| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 7:20:07 PM | The last time I posted a question on Ask a Guy, it was about why would a man flirt with me and then, when I show interest, mention that he's married? I was admonished by the posters to learn the difference between flirting and just being nice.
Anyway, I have noticed lately that whenever I'm "just being nice", the man always manages to mention his wife or girlfriend somehow. Just the other day, I was at a seminar and having lunch with some coworkers. We were all sitting around talking and getting to know each other. I was talking to "Andy" asking the usual questions about what college he graduated from, how he liked the seminar from and so forth, when he said, "I really like these potatoes. My wife makes them just like this." I guess I could understand if we were talking about families or even the food, but it just seemed to random. I was kind of taken aback.
So my question is this, do men normally just randomly mention their wives when talking or was this some sort of message like "just in case you're interested..."
BTW: I wasn't flirting with him. | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 7:23:12 PM | Be glad he's doing it.
A lot of guys make no mention of their wives at all. | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 7:26:19 PM | All those decent guys ladies hear so much about but can never find do that.
Decent girls do too.
It's to keep the not so decent folks from hittin on em.
why would you even ask this? | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 7:37:43 PM | OP. I remember your question very well..
I am wondering IF you are flirting and these decent men are letting you know right up front.. Hey , I am married..
I am a flirt..I also know the difference between innocent flirting with a man that is married, or taken.. There is strict guideline rules herer..They are never to be crossed ever..
A man that is single well now that fair game..
If there is a problem with each and every man, telling you they are taken.. Maybe you need to find the line and don't cross it.
Just my opinion | |
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soxxs
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Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 5 | |
| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 7:38:40 PM | OP said " when he said, "I really like these potatoes. My wife makes them just like this." I guess I could understand if we were talking about families or even the food, but it just seemed to random. "
After all you did say you were chit chatting with co-workers. Getting to know them and all that stuff. Do you want us to believe you were having a ' One on One " with this man and he was not to engage in small talk but to focus on your every word? I have even been talking to someone and out of the blue I've said " its raining". People do this .
You need to ease up on people and go with the flow.You're gonna worry yourself over people for no good reason.
jmo | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 8:04:11 PM | Hmmm, I would be straight and upfront, cuz it is honest.
Now I see flirting with someone (in good taste) as a different form of complimenting in a social setting. The movement such flirt would be responded to in a more serious manner like I am very interested to go further I would delicately state my status and if in a relation ship end it there.
So to answer your question OP I think the man was very upfront, letting you know where it was at, just in case you did not understand the compliment. | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 8:17:06 PM | OP: It's definately a message!
Sounds like an upfront, decent sort of guy out there, contrary to the beliefs of many of the females who write here. | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 8:25:28 PM | | Perhaps you are attractive and by asking seemingly innocent questions, these men feel you are trying to get to know them, so they are being upfront. You do realise that by making small talk with strangers is a form of hitting on them. I have had women do the same thing, even when I have no real interest other than small talk. Don't sweat it...keep chit chatting | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 8:40:56 PM | | Sounds like he was just trying to say " I'm taken" without sounding rude. It could be they did not want to talk with you to much, thier women are known to be extremely jealous. When dealing with a jealous wife, one must watch his step. | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 8:52:22 PM |
When dealing with a jealous wife, one must watch his step.
How true, if I was still with my ex, I'd have run for cover...LOL | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 8:55:20 PM | | You know the funny thing about guys who LOVE their wives or girlfriends?? They actually MENTION them in normal conversations with people. They take out pictures....they tell people about them. Because that's what NORMAL, HEALTHY men really DO!! Who woulda thunk, huh??? Why, can you BELIEVE such a thing?? They actually have that RING around their finger too!! Why?? Ohhh.....gee....I don't know....they're actually PROUD to say they have somebody they really love and like...unlike schlubs on places like this where every person is suspect.....and there just isn't a thought from anybody else as to how STRANGE that must be.....ya wanna know why??? Because the person who thinks it's strange for him......is really the strange one who tries to make this topic more about HER and what SHE thinks she's doing....when the GUY doesn't give two chits about you..........and that would be because he's actually got his WIFE on his mind. | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 8:59:13 PM | Thanks for all your responses. Since it had been happening a lot, I figured it was some sort of message and I have to say that I appreciate it. I would rather know up front if a man is married or has a girlfriend or is otherwise unavailable. It prevents any misunderstanding or hurt feelings.  | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 9:50:48 PM | | Keeping the conversation going maybe? If you weren't flirting with him, why do you even care? He obviously adores his wife and loves her cooking. | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 10:07:49 PM | I don’t think anything was up with his comment. I think he just happened to take a bite of lunch while chatting and the delicious flavor o’ the taters reminded him of his wife’s cooking. He was merely verbalizing a thought that popped into his head. The reason it seems like it is happening a lot is because making off-topic comments in casual conversation is a very common occurrence. You said you weren’t being flirtatious, so why would he feel the need to cut you off at the pass if you weren’t making one?
