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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/7/2007 6:23:08 PM | Was rummaging through my old cd collection today. Came across Jewel, who I hadn't listened to in centuries. Her song, You Were Meant for Me always gets to me. I first heard it when I was thirteen. Only now do I really understand what the lyrics mean. It's a simplistically beautiful, heartwrenching, makes-me-want-to-walk-in-the-pouring-rain-and-cry type of song.
Whether or not you'll ever get back together with the person, you know even when it's been many months, years, etc. you'll still think about what you had. Everywhere stupid mundane things like making dinner remind you of him. And when he admits he still loves you, that's the worse, but because of that, you still cling on....not making it apparent, but silently hoping, still wanting to believe you were meant to be together.
It's sad but so good.
I hear the clock, it's 6 a.m.
I feel so far away from where I've been
Got my eggs, and my pancakes too
Got my maple syrup, everything but you
I break the yolks and make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off of the mirror
Don't leave the keys in the door
Never put wet towels on the floor anymore 'cause
Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know, that you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
Called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
Picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
Saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy and I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad
Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know, that you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
Go about my business, I'm doing fine
Besides, what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken every day
Brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick up a book, turn the sheets down
Take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pj's and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight
Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know, that you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
Oh yeah, I had a question too. Of course it only pertains to the ones it's happened to, but how long did it take before you found someone new? And did they end up being better than your previous relationship, or did you find yourself still missing what you had before? | |
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/7/2007 6:38:10 PM | When you are ready you will move on. Don't rush it. As far as missing it? depends on what caused it to end. Did the bad out number the good times?
Don't try to move on with another until you are over the ex. Will onl end up getting hurt or hurting someone else. Good luck | |
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/7/2007 6:39:36 PM | Oh my dear issy!
Enjoy this sweet melancolie!Maybe it is only a fantasie, maybe having been with him it would end by now.I have myself a non consumed love to be melancolic about.I am happy there is one...allways there to make your heart tender...put a smile on your face.I am afraid it would not work on the long run like all other love relations as far.This way I have a spot of tenderness in my heart to look at in tough moments.What do you think about?
I would say most of time next love is somehow superiour to the previous.Not necessartily better but more evolved, grown-up.So you would not feel like goping back cause iy=t would seem to you so childish.Keep on looking ahead.There is allways oportunity out there!
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/7/2007 6:52:45 PM | WhooooLLY KEE RAP! girl
you are really HURTin dis week/these days-Huh?
K, i am gonna 'share' a few lil sumpin sumpins wit ya
(as i am an 'Old timer , seasoned in these matters')
FIRST: "Stop It!" yes, Stop listening to sad/love songs and the like
*It will Not Help yer 'situation'*
AND: How Much T I M E it takes-to 'Get PAST' heartACHE?
Is different for EveryBody, Every situation
*BUT?* the more you think about it (him), the LooooongeR its gonna take - to get Past all the Pain. (try try TRY to *Swipe* him from yer Brain)
LASTly: 'Finding someone else'?...Sometimes (especially when 'young' , at the 'beginning' of the looong/rocky road of 'Love') ...it Does help to 'find someone else'
*The old saying - "get Over one, by getting Under anOther"? sometimes T R U E*
BUT...careful there, wit dat one (it Can/Could start a long/vicious 'cycle')
guess i just ~wish~ i could give ya a
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/7/2007 7:11:36 PM | Firstly I have to say that the song you posted is such a great song. True that it's a lil 'old', but it's been one of my favorites for many years!
I know a few more 'makes-me-want-to-walk-in-the-pouring-rain-and-cry' kind of songs. (Sade - King of Sorrows, Sade - It's Only Love That Gets You Through, Diego Torres - La Ultima Noche..)
That last song (Diego Torres's song) is in Spanish, so unless you know how to speak Spanish, you might not understand the lyrics... I would translate them if needed! (Even though this songs makes me cry every single time I hear it... The lyrics are just so deep to me! Hey, dont look at me that way... Have you never seen a hopeless romantic??  ).
