| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/4/2007 12:18:17 PM | My first time was with one of my older brother's long time friends. Yah. It was a high school girl's fantasy come true: being with an older boy who's always over at your house because of your brother anyways. It was quite the adventure until it got down to the straight and narrow. It was just sex with a crush.
But virginity didn't mean much to mean. For me it was just something in the way of growing up. Sex was something I wanted to know about and I couldn't wait.
As for sex before marriage... I believe it's a must. How could you possibly gamble on your sex life with a lifelong partner? Once I am married, I plan on staying married, so I can't leave such an opening to unhappiness within my marriage. This is just what I believe.
What do the rest of you think? | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/4/2007 12:25:11 PM | | means nothing to me dont care when you have sex the first time ..im sure you thought it was the right thing to do ...at the time...what i care about is after we make a commitment... before we were dosent mater when or with who ...or how many...the us starts when we say i love you ..in agreement | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/4/2007 12:56:00 PM | I waited for love. It was worth it to me, and I don't regret it-- it was what I wanted to do.
I always intended to wait until I fell in love... I never questioned that.
I also have always believed that it's a must before marriage. With the divorce rate at 50% +- ... why take the change that ANY part of the relationship wouldn't fit?
I wouldn't marry someone that I hadn't lived with before either-- I know from experience that moving in together can DRASTICALLY change the relationship.
The point of marriage for me has always been, "I really like this relationship, and I want to keep it forever" --- but without giving 2 of the major factors of "forever" a go, I don't see how you can know for sure. Especially in this era where so many of the things that kept marriages together historically don't exist.... | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/4/2007 1:00:53 PM | I had one partner before I got married, I was 17 and it was with a bf I loved very much. I don't regret it.
When I met my hubby we decided we wanted tow ait to have sex till we were married. We did do other things, so it wasn't a complete suprise...but we didn't have actual penetrative sex till our wedding night.
Fact was, I knew my hubby well enough to know that he would want to do EVERYTHING he could to please me, and I him...so inevitably the sex was going to be great...once we got practiced up of course :) And it IS fabulous...even now almost 7 years later 
SO I guess the moral of my story is...it's ok to wait. It's ok to not wait. What's important is that you respect your partner enough to be honest with them and with yourself about what you did/do/will do, and to NOT pressure the person you love to do things that they don't want to do. | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/4/2007 1:05:07 PM |
Be honest. You want to screw before your married because you can't wait.
Well, yah. I said in my first post that I couldn't wait. Virginity isn't as big an issue for me as it is for some people--while I do respect this difference in beliefs, I would rather have one less problem to deal with within my future marriage.
But really though--I'm not bashing other people's choices, I just wonder why sometimes. | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/4/2007 1:17:09 PM | SweetSarah, while I agree with you about affection and love being a propelling factor in good sex with your partner, there are so many natural obstacles when it comes to sex in the first place.
The first guy I was ever with, while I didn't love him or hold any kind of particular affection for him, the chemistry was shocking. And in my previous long term relationship, the sex was great, but it took a while to achieve the mind-blowing type of experience I once had. And even then the miracle sex didn't happen often for us--just once in a while. While I didn't have excitement in that relationship, it was still comforting.
I suppose what I'm trying to say that is our bodies are somewhat in control of us when it comes to natural attraction. There are just people you meet that you are helplessly drawn to without a clear reason. I've often been oddly drawn to people I would never consider having a relationship with.
But maybe that's just me..? | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/4/2007 5:34:45 PM | leaffan: Thank you so much for pinning down that reasoning. I want to wait for sex, since I can become completely blinded, and don't think with my mind when I am sexually involved. Sex is not a toy, or a tool, and was to be enjoyed, specifically, between a husband and wife.
1SweetSarah: Respect for your partner's wishes, and keeping in mind their needs, all play roles. Thanks. | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/4/2007 7:00:22 PM | Nothing is more over rated than virginity.
Nobody needs a stick-in-the-eye and avoiding a stick-in-the-eye is pretty easy.
Avoiding sex is also pretty easy, it's not a great accomplishment.
There is nothing virtuous about virginity.
There is a lot virtuous about maintaining good relationships which include sex. | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/4/2007 7:06:47 PM | | I couldn't wait to loose my virginity - but it had to be the right guy at the right time - it was and I married him and remained with him over 25 years. The first time was an extremely wonderful experience and I think that is why I have a healthy attitude towards sex and sexuality! I never would have married him, or my new husband now, without a 'test drive' - because I would not want to be with someone the rest of my life with a terrible lover - someone who repulsed me in bed! A healthy sex life is very important! | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/4/2007 7:33:08 PM | My first time was a while ago now. It meant nothing to me. Before I lost it I always wondered what the big deal was. Then I realized it was nothing special.
Sex before marriage? It depends on the person. I think its stupid cause it makes the relationship boring for me if theres no sex. Sorry I need sex to stay in it or else theres no point to the relationship. | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/4/2007 8:19:34 PM | I didn't wait to lose it to the right person because i saw an opportunity that, at the time, was the only one available for a long time. I didn't regret it. I think i would have regretted it more if i just said "nah, i'll wait for miss right"...
...cause then i would be still a virgin if i waited. She (Miss Right) has yet to come. And it wasn't a big deal to lose it anyway.
life lesson : regret nothing. move forward at all times | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/4/2007 8:20:48 PM |
As for sex before marriage... I believe it's a must.
It is pretty much a must before even any kind of meaningful commitment. Having fun and healthy sex is a major part of what I want out of a relationship and I am not going to sacrifice that just because she has a great personality and likes to dance. | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/5/2007 7:28:09 AM |
Which is pretty much the same as saying you are "nothing special". I would hope a women who gives herself fully and completely for the first time gives it to someone special and feels special while giving it. If it is nothing special and no big deal then you don't think much of your self as it is your self that you are giving.
