| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/12/2007 4:02:32 AM | | I'm 39 years old....I love repelling, rock climbing, whitewater rafting, Level 5 Geocaching, hikeing, biking, sky diving, scuba/snrokleing and I have had a LOT of women tell me that stuff isnt for them, isnt cool, not their cup of tea etc etc. Which is FINE with me! But should I tone down my saturday exploits to get a date? I have tried to get women join me for some of the stuff and they say im boring them, I want love in my life long term, but I dont want to give up my Saturday afternoon exploits just to make a woman happy. I mean I would gladly walk away from everything for true love, but that would just a future relationship killer. Anybody have any advice or how to deal with the problem? | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/12/2007 4:10:14 AM | NO NO NO dont ever change who you are for any one.
in a relationship the two people comprimise , share the quality time.
with some women, tho not all, its me me me, if its not shopping or looking round shopping centres/malls then they dont want to know.
comprimise.......yes look around the shops/malls, do things together.
even if sky diving or scuba diving is not for her , you should still be able to enjoy your hobbies as long as it doesnt take over your life and that you have quality time for each other...which i know you would as you have already mentioned that but generally both parties should be able to have their own space and also to enjoy each others company.
sky diving is not my thing at all....would scare me to death but each to their own. | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/12/2007 6:55:06 AM | | Those activities sound very cool..but truth be told probably the only one I would remotely be interested in trying would be the whitewater rafting. But then again would you be interested in sitting down and say, making a quilt or knitting with me? LOL We all have our own interests and hobbies. If those things are what floats your boat then I say you shouldn't stop doing them. But on the other hand, if you find someone who you really like who doesn't really care to participate in any of your extreme sports interests would it really be such a bad thing to tone it down a little or maybe even find something a little less extreme that you could both enjoy and participate in? After all relationships are about compromise, both yours and hers. | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:28:31 AM | Definitely don't change....there's already enough competition down here......
You may have to commit the mortal online sin of looking for younger ladies.
I know only maybe a handful of 30 + ladies who are into anything more strenuous than Christmas shopping, and all of them are nuts.
I mean bi-polar.....whatever.....
They're crazy. | |
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EB1
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Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 5 | |
| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/12/2007 9:42:10 AM | No need to change for anyone....if the woman don't like those things, can't you both agree that you would go on your own or with likeminded friends??
Everyone has to have their own interests too.
I would try whitewater rafting. Hiking and biking sounds ok, have done that before, but I might be talking about "normal" hiking and biking here and not extreme ones...
EDIT what is geocatching??? | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/12/2007 10:04:30 AM | I have done all those things, so I know there are women who do. However, how come you are going after women who don't, when you do? I don't get the choices people make soemtimes. Also, is there some reason you must do everything with your GF?
This comes as a shock to many men, but you may need to strike a balance between what pleases you and what pleases her (adults call this "compromise"). | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/12/2007 12:28:59 PM | Absolutely CassaGo!!!!
1. Not ALL women hate extreme sports.
2. Don't date people whom you are unable to spend time with.
3. You don't have to do EVERYTHING together.
On football Sundays, my girlfriends and I hike peaks.
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/12/2007 1:42:28 PM | Right on man...just gotta keep looking.
Nothing makes me sadder than reading all the way through a fascinating profile only to see "I'll try anything once...except skydiving."
Not even once?
Blue Skys... | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/12/2007 2:59:55 PM | agree with you 100% on this, my friend!
I believe active involvement is sports like these makes you a better person as a whole. There are women that think these type of activities are cool. It is just a case of finding them. I can tell you the one place that you will NOT find them, & that is in a bar or nightclub on a friday or saturday night. Night club people & extreme sport people are the direct opposite to each other.
I think the type of women that have a problem with these activities are the type of women who would prefer you to stay at home & play "dad" to someone elses kids every saturday afternoon, someone they can "domesticate" or control. & Hey - THAT is not the stuff for me. But, Yes - I will gladly take a saturday off my outdoors activities here or there, make a compromise for a hot date or romantic meal with the right woman.
Maybe they jump to the wrong conclusion & think you will be spending most of your time outdoors away from her, instead of spending time with her. (An act of insecurity on her part). You could always taken her on a date that involves one of these outdoor activities, show her what its all about, how cool it really is. But I wouldn't just leave her on her own all afternoon whilst you're doing your thing. Mix it in with a nice meal, afternoon out... etc etc... I've had a few dates like that.
How to deal with Whuffos? I would look up to the heavens, thnk "Blue Skies", then laugh at them..... & walk the opposite direction.
I would also try & find the type of women who is involved in these type of sports. That's what I'm aiming for.
Blue Skies. | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/12/2007 6:44:08 PM | I'm totally understanding where you are coming from dude. I spent 20+ years doing a lot of outdoor adventure stuff and it has always been tough to find women who were into the outdoor adventure scene.
