| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 12:31:06 PM | Why are women so uptight about having an adult conversation about Intimate topics ??
Granted . . It's not the Only thing a guy needs to discuss . . but, when anything beyond
Kissing is brought up . . most Ladies tend to *SLAM* the door . . !
_Most_ of us are 'Adults' here . . but isn't 'Intimacy' a part of creating a strong, lasting relationship . . ?? | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 12:35:00 PM | now my answer is only speakin for me.. but seriously if the very first message i get from a guy is an intimate question or comment... i think its all they want or have to offer. but if its someone i've known for a bit and we are friends... if i'm comfortable.. then let the conversation roll! i have no problem talkin about my intimate life with someone i feel i can trust with those details. or even talk about intimate situations.. once again.. gotta feel comfortable enough.
so if you jump the gun and start with it.. i won't even respond because i think you should have something else to say to me than that.
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 12:35:18 PM | If I am in a relationship I am not uptight about it, however if i have just started talking to the person that kind of conversation if not done in a joking manner makes me think that is all he want. And yes intimacy is a very big part of a lasting relationship. Maybe the women you are referring to are younger or less mature then some of the rest of us here. Or maybe they are not as open about their sexuality, cause it seems you are referring to that more than just intimacy.
Ok so I looked at your profile and you are probably not dating 18 year olds. Maybe they were raised not to talk about it, or they feel quilty talking about it. And like the post above me, I should add mine is my opinion only. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 12:35:59 PM | | It might have something to do with how and when you bring it up in the conversation? Not usually a first date topic of discussion if you know what I mean... | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 1:24:55 PM | Uptight? NO, perhaps it is the timing or presentation. We seem to have a little more finsse and ask it in turn.
I am not receptive to intimacy on the 3rd email or the first IM converstion.
Again, no not uptight.
I also agree with it coming up too soon this may be all he is after and looking for. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 1:50:39 PM | yes they are,
, and not just about "intimate" chat, there are lots and lots of other things too.
ha ha ha ha | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 1:51:54 PM | somehow talking about sex isn't really the conversation I want to have.... I want to know someone has substance beyond what they can do for me naked...
go figure... | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 1:53:44 PM | I agree with Smitty and Piscies... the vast majority of women DO NOT having a problem talking about these topics. If you know when to bring this sort of thing up, and have a little more subtlety than a bull in a China shop, you'll find quite the opposite is true.
The three most common mistakes:
Too forward (most woman like a little forwardness, just don't be abrasive)
Too Creepy (Do you sound like you're wanking it on the other end of the phone or being really serious about the topic.. be playful, not dirty)
Too Soon (you don't know anything about her, and you're going there?)
Not trying to be rude, but if you're consistently running into this, you need to work on your game. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 1:57:44 PM | | If I have met the man in person and had a couple of dates with him - no problem with initmate talk. But IM'ing me and I don't know you, I won't let the conversation go very far as I'm one that pictures a man wanking off on the other end of this convo and it just creeps me out. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 2:02:57 PM | Intimacy is a wonderful thing, but if I'm not into... or if it's too soon to know whether I'm into you, why would I be having that discussion with you?
The "How do you like to [insert intimate act]" questions upon the first IM session usually results in an instant block for me. However, I don't mind talking about intimacy if the course of of a fun conversation takes us there. You're probably either mentioning it too soon, or your approach is really creepy.
Yeah, intimacy is important. But really, if you are indeed looking for a lasting relationship, aren't there more pressing issues to address first? Intimacy can be learned but a good personality can't. -Serious- chicks look for the latter first. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 2:12:02 PM | Well the ones that are uptight probably see this discussion as men trying to get in their pants.... They might see him as one-night rather than long term...
One needs to see discussion about sexualluality as natural as dicussion about personality, values, etc. hence it is a very important part of ones relationship... | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 3:20:01 PM | Thanks, all . .
I knew that I should've elaborated on the timing issue . . but I dislike extra-long
dissertations to make a minor point . .
Making the initial connection IS the most important factor , for me . .
Establishing a common interest and attraction is Very important . .
. . Forgive me for skipping important aspects of the conversation . .
I'm out of practice . . and I guess it Shows . . !!
