| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 11/28/2007 4:22:39 PM | | Is this weird? Im a pretty outgoing person but when it comes to the line where friendship crosses to something more I have a tendency to cut off from the person and withdraw into my shell, I know why this happens but have you lot had any experiences like this and if so, how did you over come it? | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 11/28/2007 4:28:55 PM | | be patient I never had a girlfriend till i was 2o. The question is are you improving in some way? I am 34 and get plenty of women just hard to find attractive normal ones. Are you educating yourself. As women get older then tend to go for the responsible intelligent guys with money. Young girls only go for looks. That up to you to improve. | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 11/28/2007 4:38:45 PM | | Yes, it's weird. Are you going to be a priest? Otherwise, I'd look into Orthodox venues. At least they recognize the necessity for some to be (happily) married. The hierarchy is not the same, but if it troubles you so, and that's what it is that causes your distress (unless you're just flat out waiting to marry, which is great, too), then do something besides suffer. I would recommend trusting someone you're interested in, too. Love, Titus | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 11/28/2007 4:45:02 PM | | LOL thanks. I shoulda mentioned to be quite honest...but not brutally honest. Actually scratch that, lying woulda been nice haha | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 11/28/2007 4:59:47 PM | OP, in terms of your profile, you might put a higher priority on finding a job than in having a girlfriend, but putting that aside, a couple of things occur to me from your post.
First, you may be suffering from some form of social anxiety or Asperber's syndrome. Many late teens/early 20s people do, so if it's possible for you to talk to a counselor about the dynamics of you pulling back into a shell, that might be a productive avenue to consider.
Second, most bf/gf don't start out being "buddies". Transitioning from peeps to romantic involvement is awkward, unless some serendipitous event comes along. Far better to approach someone, where "dating" is the goal to begin with.
Just as an aside, while most people start dating and have relationships a little younger than you, it's not all that uncommon either. For many in the U.S., people are focused on getting through college, and possibly grad school, before they are "ready" to consider becoming "involved". So, I wouldn't create too much additional internal pressure about it. You have time yet. | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 11/28/2007 6:44:31 PM | | Hey don't worry about it. There is no time table and no rules about when you should start dating of forming romantic relationships. Just trust your instincts, they will not let you down. What leads most people astray in their relationships is that they don't trust themselves. | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 11/28/2007 7:54:05 PM | | I'm 22 and I've never had a long term boyfriend. My relationships have all ended after a month. But I'm not giving up because that's not an option for me. | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 11/29/2007 6:37:36 AM | There's nothing inherently wrong with it at all, but you may be losing out on the chance to gain some valuable relationship experience. There's quite a few things that can honestly be quite difficult to learn or realize without actually going through it and seeing it first hand.
For that reason, I've always been very thankful for every one of my ex's. I wouldn't have the perspective and understanding today without them. | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 11/29/2007 7:54:55 AM | | Yeah dont be too worried about it.. I didnt have one either until I was 20. But the above poster is right.. the problem is not having enough experience. So I'd offer you the same advice I have been trying to follow myself; put yourself out there more often and just try your best. Even if it doesnt work out, at least you'll learn a few things..and that'll help land the right Fish somewhere down the line. | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 12/4/2007 7:45:29 AM |
when it comes to the line where friendship crosses to something more I have a tendency to cut off from the person
If it bugs you enough then someday you will do something about it. It is not easy to put yourself out there for rejection. Just remember this: when you are humming away on this girl and she likes it, you'll be glad you took the chance. | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 12/4/2007 8:14:01 AM | | Dont frew.... I have been single my whole life... theres nothing wrong with being single ;) | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 12/4/2007 5:05:01 PM | In terms of your initial post OP, pulling back can be a symptom of severe distrust. It means someone in your past may have done something to you or you lack the confidence to start a relationship due to fear of rejection. My advice is to just begin some increments of flirtation until you become more comfortable and realize not everyone will reject you.
Those are just some possibilities of what may be the problem. Once again, most younger adults enter relationships out of the lust. It is often better to wait until you feel you are mature enough to handle a relationship...wait until all your personal problems can be set aside so you don't burden someone with them.
Patience is always a virtue | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 12/5/2007 12:57:38 AM | | Im 31 one and had many, the more break ups you go thorugh you would have thought it would get easier but it doesn't. Count yourself LUCKY, I'm off women... Snakes with tits | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 12/5/2007 8:39:17 AM | Louchy - in a round about way, I can relate.