Regarding to the questions, all I can say is that noone can answer those questions for you. Depends on a lot of things (the reason why you broke up with the last one, how long you had been with him, etc. ). Every person is a whole new world, so you cant really compare what you had before and what you have now... it probably wont be the same, but that doesnt mean it's got to be something bad. Maybe you end up learning more things about yourself! (Things you liked that you dont like anymore or viceversa, new things you'd never heard of...)
You will always miss what you had before, not all the time obviously, but on certain moments you might wish you were in the situation you were before... but I'm a firm believer that if someone doesnt make it to your future, they have to be left in the past... (did that make sense at all? I'm trying to translate from spanish!! *blushes* ).
Well, didnt mean to write such a long post!! But I hope it helped you to open your eyes and live this crazy life we have in front of us, since you never know when it might end!
Forgive me if you see any (or many!! ) mistakes with my writing, but I'm still trying to improve my english!
Have a great winter !! 
Francisco  | |
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/7/2007 7:37:04 PM | issy,
Yes, that song is a good one! Honey, you appear young (by age) to me in your picture. I didn't read your profile, but I can tell you this from me to you. I've lived through allot in my not so young life ... I am 46 and I have been there a few times and back again for review. The past is always the past that is what I have learned, and you go back in your mind and in your heart, but things will never be what they used to be when you leave the present, walk into the future and look behind you to leave the past alone.
I loved a few in my life and I will probably love again, but you know sometimes there is only that one that you will love to the day you die. It still happens that way for some people, and so far I am one of those people. I will always love that one person and nothing could of kept us together but him, and he didn't love me enough to even see me standing in the rain of my own tears, because he loved himself more than he loved me and all he thought about was himself.
So when you love someone and they are no longer in your life there is nothing you can do to change the clock once the clock has moved forward in time.
I don't want to tell you what you want to hear to give you hope that might not ever happen. How I did it and do it, is I think about me, worry about me, take care of me and that becomes the driving force to help move onto the next day, into the next month, into the next year. You can look back, but who knows what the future will bring? So you continue on doing what makes you happy, and try not to look back because looking back will only make you cry and miss a ghost.
Your not alone.
I am sorry, for I know how you feel.
The only thing I can offer to you is a bright future with lots of love and prayer.
Chela
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/7/2007 7:46:48 PM | OMG, Issy!!! I didnt mean to tore you apart more with that!! (DuH... that was a not-so-smart move!! ).
I wish I knew how to bring to life 'mostly dead' people... Do I have to slap you or something like that? (like when you're unconscious... dont get me wrong!!!)
Honestly, it's almost Xmas time and the last thing you have to be doing is drowning yourself in all that 'unnecessary' sorrow of yours...
Now, to cheer you up, listen to Diego Torres's 'Color Esperanza' and start smiling!! Life is 2 days long... are you going to spend one of those days feeling sad & depressed?? NO!! That's not what you want! (I guess nobody wants that, right?? ).
I'm the kind of people who thinks that loneliness is not a bad place to be, but it sure is the worst place to stay... (hope that made sense!)
Cheer Up, Girl!!
Besos! xxx
Francisco | |
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/7/2007 8:38:27 PM |
I feel half alive but I feel mostly dead.
That would be an apt description of me when my husband left me 3 and a half years ago. I disintegrated. I couldn't imagine ever wanting to be with anyone but him, of ever loving anyone but him.
I met my current partner in September 2006, just over 2 years after my husband left me. In every single way, this is the best relationship I have ever had. In fact, in looking back at my previous marriage, I can't imagine how I could have been satisfied with what I had with my husband.
Do I ever miss what I had with my previous husband? Ummmmm.......NO!
I realize how fortunate I was to have been released from that marriage. I actually feel sorry for his current wife.
Sometimes what we view as our greatest catastrophe is actually our greatest blessing. | |
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/7/2007 9:27:13 PM |
Do I ever miss what I had with my previous husband? Ummmmm.......NO!
well, that IS good - But...sometimes, Some - DO miss 'what they had'
(whether or Not that 'what' was good/bad OR , whether they are with a 'New Love'/Not)
I realize how fortunate I was to have been released from that marriage. I actually feel sorry for his current wife.
and, Sheeee...may 'feel sorry for' You
(not that she Should! just, tis all such a matter of perception)
That One is fortunate, for ~release~...has little (if NoThing) to Do with AnOther's
'Fortune/MisFortune'
*One man's trash is AnOther man's Treasure* ?
