| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 11/28/2007 11:04:07 AM | Can a person with asperger's find love and understanding? Some days i feel like a total freak, and that nobody gets me. I truly don't know how to play the game, and have felt my whole life like i was on the outside of the world looking in. It's a lot to ask and take on haveing a relationship with an "Aspie"... I see myself as very high mateninance, and I don't wish to be, it's just I get very paranoid thinking it's not real.
I'm just tired of being alone and misunderstood... | |
|
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 11/28/2007 11:17:59 AM | hun, you having asperger's is just a part of who you are.. i understand how it can affect several areas of your life (one of my sons is autistic - PDD).. but you are much more than that..
one suggestion i have, that might help, is to find areas/hobbies which you enjoy doing, if possible.. get involved in things in which you feel confident about your abilities, where you can relax and enjoy yourself.. then people will be able to see you for the talented, whole, richly unique and special individual you are.. and when you're relaxed you'll probably not feel, "paranoid thinking it's not real", so much, that you said worries you sometimes..
are there any asperger's support groups near where you live? perhaps there are forums/support groups on-line for others who have aspergers who will be able to give you some first-hand knowledge, understanding and ideas..
i wish all the best in life and happiness to you, beffers65.. | |
|
| |
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 11/28/2007 11:23:28 AM | Look everyone has something about them that may be conceived as "different" by others.
Its a matter of not feeling sorry for onesself and looking in the right places. Belive it or not you arent unique. We all have crosses to bear...
Consider support groups where others are familiar with this...Or are smart enough to learn. Basically, dont get jaded, or self pitying. | |
|
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 11/28/2007 11:28:45 AM | Ok, I had to look for the meaning of this neurological condition, as I had never heard of it. I guess it would depend on the severity. Because according to what I read it does affect many aspects that would probably be very challenging for many to understand/cope with.
It may be painful at times because no one enjoys being rejected and hurt. However, I do believe that you can find love. But more importantly YOU have to BELIEVE that you will. Don't allow this to deter you from meeting people and putting yourself "out there" for a potential partner.
Believe!!! 
P.S. We are all "misunderstood". | |
|
| |
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 11/28/2007 12:02:01 PM | My ex is an Asperger's man and so is our son. I could not deal with it but it was mostly because of my own personality. I am extremely outgoing and very much a people person. I thrive on volunteering, being with friends, etc. My ex did not and got upset if I wasn't at home with him. I am also highly kinesthetic (I process through my feelings and emotions more than through visual or audio clues). Many Asperger's tend to 'lack effect'--not show emotions very well and tend to not be as affectionate. I am the opposite so on the whole we were just a bad match.
Everyone is different however. Some 'normal' (heck who is really normal? I mean non-asperger's people here) people are naturally not so outgoing or strong people-persons. Some tend to not be as emotional. Some don't like as much affection. There are plenty of those out there who CAN deal with the aspects of asperger's. I think it is also easier if you are a woman. It has been said that Asperger's is like being overly male. That on a spectrum men tend to be a little further away from social, etc. than women and that asperger's syndrome people tend to take that a step farther. So the average man is sort of a bit closer to the asperger part of the spectrum than the average woman--making it a bit easier for a asperger woman to find a man than an asperger man find a women.
The thing is, humans are all over the spectrum in every trait. There probably is someone out there for everyone--probably several someones to be honest. It may be a bit harder if someone is farther towards one end of the spectrum or the other, but it is quite possible. | |
|
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 11/28/2007 12:37:32 PM | My brother (who's 25) was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. He was misdiagnosed as a child as having A.D.D. until someone he works with suggested the possibility of Asperger's & he went to see a psychiatrist. After reading about it and understanding what it is, he realized he's the picture perfect case study of an Aspie. He always struggled with relating to others in a traditional way & he was relieved to find a reason for his 'abnormality.'
Despite having Asperger's, he's been dating since high school & has maintained meaningful relationships throughout adulthood. He's one of the neediest people I know, but rather than looking at it negatively, he found a way to work with it. I think what it takes is finding your niche. For the needy personalities out there, Aspie or not, there's someone else out there who needs to be constantly needed. | |
|
| |
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:26:47 PM | Hi there.
I tried to contact you privately but you don't accept contact from women. If you go to Yahoogroups, and do a search for an online group called WomenWithAspergers and join, you will find a great many (in excess of 250) women from all over the world who are living and thriving with AS. I hope this post doesn't get deleted, as I am not giving a URL here or anything, but I do truly believe that being connected to other women who share experiences and perceptions will be beneficial to you.
Many of them are married, and I'm sure can share some valuable advice that will help you feel better about yourself, and your chances of finding a good relationship. | |
|
| |
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 11/30/2007 5:25:58 PM | | Beffers , take it from another aspie. I learned early in life as you probably know that you can't be involved until you understand the situation first right ? You need to learn more study and question everything. I run a business but still find that I have to force myself to look people in the eyes when I talk to them. I sing lead and play lead guitar and piano in a rock band so that was a pretty big obstacle but I managed to overcome the wierdness young of being up there with all the people watching andnow it's second nature. I managed to always have a girlfriend and still do because I learned to understand women. You really don't have an affliction you have a gift. Most people can't think circles around things like we do. Aspergers gives you a severe focus but you have to know how to use it. | |
|
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 11/30/2007 5:39:09 PM |
I managed to always have a girlfriend and still do because I learned to understand women. You really don't have an affliction you have a gift. Most people can't think circles around things like we do. Aspergers gives you a severe focus but you have to know how to use it.
