| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 9:06:42 AM | | Dating more than one guy at once. Definately have a favorite and not really into the others so much...only because of the favorite. Otherwise would likely be real interested in the others. Situations and circumstances make it so that the timing right now wouldn't be good for either of us (me or favorite) to get too serious. What to do when it is obvious that the others would also like to get huggy and kissy...I so don't want to go there but think it would help me not to be soooo "into" the favorite. I don't think he is "going there" with anyone else either but not entirely sure. Am not normally jealous, but hate the idea of him dating someone else, even though I do it all the time. Double standard I know. I hate this and don't want to mess things up with the favorite...but am terrified that I am going to get hurt too. How to guard your heart, keep yourself busy so that you don't get too needy with the one person, allow things to go at a natural pace and see where things go? I honestly don't know what the answer is here, but no I don't feel like we are ready to pull our profiles and quit dating other people. We have a great connection so I tend to think that even if he does date others that he will experience what I have and find that he doesn't connect with anyone else like we have anyway. I tend to think that it is almost best for him to date and find that out first hand. Need advice??? | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 9:15:03 AM |
Situations and circumstances make it so that the timing right now wouldn't be good for either of us (me or favorite) to get too serious.
Be specific about this situations, circumstances, timing thing OP. Why can't you be with each other? Hard to give advice when the question is so clouded. | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 9:19:52 AM | | Both of us are just coming out of bad relationships for one. For another, he hasn't done a lot of dating due to being in a long term relationship, so it seems the right idea for him to see what's out there before trying to settle into another LTR. I would virtually be the first after the previous LTR. I wouldn't want to get too involved until I knew that he wasn't wondering what else is out there. | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 10:16:30 AM | | How to guard your heart? Never date more than one at a time: it only confuses you. Keep your profile hidden while dating this person. Do not be concerned with what he does. You only have control over yourself. | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 10:18:14 AM | | you know jenny i think youve hit on something here ..... and i know there are exceptions but .... girls complain that guys dump them for someone they liked better ... but girls in the same position just date the new guy and the old one ...or the favorite and the others ... they may not be intimate with the others ... but they still keep giving them reason to hope for something more ... but a guy or most of them will dump/ break up with a woman who he is sleeping with to pursue one who he dont even know if he has a chance with ...just an observation ....now whos the players... case in point ...THE OP.....and she is separated ...so there is a husband in here somewhere ... who should print her posts it might come in handy divorce time | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 10:37:41 AM | | i think i get what girls mean now when they say"no games please".dating is a game if you are not upfront about your intentions.it seems to me that you want this guy to stop dating other people and just be with you.its quite possible he feels the same.if you wish that to be the case uuummm tell him so?if he says he is enjoying his time meeting others aswell right now,you have to decide if you are o.k with that or move on.oh ya about the being seperated thing.if someone isnt going to take the time to find out that you are divorced with some paperwork to burn yet to prove it,then they are probably not worth your time. | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 10:43:18 AM | I date more than one at a time all the time. For starters I try to keep it all casual, I let the man I'm with know upfront that I'm open to something serious if it were to develop but I do not go looking to be committed and serious after just one or two dates.
As for hugs, kisses, etc - I go there, why not? I'm an adult, dating other adults, enjoying getting to know the different men. I don't expect monogamy from them anymore than they do from me - which is where you seem to have a problem. You can't expect to date others and have the men your dating only date you. I just tell the guys I'm dating if they do date someone else, I don't want to hear about it.
Sometimes it takes a few dates over a few weeks to determine if someone is worth commiting into a monogamous relationship with. In the meantime enjoy yourself and give the other men a chance to show you how good they might be for you. | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 11:19:28 AM | ...Something about cake and eating it too...
I guess we can all understand the feelings if you're just coming out of a relationship, but that's one of the key phrases you have here (and there certainly are a few!). If you're more serious about one and want something more eventually from him, then it's a no-brainer. Stop seeing others. Will it eventually work with this one? Who knows? But I doubt seriously that it will work with three or four. Are you not sure about this "favorite"? Fine. But you owe it to him, AND yourself, to be upfront about it all. I don't think that makes you needy. And I don't think most rational men would believe that either if you're both on the same page about how you date. Some date many at once, some don't. I think it becomes difficult when you're both at opposite ends on this.
As for guarding your heart? I think the best way to do that is simply know who you are. I could never go through life being cautiously guarded about everything. But I also know who I am and what I want. One thing that you don't state, but that seems to come through pretty clear is that you worry that you will miss "the one". You're WAY too young for that! I think the one thing you can do in all of this is to not try too hard. Too many people seem to want to "make" things happen. You have to be out there. You have to be involved. That's when things or people "find" you.
Good luck! | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 11:34:01 AM | If a man posted this, every reply would be from women calling him "a playa".....
Do they all know you are dating 47 guys at a time? And if you have a fave, does it happen to be the one with the most money to spend on lavish gifts?
Wow.... | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 12:22:11 PM |
Both of us are just coming out of bad relationships for one.
There are two parts to this. The first is that you are both just coming out of any long-term relationship. Neither of you are likely going to be truly ready to settle into another LTR for two years or the duration of the prior relationship, whichever is shorter. (useful rule of thumb, your thumb length may vary).
The second part is that you are both coming out of bad relationships. That means that both of you got into bad relationships and stayed in them. Nothing in what you've said so far about either of you indicates that which bits were your faults have surfaced. You should think carefully about that and have a handful of short-term relationships -- acknowledge that up front, btw -- where you can work on improving your own behaviours. If there is no evidence that he's thinking and acting the same way, he'll either behave in the same negative patterns he's used to, or see you through the lens he built during his previous relationship.
Net-net: It's likely neither of are ready. If you can't keep your hands off of each other, go into it with open eyes. It probably won't last.
