| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/12/2007 7:02:23 PM | studies show that over 90 per cent of men and women possess a gay gene
what would you do if you had been dating someone many years,who was extremely kind,considerate and with a faultless personality,but you suspected they were gay.
would you confront the person and rip them to shreds with a harsh stare,and if you did and your suspicions were wrong,could the relationship survive the distrust.
is it better to live a lie and be happy?or would you insist on a heterosexual partner? | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 2 | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/12/2007 7:58:41 PM | Soooooooooooooooo. What are you really saying here bud?
You think you may be a fudge packer or what?
Just askin. :)
And to think. I was looking for a thread so I could ...................wait for it............poop disturb. ba bum bum.
I thank you. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/13/2007 2:32:32 PM | thankyou all for your contributions,the consensus seems to be one should discuss such an issue in a mature manner BUT THAT IT SHOULD NOT BE FATAL TO THE RELATIONSHIP
if this is true,wouldnt there be a risk of ones partner straying,after all they are primarily same sex oriented.
what clues should one look for of possible gay gene prominence,and at what stage would you feel compelled to `discuss` this with your partner.
for example,if a lady likes wearing jeans,wears no make-up and hangs out in the latin quarter,would this be enough?or men that wear a little too much jewellery and `sprayed on tight` shirts
i have often done what i called `second guessing orientation`to save valuable dating time but dont actually confront the date and ask.maybe i am the only person to think like this....am i alone?
DO YOU DARE TO ASK YOUR DATE? | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/13/2007 2:47:13 PM |
studies show that over 90 per cent of men and women possess a
gay gene
Cite a source.
what would you do if you had been dating someone many years,who was extremely kind,considerate and with a faultless personality,but you suspected they were gay.
For many years, I was in an LTR with a beautiful bi woman.
What did I do? What else could I do?
I enjoyed... Oh yeah, almost forgot.... and I bought a video camera. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/13/2007 3:06:36 PM | There is no gay gene. Scientists haven't discovered one, haven't marked it, in fact, most have given up on the idea that sexuality is attributable to genetic factors. So the idea that 90% of the population has the gene, that scientists don't know exists, is rather ridiculous.
And if you've been rejecting potential dates because of your superior gene sniffing skills, the dates you rejected lucked out. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/13/2007 4:13:43 PM | OP: Would you provide the source of where you found this information on this "study"? I am curious about this "gay gene".
I don't know what I would do, as I have never dated anyone with a "faultless" personality or gay!  If this were true and they possessed this said "gay gene", I would not shred them to pieces.....that is not going to solve a thing. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/13/2007 7:40:10 PM | please may i preface this reply by mentioning that the question itself is on confronting potentially gay partners:live a lie,ignorance is bliss,and can a relationship recover from discussing a partners sexuality.
to summarise,would you dare say to your partner,ARE YOU GAY?and what evidence would be needed first,which few seem to have even touched on.
i observe that one respondent is a professor,who refutes the existence of the gay gene,(message 7)
Between 2000 -2005 it is true that the theory was in decline,but studies of siblings has recently overwhelmingly proved the theory,to such an extent that now few scientists seriously deny the theory,and those that do are something of a voice in the wilderness.
please note the distinction between 90 per cent of the population having a gay gene and 90 per cent of the population being gay,the signing of the gene determines sexuality,not its presence
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20050128/is-there-gay-gene
my source is here in full:
SOURCES: Mustanski, B. Human Genetics, March 2005 online first edition. Brian Mustanski, PhD, department of psychiatry, University of Illinois at Chicago. Elliot S. Gershon, MD, professor of psychiatry and human genetics, University of Chicago. News release, University of Illinois at Chicago. Council for Responsible Genetics
so,back to the topic,ON WHAT EVIDENCE WOULD YOU DARE TO SAY TO YOUR PARTNER I SUSPECT YOU ARE GAY.i have often had these suspicions but have thought it ungentlemanly to raise my doubts as to sexual tendency,and i suspect that this is the elephant in the room which nobody sees,certainly few respondents here seem to have seen it
may i warmly thank all the contributors so far,and let the debate continue WOULD YOU DARE TO ASK YOUR PARTNER OR WOULD YOU BE TO AFRAID OF THE ANSWER!NOW WE`RE ROCKING! | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/13/2007 8:28:37 PM | 90% of people process the gay gene? muhahaha... wait for it... muhahahaha... almost there... muhahaha... ok first you.... muhahahaha.... *cough* ok, first you need to get... muhahahahahahah.