Well hell, you are obviously on a plane above the rest of us. Having figured out women is a feat in itself.  | |
|
Tyeee
|
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 14 | |
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 11/30/2007 6:05:17 PM | OP and bettydoll
I tried to contact you privately but you don't accept contact from women.
If a user adds another user who would otherwise by be blocked by restrictions, to their Favorites, that will allow the blocked person (wrong gender in this case) to send messages.
This is handy uf you want to make an exception in a special circumstance for a individual person, as in this case. This feature lets you do that, but without lifting the restrictions for everyone.
May your advice be helpful to OP
Tyeee | |
|
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:21:38 PM | It is very possible. You just have to look for someone of a similar nature. I'm not sure why you think it's high maintenance though, I am anything but that. Does it require a lot of patience from the partner? Sometimes... but not always. Just sell yourself for what you are, don't give it the name. I tell people I'm quiet, a loner, sometimes withdrawn. I warn them that sometimes I say things that never sound the way I intended them to and that if I ever do say something hurtful to tell me and we'll talk about it. I am a very highly functioning person socially (when I want to be) and I am best when I am around people that share the same loves that I do (computers, gaming, etc). I explain Aspergers further into the dating process, once they have come to know me better.
The hardest part is getting through the first dates. Having to go out to meet people and do social things to get to know them is exhausting for me. It feels so fake because that's not who I am or what I enjoy. But if we can make it through that part then everything is great. :) Thankfully I am long over the personal space issue, I have no problems with people I choose to meet touching me or being close to me (I can't say the same about random strangers though).
I'll add like Triple Threat, I have never had a problem finding a partner. It's only in the last year I ever spent any real time not with someone. I'm worried though, because all of this alone time has actually made me worse I think... now I feel selfish and don't want to make time for anyone else even if I'm not doing anything when I'm alone. | |
|
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:58:01 PM | | sherilyn are you medicated ? never let any doctors give you anything for autism, it's not a disease it is not something that needs to be controlled it is just who you are and more importantly how you are. If you take any type of drugs for anything you are masking and limiting your potential. Doctors are basically morons when it comes to medicating they have no idea how much better we can be without it. I almost punched my doctor in the head once when he told me I needed this or I need that. I told him why are you afraid of me ? Don't give me drugs, I understand you better than all your years of school you freak! I studied psych for years and years trying to find a reason for things and I'm still reaching for it but drugs were never in the equation. | |
|
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 11/30/2007 8:01:43 PM | | Heck no, no medication for it here. It's a social disorder and the only things meds could do is help with anxiety. :) Behavioural modification is the only real way to correct Aspergers at this time. Honestly I came to terms with what was wrong with me long before I ever was diagnosed with it. So when it came time to discuss it we both agreed there was nothing to be done... I already practice corrective methods. I'm very comfortable with who I am and like most with Aspergers very aware of details and patterns... so in my case understanding myself fell into that. People have always been amazed at how well I know myself and can describe my behaviours and know far in advance how I will react in specific situations. | |
|
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 11/30/2007 8:19:40 PM |
It's a social disorder
Only if you allow it to be. It's actually something that makes us stand above the normalcy in ways that most people can't adhere to. If you let yourself believe that you are deviant by understanding things on a different level you are convincing yourself that you are less than what you are. There is an exception to being aspergers and if you are highly functional ( I've met many who aren't and it sad to watch themselves become so frustrated that they won't even talk) like my brother... an amazingly talented artist. http://ca.geocities.com/trasila@rogers.com/select.htm hasn't left his condo for years due to it. but if you look at the art you will see a pattern. It's not a limitation it's a complex but it's okay to be complex. | |
|
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 11/30/2007 8:24:57 PM | | I agree, it's only a problem if you allow it to be. However the reality is no matter how hard I try to keep it from being visible it is. If I am not honest with people about it before they see it they will see me as a know it all or that I think I'm better them, or even worse they think I'm just an outright ****. I can only correct it outwards to some degree. I think the part I hate the most is the emotional detachment. I wish that I could feel passion and love in the same ways that others do. I however am not unhappy with what I do feel, I just wish that sometimes I could understand what they go through. | |
|
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 1/15/2008 5:02:02 PM | | Well I have AS and people are always telling me that I need to change who I am to become more outgoing and social. I don't think there's a problem with me. That's just my personality, part of who I am. Unfortunately there's not much out there in terms of books and things that give dating advice to people with AS. People just assume that we like being alone and don't desire to date but this isn't necessarily true. I want to feel emotional attachment I'm just kind of unsure about how to achieve it. I don't really have the social skills to form last lasting relationships with people. | |
|
| |
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 1/15/2008 6:02:52 PM | | Don't ever doubt it for a second...!! There are lots of people who feel the same way about themselves and are just as frustrated in love.. regardless of whether they have Asperger's or not... relationships can be difficult for anybody... hang in there! | |
|
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 1/15/2008 6:18:41 PM | | Have you seen a movie called "Mozart and the Whale" --- It's about finding love when you have asperger's.......very uplifting even to someone who doesn't because it made me see accepting each other in imperfect condition is such a wonderful sign of loving each other. | |
|
| Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 1/16/2008 2:39:10 AM | | I know you mean your own true love, which might just mean you have to accept lots of kinds of love and give love back to others until you enrich your life with enough of the right kind of love. I think no one is confident enough to believe in Love until they find it. True understand is another point that your knowledge and beliefs guide you, even couples in love don't understand each other always. We all live differently thinking differently makes sense too. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
