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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Second date and he wants to pick me up but....      Home login  
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 funnynsweet
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 1
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I met this guy i kind of liked but for a second date he wants to pick me up but with all those rules on first dates, like meet in a public place, etc....I´m not sure about it, how do i politely refuse???. Or am I being paranoid??.
 MysticWater
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 2
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:43:16 PM
I'd be careful and stick to your own choices...
Make your own rules and if he doesn't want to abide by them or gets pushy then you know he not good accepting your boundaries.
You can take that as a warning signal...
 Diana619
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 3
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:45:53 PM
Just tell him that you don't know him well enough yet........but maybe in time you feel comfortable enough for him to come to your house.
 tlcntexas
Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 4
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:59:34 PM
Do what YOU feel is best and look out for yourself until you determine your comfort level with him. If he is any kind of gentleman he will understand. Follow your instincts and have fun!

~TLC
 WarmthNpassion
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 5
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Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 11/30/2007 8:52:52 PM
You met once so it is okay. You do have to make sure that it is very clear to him that he never come over without your prior permission. So, you do have to talk to him about your concerns. Let him know your thoughts and let him reassure you. If he can't, meet him in a parking lot of a crowded store so you can switch to one car there.

The bigger question is, do you invite him in after the going out part of the date?
 moonflwrs
Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 6
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Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 11/30/2007 10:05:13 PM
I would not let anyone pick me up for a second date. You should ask yourself a few questions first. Do I really know him? (Of course not!) Can he be trusted? (At this point, you have NO idea) .

Meeting someone one time is no indicator of their future behavior. Trust your instincts. If you're asking the question...your gut is telling you to be cautious.

You can politely refuse...just be honest. Tell him you need to know him better before he picks you up at home. If he's a good guy, he'll completely understand - If he argues, I'd be concerned!!
 kewlpeeps
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 7
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 11/30/2007 10:11:13 PM
Your being paranoid
 rowdysheis
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 8
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 11/30/2007 10:20:25 PM
I guess I must be old-fashioned. If a man wants to pick me up for a date, that's fine by me. I remember when it was the norm, and it hasn't been that many years ago. I don't understand all the fuss about not having the man pick you up. Ok, on the first meeting, I get it, but on subsequent dates, what is the point of avoiding it. If he's going to attack you in his car, he can just follow you home and do it. Same with robbery. I think people are getting overly paranoid about this. Or maybe I'm just being a Pollyanna.
 becca210
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 9
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 11/30/2007 10:33:22 PM
I think that every person has to establish their own rules. Meeting in public place makes perfect sense for the 1st date.....but after that I would be perfectly ok with being picked up at my home. But that is ME. I have been thru the 70's/80's when it was nothing for people to meet in a bar and hook up before the night was over. Those are the same people that warned me about internet dating.....dah!!
I feel that most of us....35+ at least, have enough intuition to feel what is right...you know your town, your neighborhood......and especially what is expected behavior for you. Certainly if you have children rules might be different.
At my age, I feel that if I can't trust myself to make the right decision....I should get out of the dating environment altogether. So far my instincts have been right..no bad experiences.
Sometimes, it is great to just be able to enjoy another's company in the quiet of your own home...free to discuss what comes up without outside influences. And as far as what happens later..that has to be your decision as well. We are grownups!!
Becca
 southernlass
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 10
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 11/30/2007 10:34:28 PM
Funnynsweet, it depends on how well you've done your due dilligence. Have you checked him out at all? Did you get a copy of his driver's license via email? He can scan it in, you know, so that you're sure of who you're going out with. Do you have his home telephone number and home address? Have you verified those?

If you haven't checked the guy out, then yes, it's too soon to be getting into his vehicle alone just you and he. Keep your dates public for a while. And always make sure your girlfriend or a family member knows his name and at least some identifying information about him, (car license plate number), along with your plans for the evening. This is often referred to as a "safe call." You check in with someone a couple times during the evening and this often happens for several dates with someone new whom you don't know well in person.

There is nothing paranoid about safety. These days these kinds of actions could literally save your life.
 Ls1
Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 11
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:16:11 AM
If it's a first meet or date it's not a good idea to have him pick you up or come over to your place. Once you get a few hours of talking and being with him on a date, he's willing to tell you anything you want to know and you get a good feeling about him then go with it.
Assume he's a good, honerable guy unless you feel he's otherwise in which case don't see him again.