I could write sooo much about this. The best thing for me was when I lived in Colorado and was in an outdoor recreation club. While there, I met some of the women I dated thru the club. It was funny though, and we guys had to be careful. There were always a percentage of women in the club who were there just to latch onto a guy and they really weren't into the activtities, but pretended. I know of too many cases where a once a guy started dating a gal he met in the club they would disappear, then the guy would show up months later only to tell us that she really wasn't into the same stuff and she had actively discouraged him from continuing outdoor pursuits.
I've slowed down a bunch over the years but I still look for someone who truly appreciates and enjoys outdoor recreation. I think it is also tougher in the area where you and I live. WV and PA are not areas where outdoor recreation is as popular. I mean, if I advertised to start an outdoor club in this area most people would think I meant hunting and fishing.
Best of luck to you! | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:18:47 PM | If guys have a biological clock issue, it has to do with this.
Our window for really hardcore sports is limited. You can golf until you're practically dead. I will not be able to ride a vert ramp much after 40. I don't want an f--ing longboard. I want my shortboard(surfboard). My fiends are laughing about their boards getting longer and thicker(coinciding with their guts). Thei wives are afraid of injury. Some have genuine concern, others are afraid the paycheck won't come in.
Most women don't get it. The ones who do are a rare commodity. Usually those women are never short on dates. "We can snowboard and f---? Killer!"
In reality though, my "extreme sports behavior" was a great time AWAY from my SO.
Something I didn't HAVE to include her in. It was healthy. Plus, I've got insurance and aflac. Evel (RIP) stopped jumping at 40. I'll think about it then. | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/12/2007 9:03:37 PM |
There were always a percentage of women in the club who were there just to latch onto a guy and they really weren't into the activities, but pretended.
Ditto for me (except change the gender, of course). I would start dating someone to find out they actually WANTED to hike/bike/canoe/etc. instead of actually DID hike/bike/canoe/etc. I started taking men on hikes for our first date to weed them out. Now, that was interesting. Ohhhh, the stories........ | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/12/2007 9:36:38 PM | OP writes:
I love repelling, rock climbing, whitewater rafting, Level 5 Geocaching, hikeing, biking, sky diving, scuba/snrokleing and I have had a LOT of women tell me that stuff isnt for them.... should I tone down my saturday exploits to get a date?
What you should do is join those hiking/biking, rappelling/climbing web forums that are all over the place and get a date *there*. THAT'S where the women who are really into that are gonna hang looking for similarly interested dudes. | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/12/2007 10:05:48 PM |
Ditto for me (except change the gender, of course). I would start dating someone to find out they actually WANTED to hike/bike/canoe/etc. instead of actually DID hike/bike/canoe/etc. I started taking men on hikes for our first date to weed them out. Now, that was interesting. Ohhhh, the stories........
In reply to mezidjz #12.
I don't doubt it. There are a lot that talk the talk, but don't walk the walk.
Actually the gal I dated in 2004-2005 was the only woman who could, and wanted to, keep up with me. I usually couldn't keep up with her, but she was a professional marathon runner. Go figure...and with that came a whole other set of problems: way too competitive, hyper-critical, etc.
I do think region has a lot to do with the problem. Some areas of the country are better than others for finding suitable trekking partners who we would also be romantically interested in. Unfortunately the mid-atlantic region isn't a good location for outdoor recreation.
PS - feel free to tell me the first date stories but email directly to my POF address. I'd love to get a chuckle. | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/13/2007 12:24:34 AM | When I started jumpin', my then-girlfriend did too. After a slight, non-injurious malfunction on her 11th jump, she hung up her wings. I was supportive of her decision, and actually a bit relieved since her body and air-awareness was pretty sketchy. You know what I'm talking about.
Sadly, she started resenting my love affair with the air, which culminated when I moved to Arizona to be an instructor. She did not come with me.
I will jump until no longer physically able...potentially into my 70's, so Miss Right will have to accept that part of my reality. It's her choice to come with or not. | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/13/2007 8:14:06 AM | For me, it's not necessarily about the exact activity. I've been known to hike 140 in one trip. I climb 3 times a week not only for the fun of it but also for the health benefits. I'm in better shape at 38 than I've ever been and climb at the same level as guys 20 years younger than me--just about all but the professionals. I don't know too many women that are *willing* to perform at that level. I say willing because I think that's the real issue. Most people are physically capable--women included--but they're just not interested in the work it takes to be in that kind of shape after your early 20’s. I do know a few women who are but as has been said already, they're a rare commodity.
The real issue for me is a healthy life style for me AND my partner. I plan on being in better shape at 40 than I am now; my father is a triathlete at 71. I don’t plan on going quietly into retirement and I want a woman who's willing to be a part of that (if not my actual activates). I refuse to compromise on that part of it and may be committing to a single life because of it.