Sometimes what we view as our greatest catastrophe is actually our greatest blessing.
annnd, SomeTimes...a 'catastrophe' is just THAT - catastrophe
there are not Always 'blessings' in HeartAche/Break
k, it may Seem like im 'picking apart' that poster = i am NOT
just TRYing to make/get to...a *point*
the OP has 'other threads' about this recent Loss of Love
and, the OP is 'alluding' to the potential for 'New Love' as being a source of ~Hope~
well Shuuure, anOther ~Love~ could be a Great 'distraction'
*OR* even a REAL, Lasting ~LOVE~
But? it could Also mean, the beginning of a string of Many heartaches
ya know OP ? ~i~ never Used to put much stock in the "Have to be Happy with/by YerSELF" saying/statement
HowEver, tis sooooo T R U E
the prospect of anOther love can Not be the only source of ~Hope~
BeCause? That love could Also E N D (no new 'News' there)
one has to be ~STRONG~ within themSELVES
*ready to weather Any Storm*
the 'other' thread ('becoming numb/hard/sumpin'?)
well, this world is really NO place for the ~sensitive~
if you ARE good? Are ~sensitive~ (oh, MANY are NOT)
You Must at Least TRY to minimize the Potential for heartache
tis the Only defense
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/7/2007 9:38:00 PM | I don't get what you're trying to say. That I should just be happy being single?
I am trying to be strong on my own, but I still want to know that there's hope that I'll meet someone better and not give a rat's ass about my ex anymore. | |
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/7/2007 9:49:22 PM | cant say-whether anyone 'should' be happy (single or not)
You ARE ~STRONG~ (dont ever 'forget' it)
spose what im 'TRYing to say' Is...
i ~Hope~ that you doNT give a rats A S S f u k k ing about yer X anymore
whether Or Not you 'meet someone better'
*after about the 'UmpTeenth' love/Death of love/relationship/END of relationship
it starts to become ~clear~ thaaat...*
Its All the Same F U K ing 'day man' (~Janis Joplin~)
Its RAREly about 'finding someone Better' , More Often about ONE who
~STAYS~
(and treats you Good, of Course)
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/7/2007 10:16:34 PM | Issy, such sweet tragic youth, and the sorrows of broken love..
I have a little story for you.
When I was 18 I met what felt like the love of my life...However I was to find out that I was pregnant with my first bf baby, and that his up standing Christian family would not have their son dating such a tramp... Besides he was in love with Becky...
Thought I had almost died for a year.
Skip forward 4 yrs, he comes back in my life for a few days between leaves of the service and says he is soooo happy to see I have my life on track... I was in college, and had baby # 2... Her daddy reminded me of him so much... Tick off 2 1/2 more years and he pops up out of no where after silence for over a year. He then disappears.. Pops back up 3 yrs later, and announces when he visted the last time he got someone pregnant.. Keep fast forwarding over 22 yrs and he came in and out of my life...
Last time I seen him, he was bald, tubby, had a funny pony tail and had never married. We chit chat for almost two years from time to time. Then he called me to have some sort of hook up (I lived in Portland, and he lived in Seattle) however the shine on his armor had long since faded. About two months later he called to tell me I wouldn't believe what he did...He got married... I was rather speechless. Well at first, then I wanted to know when this girl came about. He said ohhhhh 9 months ago, and his family didn't even know... Hmmm calculate barely two months back and he was wanting to hook up with me? What a butt head... I told him don't ever contact me again... Frankly I don't need the aggravation and wonder what I ever saw in him in the first place.
Moral of the story shug, men will come, men will go... We will hold onto memories that are deeply moving to us, and then one day before we know it, we have changed, and are no longer the giddy eyed girl we were of youth..
The holidays can bring a lot of pain, after all look at all those really wonderful commercials of passionate undying love, exchanging diamonds, and cars for Christmas.
