| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 1:10:46 AM | Last week I told my Best Friend that I need to take a break from her. I have always had strong feeling for her and she's known this since day one. In the past I have been able to reason my self out of these feelings but I have fallen in love with her over the last few months. We have been intimate a handful of times over the last 3 years and we tell each other we love each other on a daily basis. I help her pay her rent, Her Cell Phone is in my name, I'm paying for the X-mas Gifts for her two young kids and I keep her Checking account in the positive and lecture her about being more careful with her money. She has a pretty rough background and her family life depresses her. I cant say that i would do anything for her, Because I ACTUALLY DO everything for her.
When We started to discuss taking a break from each other I told her how I felt about her and her response was not negative. She said she would think about things and was very sad i wanted time away. We agreed to talk about it more, then we made plans for this past weekend. Friday we joined up with some old co workers for happy hour, She was a completely different person to me in front of our friends. she was Condescending, Demanding, and spoke down to me like we were barley friends. As soon as she was drunk (on my tab) she called some other guy to pick her up and take her back to his place. I was visibly upset and our friends all saw what was going on, I stormed outta there as soon as she told me she called another guy to come get her and turned off my cell. Some of our friends yelled at her for being stupid and also yelled at the guy as soon as he showed up. She sent me several txt message and left me a few voice mails apologizing for what she did, She said the thought of me being upset with her and not wanting to talk to her was the worst feeling in the world. I found out 2 days later that the following night while she was apologizing and saying she will do what ever it takes to make it up to me, one of her girlfriends had her over and got her really drunk then her Male roommate had his way with her. She doesn't even know his name. The guy she left the bar with on Friday found out about this and doesn't want to talk to her ever again.
We spoke today for the 1st time since Friday, She says i should probably take that break cause nothing is ever going to happen between us. I'm pissed. I feel like the biggest idiot in the world, I feel like i allowed her to take advantage of me. There is so much of me that loves her and doesn't want to see her ever have hard times, But it's time to cut her off. OR am i supposed to just accept the fact that nothing is ever going to happen and be her Best friend Forever ! | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 3:15:40 AM | did i Really MISS something here?
Uhmmm, 'WHY' did you tell her / decide TO...
'Take a Break From Her'?
i have read, Re Read, can NOT 'find' THAT...in the Original Post
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soxxs
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Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 3 | |
| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:19:38 AM | ^^^ its in the very 1st line..
OP " I keep her Checking account in the positive and lecture her about being more careful with her money "
Read all you said. I find you a problem man. One who wants to help her but then whinning about doing it. As far as the money you been giving her. Once its hers it hers. You can't then complain on how she spends it. Controling you are maybe?? You want her to treat you nice after you've told her you want a break?
I'd say she should move on and find someone not so controling.
JMO | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:35:13 AM | Can you say "SUGAR DADDY"? I can count so many women like this, they have a man to support them, pay all the bills, and they STILL run around with other men. Question is, why do men do this? Why not stop paying the woman's bills, rent (she doesn't even live with the man for gosh sakes), pay her kid's expenses and such. Sex only a "handful" of times in the past three years? Five times? What is her income? You? You said she has had a rough life before you? Are you sure that she hadn't just played the same song and dance with someone else prior to you? Maybe she just has a really good story all set up for the next guy.... and her "rough life" that she had before (your relationship) will have you as the main player. What exactly is her source of income other than yourself? Welfare? What does she do with her money? Does she have an actual job (other than you)? Think about it, buck up and realise you were played and now shes onto a new Sugar Daddy who will listen to her sob story, about the stingy bastard (you) who did her wrong. Maybe hes got more money to spend on her.........hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:36:48 AM | | Your paying all her bills with an added bonus of an account for spending ...of course shes going to keep you hanging on a string,wouldnt you rather be in a relationship where YOU got something in return.....shes using you | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:36:56 AM | ive read this twice now and from what i can tell you were being used for your money
she kept you on a hook and said all the right things
but you were silly to think that you could keep her by giving her money
find some one that is not going to be with you just for money | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:37:36 AM | | you are an idiot...thought only the women on here and every other dating site were this stupid....I need help can you, can I call you...I will put out more | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:37:38 AM | It sounds to me as though you both have problems big time and you both need to get away and start fresh.
She sounds like this helpless little girl who can't do for her self and you are this big handsome prince who came in to save her, and controll her.
You don't help someone out and then whine about it after, not even a real friend does that.
I think you both need a long break from each other... | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:42:06 AM |  Hey OP sounds like it's about time you woke up and figured out that she has been using you....
You have fallen into one of those SUCKER traps that some women like to use to make up for their lack of reality in life..
There was a friend that I had with the same kinds of problems..
She always needed help and was always broke..
She played me and several others at the same time.. We were SUCKERS and helped her out..
We figured out what game she was playing and stopped helping.