-Steve- | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/14/2007 11:49:30 AM | Hi
I just read your post and found it true, like you I have done mad things, including swimming with sharks, parachuting riding a motorbike (and im very much a lady!) amongst loads of other stuff and love it, i wouldnt change for anyone, and I wouldnt give them up either, its your dreams and ambitions not there's. we all have are own interests. I cant say im a coffee morning person either, and if someone really likes you they'll support you in what you do even if they think your mad as a box of frogs at the time, but thats what love is i guess.
Try letting them watch you perhaps and let them go to meetings and such like with you. dont change its you.
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/14/2007 12:56:13 PM | | sounds like the problem here isn't about your interest in extreme sports, but rather your interest in clingy/dependant women. i prefer to be in relationships with men who aren't clones of myself or my interests. it's just as healthy to have time apart to pursue interests as it is to spend quality time together sharing other interests. if either partner can't accept differences and allow a little space, then the issue is really with their own insecurity. | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/14/2007 11:03:50 PM |
sounds like the problem here isn't about your interest in extreme sports, but rather your interest in clingy/dependant women. i prefer to be in relationships with men who aren't clones of myself or my interests. it's just as healthy to have time apart to pursue interests as it is to spend quality time together sharing other interests. if either partner can't accept differences and allow a little space, then the issue is really with their own insecurity.
With respect, I'm going to challenge the above assertion. There is ample evidence in sociology circles to indicate that the more alike partners are the higher chance they have at making it work. Sure, the contrast of having different interests might make it seem more exciting but the facts are that partners really do need to share common interests, values, and goals. Once the clouded romance goggles come off all that is left is friendship or companionate love and unless that friendship is based on similarities and syncronicity then couple runs a higher risk of growing apart.
No one is saying that partners cannot have interests that make them unique but there aboslutely has to be common ground in areas where each partner expects for it to work. In this case the OP has stated that extreme sports are a large part of his being and expects that his partner is of a like mind in this respect. If he doesn't find someone who is at least interested and supporting of those goals then it most likely will not work. | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/16/2007 2:00:40 AM | Yea!''
YOU take up with a women, and don't mention your Saturday antics for a few weeks.
Then you tell her your plans for rock climbing.
When she tells you "you can't" you tell her that you can't tolerate a relationship with a control freak. That sorts the decent girls from the crontrol freaks pretty smartly. | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:58:35 PM | I agree with Crazycurls on this...
There would be no point dating someone who is a clone of yourself. It would be good for two to have interests that are similar but not exactly the same... to keep the interest, & the excitement.
The issue at hand is insecurity. I certainly wouldn't want to be with a woman who stays at home all day doing nothing, and then comlains because I've been doing what I want to do. If she doesn't want to get involved, its not my fault.
People who go Skydiving, Paragliding, etc , tend to be very independant secure (but down to earth) people & if the other person is so insecure - then....(shrugs his shoulders & shakes his head)
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k8bell
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 22 | |
| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/16/2007 6:21:38 PM | Ever go to the mall? There are all kinds of men sitting, reading. They are waiting for women to finish shopping. They're going to be supportive, and show interest in what they bought over lunch, then she's going to the game with him and will ask questions about the players. They don't have to love the same things. They just have to support each other. Sure it is nice if they have a few hobbies in common, or they could develop some...but really it is values common beleif systems that relationships are built on. Find a woman who shares your value of being able to go off and do your extreme sports while she does what she's interested in.
By the way, my climbing gear is hanging in the basement, but guys hate it when you play extreme sports better than them!
good luck out there!
K8 | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/17/2007 10:19:31 AM | 10 years ago or so I have an internet date who claimed to be an avid skydiver after seeing it on my list of activities. She went on and on about how she lived to sky dive, had here own gear and even seemed to know what she was talking about. First date time came about and she said "Surprise me", so made reservations at the local club. Turns out she had never been skydiving, but wanted to try it someday.
I don't sky dive anymore but an an avid kitesurfer, which still turns some women off. Fortunately, kitesurfing usually involves boating or being at the beach, which everyone enjoys, so I can kitesurf for a couple hours while they enjoy laying out, swimming, collecting stuff, etc. without being bored silly. | |
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| I'm 39 and women hate Extreme Sports
Posted: 12/17/2007 11:06:23 AM | ~OP~ Maybe you aren't meeting the type of women who love extremist experiences. I've been an adrenaline junkie for the past 15 years ~ I'm usually game for anything at least once. Not sure if that is odd or unusual, but since I don't date, it's women I do these extreme things with, so maybe we are just a strange group of adrenaline fiends who were lucky enough to find one another. I don't know how to find them, but we're out here. Maybe it's geographical somewhat as well. I live in a place where outdoor extremism is about the only entertainment here, so you either do it or you stagnate indoors. We have the ONLY suspension bridge in the US where base-jumping is legal ~ many other extreme things to do here, fabulous canyons, mt. biking that makes Moab look simple as well as many extreme winter activities. Maybe try looking on google to see if geographically there is a connection ~ I think there might be after reading this thread. Good luck in finding those types ~ it certainly does make life more alive it seems.  | |
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