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Posted: 12/12/2007 3:49:01 AM | hi bottom line...was engaged to a great lady was with her 10 years broke up 5 months ago..lived with her for about 8 years she had 2 sons anyway to cut to the chase i was feeling a bit low last week had a brainwave went to the florist ordered a dozen red roses to be sent to her place of work that was over a week ago ...and now im feeling a bit silly for doing it as of course i got no reply...question is did i do right or wrong ? | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 3:53:23 AM | Dont think there's really any right or wrong here.....you were feeling a bit nostalgic,& obviously still have warm thoughts about her....
And,maybe this was a gesture to try & re-kindle something,or whatever.....???
Whatever it was ,twas a"nice" thing to do ,but if you haven't heard back from her(not even a thankyou...?),well,guess you better try a bit harder to try & move on with your life......... | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 3:58:54 AM | Well, you opened a can of worms for her. She was probably doing just fine and maybe finally got you out of her system.... I mean 10 years engaged and no wedding day.... at least she knows you now realize you made a mistake and she probably feels better that you now know what a foolish mistake you made. I just hope it didn't open up an old wound for her.
Whats done is done. Nothing you can do about it now. I wonder though, what did you expect would happen when she received them? That she would come back to you? It will take more than some flowers to do that, especially after making her wait that long. She probably thinks you've hit a dry spell and were just looking for a quick fix. | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 4:00:24 AM | | I agree that you did a nice thing...I would have at least thanked you and then if I really did not want to see you anymore I would ask that you not do it again....I am really sorry about your break-up...10 years is a very long time | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 4:08:04 AM | dont really know what i expected at the time it just felt right its only now i feel kinda silly might be all the festive cheer thats going round and its my first xmas alone for a few years..anyway onwards and upwords  | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 4:12:19 AM | Sounds like a good thing to me, but part of the story is missing. Why did you break up? Was it mutual? Do you want to get back together? IF yes, call her and tell her how you feel! Maybe she feels the same. If you dont, then don't contact her anymore so that she can move on too.
Best of luck
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Posted: 12/12/2007 4:16:02 AM | hey there..... i gotta agree with mystic magic. she pretty much nailed it i think. but then, relationships are very complex things that require constant care and tending. and im right there with ya and christmas alone. this is not my first one, but it is still a very blue time. my first one alone was very difficult.
i found, and i know this sounds all 'mary poppins,' do a bunch of stuff for other people. work on making their christmas season bright and merry and full of joy, with no stress or drama. i am so not saying you 'would' or 'are' doing drama. no accusations or implications here. just do the christmas spirit thing and make others feel the love. it will take the edge off a little. for me it worked big time.
anyway, barring that, you can write and talk about how ya feel if ya want to. i am not hitting or anything like that..... just offering a neutral and friendly ear.
joy and peace to all.....
carola | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 4:34:07 AM | | Hi there..I think it was a really sweet nice thing to send her flowers..I had a break up in May and in August on my birthday he sent me a huge assortment of Cheryls cookies/candies..while I am not going to get back together with him..I thought it was kind of him to remember my birthday and I did acknowledge the nice gift. He then started trying to reconnect and I wanted to just leave things at that...eventually he got the picture. Please dont feel stupid..it was a very nice gesture regardless..just learn from the experience and try to find other thoughts and things to fill your time..it will take time. Allow yourself that time to heal and move forward. Good luck!! Rhonda | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 5:32:32 AM | what is the right or wrong about sending a bunch of flowers? well sending red roses obviously means you are still romantically interested in her but other than that it just means you thought about her and she should feel good that you still remember her and has thought fondly of her.
The other side of it is, that you might have your answer, she is not interested so you as you should have done before move on and find someone else to afflict your affections on.
Right or wrong, you got to live with the decisions you have made and luckily for you there are no repercussions for this one, just a no reply you can live with.
go enjoy your Christmas brother!
M | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 5:42:30 AM | thanks for all the advice guys..suppose its que sera sera ..time to move on  | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 5:48:34 AM | Nothing is wrong with what you did. The world lacks kindness and rommance and its sooo beautiful to see its still alive. Who knows maybe that flower could have brightend some ones day. the truth being if it brightend your day . then good. and good luck to you. its a rare thing now a days for a man to send a women flowers out of the blue!   | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 5:55:01 AM | | i really don't believe it was stupid...you did what moved you at that moment...who's to say she didn't miss you and was thinking about doing the same thing?..you've both been apart for a few months,it's given you both the space and time to think it all through...remember that saying "if you set something free,if it comes back it's yours,if not it never was!"..cheer up you did nothing wrong...at least now you know she is definitely not interested in going back to you. | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 6:10:41 AM | dude you sound so undecided....
how long was the engagement supposed to last?
send her roses every week same day same time and be a man and marry her!!!
or leave her alone.... | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 6:17:33 AM | You didn't do anything wrong.
You simply acted on a belief that you were doing the right thing. I did something similar with much more severe results.
When it comes to "affairs of the heart" sometimes it's difficult to follow your head instead of your heart. It's definitely a learning process. I learned alot about anger and rage and in the process I saved myself a very large sum of money.
No need to feel stupid, none at all.
"It's what we do that makes us who we are." | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 6:33:44 AM | | Send her a pic of you and your new gf... | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 6:46:33 AM | nah skyscrapper...i could never be that nasty or petty | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 6:49:05 AM | | Why are you assuming he didnt want to get married,some people assume I dont because I have been single 14 yrs. Not that I dont its been that I have been burned twice and am cautious. | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 6:50:12 AM | | true razz i said i was with her 10 yrs never said we were engaged 10 | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 7:12:35 AM | | interesting,I'd really like to hear what broke you up,it's usually the guy screwing up,no offense. I think we all learn when we find out what made it end between you,so we can become better partners . other wise its just facts your giving us, but anyway,I've never ever been a fan of a 'dozen roses' I think its sending the wrong message,like your groveling slash desperate,your giving away your power too,saying "i'll do anything to be accepted by you" and she doesn't want you to do that, I think one roze would have been a nice touch,12 is just over the top,your not proposing,lol.and mabey a card with it saying, "just wanted to say hi,was going to be at the shoeshop bar for a beer and a bite around 7pm for an hour,why don't you come by,see you there :)". that might have peeked her interest,,anyway,thats my 2 cents, | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 7:23:41 AM | well...all i know is she is going thru the menapause and i was getting the blame for everything coffee rings on the kitchen counter blah blah blah..the rest is just a mystery to me i really do love her ...next thing i know i was shown the door  | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 7:28:05 AM | | HELLO THERE SWEETIE, I LOVE RED ROSES. | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 7:35:20 AM | You have no idea what she thinks it means.
I'm sure she is wondering.
Did you give her false hope?
Sometimes a nice gesture can back fire for legitimate reasons.Roses say a lot to a lot of women.. | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 7:43:03 AM | | If you sent her the roses, it was a nice gesture and leave it at that. You may not get a response and that is okay too. Take the kindess as something "you" wanted to do because "you " feel a certain way, and have no expectations about reciprocation, and leave it at that. She probably doesn`t know how to respond so doing nothing may be her best response, and she does have a right to do so. It sounds like there may have been alot of things in the relationship that she was not comfortable with, but was afraid to verbalize them to you. So when she got frustrated enough, she just called it a day and left. When a woman has issues and doesn`t think she will be heard or nothing can be resolved and she can`t tolerate it, she usually calls it quits. I am that way. I hate to be a nag about things, so I just leave instead. | |
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Posted: 12/12/2007 7:53:32 AM | OP
You're human are you not ? 
Nothing wrong with what you did. ( not in my books anyway )
You should have received a thank you for your kindness.
10 yrs is a longtime .
On the otherhand, for myself, when I walked away from a L/T relationshp of 13 yrs, I choose not to reply to any emails or messages left to me from my ex. No Contact is a Golden Rule for me, but again...that's just me, the hurt & pain was to unbearable, but had I received a gift or flowers, I would've said thank you atleast, but nothing more.
I have to agree with mthompson on this one.
Unfortunately, you may have received your answer.
Good Luck & Keep your chin up !
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