Now she has a lot fewer friends and cannot even afford to hold her head up..
The man she moved in with caught her playing games with him too..
She will never learn.. But we all have learned about the games that women play..
Live and learn.. Find a woman that will meet you half way.. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:43:04 AM | To me it sounds like she was lashing out to hurt you because you said you wanted to
take a break. If she is from a rough background, she probably doesn`t have the skills to sit down and talk about things in a respectful manner. She deals with them through
acting out and aggression. I think she was possibly very hurt and was trying to make you jealous and just got things messed up. She also sound like she may feel slightly controlled by you and is lashing out much as a child rebels against his father during puberty, even if the restrictions set for the child is "for his own good" It sound almost more that you are doing a father and naughty child here more than an adult relationship. I think they call it codependency. She probably needs some counciling and also you, to realize why these dynamics have taken place. I`m not being nasty, I`m being truthful. It`s kind of a messed up thing and you both need to understand it. Take a break and go to a counselor if it is a big issue that you would like to resolve. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:43:53 AM | | Give her the test of making it on her own financally and see if she still wants to be friends or what ever you'd call your relationship | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:48:09 AM |
you were silly to think that you could keep her by giving her money
find some one that is not going to be with you just for money
The worst part is that he wasn't even with her. She knew how he felt about her and was intimate with him just enough to give him hope and keep him dangling at her tail.
I don't think he was paying her bills to try to keep her, I think he did it because he genuinely cared and wanted to help her and she took advantage of his kind nature.
OP, I would cut off the cell phone and stop paying her bills. Maybe buy the kids a gift or two from you for Christmas, but don't let her guilt you into funding the whole thing. She's their mother and she is responsible for their Christmas. I'm sure they have fathers too...and grandparents, etc. They'll be fine.
And I would definitely break ties with her. She may very well have had a rough life, but that is no excuse to drag you down with her. She has already shown you how much your feelings mean to her by going out with you and calling another man and also by getting drunk and sleeping with a stranger. She's not your friend. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:51:40 AM | Lynnluv,
My ex and his male friends have a term for what you describe, it is called " captain save a ho". As a female it isn't the exactly most flattering thing in the world to hear men say, but SADLY in this case it sounds like what you are describing...
Someone that lashes out at you by hooking up with different guys, letting you know she can move on to whom ever she wants...
Sunshine, you can only be used, if you let someone use you... Giving a person money does mean YOU GAVE her all of these things... Since the two of you were NOT a couple, would mean the money didn't come with strings attatched, and JUST because you lectured her, doesn't seem to have taught her much... She just learned to tune you out and keep her hand out.
She seemed upset that her sugar daddy would cut her off, therefore disrespecting you for doing so. This girl really knows where your buttons are, and still can get hand outs of liquir from you all the while
Therefore the question falls on you... You have seen this girl has no qualms in taking your money, and having you finance her life... A real woman would have gotten off her butt and learned to be appreciative for the wind fall of help, then got off her butt and learned to take care of herself... Taking handouts is NOT attractive... A guy feeling sorry for someone for that length of time is NOT either.
Perhaps you should look up what a best friend is... I assure you it is NOT bankrolling someone who will mistreat you, and then put up her body to the lowest bidder to show you up.
Good luck
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:51:53 AM | It's seems everyone is taking advantage of this woman including you.
You're help seems to have been conditional.......I don't see where she took advantage of you, you helped your "Best friend" from the goodness of your heart.
Of course until she decides maybe to make a life for herself apart from you.
You may have been an idiot for thinking you could tie someone to you by making them dependant on you. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:55:49 AM | | By the way many many MANY women have rough tough horrible lives... Our story is NOT up for sale to the highest bidder that will make our adult lives easier... We learn to become abled body people... | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:59:06 AM | | Well you are not an idiot but foolish, anyone whether man or woman who treats someone this way is not worth the time of day let alone being friends with,do youself a favor and walk away and do not look back .You may feel the need to rescue women and thereby feel needed, she has no respect for you whatso ever and this is someone that will continue to take advantage of you in every way because you have allowed it. The fact she got drunk slept with another guy and called a different guy to take her home speaks volumes of the total loser she is. this woman would break your heart because she does not care at all, do not convince yourself otherwise. You wanted a break that's because your gut is telling you this does not work, listen to it and end this relationship with this selfcentered woman and move on , what is it that you love so much about her...is it that she needs you....only to pay her bills, she does not want intimacy with you , and that is a big part of a loving relationship ,so you have no relationship except you are the sugar daddy without the sugar! Good luck in making wise decisions. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 8:35:27 AM | A couple of questions Lynnluv, First, after you told her you wanted to take a break from the relationship, why did you make plans to go out together? Isn't that like saying I'm breaking up with you... here's your chance to diss me, in front of co-workers no less?
Second, why would you love a person you have to do everything for? What's her contribution? What's in this for you?