That's a pretty traditional explanation. So we are all just virginities? There's nothing else to us? So what happens when a girl is raped? Has the rapist stolen all of her being? How is a rape victim supposed to recover, ever?
My virginity was nothing special TO ME, either. It doesn't mean that I don't have self-respect--I simply believe I have more to offer as a person than just my virginity. Such things like inner strength, sense of humor and intelligence.
And why only a woman? What about a man's virginity? Why is that not as "special" as a woman's? Why is that "experienced" men are generally more desirable than "experienced" women? Why do men get props for having all that sexual experience of how to please a woman while a woman gets frowned upon for letting too many buns in her oven?
Sexual knowledge and experience is something I've always wanted to excel at. Yet this pursuit has always been traditionally attributed to men rather than women, like fire fighting.
But it's always interesting to hear what people really think of virginity. Everyone has different perspectives, but it doesn't make one wrong and the other right. | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/5/2007 7:58:11 AM |
You are now married. The sex isn't quite what you thought on your first night. Is this a challenge or a deal breaker?
Depends on how sexually incompatible you are. It's unreasonable to expect instant compatibility even if both of you are highly sexually experienced.
However, if one person finds they are only into hardcore bondage, and the other only gets turned on by soft toys, there isn't likely to be a lot of common ground to build on. Even worse, you could find out that one of you is gay (it really does happen. Granted, for many people some level of compatibility can be found, but there's a difference between that and being properly satisfied).
Only foolish people rush into life changing activities without considering all the angles. Sex, children, health, work etc are things that must be decided on *before* you marry.
It also depends on the person. For some people sex is key to a relationship, to others it isn't. Neither point of view is wrong, but you must match yourself up with someone with the same needs. | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/5/2007 10:07:03 AM | I attached way too much to my first sex partner and stayed with her well beyond reason. I stayed with her even after she cheated on me early-on with some people I introduced her to. I spent a decade of my life with her on and off, married for three of those years and finally divorced. I never could love her after what she did, yet I felt like I had to prove something.
Then I got sober and learned to love myself. I've had some very pleasant situations and relationships with women who are actually worthy of me and who I didn't settle for out of desperation or because I was unconscious.
I still don't know what was truly wrong with me back then or why I put myself through that. I guess I just didn't realize that there were other women out there. She was my first and I felt like I had to "keep" her for the sex. It was a very bad chapter of my life.
I was raised reading too much meaning and value to sex, very old fashioned, judeo-christian values. I was also practically raised like an only child. Lots of shame and all sorts of nonsense associated with sex too. I also knew what it was very young, found my brothers stash of playboys when I was something like 10 yrs old. I believe I was masturbating at a young age also. I wanted it for a very long time, never really knowing anything about how to get it. Then one night I got drunk and made my move.
I still value sex and don't take it lightly, however I can handle a one night stand and be okay with just leaving it at that. I still prefer long-term over instant gratification, though. Some people are commitment phobic, I used to be the opposite of that, way, way opposite of it.
Mike | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/5/2007 10:21:27 AM | | Yes very true some are commitment phobic. I know guys like that. I'm not one of those people I just need time to be myself without the hassle of a boyfriend. Considering my emotional state is messed up I'm truly not ready for anything in the romantic sence. For those who can handle that end of life great power to ya but for the ones who don't handle it well don't be hard on yourselfs. Be happy you know what you want in life. | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/5/2007 11:03:41 AM |
As for sex before marriage... I believe it's a must. How could you possibly gamble on your sex life with a lifelong partner? Once I am married, I plan on staying married, so I can't leave such an opening to unhappiness within my marriage. This is just what I believe.
Have we all lost our morral compass? Like is it completely gone? Pre-marital sex is immoral. Its not a must, its a must-not. | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/5/2007 11:07:36 AM | | While I understand the desire for perfect compatibility, I sometimes think people have lost sight of the significance of plain old simple LOVE, and focus too narrowly on what pleasures a partner can provide to them. Have you ever fallen in love with someone BEFORE you had sex with them? What then? I don't have a problem with people having sex before marriage (I certainly didn't wait) but I guess it’s the seeming ABSOLUTE IMPORTANCE of kicking the tires makes me just a little uneasy. Committing to a lover ain't exactly like buying a car ya know (at least to me). And that car, as smooth it runs today, isn't gonna be, or feel, the same in 5-7 years (7 yr itch?). Some younger people may not realize that people change over time, even sexually. Lives become hectic. Outside stresses, careers, children, etc., etc. can interfere. I guess I'm just a little naive and idealistic but I just think that if the parties truly care DEEPLY for each other, MOST sexual issues are manageable. Don't take my word for it though. I know the times have changed, and I've had exactly ONE sexual partner in my life. We waited around 1 1/2 yrs or so before engaging, were both virgins, and at least initially (we were both very young) 'it' frankly wasn't all that great. Over time however, our pleasure only grew more intense and satisfying. In fact we lived on that alone for the last few years of an almost 40 yr relationship. Believe it or not, sometimes there are even bigger fish to fry in a relationship than sex. | |
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| First time; And What Does/Did Virginity Mean To You.. Sex Before Marriage: A Must
Posted: 12/5/2007 11:21:08 AM | | See... look at this. You all have no self-control. Im almost 20. I am a proud virgin and I am waiting until marriage. You people lack patience which is one of the most important thing for a successful relationship. Pre-marital sex is a want for those with no self-control. Its a must not for people who are patient and have morals. | |
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