First you need to get better facts before making this comment. I have 0% of the gay gene. 90% of the people do not pocess the gay gene. There is no gay gene. That is something a gay person wants to believe.. so be it.
If you think the guy is gay, just ask. Do not be suprised if you are left alone for this action. Why in the world would you think someone you were with was gay? I have seen men that are able to share feeling and some women who can't, and vise versa. If he is looking at gay porn, other guys, or your brother..... then yes. If he shows emotions.. does not mean he is gay!!
As a side note, this is why men do not show emotions.... get bashed and called gay if we do. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/13/2007 8:32:04 PM | OP. the article you quoted says 60% of gay men shared genetic patterns.
Not 90% of the population.
Communication is #1 in a good relationship. There are ways of bringing up subjects which would give you more insight into how your partner thinks without calling them a gay outright. Its kinda of important to find out because your health could be at risk. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 4:41:47 AM | Actually that study has been criticized in the literature. The first problem with the study is that the gay men were self identified. So men who have sex with men but do not identify as gay were not included. Then of course there is the lack of female participants. And in the end that 60% of self identified gay men share similar genetic patterns- was only slightly (10%) more than what one would expect by chance . So what about all those self identified gay brothers that did not share the genetic pattern.
This wasn't one gene, it was a series of patterns that were on different chromosomes. These men could also have something else in common that would explain the similarity.
This study was also done by the same guy that promoted the gay gene theory to begin with, and it has not been replicated.
Sexuality is both a biological and social construct. We have the ability to label people and as a society we like to do so. But human sexuality does not conform to labels well. One of the problems we had in the early days of AIDS was marketing prevention methods to gay men. Turns out, there are quite a lot of men who have sex with men who really don't identify as gay. One may engage in behavior that another would classify as homosexual in nature, but still identify as straight.
So labeling isn't going to get you far, and forcing someone to accept your definition of their sexuality isn't really a bright idea. So far the only evidence you have offered for figuring out if someone is gay is a woman who wears jeans and no make-up. Your taking your definition of straight femininity and applying it to someone else's sexuality. I suggest instead of confronting women about your opinion of their sexuality, you simply stay away from women who do not meet your definition of straight femininity.
And for the message right above me- it is important to find out your partners sexual history regardless of their orientation- all unprotected sex is risky. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:00:49 AM | thanks everyone,some excellent points.
ok,so heres the puzzle,some say that we shouldnt care about our partners sexuality,then go on to say....you better ask because of aids!
SO YOU ARE SAYING BITE THE BULLET AND ASK THE QUESTION | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:29:37 AM | As a bunch of strangers on a forum....we don't have enough information to advise you what to do.
First of all, you say : what would you do if you had been dating someone many years,who was extremely kind,considerate and with a faultless personality,but you suspected they were gay.
So you are just dating? But you have been dating for many years? Why do you suspect they are gay?
Then you say : would you confront the person and rip them to shreds with a harsh stare,and if you did and your suspicions were wrong,could the relationship survive the distrust.
Why the heck would you confront them with a harsh stare? Do you have no finesse in your communcation with someone? Do you understand subtlety?
and then you say : is it better to live a lie and be happy?or would you insist on a heterosexual partner?
How can you possibly live a lie and be happy? If you are hetero why would you even ask if you insist on a hereto partner? Besides if you are just dating, then this person isn't your partner because you arent in a committed relationship.