What you don't do is continue to mistrust him and treat him as if he's some kind of criminal or sex offender......like some of the women here are suggesting.
And I can't believe some of you would even suggest IDing him...what's next....fingerprints, a background check from the police ?
If you do continue to mistrust him for no reason he's gonna think your paranoid
I know I would.
And yes a few men you can't trust but there are also women I would'nt trust....it was like that 50 years ago and it'll be like that 50 years from now.
If you want a 100% gaurantee that you will never have a date turn out to be a creep then don't ever date.
It's just like everything else in life, if you want to live it.
 finneganne
Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 12
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:21:44 AM
Always listen to your inner voice. If you meet him for a date - then you can be relaxed and get to know him. If you let him pick you up, you will be uncomfortable and wondering if he is going to rape and murder you - and worse case scenario he does. Don't ever let someone tell you that you are being silly. Many a not silly woman has ended up raped and/or murdered. Just because you had a face-to-face meeting once doesn't mean you know him.\

{"If he's going to attack you in his car, he can just follow you home and do it. "}

In his car, he's got more control. He can drive you to a deserted area and kill you. He can dump you off somewhere if you argue or don't get along, and then you will have to find your way home. True, he could follow you home and you should make sure to have your keys out and ready or even have some friends at home waiting for you if you don't have a roommate. But that is less likely than if he already knew where you lived because he picked you up. If someone is going to rape, they are going to do it anyway, but you don't have to be their victim. Making things a little harder for them will put them into going after someone else instead. Doing things because it was okay in the olden days, etc, is just not going to work these days. It's not back then, it's now. And even back then, women were raped and murdered. Open your eyes, be aware of your surroundings and be careful who you date and how you date.
 Ls1
Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 13
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:40:11 AM
Nothing like giving a girl encouragement there .......finneganne

It would appear according to some women here that it's simply too dangerous to date.
So don't do it.
The safest thing is .....stay home, but even then your not safe.
A rapist could come through a window.......get a bodygaurd.

 finneganne
Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 14
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 3:12:00 AM
Nothing like giving a girl encouragement there .......finneganne

It would appear according to women here that it's simply too dangerous to date.
So don't do it.
The safest thing is .....stay home, but even then your not safe.
A rapist could come through a window.......get a bodygaurd.


That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying be careful. It's not too dangerous to date, it's too dangerous to be an idiot. People on here are strangers. You need to take time to get to know them. Date rape is real, it does happen to people - even people who know their attacker through school or work or other areas and not just from the net. Yes rapists can and do come through window. While you can't have a bodyguard, you can have good locks, an alarm system, a dog, etc.

Something like 1/3 of women are sexually assaulted in the USA. Maybe this is something men can't understand because they don't have to think about it as much. Unfortunately violence against women occurs more than anyone would like to think. Number one killer of pregnant women in the USA? The father of their baby.