. .  BLUSH . . | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 3:54:38 PM | Men have the misconception that if they bring a sexual topic into the conversation, the girl will think sexually and consequently will want to have sex with him.
Okay, this is not entire untrue. It is very true. The problem is that because it has worked then men go at it all the time. The problem is that the moment the woman's walls go up. It's a done deal she will shoot you down.
So it's a matter of social dynamics. If for instance you're at a bar, talking to a friend and make some comment and the woman looks funny at you. Comment to her, you've never done that. I couldn't go out with someone THAT naive. And ignore her for a bit, even talk to some of the other people, even her other female friends.
I could be totally wrong here, but this has been my experience, keep the sexual talk as part of the group dynamics, and it can get raunchy as hell and the women respond because they can be with the boys. They will even make some comment of their own, but never too graphic, just to indicate that they know boys will be boys and that they know them quite well. Now, when you move the conversation to a one on one. In my case, sex is what other people do. You talk about what if a man and a woman want to do this. Do you approve it, would you do it? Not would you like to do this and that?
If you come on too hard, you will crash and burn. You come across and fun and that actually you don't give a shit. Guess what, she may try to seduce you. So tell her to keep her paws to herself because you ain't easy. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 4:15:37 PM | This always baffled me. Man wants relationship, goes on a dating site - meets someone who might work well for him, and 5 minutes into the conversation he starts talking about sex (in a vulgar manner). What's the goal here?
Men would talk to a tree about sex if they could get a response. I agree it should be something that's talked about at some point but let's be honest here. In order to talk about sex, we have to feel familiar with you and actually want to sleep with you. Unfortunately sex isn't a bad topic for me, but personal information is. You want to talk about sex in general....the attitudes of it, how it's percieved in society today, fine. It's also common as shit. About 8 out of every 10 guys does this, to the point where you expect it and hope it doesn't happen and then roll your eyes when it does. It reeks of someone who can't hold a normal conversation.
I don't want to know your business, and I don't want you asking about mine - that's WAY too personal for someone I don't know.
Sad thing is many men get shut down and assume a woman is uptight, but what they don't realize is that most women once they know you a while, like you and have the space and time to want you, you'll get a goldmine of sex out of them. Some will even initiate conversation and sex if you get that far. Sadly for most men, because of the "I want to know if she's frigid before I give her 10 minutes" rule, it never happens.
You can say women need to lighten up if you want, but it's not going to change how they are. I always say the best way to keep her interested is not to bring up sex unless SHE does, and then go for it, because you know she wants to talk about it and she's looking to exchange information. It's just a safer bet. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 4:23:42 PM | i dont think women are uptight, like some of the others have said it really is about timing and the tone in your voice.....there is difference between a guy looking to 'get his rocks off' and a guy that wants to get his 'rocks off with YOU' ......
if the 'chemistry' between you hasn't been established yet, and your opening line is a caked in sexual overtones, there really is nothing flattering or enticing about that to a woman.......but most women, i think are pretty cool with adult conversations about intimate topics once they begin feeling comftorable around you and it's not an 'in your face' type of dialogue, it just naturally flows there all on it's own........ | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 4:40:24 PM | Maybe because men are so uptight about discussing homosexual sex? Or rimming? Or strap-ons?
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 4:42:56 PM | I'd say look a the context you are bringing the topic up in and your approach.
For instance the only time I cross that line is when there's reasonable evidence that lovin' is about to ensue, and even then it's done with tact, not: "Hey so how bout we break in this new whip I bought."
I go at it first explaining why we're gonna have this conversation: 1. to make sure we're both protected and stay healthy. 2. Because it's gonna kill the mood if I have to stop half way into things to ask permission or look for validation that you like it.~ So far that approach has been met with 100% understanding and acceptance and the favor is always reciprocated so she knows exactly what I do/don't like.
If I'm going to spend hours making love that's what I want to be doing, not stopping every 5 mins to ask a question or tenitavely hint at a position.
I'd like to add my own question though. When discussions do turn sexual for me, why is it that every girl when asked what one of her fantasies are, always responds, "I don't have any."? | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 5:49:36 PM |
For instance the only time I cross that line is when there's reasonable evidence that lovin' is about to ensue, and even then it's done with tact, not: "Hey so how bout we break in this new whip I bought.
