| | When she is sick, do you disappear?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | I`ve noticed with alot of men, that if their lady friend is a bit under the weather, let`s say a cold, the flu, nothing major, they get all squeamish as soon as they know you are sick, and you don`t hear from them. You get a call, well, uh, call me when you are feeling better. No phone calls, no drop in to see if they can bring you something? They fall off the face of the earth and seem to freak out. Some even get pissed off and mad that you dare get sick, and think you are just trying to be babied or get attention. It seems like a total over reaction to a very minor fact of life. Everyone gets sick now and then, not a big deal to me. You stop by, ask them how you can help because you care about them and in a few days you are better. I know not all guys do this, but I have noticed it. Why such an adverse reaction? Also, if you do like being with the woman, wouldn`t it make sense to show a slight bit of concern? Wouldn`t this amount of coldness make you think you may be jeopardizing your friendship? Please explain? | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 1:26:00 PM |
I`ve noticed with alot of men, that if their lady friend is a bit under the weather, let`s say a cold, the flu, nothing major, they get all squeamish as soon as they know you are sick, and you don`t hear from them. You get a call, well, uh, call me when you are feeling better. No phone calls, no drop in to see if they can bring you something? They fall off the face of the earth and seem to freak out.
Use this to your advantage.
If you don't feel like having her around just ....*cough cough*..."uh i'm not feeling so well... ugh... i'm gonna just stay home and drink this cup of skiing... um um.. i mean 'tea'... and hot nurse myself back to health... uh.. i mean sexy nurse...um...i mean NURSE myself back to health!!!! *cough cough*...
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 2:10:46 PM | | I'm more of a caregiver person by nature.... So I'm not the type to 'disappear'. Go to bed......or lay on the couch...go to sleep...or turn the t.v. on.....I'll be in the kitchen making the soup........ | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 2:13:41 PM | | If I'm not feeling well, have a cold or the flu . . .no way do I even want my man to see me like that . . .it's not pretty . . . plus then he might catch my cold and I'd have to go take care of him and make him homemade soup! (cuz, I'm like that!) | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 2:18:54 PM | | If my woman is feeling under the weather, I will go to her.. just so I can catch it. I'm a freaking mutant with my immunity. while I'm there... I would also take good care of her. | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 2:25:10 PM |
Also, if you do like being with the woman, wouldn`t it make sense to show a slight bit of concern? Wouldn`t this amount of coldness make you think you may be jeopardizing your friendship? Please explain?
When I'm sick I prefer to be alone with a few movies on DVD and a warm pot of tea. I'd rather not have someone seeing me looking lousy. So I tend to give people space when they are sick. | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 2:30:10 PM | I'm with Golconda on this one...when I am sick, I want to be left alone. Not because of how I look (if you can't accept me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best)...but because I FEEL lousy.
If I am sick the only thing I want to do is sleep. Period. | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 2:35:41 PM | Disappear? Probably not. I might even bring over some chicken soup (it's in the freezer already), and warm it up for her. I've done it before with friends who were sick- why not with someone closer than just friend too?
On the other hand- I'm not a mind reader so she'd have to tell me that she's not feeling well and could use some TLC. Lost a really good friend that way- she never said anything about being sick but expected me to "just know" when she wasn't well... [sigh] She was a great friend too- miss her lots (except for the stubborn streak). | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 3:01:32 PM | Each person is different. Some people want to be left alone, some people want TLC. Some people want to be nursed back to health and others want someone to yell at cause they are angry for being sick.
The key is to communicate what you need and provide it. Nobody is a mind reader. You also have to be realistic on who you are with. If he is not a TLC type of guy then why expect it? If he throws up at the notion of throwing up or faints when he sees blood then he probably won't be a good person to nurse you back to health.
And by all means, if he does make the effort and it is not 100% up to your expectations that still should be celebrated and not berated. I have seen too many men and women chastise their significant others for not doing things to their lofty expectations.
I think in your situation he is seeing things from his own perspectives based on what he likes to have happen when he is sick. He likes to be left alone so he is thinking you want the same thing since no communication to the contrary has occurred. | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 3:05:57 PM | Those are substandard men.
I stood by my girl, including staying overnight in the hospital with her when they would let me, right up to when they kicked me out of the ICU on what was so far the worst night of my life.