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes a tasty tater is just a tasty tater. | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 10:28:58 PM | > Anyway, I have noticed lately that whenever I'm "just being nice",
> the man always manages to mention his wife or girlfriend somehow.
The same thing happens to me in casual, civil, chit-chat type conversations all the time, like just talking is somehow 'hitting on' them. It seems to take about 3-4 minutes usually, and I'm always somewhat amazed at it, the way it comes out of the blue and is a total non sequitur - like how did your husband/bf get into a conversation about the weather?
> or was this some sort of message like "just in case you're interested..."
If so, it's rather presumptuous of them to think they're "all that, and then some" just because you happen to be stuck in line with them at the post office.
> You know the funny thing about guys who LOVE their wives or girlfriends?? They
> actually MENTION them in normal conversations with people. They take out pictures....
Ugh! While I'm sure love and marriage are a fine thing for some, the advertising of it to people you barely know is another matter entirely.
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/7/2007 11:22:14 PM | As Frau says, you may not have been flirting but you were surely thinking about it; else why would you notice the comment as significant?
People mention their partners in conversation all the time, whether they are talking to people of the same or opposite gender, the same or different age-range etc. When you love someone deeply, or are very attached to them, they are constantly in your head and you will be reminded of them all the time etc. It's all to do with them being important to you, not necessarily to to with warning people off, although it has that function too. Sometimes the knowledge that both parties are attached makes the atmosphere a lot more relaxed too. | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/8/2007 5:35:46 AM | | OP, here's how guys work. They work hard to get a gf or wife, and the quality men work hard to maintain that relationship once they've got it. Part of keeping a relationship alive is establishing clear boundaries. That is why they will mention their wives, their children, their girlfriends in casual conversation. I've had women who were in serious relationships do the same to me, and sometimes it is surprising. But they felt that it was necessary, or it just naturally came to their lips -- either way, don't freak out. It's useful information. If you're in a group setting, I wouldn't think too much about it. If you're chatting up a guy one-on-one, that may be a signal to back off. | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/8/2007 6:13:08 AM | Guys are straightforward...sometimes...sort of....
I went into the local bar to shoot a few games of pool with my son on night when a woman approached me and asked if I would like to buy her a drink....I looked her straight in the eye and said "I have eleven kids and 4 grandchildren".....
Works for me...and besides, it's the truth!
You got the message they were sending right quick and in a hurry, didn't you? | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/8/2007 6:41:02 AM | sounds like he thought it was relevant.
you said you were at lunch in your post, so no doubt there was food in front of you. might not have been part of the conversation, but it was certainly in your environment during the conversation.
sometimes people just blurt out information which others may find totally irrelevant or useless. i do it and have been picked up on it and rather than the "uh huh, ok, whatever" or "that's nice" response, i had the frank (and what i found rude) response of "that's useless fact 6702 that i'll never need to know".
spouses will talk about their spouses. its not just men talking about their wives, women talk about their husbands too! | |
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| What's Up With This?
Posted: 12/8/2007 1:39:41 PM | .
So my question is this, do men normally just randomly mention their wives when talking or was this some sort of message like "just in case you're interested.
To my way of thinking, that is exactly the proper way to inform the other person you are not available. I cannot wear anything metal, including rings. Therefore, I most certainly would be upfront about my status with any woman I met anywhere. It’s only fair, after all. Don’t you think?
Of course, that little bit of information related; I would then go right on talking about whatever.
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