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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 11/30/2007 6:56:01 PM | | Scenario: You're near retirement age, own your home, no car payments, no credit cards....but, you're also single. How important is it to find a partner who is similarly debt free, OR is diligently working toward that goal? Has this attitude been attacked or praised by prospective dating interests? | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:00:07 PM | Very important. I've worked hard for my security. It's actually the reason I recently broke up with someone. He was simply never going to get his act together and I just kept feeling like my lifetime of good budgeting and spending habits was about to get blown out of the water by someone who spent money like water and had nothing to show for it. He actually told me I would wind up alone in a tower counting my money. Oh, that hurt.
It makes me feel a tad shallow sometimes, but I'm coming to terms with it. I've worked hard to be able to eat the bests darned cat food on the market and no one is going to make me eat budget after all these years! LOL | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:21:53 PM | Wow....This is so huge. After so many years of trying to get all debts paid off, it is so important to live within means. Especially when you're older and living on a fixed income, you just do not want to get involved with someone who is financially irresponsible. The gambling thing is a scary item also. Gambling is fun, but in moderation. You can call me shallow as well, all you want. I just am not going down that road again. Huge credit card debt (no way). This is the biggest red flag of all.........Financial irresponsibility.... | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:23:27 PM | I agree. It is extremely important. it all comes down to the simple fact that it takes a lot of years to grow a forest but only one match to burn it down. That is a trite saying but it didn't get to be trite by accident.
It matters not whether it is the man or the woman. If your partner doesn't know how to handle money, that is likely why they are not debt free themselves and it would not be a good idea to form a partnership with someone who doesn't understand that.
The old thing about being "Maybe we're ragged and funny but we travel along side by side" (from the song lyrics) is fantasy. Being poor does not make a relationship stronger. If you got it, keep it and if you form a partnership, form it with someone who knows the value of financial responsibility. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:31:07 PM |
It's actually the reason I recently broke up with someone. He was simply never going to get his act together and I just kept feeling like my lifetime of good budgeting and spending habits was about to get blown out of the water by someone who spent money like water and had nothing to show for it.
Good for you! A very wise decision, and it's always an attractive quality when someone is wise with what they own. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:32:59 PM | I guess you can call me shallow also, because I can't stand having debts either.
I would rather be with someone who has nothing, but who is debt free. I don't care if he doesn't make much money, or has a
zero balance in his bank account. I don't care if he's lost it all, and is now "starting over" from scratch. As long as he's happy
with his life now, and knows how to live within his means, it's all good;)
For me personally, having debts means I'm no longer free....it's weird I know because it's not like I'm free from other obligations anyway.....it's just that I need to know that IF I wanted to quit my job and say the hell with it all, without debts I know I could.
And that thought alone has saved my sanity many times:) 
Love and peace to all 
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Viel
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Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 8 | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 11/30/2007 8:37:19 PM | | Thank you for bringing this up. I have limited debt and perfect credit. Credit and debt go hand in hand..... usually. Having been a credit counselor, poor credit is my big issue. Men will blame their credit on THE DIVORCE. I don't buy it because when I went through my divorce, my credit didn't suffer. Paying your bills and caring about your credit score to me is a character issue. It tells me volumes. If I did a credit check before involving my heart with a man, I'd be alone forever! | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 11/30/2007 8:46:57 PM | Well put oldsoul- I would never want to put myself in the position again of sharing the misery that is the result of someones lack of character..
My last made great money- she was an RN - despite her living in my house for free and sharing every thing I owned she ended up in bankruptcy, and not only in the financial area..
There were lots of problems, and now looking back I see them as one large problem..
Why would I want to get involved with anyone that doesn't share my view on finances and in the end where would the trust ever lie when so unequally yolked with that type of woman..
I am not looking for someone with wealth, but rather responsibility in their character,, lack of money is not a problem , but lack of trust would be.. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 11/30/2007 10:40:38 PM | It's really important.