Being best friends generally doesn't involve sex or money for a reason. Sex screws up the friendship and money is bound to cause a problem somewhere. Plus it sounds like she gets drunk quite a bit; perhaps that's an issue as well.
When you pay someone's bills, keep thier checking account in the black and buy gifts for the children, you never really know why a person likes you...Is it you or your money?
You learned a good lesson Lynnluv, mark it up to that and go forward. We all have to experience the bad ones before we can appreciate the good ones. Keep fishing, the good ones are here; perhaps you just need to change your bait.  | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 10:02:50 AM |
When We started to discuss taking a break from each other I told her how I felt about her and her response was not negative. She said she would think about things and was very sad i wanted time away.
I'm sure she was stunned that after 3 years of friendship and saying you love her on a daily basis that you now need a vacation. I'm sure she was doing her very best to hide her true feelings.
Friday we joined up with some old co workers for happy hour, She was a completely different person to me in front of our friends. she was Condescending, Demanding, and spoke down to me like we were barley friends. As soon as she was drunk (on my tab) she called some other guy to pick her up and take her back to his place.
She told you how she felt about it - she's very ANGRY with you, and she may think you're very controlling to boot. Why did you drop this bombshell and arrange a "date"?
She may tell you to stick your cell phone where the sun don't shine and may not be willing to take you back when you finish your "vacation."
I'm not saying that you are not a nice guy, but you're former g/f is very pissed off. If you want to remain friends, you need to talk to her and try to understand her emotions. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 10:27:05 AM | never feel like an Idiot by being good to someone.
IMHO, the friends card is played to death. by definition, she cannot be a friend, because she has show a total lack of respect for herself by acting like a whore, and to you by having total lack of respect for you. It's called common respect.
In My view, "just friends" from a woman means..........,
1"Im simply not into you, I like you to take me out, and you are free to spend your money, but I won't give anything back".
2"And you are free to meet my needs, but since you are lonely Ill play that to the max and l will just hang around till I meet someone I like better."
3"I want somebody to cling to, some shoulder to cry on when I make bad choices when the bum I selected acts like a bum.. I want my cake and eat it too."
4"I dont give a rats-behind about your needs and desires, but you had BETTER be there for mine."
5"Ill keep you living on false hope, and as soon as I can do better, you're out".
6"And when you call me on this, I'll act shocked and insist that YOU are in the wrong. And I Will honestly expect you to accept it".
7 "I don't need ANY man, but I sure like it when you spend money on me"
P L E A S E! Reminds me of a monkey. A monkey wont jump off a branch, until it has a firm grip on another.
It's hard enough to find someone without these vague distractions. me agreeing to be just friends with someone i'm interested in, Just will siginal her that I would accept second class treatment. Ask any woman who tried that with me. They got blocked.
So by ANY definition, she cannot be a friend. she is a USER! cut her off, write her off, and RUN..... do not walk..........to the phone company and shut that phone down. cut off all contact.
let the clowns she is dropping trout for pick up the bills!
Find someone much more deserving to be good to and will give back.
Tom | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 10:31:04 AM | For the love of Gawd and all that is holy... MOVE ON!
Kick that using, lying whore to the curb and grow some balls and self-esteem.
Of course she's gonna miss you if you leave... she's gonna miss your money!
The best is yet to come. Don't sell yourself short for a two-bit skank. | |
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Nona37
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 22 | |
| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 10:35:16 AM | | You are her sugar daddy and while your hard earned money is supporting her, someone else is supporting her sexual needs, if you aren't "hitting" it, why would you financially support her? I know that sounds harsh, but sheesh, on top of this, she talks to you like a dog without regard who is around, I think you already know what to do, just gather the balls to do it and walk away, she needs a dose of reality. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 10:37:15 AM | Minosa hit the nail on the head.
No one uses anyone with out them allowing it.
You said you were helping a friend...
Slept with said friend...
Wants break from said friend...
Now is mad at said friend for not acting like his wife...
She's just a friend.
My Dear Op: You are a handsome man kind, caring and generous to a fault.
You need to find a new friend someone who will love all you do and return just as much back.
Two givers are better than a giver and taker. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 10:48:53 AM | | I checked out your profile... please, please don't tell me that is HER on your profile....if it is, take if off and find a real woman. You are young and goodlooking, with a ton of potential, don't wear your heart on your sleeve and don't let this incident fool you into believing all women are like her. Just be a bit more caucious next time around, and trust me, there will be a next time. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/10/2007 11:03:13 AM |
No one uses anyone with out them allowing it.
It happens all the time... Sometimes it isn't so obvious that a person IS being used; at least not to them. I find the whole, "We teach others how to treat us" bit doesn't hold true for every situation. People can't be controlled; they can be very chaotic at times and can do very mean, nasty things because of it.
OP, I'd say move on. Just go on with your life and live for YOU. | |
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