| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2007 12:12:33 PM | Hello everyone, I need some help! It's my first time using the forums, so please bear with me!
I have been dating a guy who I met on here, we've been dating for 9 months now, he treats me like gold most of the time and wants to spend every minute of every day with me. He's made it quite clear to me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, tells me he loves me...etc.
BUT, ever since we started dating I have found myself having a lot of trouble trusting him. He has a lot of skeletons in his closet and he wasn't honest about them at the beginning of the relationship. I've done my best to forget about that.
I also found out that about 2 weeks ago he signed up for date.com and some somespamsite site. This really bothered me, and I think I am warranted. We both still have our profiles on here, which is ok I guess, but the fact that he's actually gone ahead and created new profiles on these other sites just doesn't seem right. If your happy and "in love" why would you want to be on those new sites?
Now, I questioned him about this, and he told me that he created those profiles because he just wants to see what people will say about him or what they think of him. I'm not really quite sure I believe or understand this...
What should I do? I'm not really sure how I can bring myself to trust him or if I even should trust him. | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2007 12:16:13 PM | yeah, i'd be disconcerted too..
maybe he's insecure and needs constant ego feeding from others.. but whatever the reason, if you're in a committed relationship then i'd think he should show more respect for your feelings.. and not be looking into other dating sites..
if he wants interaction with other people on-line he could always find forums dealing with particular hobbies he may have... other than dating people...  | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2007 12:20:22 PM | Wow... I think I'd have a hard time believing him... let alone trusting him!! Nine months!! I'm sorry sweetie but he's up to no good if he's signing onto new dating sites. Also, if after you voiced your concerns he didn't say "I'll take them off if it bothers you honey" then there's your answer as well. Even if HE thinks it's ok, just the fact that you are bothered by it (rightfully so!!) SHOULD be enough for him to stop IF he truly cares for you.
You don't profess your love for someone and then 9 mos later sign onto a dating site... or two... or three!!
I look forward to the day I'm off these sites for good... forums or no forums!!  | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2007 12:22:43 PM | I don't think either one of you are in a serious relationship. Your profile does not even mention that you are involved. There is a "not single/not looking" option available. As for him joining other dating sites....just shows that he is even less serious than you. His excuse for doing so is about as lame ass as they come.
he treats me like gold most of the time
Most of the time??? How does he treat you the rest of the time? Don't you think you deserve to be treated like gold ALL the time.
Dump him......he's a player. | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2007 12:24:09 PM | I don't think any good can come from it. I met a man on a dating website. A few weeks after we were together, he strongly urged me to remove my profile, saying that we should be committed to each other and not looking for anyone else. I agreed to remove my profile, as while I was with him, I wasn't looking anyway. He agreed to remove his. Well, he moved in with me a few months later (which was totally stupid on my part) and a few months more went by before I made a discovery. He was on all kinds of web sites stating himself as single. When confronted, he didn't seem to think it was a big deal, just that he wanted to meet friends and women wouldn't contact him if they knew he was attached. Eventually, he spent almost all his time on internet, having cyber sex, and sex chat phone calls, and ignoring me. I got more and more withdrawn and eventually told him that the internet had to be disconnected or we were breaking up. He chose the internet.
It was very stupid of me, but once he was moved in and I had invested more in him, it made it very hard to make the decision to break up. Ultimately I realised that he was incapable of maintaining relationships with "real" people. That showed in his relationships with family (estranged) and in patterns with his friends as well (very few, not close, and usually ending rather abruptly).
Now, for the future, I will not be so stupid. It's hard to believe I was, because always before I had been independent and proud of not "needing" a man in my life. It was almost like, the more he spent on the internet, the more my self-esteem went down and the more I put up with. Well, now, my mind is clear and I don't understand how I got into that situation other then that I was more lonely then I let myself believe when I first started dating him.
I think it is a huge red flag. My advice to you is to discontinue the relationship and spare yourself the heartache.
Good luck, whatever your decision is. | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2007 12:38:21 PM | A person that's happy in the relationship they're in isn't interested in getting feedback/attention/validation from others because they have no use for it...because they're happy.