I really can't believe how many guys are in their 50's and basically have nothing. They do blame it on their divorce. Every guy I have dated over the past few years have claimed their
wife got everything and left them with all the bills. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 11/30/2007 11:06:01 PM | OldSoul said:
....it's just that I need to know that IF I wanted to quit my job and say the hell with it all, without debts I know I could.
And that thought alone has saved my sanity many times:)
That's a great way to look at it, Soul. This actually happened to me when I had to quit working due to disabilities almost two years ago. Because I always paid extra against the pricipal of my mortgage when I was working I have very little still owing on it. My original home purchase price was well below what the realtors said I could buy at the time. Great! So now I have a modest house almost paid off and I can well afford the remaining payments even on my meager disability income. That fact has preserved my sanity in my reduced financial circumstances.
I credit my parents, both of whom were born during the Great Depression, for having learned pragmatic financial lessons and for instilling them in me. Debt has always scared me and if a potential partner isn't similarly prudent, well, he would not become my partner. There's nothing "shallow" about being responsible for one's own well-being. I do have and use a credit card. Because I've handled it with caution and responsibility I have access to credit when I need to use it. It's regrettable that so many people don't understand what a tool good credit really is. It was not by accident that I was able to purchase my car with zero percent interest. I can't "afford" to let anyone ruin this security for me. I don't have much but it's MINE and I'm proud of that.
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BTW, MotoMonkey, my ex got the house. I saved the downpayment for it when we were married and he's now living there with his third wife. If I could've picked up the house and brought it with me I'd probably have that, too! | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 3:23:53 AM | Finacial responsibility , is also very important to me.
I met and was involved with a man that did not have financial responsibility,
for his finances or mine. The finances of mine that he helped himself too.
Needless to say , we are no longer together.
That man could have ruined me financially, if I didnt realize when I did,
his total lack of responsibility and honesty.
It would not be wise for anyone at this point in their life to get involved with a person that did not know how to live within their means, and didnt have a little cushioning besides. We are either at, or not to far from retirement age.
As far as the divorce and the wife getting everything, that only happens if you let it.
Most cases if there is a home, the person that has the children gets the house. But when the children are grown, the house is usually sold and the assets from it are split between the two parties. Atleast that is the way it normally is done. Or their is a buy out from one o f the parties.
I bought my house after the divorce, and built my life as a single person, so like others have said, I didnt work this hard to build a life to risk losing it at this point in my life.
It just makes sense. Anyone that doesnt understand that, I would guess there is a reason, they do not live financially responsible. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 3:41:02 AM |
I really can't believe how many guys are in their 50's and basically have nothing. They do blame it on their divorce. Every guy I have dated over the past few years have claimed their
wife got everything and left them with all the bills. I think that even yet today there tends to be some inequities in our judicial system regarding the division of marital assets. It is NOT necessarily always in favor of the female partner, but yes....generally. Therefore I'm personally willing to be a little more "tolerant" of a reasonable amount of debt when a man has been divorced even a moderate period of time (5-10) yrs. Some pay exorbitant amounts of alimony and child support which makes it difficult to address other debt simultaneously. I think it's more their attitude toward clearing the debt than it is having it.
I would rather be with someone who has nothing, but who is debt free. I don't care if he doesn't make much money, or has a
zero balance in his bank account. I don't care if he's lost it all, and is now "starting over" from scratch. As long as he's happy
with his life now, and knows how to live within his means, it's all good;)
I couldn't agree more. LOL! I think the trick though is figuring out whether they're happy as they are now....or if they've just accepted the condition for the moment....and eager to jump back into the debt trap the minute a line of credit is increased! We are afterall the generation of "instant gratification seekers", we want what we want and we want it NOW! | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 3:42:38 AM | Just a thought ,,,,,,
The only person who is truly free is the one who has nothing , they can go where they
please , do what they like ,with no restrictions .
As one motivational speaker said some years ago . " Unless you can get up , walk out of this room , leave everything behind , and not return for 30 years , you are not free."