I agree with Southernlass on all accounts as well. If you have the means to do it, check someone out. Always let someone know who you are with and where you are going, and when you will be home.
 Tiva42
Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 15
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 3:15:48 AM
We have these feelings for a purpose, do not let anyone pick you up that you do not feel completely safe with. I have found in life, my feeling are usually right. If I am wrong I am still safe, if he is a true gentleman, he will understand. Explain it to him if he questions you and his reaction will tell you a lot about him.
 Wrinkledstockings
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 16
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 4:27:56 AM
It's not about 'rules' but about how comfortable you feel. If you prefer to meet on neutral territory just say so. If he kicks up a fuss, you have your answer.
Though I have to say I have broken all the 'rules' for many years now with never a problem. Maybe I have just been lucky.
You can always compromise if you don't want him to know your house by meeting him in the locality.
In fact rape/murder are less on my mind than that he might turn out to be a sad stalker. Also, if I have my own transport, I am more independent and free to cut and run. Not because he is a mad axe murderer but because it just isn't working!
 isobella1958
Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 17
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 4:40:38 AM
I wouldn't have a problem with it, however, i would ask him for the registration number of his car and arrange for my friends to call me during the date...
There is always the first time you will get into someone's car, a first date, second
third or fouth, you have to follow your instincts.
 The Brunette Bombshell
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 18
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 4:41:41 AM
DO NOT let anyone that you have just met from the internet know where you live, work, pick you up at home or know anything personal about you! it is for your own safety. You need to get to know someone a few months before you let them into your personal/private life. I use to mention where I worked to people I talked to on here and after having some guys show up at my work to give me a hard time I have learned to keep my private life private. hopefully it will not take a bad experience for more women to learn to put safety as number 1.
 ActiveGirl16
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 19
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Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 4:44:18 AM
funnynsweet,
You are NOT being paranoid. Go with your instinct, meet in public places for the first few dates, especially if this is a total stranger from the internet. You could arrange for an after work date and say you were coming straight from work. But if you have any doubts, don't go! I once had someone ask to meet me at an upscale restaurant that was closed for the winter, in an area where most of the other businesses were also seasonal and closed - big red flag Because I was new to the area, I think he might have thought I wouldn't know the place was closed and his plan was to get me to the dark empty parking lot.
 princej3822
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 20
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Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 4:57:48 AM
This is a no brainer...............never let some stranger to your home, meet in a public place. Why put yourself in a compromising situation. It doesn't matter how 'nice' a guy may seem, you just never know what they are capable of.
 Ls1
Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 21
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 4:58:18 AM
I believe dating works both ways......not one.
And folks
Were not talking the first meet or date here but what happens beyond that.

And if as I already mentioned the previous date went really well then it's time to start showing a little bit of trust.
Just remember .....guys have feelings too.
There's been a couple times a few years ago where I did date a woman a few times with out knowing where she lived only to find out later she had a husband and kids waiting at home for her.
So....after a date or two and we hit it off I'm going to want to know as much about her as she's going to about me. Except rather than from a view of mistrust
(like what I'm seeing here) it's because I'm interested in her.
And it can be fun.
If she continues to be secretive or distant then I'm going to start wondering what's wrong.
Mind you by then it's a moot point cause mistrust will kill any chemistry there was in that first date or two.
And if there is'nt any chemistry then you probably won't have to worry about another date.
There is an exception......if she has children at home, there's no need for her to introduce a new man to them until she knows the relationship is going somewhere.
And any decent guy will understand.

Also......do any of you understand the difference between a "new man" and a "stranger"

And getting back to the OP sounds to me like she's having second thoughts about dating this guy again anyways.
 poly_p
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 22
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 5:36:39 AM
Trust your instincts.

You're not being paranoid, as at least one responder suggested.

You can do what ever you feel comfortable. If you'd rather meet him in a public place, tell him so. If he gets offended, then that's _his_ issue, not yours, and you might want to reconsider dating him.
 msgreentree
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 23
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 5:41:49 AM
trust your intuition!!! there's no need to "politely" refuse. just let your feelings be known - say what you want; i.e."i'd rather meet you there"
 bosox0407
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 24
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 5:46:10 AM
My advice....Hopefully by now you have a small idea how he feels about certain issues. I ALWAYS tell a woman this: You do whatever makes YOU feel safe and comfortable.Your concerns are greater than mine,so I'll follow your lead until such a time as you have a little faith that i'm not some kind of whatever.That bieng said I remember dating many years ago and It was EXPECTED that I would pick my date up.I would say it was considered to be part of chivilrous behavior.People wonder why "chivilry is dead".It's really much more difficult to be chivilrous when we live in a society that goes out of it's way to prevent it.I understand Ladies have to be safe but does our society have to be SO paranoid? Women can be stalkers,psychos,crazies and criminals too.So what do I do? I'll tell you....I take the same risks that the ladies take,everytime I go "meet" someone from the online dating site!
 koolest_aunt
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 25
Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 5:52:00 AM
Good Grief, if you don't trust the man, why are you going on a date with him? If you haven't learned enough thru phone conversations, and during the first meeting/date, to feel comfortable with him, then what possible appeal can there be to see him another time? Maybe I'm being naive, or showing my age, coz Lord knows, it used to be the polite thing to do for the man to pick the woman up at her door. Truly, at this point, it is about how you are feeling about him. He already has enough info to be able to find you if he has evil intentions.
If your intuition is saying that you don't want him to know where you live, then do both of you a favor, and just don't go out with him again, until/if/when you feel that comfort level.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Second date and he wants to pick me up but....