Some times the best time in my life HAS been being single... I appreciate that I don't have to say where I am going, how long I will be out... If I want to sleep with my college books, and eat crackers in bed, no body complains... If I don't shave my legs for a week only I know.. Most of all, I feel good to be myself, and if there is a guy in my life, that is just icing on my cake.. However ya know what, sometimes I like cake with out frosting too.
Give yourself time, let yourself grieve, and know that even though you feel dead, you really are 100% alive, it is waiting for you to start living it...
Good luck sweet Issy...
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/8/2007 2:24:31 AM | Time heals i swear. There will come a day when you look back and wonder how you could have wasted so much energy over him. There are lots of faulse starts before you meet the right guy just be happy for what you had and look forward to even better one day. | |
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/8/2007 3:06:07 PM | I do want to clarify that he and I never had any "romantic hook ups" after the first one when I was 18... We talked over the phone a mad passionate amount, but multiple times stood me up. Fine, my life had been moving forward...
Substance is right, there are always false starts.
Love does not hurt, but rather the injury to the ego does. The pain can cut to the bone because of the feelings of loss.
A way to get over it faster is to go out and give time to those who really can use it.. You will find your life filed up very fast with the feelings of love that way. It may not be romantic, but healing first isn't a bad habit to get into.
If you forget to let yourself heal, sometimes you end up settling for worse just to drowned out the pain... | |
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/8/2007 3:27:33 PM | There was one relationship that even to this day, i have not let go. the funny thing is that i know what i always needed to do to get over it i just never could do it because i could never find the time; i had too many ppl counting on me in one way or another.
Don't get me wrong, i have laughed since then and been in other relationships. its just nothing made me feel as happy in the same way as that one girl.
But i have been happy. it has been 3 almost 4 yrs since that one girl and i hope to find another as good for me or better than she was one day, but it is about being happy in the mean time.
So for now, do what u need to do, what u feel. get better then cry again and get better and cry as many times as it comes to u, as long as u need to do it.....but keep i mind that u will laugh, u will smile, u will be happy as long as u let it happen.
If u do, what guy wouldn't see that in u and try to make u happy?
Though u don't need it, lots of luck Issy | |
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/8/2007 3:38:29 PM | Ouch, Msg. # 20 was harsh and unkind, seeing as how this is almost Christmas when everyone should be having fun. We've all made mistakes, moved on and found new treasures when we least expected them, and hopefully, everyone will find what they are looking for one day.
But every day that is spent feeling sorry for ourselves is a day wasted, for what happened yesterday is now history. We all get over life's disappointments in our own way and on our own time. Take heart, this too shall pass.
Pink | |
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/8/2007 3:53:28 PM | Pick, I am glad you took notice of message 20... Sorry, but I think the guy is an insensitive a$$. The girl is trying to get over someone she loved, and he comes up with something so rude...
Sounds like the guy either takes advantage of broken hearted women, OR he has no technique and they are laying there waiting for it to get over...
Either way this isn't the forum to put that on. | |
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/8/2007 4:25:12 PM | Issy,
You have some great advise in this forum. Someone here mentioned that it would take time to heal. That's true. You have two choices. Listen to your music or go out and enjoy the other things in life. There are over 100 billion people in this world and I am sure you can find another mate. I have come to realize that if your partner do not want to be around you, stop wasting time and let go!!! Change your state of mind girl!!!! | |
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/8/2007 7:33:05 PM | Jewel, no one says it like Jewel. I love that song and it's so fitting. Too bad it doesn't meant what ailes us. Interesting post OP.  | |
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| I Feel Half Alive But I Feel Mostly Dead
Posted: 12/10/2007 12:30:15 AM |
but he helped me get my mind off my ex for a little while.
so GLAD to 'hear' it issy
you WILL feel better,better - with each passing day
just be ~careful~ of 'transference' (transferring 'left over love' To 'new guys')
Not that i Think You Would 'do that'
(just wanna give a lil 'heads up' From an old/seasoned gal)
~PLEASE~ doNT pay Any mind to the cad/scoundrel that is making his Gay A S S flippant remarks
(dat one aint even paying Attention=fuggetaboutit)
Sounds like you are doin better issy
~Best Wishes~ to You !
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