavior is "boys will be boys" and tolerates it. I had a friend who did this and when I found out what he was doing , I could no longer be friends with him. I do not surround myself with people who have bad character or no character. She seems to think it is okay so what does that say about her really?
Third, I do not know what do to in terms of telling the other women or not. Sometimes it is better to keep your mouth shut and at times it is good to tell the other people what is going on to spare them any further hurt or embarrassment. I really do not know what I would do on that one.
But I think she is as bad as he is for thinking it is okay and being friends with these women that he is fooling. Has she no heart or soul either?
~Carrie | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 4:03:24 PM | "but the bigger question is... could you call a man who treats women this way a friend??? "
Well this depends on what kind of person you are
1. If you have an idea for how people should be and try to force it upon them
2. If you can't accept people for who they are or what they do even if its different from yourself
then no you can't call this person a freind. True freindship is one of those things about accepting people for their faults. Although I get the feeling this is a post meant to feel out people.
I would say though that I wouldn't call this person a close freind (maybe an aquaintance) because he might also be a type that would also go after any woman he wanted (including one I might have or want (if I had a woman) if he felt so inclined). I guess I would have to know more about this person but definately one I wouldn't completely trust. | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 4:13:23 PM | BDRT....
It's kind of like they're still in HS....part of some sort of popular clique but with a demented behavior. Those little cliques love to look down their noses and believe their way is the popular or ...well, sometimes, most shocking and attention getting way. You know you're above it, and I hope you don't give it much thought anymore. They're not worth YOUR attention.
As for the original OP, I doubt I could be friends with anyone as callous as that. I can't condone anyone who treats other people, whether men or women, with disrespect, and let's face it, sleeping with more than one person is disrespectful IMO unless ALL parties are aware and can deal with it. Condoning her male friend's atrocities, and yes, she is condoning if she isn't giving these female friends a heads up, is no better than what he is doing in the first place. The "other women" are not her friends. And I wouldn't want to be her friend, either.
Perhaps your friend thinks that when the shyt hits the fan, she'll have him to herself? Ha ha, joke's on her if that's the case. She gets to be one of the stable of women who "doesn't know".
"If you're the mistress, he leaves his wife for you, you marry the guy, all you have done is created a job opening."
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:58:54 PM | Iiceiice, every one moral compass is different, not sticking up for your friend but Im betting she believes in not getting involved in people's affairs, its funny how some people litterally takes that to heart until it happens to them and then the shit hits the fan.
Me personally I wouldnt befriend a person like that, its not right that she knows these women and possibly could get hurt or even a STD's from some prick who deliberately deceiving women. | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 9:14:16 PM | mahogany... I know and agree about the moral compass... and that is why I wrote this... I guess I figured people on here would let me know if I was crazy....
I guess in my old age... I am less accepting of people who condone poor behavior... as though it would never happen to them... like they would see if their dude was dating others... I just don't get how you can look women in the eye... and befriend them... knowing that you are befriending several "girlfriends".... to me... doing that makes you equally as deceptive... | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/27/2007 9:30:03 PM | Like I said before Iice, some people just dont want to get involved because of the possible drama, you never know how people take things, I remember 10 years ago I was playing hockey on a team and one of the guys was having a affair with one of our teammates wife( can you say STOOOPID), and I and few of the guys confronted " our" friend/teammate he promised to stop... he didnt and we told our teammate ( the cuckold one) about the affair and it nearly broke up the team, at first he didnt believe it, threatened to quit blah blah blah.
He didnt believe us at first, quit the team, divided our team but years later he came back to apologize when he found out his wife was having several affairs.
Like I said earlier that friend( although equally deceptive) should be ashamed of her self, I bet when it happens to her she will be the first one to tear a strip off of anyone who knew and didnt warn her. | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/28/2007 7:42:38 AM | I can understand why she wouldn't say anything to the women.... but I also asked if she ever said anything to him.... and she hadn't... I just don't know how someone can just over look behavior...
I am always amazed at how much people accept so they don't make waves... | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/28/2007 8:09:15 AM | hahaha
True freindship is one of those things about accepting people for their faults. What a load of crap!!! Does this mean I should be "friends" with dopers, murderers, thieves? Hell, maybe I am, but I just don't know it.
True friendship means being a friend to yourself, FIRST ... choose people who elevate/ support you, your dreams and goals. Normally, one would select people who share a similar perspective on values, interests, lifestyle, etc. If friends make a mistake, one should support them in sorting things out ... but, someone who is chronically involved in a lifestyle that is illegal, predatory or so self-involved that they would use others with no regard for their feelings is not someone that I would consider "friend" material!  | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/29/2007 9:40:45 PM | | if i was in the other situation i would want someone to tell me if i was being played, in my mind its the decent thing to do. my loyalty only follows the path that is most honest | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/30/2007 2:41:43 AM |
They think they are in a commited relationship... from what I understand... they all say he is their boyfriend... and he says he loves them to them... so yes...Result: The Letter M
There in lay the problem. Would it be the same if he was honest with all the women and said he was sleeping around? | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/30/2007 6:24:03 AM | to coffee...
well... the difference would be in your situation is that the women know... and they would be making a decision based on all information... and if they chose to be one of 2 or 3... then that is on them... but to be lead to believe that you are the only one and not be is an issue.... | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:02:56 AM | | That she is friends with a cheater doesn't bother me that much. Her being loyal to him over the friends he's cheating on would bother me a lot, though. That isn't the kind of friend you can trust. | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:21:34 AM | On the one hand I can understand not being friends with someone whose morals you find contemptuous. On the other there is something to be said for unconditional love.
When we were much younger my best friend carried on an affair with a married man. I did not approve of her behavior nor condone it but I also did not stop being her friend for this character flaw; which by the way she eventually recognized and corrected. | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:32:37 AM | Hmmm well my first thought was loyalty is good... loyalty is rare... go loyalty!!!...
Then I wondered if your girlfriend has a romantic interest in this playa? I wondered if she has an agenda? Then I thought about my Nephew who I love to bits and he seems to be a heck of a lot like the guy you would like to smack up side the noggin'...What do I do? I don't say anything to the women... I chew HIS ear! I don't think he tells any of them that he loves them though he is just a charming devil! | |
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| Loyalty.... to a cheater....
Posted: 11/30/2007 2:47:01 PM | what you are asking is can a leopard change its spots.the problem with dating what we call predatory males is that you are always at risk of being dumped
i hope this helps you
john | |
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