I'm 41, and I have never been married or had children. I want to get married and maybe have a child someday - but if the person that I love can't have children, that's ok to, because then I'll have more time to devote to adoring her.
You see there? - I to have something that I've always wanted to experience, but because of life circumstances and happenstance, I couldn't. You are NOT alone
my friend!
You need to first find out who YOU are, and settle on what YOU ultimately want and NO LESS.
take some time for yourself and think about it, and weigh it out. You've got plenty of time.
Don't get shy or nervous asking women out, or just talking to them - because think of it this way: If they reject you - IT'S A GOOD THING - because likely they aren't right for you anyway (too superficial), and if you had clicked with them, then they would've probably made you miserable irregardless. Find a lady FRIEND. Stress the FRIENDSHIP part and just be a buddy to her. don't hit on her, don't give her lines, or moves, or anything like that - just sincerely be her friend. In time - as you guys get to know each other more - then you'll learn each others shortcomings - and instead of rejecting each other based upon them - you'll deal with them and learn to really ignore them for the most part.
Over time - the more that you share - the more you'll learn to care for each other -
and that's how the most wonderful loves begin. Not from "love at first sight" or "sky rockets going off" or "hot and heavy oomph" - not from passing temporary attraction - but from something far deeper and far more substantial and durable, from genuine love and caring.
Give it a shot - I am, and anyone with a spoonful of well learned wisdom will... | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 12/5/2007 9:10:24 AM | I over came it by moving to a different state far away from anyone I knew. I did it for a job but once I got there and didn't know one single person, I noticed I was opening up and becoming an out going person. I still kept all my qualities that I feel made me a good person but I was more willing to open up to people and not be so shy. I moved back to my home state and have kept the me I found else where  | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 12/5/2007 4:32:52 PM | you want to hear something funny and adviseable. i am 29, i never had gf. isnt it funny.
i dont want to have. here is the advice part. because i think women dont deserve me being an outgoing, friendly and funny etc etc etc....or any other good quality i possess. like you mentioned, it makes you doubt yourself though you have got everything to make her life happy. i feel like i am fully occupied looking for something hopeless.
it is not weird, wrong or crime. it is just that you havent found the person who can understand your feelings. either keep trying by changing the approach or stop looking. | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 12/5/2007 4:44:04 PM | | Yeah, don't be so down. I just had my first girlfriend when I was 19, we just broke up a month ago though, so life has been harder than ever now. So depressed from it too. | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 12/5/2007 4:44:39 PM | | The biggest thing I have learned is just be yourself. Sure being yourself might scare a woman away, but would you want to be with a woman when you can't be you. | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 12/5/2007 4:50:13 PM | | wow 20 and has never had a bf, so your not alone, also you sound like me but I have a fear of being cheated on only when the guy talks of only sex then the fear comes and then I step back. | |
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 12/5/2007 5:42:52 PM |
...I had my first date when I was 25.
I grew up in the countryside, with a 50 mile round-trip bus ride to school. Never dated in high-school or college because I was never able to hang around with any girls after school. If I missed the bus, I had a 25 mile walk to get home.
I think this made me very shy around any woman I had the hots for, mainly because I had no social skills when it came to dating. So at 18 I moved to the big city 300 miles away ( Toronto ), and lived alone for the next 7 years.
I had tons of guy friends, but any time I was around an attractive woman who seemed very interested in me, I felt like I had just stuck a fork in a wall socket. My heart would race, my face would flush, and I had that "deer in the headlights" look. I'm sure that these women must have thought I was gay.
...After 7 very very very frustrating years of living alone with no dates, I finally forced myself to talk to some of the women I liked, which eventually lead to a 7 year LTR a few months later.
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| 21 and never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 12/7/2007 3:05:14 PM | I have a tendency to cut off from the person and withdraw into my shell
If you keep doing this, you will never have anyone, period.
I have a similar problem, but it is because there are experiences that I have had that made me develop distrust. I am working on it now by going out, flirting, teasing and just sharing my sense of humor with ladies and lady friends.
As long as you do not take them so seriously that they see you wearing your heart on your sleeve, you are going to find some fun moments which can even lead to something, you just never know.
Go out and have fun, flirt and yes, do not fall head over heels for every woman there is. Believe me, you will spare yourself a lot of heartaches if you just relax, have fun and dont expect too much. | |
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