There are several things that should concern you. That he deleted the profiles means nothing, as he could create new ones you wouldn't recognize. That his honesty regarding his skeletons was slow to come , coupled with his new dating profiles on dating sites simply doesn't bode well for him, because it's problematic for you--and it leaves you in a place of always wondering. There's little he can do now, because even giving up his online experience would still leave you wondering what he's up to offline. So, since he can't be the bf you'd like him to be, that leaves the real decision on your door step. Can you live with always wondering, and with the realization that he seems to suffer wanderlust, and is still looking for something more elsewhere? If not, end it now. It won't get any better...especially when you're still trying to "forget" about the skeletons he never told you about. How many more issues will you have to learn to swallow, forget, overlook, adjust to? I'm sorry, there's just too many fishies in the sea to share your love with someone you cannot trust. | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2007 12:58:24 PM | There's hundreds of thousands of dating sites, how will he be able to reassure you that he won't ever go on another one while he's committed to you?
He has symptoms of an "onlinedateaholic." Always looking/needing the next rush. I see a 12 step program for this very thing in the next 5 years or less. It can be just as devastating to the lives of those addicted to drug or alcohol and to those of the addicted's framily/friends and their relationships.
You both have profiles still on POF... I wonder why? If you stick it out with this guy, I would suggest you both get each others passwords, as I would suspect that his intentions of being on here are a lot less innocent than you proclaim your's to be. If either of you have nothing to hide... then it should not be a problem to allow access to each other's accounts. Wonder what his response to this request would be??? *Hmmm?*
Good luck... | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2007 1:03:19 PM | Yeah you do realize what he is telling you is total bull$hit right? He is looking for something on the side or perhaps someone to be there for him in case you guys break up .I can understand someone staying on pof after finding someone because it has a lot more to offer then just dating ,but filling out new profiles on other sites is a huge red flag .
Whether or not you dump him is up to you and i wont tell you that you should. Your happiness is your responsibility however and if you stay with someone who is doing things like creating new profiles on dating website then you are asking to be hurt.
Well just looked at your profile and that is very strange . You say that you are single and nothing you say in your about me section even hints at the fact that you are in a relationship. Perhaps he figures that what is good for the goose is good for the gander . You even go so far as to say what kind of man you are looking for. You two deserve each other. | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2007 1:25:13 PM | This guy is attempting to "milk the cow through the fence"
I looked at your profile and I see you're a young and attractive and your whole life is in front of you ! You cannot have a quality relationship on any level without trust. Trust is earned not spoken and this guy has not and is not worthy of your trust!
Only a fool searches for gold when they sit on top of a chest full of treasure. Not to be cold but cut your loses and move on or this guy will break your heart more than he has already.........................................Good Luck and  | |
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Jax_xx
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Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 20 | |
| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2007 1:42:51 PM | RUN!!!!!!! This is complete and utter bullshit......you already know the truth........hes a player...and is playing you ..........i would even question why both of you are still on plenty of fish? You say you guys are in a committed relationship????? If so......why would u still be on here? I, for one.will never understand this........waiting for someone better to come along? You need to take a look inside and ask what it is you see in this guy and what it is you are holding on to....if this were my situation.........as soon as i found out he had signed up he would have been kicked to the curb................There is no room for this kind of bs in a committed relationship...do yourself a favor...realize your own value....when yu do.........he may too...and if not...........there is someone way better for you............good luck!  | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2007 1:57:35 PM | | Staying a member of a dating site after becoming involved with someone is one thing, joining a dating site in the middle of a close relationship with someone is another. I'd be more than a shook about it and even less understanding about it. Sounds like you need to discuss it more with him and offer to give him some space. I would be wondering if he is seeing if he can "upgrade" while he has got you on the hook and if he doesn't land one, settle down with you. IF that is true, how would you feel about that? | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2007 2:14:54 PM |
Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship? ( italics mine)
No, you are the only one in a serious relationship. Are you ok with a relationship in which you may be cheated on or dumped at any time?
I understand that men like to look and fantasize, but a man worth having does not need to have his ego stroked by having multiple women on the string. I'm not telling you what to do, OP. Perhaps your life is desperate enough to accept a halfassed relationship with a wishywashy man.
Why don't you just sign back on to some dating sites and put your profile out there. If he finds it and has the freakin, NERVE to whine, give him the same lameass line he gave you. I can just about predict that he will throw a hissy fit and break up with you. Or if he does pull his profile(s) he will play it a little smarter and put them right back up with some detail changes and probably sans photos so he don't get caught.
Cindy O | |
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