Debt is just a way of acquiring things to make your life more comfortable . In some ways , that is detrimental to our health.Once one is comfortable , most tend to live a far easier life . Just look around at the health of the nations in the western world .
There are two ways of looking at debt , it can be a burden , or it can be a challenge.
After all , at the end of the road , we die with nothing . And I have seen many people breaking their necks to be financially comfortable , so they can live their old age in comfort ,and they are soooooo boring , because they have used the best years of their lives to enable themslves a few years of comfort in the rocking chair .
If debt is a burden , get rid of it ,, go live in a trailer or something, at least you'll be living . If it's a challenge to take on bigger and better things , or just something you enjoy doing ,, then it's not a problem .
I've seen quite a few people of late walking away from their hard earned houses etc , to be in a quality relationship .
At the end of the road ,, all we have left are the memories .. what will yours be ?
I've done a lot in life ? or I have accumulated a lot of wealth ?
So , before you disregard someone for being in debt , look a little deeper , you just might find an interesting person .
Have seen quite a few wealthy people go to the grave in misery ,, it's not a nice view .
Have been on both sides of the coin , and a lot of the most memorable times in my life have been when I've been poor , or just coasting along . | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 3:43:05 AM |
Every guy has claimed their wife got everything and left them with all the bills
Okay, I'm the exception then! My wife only got 90% of the assets (mostly gone to pay lawyers and lawsuits unrelated to me) and she got stuck with her own credit card debt(after I paid it down in 2000 and 2004). 
It was worth that one-time payment of 90% just to get clear. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 4:22:59 AM | I'm debt free and I wouldn't have it any other way for myself. However most of the guys I know or the couples I know have some type of debt whether it's a mortgage or credit cards or auto payments and I don't think it's bad as long as it's within reason.
By my age now, there's nothing I need and not that much that I want that I don't already have. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 4:39:59 AM | I figure it this way..my bills or debts are just that..mine. If I date someone that has bills or debts..they are his. If we go the steps further and make it a LTR it would also mean that we have pooled our finances..and any "reasonable" debt brought in by either or both of us would be a "shared" debt..as well as a "shared" comodity. I'm debt free..except for those pesky monthly bills.
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Hi friendlyldy! | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 5:53:35 AM | It feels good to have no payments, no need to get a loan to buy a car etc. Banks and investments pay me interest! I pay my credit card bills in full each month, not paying that kind of interest!
It wouldn't work if I met someone who was mostly interested in me supporting her and paying for her bad financial situation. But if I was a serious and true commitment with I would certainly help her if she lost her job or some disaster struck. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 7:06:00 AM | This is a great topic & 1 that really hits home with me. You see I was married for 30 yrs before my divorce a little more than 4 yrs ago. As I have explained in other threads my ex had addictions which eventually led to our divorce. My ex’s primary addiction, which she suffered from for at least the last 10 yrs of our marriage, was compulsive gambling. Near the end of our marriage she also became addicted to alcohol but by that time most of the damage to our relationship had already occurred.
I know you are probably wondering what this has to do with the original topic “Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?” Well I just wanted to state that although debt free living is VERY important to me, due to circumstance that were mostly beyond my control - I have had to work for many yrs to erase most of the debt that my ex’s poor choices left me. Of course my credit worthiness has also suffered immensely, although I am working hard to restore it also. So my point is … sometimes a person’s circumstances can seem to contradict what they tell a person.
I know how important this is to many people so I’ve never tried to hide the circumstances that led to my financial woes. However during the course of dating there has been at least 1 instance where these circumstances have led to scaring a date away. I met this lady on POF. We traded several emails, some of which included some personal info & some photos. We communicated via IM several times & we spoke on the phone prior to meeting. We finally reached a degree of comfort & decided to meet. The timing was great because a good friend of mine who is a talented musician was playing at a local pub so we agreed to meet there.
