| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 4:59:11 AM | | hi been dating a guy from here for 7 weeks ive been hurt so much so have to be sure i like him and he says he likes me but im not sure he is always hinting at moving in and says we can get our own place next year i cannot afford one im single broke and have kids i was so unsure about him i got my mate who is also on here to message him anyway after a few chats he started coming on to her and mentioned sexual fantasties etc she asked him if he was dating and every time he said no and has no time to date as working. He told me he wants me forever and will take on my kids so why not tell my mate he has found someone why lie about it? she wnt date him she did this for me she says he a liar and aperv he is obsessed with bondage and kinky sex and cannot finish if u get my drift and aslo has a prob with oral yet he expects me to do it al to him. I only see him at weekends as he works and lives further away than i live. Ans whn on msn he is so slow at replying i wonder is he is chatting to other women i wish i new for def but i dnt . I just wnat to ask do all men chat up other woman and ask about sex and acam if there happy seeing someone? when he is at my home he is fine seems great relaxed etc and gets on with my kids and even refers to them as his! its only been 7 weeks is it to soon for him to be acting this way? im not a stupid perosn, but i wnat him to be genuine he says he is but i have a niggling feeling about him and it wnt go away. He also has to leave his house soon and my freind thinks he s just after a place to stay. I need hard evididence that he s a player but how? just chattinh up my mate is not enough evidence. she has now blocked him as she doesnt like wht he is doing to me. but he seem sos lovely whn he is here but does have prob in bedroom. What do i do? i dnt wnat to make a big mistake again. he is nice looking and a lot younger than me too and has offered to pay half and buy me stuff like furniture etc but i have some already my mate says he is doing the sympathy think to keep me keen he always says he in in bad health and needs looking after he doesnt look ill. | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:09:04 AM | Listen to your instincts....there's too many doubts in your mind,& from what you've said,think its pretty clear what he is !!!
Dont waste any more time with this Loser -- sure you could do a lot better than him. | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:09:50 AM | If you can't financially afford to make a mistake...then, um, don't make one. Simple. Move in elsewhere, where things appear much more stable.
don't complexify your life :) you can date him if you live someplace else, after all.... | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:33:21 AM | | If theres any doubt hun its not worth it , i think chatting your mate up. Then going on a date with her should be edvidence enough,if she wasnt your friend and another woman things may have go further.get out of it move on and think of your kids. | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:40:58 AM | gak!
so many red flags in here this thread is postively *glowing*.
girl...you already know the answer. listen to your gut--it's time to kick him to the curb!
especially when there are kids involved! you owe it to yourself *and* to them to exercise some serious tough love right now. | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:45:40 AM | These are called full stops.
....................................................
They come free with the site. Please feel free to use them and your future posts will not be so difficult to follow.
Now, with respect to your issues, it boggles my mind that you would actually be daft enough to think this is a healthy relationship.
Shake your head.
^^BG^^ | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:46:50 AM | | PLAYER! You have yourself and your kids to think about and this guy dont sound right. Trust me when i say YOU WILL know when it is right. As has been said above, the red flags have been shown. When i met my partner off another dating site i froze my account and with POF i added it to my profile as i like the forums. If his intentions were honourable he would noty of chatted to your mate like that. I wouldn't like a guy like that having any influence on my children. | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:49:24 AM |
gak!
so many red flags in here this thread is postively *glowing*.
girl...you already know the answer. listen to your gut--it's time to kick him to the curb!
especially when there are kids involved! you owe it to yourself *and* to them to exercise some serious tough love right now.
OP, I can "feel" the anxiety and confusion, just from reading your post. You're responding to a sense of desperation, I think, wanting so badly for this guy to be your "knight in shining armor", that you're willing to jump at things he says that are what you want to hear, while ignoring things that seem obvious.
I don't know what social services are available in your area, but you need to find out. You need to talk to someone, who can help you find answers based on things that are yours to do, instead of looking for a "rescue". The advice you get on an internet chat board may be sincere, but I think you need to work things through, one on one, with a real life counselor, who is aware of the resources available to you there.
My heart goes out to you, and I wish you well. | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:54:25 AM | I'm not sure why you are considering living with a man who you feel you have to spy on. Obviously you don't trust him or you would not have felt the need to "trick" him with your friends efforts. Why persue someone you can't trust, let alone live with him.
You'll know when it is the right one and obviously he isn't ready for a committment after only 7 weeks (in addition it's still too soon to be changing your childrens lives over a new man in your life).
Of course it is your life and you have to chose what is in your best interest and the best interest of your children - no one can really tell you what to do, but you did ask for advice so take all this with a grain of salt. The only one who can decide what is best for your life is you. | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:54:55 AM | ^^^
Good advice in post # 8 OP...
My heart goes out to you as well:) | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 6:03:41 AM | | Not only is he a player, but it sounds like he may be married. Drop the loser. Don't risk it. Being that kids are involved. And you cannot afford to make a mistake, don't move. and don't let him move in with you. When a woman is single with kids. THe only time she should move is if the man marries her. Then you know he is totally committed to you and your kids. | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 6:30:26 AM | I agree with all posters here 100%. Get out, your only gonna get burned worse than you already have been. It's not worth the heartache. Good luck.................