Cheers,
Mike (good relationship skills require attention and practice) | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 1:17:32 PM | I dated many bi and straight women many times I ended with 2 ladies, and used to have seven ladies on the go, I made it clear that I go for bi girls so they knew that I do have few girls, few problems raised I had to check my health to the local clinic regularly, and heart confusion on some as I felt more for some of them
never the less I was happier then than when I stopped it and started 121 relations and LTR which after few years it did not last, I guess my mind was always for the multi relationships that I enjoyed and had fun, my friend asked me to share his wife and told me she likes it we did, I think many women love to have threesome with 2 men if none of them possessive or jealous the aim is to satisfy women as much as we can after all they have their fantasy and joy as much as men have and more. | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 1:23:24 PM | | Sounds like it might be time to have a chat with your 'favourite' about dating each other exclusively ( http://uk.askmen.com/dating/heidi/38_dating_girl.html ), if that's the way you feel. If he agrees, be honest with the others, and see how they want to play it. If he doesn't see things the same way, you can continue dating other people openly and without guilt. | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 2:20:06 PM | With all due respect and IMHO if this guy were in to you as much as you are in to him the two of you would have come to an understanding...as long as one of you took the chance and put the expectation of monogamy on the table. You can schedule a date but you can't keep some things waiting at all let alone indefinitely.
I can tell you that this one individual man on the range here would never keep playing an indeterminate field if one woman truly captivated and preoccupied me. I'd be compelled to admit being enthralled. A roll of the dice? Of course, but some of us have to risk it all to achieve our expectations instead of wallowing in wishfull thinking.
Good luck OP. | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 2:20:50 PM | "If a man posted this, every reply would be from women calling him "a playa"....."
Sadly I think this statement is very true.
OT:
If your both just coming out of a bad relationship then I think you both need to not jump into another one right away. There is a reason of why its called a rebound.
You should also wait for those papers to be finalized before running into a new relationship. | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 3:01:42 PM | | A saying comes to mind SET IT FREE IF IT COMES BACK IT IS YOURS IF IT DOES NOT IT NEVER WAS Maybe what you should both do is decide that both of you will not see each other or talk to each other for awhile say a couple of months, date others and then look at both of you again and then decide. It could be like the post above just a rebound and wanting to be with someone to know you are desired and to just be close . | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 3:26:48 PM | Nfldsnow...I agree with you on the not getting together for a while...can't imagine pulling that off though...to be honest. 2 Months sounds like forever! ;-) I do agree with the "love something set it free" concept. Sunny Texas...I like the way you think!  | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/10/2007 3:49:25 PM | Sorry ladies but it indeed is that simple when one decides to live one's life within the precepts of reason and accept consequences whatever they might be sooner than later. The biggest problem we have across the gender aisle is a lack of communication. Whatever the motives dishonesty rarely proves productive.
You can exercise all the theatrics you want. Fact of the matter is you either communicate your evolving expectations as a woman or you keep "playing the game" like a girl hoping deceit will somehow be productive in the end. Not communicating your desires and expectations only reinforces extent negative stereotypes of women IMHO.
Why should we think you have any idea of what you really want if you vascilate on action and are unwilling to exercise inevitable risk sooner than later?
You may not like the way I think but you better rethink how to go about getting what you want for right now you are running a huge risk that he will find a more communicative woman before you finaly decide to put your expectations on the table. | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/11/2007 6:22:48 AM | I would never date more than 1 man at a time. So, I would never have to worry about this. When you are dating more than 1 man at a time. It's called a player. I don't play games like that with mens minds. When I am with a man, he has my full attention. Not me thinking , well tomorrow , I have a date with jerry, I wonder where will go | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/11/2007 11:02:48 AM | You date who you want, when you want. When the time feels right, you change. The rules you have for yourself, you have for others. You don't need to explain to anyone other than "I am not comfortable getting anymore physical than ____ at this time." If you let it be known that you are not exclusive - bravo, you should. Dating and being open to really finding a good relationship means neither using nor having sex, nor does it mean being absolutely exclusive in the early stages. It's all about meeting honestly and living in the moment.
Too many people think too far down the road and "what if" and have narrow confinements, thinking that a relationship "should" or "shouldn't be." Be yourself with honesty, maturity and a respect for others. The rest takes care of itself. | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:05:40 PM | I understand the concept here, and in fact lived this very scenario.
In 1998, I was much more active than I am now. Sporting events, concerts, and movies probably 4 times per week. I had three female friends, Patty, Sue and Diane. Patty loved concerts and didn't like sports or movies. Sue was the deep thinker and liked good movies with a plot and plays but hated sports and could take or leave going to a concert. Diane was the sports nut but concerts hurt her ears and she couldn't sit still for a movie.
So depending on what I was doing, I called the gal that matched the event.
The kicker comes here. They all knew about each other, and since it was clear that none of them would ever be a wife or even a serious romantic possibility, everybody was good with it. In fact we once ALL went to dinner!!!
Now, if this case is not as "friend" oriented and each of them thinks they are going to be the winner of the prize, it's a different thing, and I get the feeling she is maybe getting her freak on with all of them, just liking one better.
All in the context..... | |
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| What to do when dating more than one at a time?
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:49:42 PM | The day someone needs to involve someone other that the one being pursued is the day we all are in big trouble!
Maybe that day has already passed, that would explain a lot of things going on out here.
Bottom line; You shouldn't need an outside reference to know if the one you like is right for you. If he is the one you want, then put your energy into that and only that relationship. everyone is trying so hard to protect their heart that they can never feel a connection that is happening right in front of them.
To me, pulling a profile would show the intent of the person, leaving it would prove that the field is still being played regardless of what is said. | |
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