Too many questions...not enough answers. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 7:12:30 AM |
SO YOU ARE SAYING BITE THE BULLET AND ASK THE QUESTION
If you want unprotected sex you should ask your partner about his/her sexual history. Which is different than asking someone about his/her orientation. If you only screen out those that you think are gay, you are still putting yourself at risk. Ask sexual history, and if you're not comfortable with it, don't have sex with the person.
STDs don't know the sexual orientation of the person they infect. It's not like HIV went around the world airborne said "Hey, there's a gay male, I think I'll infect him! Oops nope, not gay, just wearing a tight shirt, oh well". Unsafe behavior leads to the transmission of STDs, regardless of sexual orientation. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 8:48:26 AM | I don't believe there is a 'gay gene' ,that sounds like it came from the same boloney factory that made gems like 'you're just big-boned'.......
I'm no scientist, but it seems to me like it's a sort of birth defect.
Like buck teeth or six toes.
If your boyfriend is gay (and if you're suspecting he may be, chances are that he is...), I'd say go find one who isn't. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 8:59:37 AM | | Maybe I'm missing something - to me, either you have a good relationship or you don't. I don't get hung up on men being a certain way or women either. People shouldn't be pigeonholed by someone's idea of how they should be - you either click with them and understand them or you don't - if they were gay wouldn't they be with someone else? | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 9:01:46 AM | No,I have never dated someone I suspected was gay.
And if a partner ever did tell me he was gay,I would not "rip him to shreds".
I would lend a supporting ear for him,as I would suspect that he can use one.
Gee,where is your compassion?lol | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 9:18:03 AM | I don't know about the gay gene but studies have shown that men can have 'female brains' and vice versa. This is nothing to do with gayness however. Can't dig up a link just now but there was a great 'test your brain' questionnaire on the BBC website quite recently. This could explain why some men have characteristics thought of as female and why some of us females are more tomboy than frilly. All without batting for the same side!
Back to the question though, I'm curious about why we would want to 'rip anyone to shreds' if they came out and said they were gay. They may well have been suppressing that part of their personality or they may have only just come to terms with it. But of course there would be a question mark over the continuation of the relationship or the type of relationship as it would presumably affect the physical side for a start. And the partner who has 'come out' might want to explore same sex relationships. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 9:55:48 AM | i've never heard of a "gay gene"
and why would i wanna rip someone "to shreds with a harsh stare", if they've been nothing but "extremely kind, considerate and with a faultless personality" to me?
.. if he'd lied to me because he was maliciously playing some kind of distorted trick to make me fall for him only to try to crush me by then revealing his sexual orientation (??? can't think why anyone would bother to do that..) then i'd be upset and not want anything more to do with him...but i don't think, if he was a lovely person, like you describe, that he'd do that.... i think that it'd be more likely that he was trying to suppress his natural inclinations by forming a heterosexual union and was lying to himself as much as to me.. in which case he'd need as much support and care as i could give him, if he finally admitted to his homosexuality... he'd be facing enough condemnation without me adding to it
and no, i'd rather know the truth
if you really suspect that he may be gay and want to talk with him about it, why not just introduce the topic of homosexuality casually sometime when you're chatting and relaxing together.. say that you've heard of many people having bi/homo tendencies and wondered if he'd ever thought of it.. or some such.. certainly no need to be confrontational.. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 11:42:51 AM | well first off, if your partner is in a heterosexual relationship with you and you enjoy a healthy sex life...odds are he's bi, not gay. bi does not equate with promiscuous (which IMO isn't a bad word provided people are honest about their lifestyle)...bi people can have monogamous relationships with either an opposite sex or same sex partner, and they can also choose open or polyamorous relationships. i think many people have some bi tendencies and that human sexuality is a spectrum...some people move back and forth along that spectrum, others are happily set at a specific point on the scale, and then there are those who allow personal fears to limit their experiences.
i also find it funny how the suspicion of same sex attraction generates different responses based upon whether it's discussed in reference to a woman or a man. with a woman bisexuality is assumed, while men are assumed to be gay. why don't we read more about guys who are fearful that their gfs have "turned" lesbian, or read about women turned on by their hot bi bfs? just an observation. | |
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