| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 11:06:10 AM | | The girl i am dating said i love you on the fifth date.Too soon?She also suggested a 2 week vacation next spring.I would prefer a slower pace and i said to her to slow down because i know myself that i can't fall in love that quick?I get the feeling that she is needy,i like her but she doesn't know me how could she love me? | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 11:15:06 AM |
The girl i am dating said i love you on the fifth date
And how many dates ago was the 5th date?
You never said what you told her after she said that... she loved you.
It sounds to me like its not going to progress ( on your part ) so perhaps you need to sit down and tell HER these things. At least before she reads it here or somewhere else. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 11:18:14 AM | Well, that would be "too soon" for me too; I'd be uncomfortable for the same reasons you are. Then again, how can we judge someone else's feelings and reasoning?
I'm inclined to acknowledge your feelings to her; indicate it is early days yet, and you don't want to get ahead of each other. Stay with the now of it, enjoy each other and the sense of discovery and exploration and see how the feelings continue to develop as you get to know each other better.
The thing is, it always does work out one way or the other, doesn't it? So, there really is no point to getting worried about it or trying to force it one way or the other... you'll know whether it is right for both of you in the fullness of time. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 11:19:12 AM | she isn't someone you should keep seeing, generally if your going to be wanting to slow it down, thats not the person for you.
tell her you already made vaction plans and stop calling her so much, she will have no option other than to go slower.
your reply to: I love you...
bet you tell all the guys you meet that......... and then ..........change the subject. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 11:19:13 AM | I FEEL YOUR PAIN BUT YOURE NOT TO BLAME
men,by their nature,are what i call `commitmentphobic`,waht you are afraid of is that if you tell her you love her,it will show emotional commitment.
in fact,she is just being open and honest,did you thank her?
hope this helps
john | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 12:01:41 PM | Wouldn't it be great if both parties in a relationship felt exactly the same things at the exact same times? It sure would help in deciphering where each one was at!
Sadly though, that's not how it goes unless you're very very very lucky.
I'd say her pronouncement should be of concern, but not a deal breaker by any means. She may, in fact, be feeling more for you right now than you feel in return, but that doesn't mean it's wrong on her part... you're just not where she is.
Now, if she's pushing to set a date for the marriage or starts rattling off future kids names, then I'd be more worried. Until that happens, be glad that she's feeling great things for you right now and that only time will tell if you'll feel them for her.
Bluezzz | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 12:06:11 PM | | I think the 5th date is somewhat early to say I love you. In the past few months, I've had experiences with 2 different guys say I love you, very early on..... within the first 2 dates, and I ended both situations as I felt it was a way too soon and felt suffocated as a result. I prefer things to develop a little more slowly. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 12:14:55 PM | There must a reason why she feels comfortable enough to share her feelings with you like that, without fear of rejection. And you haven't divulged what your response was to her. Could it be you replied likewise?
You say she's talking about the two of you taking a two week vacation in the spring. Sounds to me like she considers you and her to be an exclusive dating couple.
She must be feeling quite sure of your feelings, to come up with that so soon into it.
I take things have progressed very quickly for both of you.
Perhaps time to replace the " single" status on your profie to " not single/ not looking".
The last thing you want to do boost her hopes sky- high as well her expectations, only see then come crashing down.
That wouldn't be a favourable comment on your character. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 12:22:31 PM | i wonder if you two have slept together yet. if so, then it could easily be explained that she sees sex as love....and you might have been so lovely to her so far (whether you slept together or not), that she has strong feelings for you, so has expressed them.
remember, loving someone is really expressing that one feels love internally.....something in you has set off her love in her. it does not necessarily mean she is needy at all....simply that she is a loving person.
and also, don't be so sure she doesn't know you yet on some levels. some women (actually many women and some men also :) are incredibly intuitive.
if, on the other hand, you feel she is not being really authentic with expressing her love for you, then it's wise to talk with her to learn how and why she said this.
she might be one that uses the words 'i love you' very casually. it could just be semantics, honestly. unfortunately, as we can see by all the many 'meaning of love' threads here, practically everybody has a different view of what love means to them. it's amazing anyone agrees on it at all! | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 12:46:05 PM | 5th date huh..when was that? If it was last week, way too soon.