When we met I was immediately attracted to her. She seemed to be everything I expected from our previous communications & so much more. As the evening transpired several friends of mine (who also knew my musician friend) showed up & joined us. As the evening progressed we ended up with several other couples sitting with us. However, I was so smitten by this lady it seemed to me like we were all alone. From all indications she was pretty much focused on me as well. We had a wonderful evening … so much so that I later emailed some of my friends that had joined us & apologized from ignoring them during the evening.
My date & me talked about a lot of different topics during the night … including our pasts. I mentioned my struggles with my ex & her addictions but I didn’t dwell on it … choosing instead to focus on more positive subjects. When the evening came to a close I was excited about the prospects of seeing this lady again. I told her so & she agreed that she was really looking forward to seeing me more.
Over the next couple of days we traded a few more emails & spoke on the phone a couple of times. We scheduled a 2nd date at a nearby festival. The day before our 2nd date I received an email from this lady. She began the message by telling me how great of a time she had & how nice of a guy I was but she finished the message by telling me that she didn’t think we had enough in common to continue seeing each other & she was breaking our 2nd date. She further explained that she had always worked hard & had reached a point where she owned her own home & was financially secure. She was looking forward to retiring in a few yrs & (while she wasn’t accusing me of anything) felt that my history might cause me to look her way for financial support.
Well, to say that I was shocked would be an understatement! Although the financial difficulties I have had to overcome from my marriage were challenging, I took a lot of pride in overcoming them. I had told her that I had overcome all of that & took pride in doing so. I also told her that I had a terrific job with a good income in a career that spanned nearly 30 yrs. No … I didn’t own my own place. I rented a very nice townhouse in a very nice area. No … I didn’t have a big savings account or retirement account that I could draw upon (those 2 items were also casualties of my marriage). But I pay all of my bills, I live very comfortably as well as support my son as he wraps up his college yrs & I have reached a point where I am comfortable.
I sent a brief email to this lady stating that I think she may have gotten the wrong impression. Not only would I be the last person in the world who would take advantage of another person financially after what my ex had put me through … I was a little disappointed that she didn’t view my efforts to overcome these challenges as admirable. However, it was obvious from this lady’s message that she had already made her mind up & she wasn’t going to change it. So I kept my response very brief and wished her well. Naturally I was disappointed & hurt.
I apologize for the length of this post but my point is simply this … sometimes bad things do happen to good people. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past & 1 of those was enabling my ex by thinking I could help her. In doing so I took a serious financial hit but if I had been successful in restoring my relationship with my ex to what it once was … I would have paid much more. So my only point here is sometimes things aren’t as they appear. There are reasons for things being the way they are. Try not to make a lot of assumptions when you meet someone new … get some time to get to know the person & see what they are truly like.
Dating is challenging enough without having to worry about someone making some poor assumptions about you. In the meantime I learned another very valuable lesson that will assist me as I learn how to accept my single life & embrace it.
Thanks,
Gary | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 7:52:12 AM | | I'm 48 and my assets far outweigh my debts. The thing I'm concerned about with is that I won't have enough to retire on. It would have been nice if my deadbeat ex husband would have paid his court ordered child support. Since he didn't, I had to come up with his half of the money for food and clothes for my children for over 8 years. He's 30K in arrears. That's money I could have stuck away for myself for when I'm old. But hey, the kids had to eat! | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 8:03:48 AM | Dating is challenging enough without having to worry about someone making some poor assumptions about you.
That is so true. I live with my father and all of the women I have dated from dating sites knew this before the first time we met. They were fine with it at first but later some came to a mistaken conclusion that I have no goals in life. Since I don't own a house, never been married, never been divorced, don't have children, I must not have any goals or the same lifestyle......someone I dated recently eventually said their goal was financial and she and I don't have the same life style. Other than that everything was great, but she did drink too much. About her lifestyle, I think she was talking about drinking and and her life experiences, divorced twice etc.. Yes, she was right. I haven't lived her life and don't have to drink every night to have a good time. About my financial situation or goals she didn't have a clue.
Really, it's too bad since we got along great and we were so compatible with same kinds of interests.....but she wanted financial security and more, and didn't care about the health risk of drinking excessively and smoking too much. | |
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