Ouch. You see I wouldn't approach it that way. If you only bring sexual topics only when loving is about to ensue, guess what, you're going to freak her out COMPLETELY. And let me explain by using you own words. You said "Hey so how bout we break in this new whip I bought." How in the hell did you know she got into whips unless you previously talked about such issues. So if you assumed, because unless you casually talked about stuff and then you said that I will tell you to take a hike. Okay correction. In edit mode I re-read your quote and completely jumped your word NOT. Still, the point stands, don't bring stuff out of nowhere.
Again, don't ask about it in a personal way. But a lot also has to do in where are you. If you are in your first meet. Not a good place. Unless, let's say you are at a cafe. And a lady wearing high hills, black hair and tatoos and what looks like tight leather walks in. You can ask there. Wow, that kind of cool. Maybe she gets into S&M, what do you think? Test her reaction. If she freaks. You can pull back, or have some fun, but again pulling back to personality stuff. If she is into. Tease her, Oh yeah, so you have your own dungeon. Again, tack and read her responses.
Now remember it all depends on the situation where you meet and who you are with. The more isolated you are with the person, the more careful and the more tack you should have. The more in the group you are, well it becomes group dynamics. For instance, I hang out at a bike shop. We bring beer, wine, talk rides. It is a place that reeks of testosterone. We talk sex, races, beating other teams, crashes and then we drink. The women that come in there are warned that they are entering a guy place, that nobody is going to say excuse me or sorry there are ladies here, after they described the most graphic thing. Actually, none of the women that frequent the shop have a problem. Some have gone out with people in the shop. I even went out with a couple. You can even get a lady pissed off about something you are talking about, she gets so mad that she starts a discussion about it with you. Low and behold, you end up dating her. But the point is, it was not personal first. It did not offer inner being, it offended something she believed, so instead of putting on the walls and becoming uptight, she actually trusted me implicitly. | |
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real12
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 20 | |
| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 6:08:10 PM |
Why are women so uptight about having an adult conversation about Intimate topics ??
Heh, well my 1st instinct towards answering this one was to look the damn word up in the dictionary & low & behold you'll never guess what I found there......uhh, lets see, oh yeah: Intimate: most private or personal......there in lies the reason OP.
Fact of the matter is maybe your timing is not right. Intimacy is just that, personal & the only proper environment for discussing such matters is when both of you are intimate ......God bless Daniel Webster. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 6:11:50 PM |
Men would talk to a tree about sex if they could get a response. I agree it should be something that's talked about at some point but let's be honest here. In order to talk about sex, we have to feel familiar with you and actually want to sleep with you. Unfortunately sex isn't a bad topic for me, but personal information is. You want to talk about sex in general....the attitudes of it, how it's percieved in society today, fine. It's also common as shit. About 8 out of every 10 guys does this, to the point where you expect it and hope it doesn't happen and then roll your eyes when it does. It reeks of someone who can't hold a normal conversation.
bingo.
it's also boring as hell as a discussion topic. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 6:13:50 PM | If you're bringing topics of a sexual nature up with someone you barely know then expect to be shot down. This is not because women are uptight - it's because you are treating women as objects rather than people. If you want a sexual object might I suggest a doll. Apparently some are quite realistic.
If you would actually like to get to know a woman then take your time. Read her signals. Who knows - she may even surprise you and bring it up herself given the right situation. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 8:22:56 PM | I don't consider myself an uptight person at all,especially when it comes to talking about intimacy.
Intimacy is an important part of life,and it's something that should be dicussed with your partner on a regular basis.
Not all women are "uptight". | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/8/2007 8:57:09 PM | | Well if I'm talking to a guy in the earily stages of getting to know him and he asks intimate questions I won't talk to him again because all he wants is one thing. Its something that should never be brought up unless she gives dead give away hints that it won't offend her. So maybe if people would talk about everything else but intimate topics there wouldn't be this issue. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/9/2007 11:14:20 AM | what about those women who are looking for intimate encounter .
their profiles read " i need to be fuc$ed" and " i need sex" or other similar words.
whats their game plan, personally i dont believe a word what most write...i think its just a big tease to most of these women to see what kind of responses they get and i bet they sit their with their girlfriends and laff at all the responses they get from guys. | |
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