...and I am squeamish as hell and hate hospitals. | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 3:07:48 PM | | It seems to me you are'nt very choosy in the men you pick,no REAL man will treat you like that if he really cares for you,I know I would be there until you told me to leave. | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 3:15:21 PM | ive always stuck around and made sure they were taken care of....but i also let them be unless i was needed. while most men (me included) are total babies when we get sick,seems to me women just wanna be left alone when they're not feeling well. | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 3:23:59 PM | | I don't mind nursing a sweetie when she's under the weather. But I am a dad, I get practice at things like being a target of projected vomit and stuff. I just don't want to get sick myself. | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 3:33:00 PM | | My first wife was terminally ill for the last 3 years of our marriage. I doubt the sniffles are going to bother me all that much. | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 4:06:44 PM | Unless my presence isn't desired, count on me being around. I've never seen that as a problem, and it's part of the package. It goes both ways, and it's one of those good things about relationships.
It's not all about those "Harlequin" moments, for people who are really in love. | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 4:27:48 PM | OP...I think you need to let them know if you want them around. I am with the group that wants to be left alone to rest and recover. I don't like to be babied and when someone is in my home, I feel I need to be a good hostess (too much stress when you are sick).
Just call him and ask him to stop by to "cheer you up a little." Then he will know it is okay to visit and he may even bring soup or make some at your house. | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 5:40:19 PM | It might be because a lot of women complain that they are independent, and "don't need a man to look after them". Men don't want to get blamed for helping you when you need it.
Personally, I enjoy looking after someone I care about. Gives me a heck of a kick. | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 6:03:37 PM | Being the gentleman that I am......I would brew up some herbal tea and offer to rub some Vicks on your chest to help you breathe better!  | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 6:28:16 PM | Sometimes it depends on the nature of the relationship, if its one where everytime you get together something sexual is going on - the guy might make himself scarce because all he wants is sex and knows its not happening til you get to feeling better.
As for guys getting mad at you being sick - I was married to one like that. He'd get a head cold and act like he was dying and want all kinds of special treatment. I get told by a doctor that I need bedrest for a few weeks - in front of him, and we get back home and he says "bed rest doesn't mean you can't fix me dinner". Duh!
Personally, I hate being sick and when I am, if its something like the flu - I don't want anyone around me, its not pretty and I don't need to be making anyone else sick. If its a bad cold - bring me cold meds and a bowl of chicken soup and watch a dvd with me. | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 6:45:29 PM | The last time I got sick, I got a really bad cold. I couldnt stop shivering, because no matter what I did I was freezing cold. (With 3 pairs of socks on, his thick worker jeans, a t shirt and a sweat shirt wrapped up in a thermal blanky!) I had a temperature of almost 102, it was like 101.7 something like that. And of course, runny nose/nasal drip.
My boyfriend would not leave my side. I wanted him to, because I never want ANYONE near me when Im sick, but he did not want to leave me. He let me sleep, he kept having me take medicine every 4 hours on the dot, made me soup, all the good stuff. But, after a while of him being fussy I figured its best not to fight it because he will not stop. It was really cute though.
When he's sick (which is how I got that nasty cold.... it's not my fault he's great in bed  ) he's needy as hell. But, I dont mind taking care of him so it's not that big of a deal.
I've never had a boyfriend who would completely ignore me when Im sick, but I've also never had one who freaked out as much as he did.  Though if one did, I can't really say how I would react. Eh, lets face it, after being fussed over, I'd be pissed. I'll admit it. | |
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jimi77
| | Joined: 7/13/2004
Msg: 24 | |
| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 7:09:16 PM | when i'm sick I want to be left alone to die.. just get me some things, meds, water, pop, lil food and let me curl up and die.. not to many questions and let me die LOL..
When she get sick I feel the same way.. One I don’t want to catch it, two I will be there for her. Call me and I will do it all and get it all for her.. but I really don’t want to be all cuddle bug on her.. | |
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| When she is sick, do you disappear?
Posted: 12/6/2007 7:09:39 PM | I have done more than my share of sickbed duty.
The Art in all of this involves determining when and how to stick around.
When does “ i don’t need your help” mean “ I look like sh!t. Please get the f^ck out”
or “I’m sick. I don’t know what i want. But whatever it may be now, in ten minutes it will be something different.” or “i need to be alone !”
We all can get a wee bit cranky when we are sick. Figuring out what our partners need and what we
are capable of giving in stressful situations is all part of the dance, isn’t it ?
To the folks who brag about being “givers”, congratulations ! Some of those who can’t stick around really can not. Then there are the cowards who have figured out they don’t have to with whatever excuses they use. There are also people who do not know how to “receive”. No matter how much of a “giver” you may be, they mean “LEAVE!!” every time.
When it is all over, should it color the rest of the relationship ? If so, how? | |
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