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 6:39:41 AM | | The guy is not a player, he's simply a dumbass. What guy would be stupid rnough enough to hit on a friend of yours and ask her sexual fantasies? a true player wouldn't even be spending time near your kids, let alone this. Guys like him, and the misuse of the term by people who've probably never encountered a true player in the lives, gives us good ones a bad name. | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 6:47:19 AM | I think the man is playing on your vulnerabilities......and I would be very afraid for my kids if I were you.
One sure way to stop this type of behavior from ever happening again is take care of yourself. Get a career, as someone suggested get as much help as you can from social services.
I know it's hard for you with children, but you don't need anymore heartache, remember when you hurt your children hurt also.
Oops I got the wrong impression from some posts......you have a career. The advice still holds, The guy is an ass. | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 6:51:07 AM | sweetpatricia......sorry to tell you this...he IS a player...I had the same exact thing happen on another website....fell madly in love..thought it was both ways...met his family...loved them...was very excited....I'm 48 years old, been married 3 times and thought I'd finally found "the one" he wouldn't get off the site I met him on and was on there every nite....Had a friend hit on him and I made up a profile and hit on him...within 4 hours he hit on both of us....he had told me he loved me and we had so much in common it was scary....I should have run then and never spoken to him...I tried to work things out...he turns things around and tries to blame me saying I was causing drama and playing games with him....come to find out, he is on AT LEAST 5 other singles websites....he's a cowboy and plays that card to the hilt....his mom even told me I was too good for him....so trust me....put him behind you and move on....he has issues and insecurities that you will never be able to fix....Wish you the best and I will keep you in my prayers...
paintpenner | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:07:32 AM | | oh god yes he did say a lot u can do better than me etc and are u sure u want me why cant i see wht hes like? help? im lonely | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:16:28 AM | | Is he a player??? Girl, you answered your own question, no doubt. What I wonder is why anyone would ever put up with games like this? He woulda been kicked to the curb along time ago, if it were me. :D | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:18:48 AM | At the risk of repeating what I said earlier, Patricia, you're first priority has to be to discover "who" you are, and what is "yours to do" vs. what can reasonably be expected to be found with another. No "other person" can bring the resolution to the problems in your life. Another person can, when you are ready, join with you in forming a greater "us" based on two "complete" individuals combining their strengths and talents.
The question isn't whether this specific guy is a "player" or not. The question is where you will look to find the answers to your life, and if you're looking for some other person, player or not, to provide answers that only you can find within yourself, then you're going to keep making the same mistakes over and over, and continue to be hurt, and continue to have your children exposed to emotional chaos.
You live in the U.K., and while I'm not at all familiar with the specifics, my general understanding is that you have fairly extensive social services available to you, including therapists and psychiatrists through your National Health Service.
Advice you get on a chat board, while well meaning and sincere, isn't going to give you the insight that you need to have to find the journey to yourself that will bring clarity to you about the future course of your life. Please, Patricia, for yourself and your children, make the call, talk to a real counselor. | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:20:24 AM | If you really need to come on here and ask this question, The last thing you need to worry about is whether or not he's a player.
You should be asking people where would be the best place to look for your self esteem! Or asking to borrow a few pounds to buy some common sense!
I need hard evididence that he s a player but how? just chattinh up my mate is not enough evidence.
If him chatting with your mate isn't enough what would be?
The scary thing is you are responsible for children.. If you can't figure this out on your own, how could you possibly be fit enough to raise kids?
This is so ridiculous, I really don't even think the situation is real! No one can be this ignorant!
~Belly~ | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:25:06 AM | OP, as pointed out by an earlier poster,
you do need to talk to someone, and listen
to them.
Perhaps a good counselor or therapist isn't
out of the question. Something to help get
your self esteem back up.
The dood isn't a player. He's just a user
and a parasite.
Do yourself a huge favor, and boot his ass
to the curb. | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:26:05 AM | Remember the saying:
"If it swims like a duck, walks like a duck, eats like a duck, and quacks like a duck...it's pretty self evident as to what it is..." | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 12/11/2007 8:06:40 AM | | Exactly Harvest Moon, the main point is no true player is that stupid... lol | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 5/14/2008 5:29:58 PM | HE IS A PLAYER!!
if this was me, he'd be outta here. 7 weeks, good u found out so soon.
count this a blessing,, and move on / simply forget about him.
unless u want in on his action////which i do not think u do.................run. and don't look back.
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| is he a player?
Posted: 5/14/2008 5:51:36 PM | guys like him make it almost imposable for nice guys to meet a women in here .you should forget what ever he said to you . and look else where for a mate.
and i want to say i am sorry on behalf of all the nice guys who get treated like leapers in this site . | |
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| is he a player?
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:10:28 PM | | Player or no player, should you really be talking about moving in with a man after only knowing him for seven weeks. Loneliness is a small price to pay for the peace of mind that comes with knowing that you did the right thing for your kids. Just think about how trapped and frustrated and helpless you will feel if you do this and it is a big mistake. I wouldn't even let someone baby sit my kids after only knowing them for seven weeks let alone letting them move in with me.If you are asking our advice,do us a favour and take it. RUN FORREST RUN. | |
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