If it was 2 to 3 months ago that's a different story.You might want to
do some introspection.As far as the vacation you are dating, go have a good time.
See what happens? JMO. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 12:50:16 PM | i wonder if you two have slept together yet. if so, then it could easily be explained that she sees sex as love....
I wondered the same thing. I really do not think you can put a time table on some one's emmotions though. Only you can tell what is too early. She really put herself out there though saying the words first and kind of got rebuffed. If she took that in stride I'd be slightly more worried. If she is worth going out with five times, she probly worth trying to work through this issue with though. Just set your bounderies and go from there.
I also agree with Drm. Length of the relationship not just the number of offical dates is an issue. You might want to try a trip but i'd start with a weekend. LOL.
joe | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 12:54:51 PM | | I agree the 5th date is too soon to say I Love You I always let the guy lead. I have found that men like it that way. I have been seeing a guy now for a few months and he told me after the 2nd week that I came across to strong and to fast but he was making all the dates so I backed way off now its him that’s coming across fast and strong. he did telll me he loved me first. but I like it so it worked out for us. Maybe your girl will back off too so you can get to know her a little better | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 1:09:01 PM | | It's too soon. Real love takes time to grow. The first feelings are usually lust and that generally wears off. Take your time and she should take hers. People who rush things tend to fall in love over and over and often with the wrong people. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 1:17:31 PM | Am I the only woman that believes in love at first sight, It may be to soon for you to hear those three little words ,so tell her to slow down, but yes I definately believe she its possible for her to love you , im an old romantic | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 1:24:08 PM | Its a shame that anyone puts a time frame on love...it is an emotion & there fore mostly unpredictable... It can happen at any time (just as easily as lust)...
Do you put such time lines on your other emotions, such as, say fear... I can hear it now... oh some guy's coming at me with a knife but I think its too soon to be afraid right now... I'll give it at least a month first... Or sadness, my dog died but I think feeling sad about it should take at least a year then I'll really feel it... I know these are a different set of emotions but emotions none the less - she very well could feel true love for you at this point, but the real question is, do you?
If you guys aren't on the same page yet, then communicate to see if you two are able to check out the same book at least...
Best of luck,
cata | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:14:01 PM | the guy I was dating sayed Ilove you too soon . but he sayed it like i am falling inlove with you then hesayed I know I love you . it was 3 weeks intpo relationship about after the 10th date or seing each other he wanted to sleep with me he sayed it was aseriousrelationship for him andthats whthe thought it was in his head .he left after the 5th week I WAS crushed I thas been about2 months and I am still thinkingof him I have dated but it hurts when guys lye . by that time I did and had fallen in love with him . I really did but how can some one who loves you just get up andsay goodby for no reason. he always said it didnt matter if I worked or wasatay at home mom . he has money and now more because he has 2 jobs . well my 8 year old daughter isso sad she thoughtthe world of him and had so much fun with him . I just was what he wantd and all ofa sudden I was not . H e told me his parents respect and hisdaughter were moe important .I said how come we cant all be important in his life .he said we are through . I was so upset he couldnt handle a successful realtionship . I have been in a realationship similar in past with a man who was so successful but himself he didnt think he deserved all the success adn blessing that came to him he kept telling people this and he killed himself at 37 years young . I was devastated and now have to raise mine and his daughter alone.I wish guys wouldnt freak out especially ift here profile says they want long term and mariage . why keep contridicting themselves saying they want a certain realationship and not really wanting that kind of realtionship. so when a man says he does and then he doesnt he doesnt with you or I have learned he doesnt want me he wants something else or someone else and I was used until he decided wht he wanted .I dont like that being used until he figures what he really wnts one guy sayed weight didnt matter but it really did to him so I lost wieght and alot and he still left . now I am not an ugly girl I am not a barbie either . I used to be younger and I GUESS my wrinkles show it but still I am being hounded by young guys because they want a n older woman . I think they just fantasise being with one and then getting one they really want a younger girl . but sometimes they say no no thatis not true . well I WISH GUYS wouldnt play the games . they are always complaining about us  its snowing here and im going to go outside now and make a snowman have a great day every one . | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:18:34 PM | dear op, i saw your post here, but it's gone now and i suspect what you revealed in it has come to the attention of the loving female you are speaking of here....and if so, she may not be so loving now if she feels her privacy has been invaded....
i guess if any of my above thoughts are true, i think it's a reminder that these forums are totally open to the public - anyone in the world can read them, not just members on this site (though they say millions around the world are members!).
so my thoughts are it's fine if we want to talk about ourselves and ask advice about our own behavior, but the minute we use the forums to consult the public about someone else's without their 'permission', then we're breaking some sort of code of honor and respect and privacy.
i hope things are going to be ok. i hope she's not too upset. and if your intention was to cool things off, then it's quite possible you have succeeded. | |
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MTM80
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Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 18 | |
| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:22:20 PM | Great topic! I've had this conversation before and my thoughts have always been, if you feel it, say it! No person is guaranteed tomorrow and you never know how many opportunities you may have.
For all the women that put these time tables on this, I have one question? Where is the rule book? For anyone to say its not right because its too soon, well that would be saying that your way of looking at it is the only right way. Kind of sounds really judgemental and close minded ladies. Maybe its not right for you but its right for someone else, lets accept that, people are different, there is no right or wrong.
Here's a strange concept, instead of trying to pick someone apart because they show feelings, appreciate the fact that someone would say that to you. Thats not saying that you have to have the same feelings back when its said, but where is your right to judge?
Too many women have this scenario of how things should go, so it looks like that movie they saw or that romance novel they read. How about living in the present and your real life and be more open minded to how things play out, instead of boxing yourself into "It can only happen this way" I have found that usually people like this are very close minded, judgemental, and selfish in many ways.
Too many people act out of fear or what they think society might think! Never be afraid of saying "I Love You", because the right person that hears it won't judge you no matter when its said! | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:31:51 PM | Well, some guys do want it. until they’ve got it. then, they realize that it wasn’t what they wanted. This doesn’t necessarily mean that anyone’s lying, men (and women) are pretty good at fooling themselves.
………..
When is ‘too soon?’ I dunno and I’m not sure if it should be an issue. Do you love her? Could you love her? Do you want to find out? There’s a whole lot of stuff packed into that little phrase – I love you. You need to make up your mind on this one and do it fast. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 3:45:05 PM | I think saying I love you after 5 dates is too early - it's usually lust, excitement & happiness but not love!
I think people throw the word 'love' around to freely - love is the 'everything' not just the beginning in my opinion.
Oh & never say it back unless you really mean it, as that will cause all sorts of probems if you don't!
Good luck.
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 4:10:21 PM | I wouldn't tell someone I loved them unless I really meant it and even if I did love them I would seldom tell them. If you say you love someone too often it loses it's meaning and value.
I'm all for a girl planning things and taking things fast so to speak but I do feel uncomfortable if she tells me she loves me after the second or third date! | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 4:11:09 PM | | I agree that 5 dates is probably too soon, but we also don't know how long you two have been talking to each other and what the time frame of those 5 dates was in. With the guy I've been seeing for almost a month we entered into that weird stage where we want to say something like that but don't. I know for me the feeling comes and goes. I have moments where I feel like "wow, this guy is wonderful" and the others where I'm just totaly not sure and so I still am looking around a little bit. We say silly things... like "I like you" after tender moments. The other night he said to me "I think you're neat" in place of what felt like an "I love you" moment. I have too many doubts though to call those feelings love. I need to know that he thinks of me in the right ways before I'm willing to go all the way there. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 4:29:32 PM | | It's not too soon for her to say it just because it's too soon for you to hear it. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 5:29:44 PM | We don't always mean I love you forever lets marry now! I've told someone I loved them quickly in a relationship but then explained that it was more of the- friend- love that may or may not develop into something else.
And sometimes you just know...im sorry- yell at me if you want but sometimes it doesn't take someone years to know. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 5:40:56 PM | I think you are on to something with the "needy" comment OP.
She may truly think that she is in love with you, but you need to slow things down if you are not ready to take things to the "L" level...especially if you are feeling smothered already.
Be open with her about your feelings. That is usually the best way to keep everything in the relationship on an even keel. | |
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