| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 5/21/2005 3:32:09 PM | Does anyone else have a three date rule, or am I the only one?
If both participants are willing, I make it a rule to try to give someone at least 3 dates (providing I'm not entirely turned off after the first date.)
Why? I figure first meetings are a little tense and awkward. People aren't always themselves and it takes a while to get a better feel for a person. ie Sometimes you don't get someone's sense of humor until you've experienced it a couple of times.
Does anyone else do this? Do you think it's a good idea? Bad idea? Do you think it's possible to convince someone to give you a 2nd and possibly 3rd chance?
Thanks. | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 5/21/2005 3:42:57 PM | | Well I aint even had a first date, but your plan sounds good to me, i find it really strange that a lot of people describe themselves as having a GSOH and when we chat, actually they aint!!! | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 5/21/2005 4:50:06 PM | used to think like that
but then I realized that it doesnt work
you know at first and if somethings saying NOOOoooooooo
listen | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 5/21/2005 5:22:19 PM | | HECK NO. sometimes one date is too much. | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 5/21/2005 5:23:19 PM | | Um .... NO!!! If the first date goes badly, there is no second. | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 5/21/2005 11:03:36 PM | No no....that's not what I mean.
Like I said, there's obviously times when you KNOW the date is bad and you don't want another.
But there ARE dates that are kinda on the fence - it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't utterly awesome either. Where maybe 2 people are kind of shy and the first date doesn't quite let you get to know someone.....Does that make sense?
THOSE are the cases where I make my 3 date rule. If it's still on the fence after 3 dates, then it's a no go. | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 5/22/2005 5:57:41 AM | | ^^^I understand what you're saying and I agree. If I've had a date and wasn't utterly turned off but really wasn't sure how I felt then yes I would want a second date. The only thing though is that setting it to an exact "3 date rule" doesn't really work for me. I'll know if I want to see a person again or not depending on a number of factors, which could take 1, 3 or even 30 dates if necessary. | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 5/22/2005 6:43:38 AM | | I wouldn't want a second date if she was unsure about me. If it's not happening let's not waste time we could be spending online trying to get another date. Now that I see this written out it doesn't make as much sense. | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 5/22/2005 7:17:01 AM |
VIKARIOUS: But there ARE dates that are kinda on the fence - it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't utterly awesome either. Where maybe 2 people are kind of shy and the first date doesn't quite let you get to know someone.....Does that make sense?
THOSE are the cases where I make my 3 date rule. If it's still on the fence after 3 dates, then it's a no go.
So that's why I go out with women for a few dates, then I never hear back from them...
I'm only kidding, but your idea sounds good in principle: don't go on first impressions. Many of my single male friends who would be good "husband material" are often introverted and do not make the best first impression. Most men in their 30's who are extroverted and good husband material are already married.
Bear in mind that people responding to your post are from various age groups and various geographical locations. Since you are 25, the dynamics of the dating scene are different than for a woman who is 40 or 50. | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 5/22/2005 8:10:24 AM |
The only thing though is that setting it to an exact "3 date rule" doesn't really work for me. I'll know if I want to see a person again or not depending on a number of factors, which could take 1, 3 or even 30 dates if necessary
Three is just my general number. Could be more, could be only 2 dates.
I guess the basic thing I'm getting at is I think maybe people (including myself) are too quick to write someone off after one date. (and yes, I know there are cases where you HAVE to do that) Maybe it's my imagination, but I think some people are so focused on Mr./Ms. Perfect-in-my-Mind, that if someone doesn't meet those expectations in the first half hour, they're not intersted.
I'd like to meet someone outgoing, but lets face it, some people take time to warm up - if he's not comfortable with me by three dates, then it's probably not what I'm looking for. But I'd definately give them another chance (and could probably use one myself, being shy at first). | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 5/22/2005 9:12:53 AM | Generally no.
If I'm not feeling it on the first, then there is no second. | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 11/21/2007 11:05:48 AM | | Unless a man is completely unattractive or has a bad personality, I would date a man 2-3 times before making any decision. Some people can be nervous and shy on the first date. Sometimes you can click with the other person when you get to know them better. I think some people have unrealistic expectations for the first date and expect too much too quickly. If there isn't an instant "spark" within 10-15 minutes, then they quickly lose interest in the other person | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 11/21/2007 1:40:12 PM | I don't have such rules. I take things one date at a time.
If I have a good time on a date, I'm going to want to go on the next one provided he feels the same.
Response to off-topic posts removed.
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 11/21/2007 2:09:43 PM | Actually if it is a turn off from the 1st date.....no need for the second and so on....but yes first dates are very uncomfortable usually for both parties. If there is an interest in each other then it will take more than three dates to get comfortable and i mean dates...go out with each other and relax and talk and dont expect anything more....somewhere like a movie to enjoy together would be wonderfull....kinda find out what your partner likes in general ....and not sayin a run down list to boot...(aaaaaahhh take this pen and write it down on stone for me ok) lolol Yes i do have a sence of humor here | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 11/21/2007 2:39:35 PM | This sort of reminds me of my ex bf's theory on proposals...if you don't get a proposal by 18 months of dating, you never will. Since he made sure to tell me this theory at around month 20...well, you get the picture. Didn't have to be a rocket scientist to get it. Red flags everywhere.
Including, he is now 52 and has never been even close to marriage. Never engaged, and none of his relationships lasted more than a rocky 4 years. If I type more here, I'll need to move this to the "ever been with a true narcissist?" thread.
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 11/21/2007 6:25:34 PM | | I had a friend who would always find odd reasons for not going on a second date. Me & her best friend both recommended she do this. I cannot remember if it worked. All I can remember is that she is happily married now. | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 11/21/2007 7:11:33 PM | I have a 2 date rule. If a guy is nice and no logical reason to not want to date him i will give it a second date for like you said the first date can be ackward and nervious.
My ex fiencee I was with for 5 years. Our first date was the worst!!! I am sure glad I gave it a second date for it was magic from there on outside the fact we broke up after a few years. | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 11/21/2007 8:05:44 PM | Why would anyone voluntarily agree on a first date to sign up for an extended period of mediocrity, even if it's by mutual consent? If you've been talking on the phone for a while and you don't have the same rapport or there's no interest on date one, move on. | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:02:50 PM | | Deciding to date more than once is a two way street of course, but generally I will go out a second time because you are much more relaxed and able to see the person more clearly. | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 11/22/2007 3:21:31 PM |
Unless a man is completely unattractive or has a bad personality, I would date a man 2-3 times before making any decision. Some people can be nervous and shy on the first date. Sometimes you can click with the other person when you get to know them better. I think some people have unrealistic expectations for the first date and expect too much too quickly. If there isn't an instant "spark" within 10-15 minutes, then they quickly lose interest in the other person
It's an interesting observation but I think the odds of turning the corner on weak chemistry to start on a second date isn't very high. I'm sure some people might have had a bad day or whatnot, but I think there's the basic savings of time/effort/money by cutting bait sooner if you think it won't work out.
Speaking for most guys, I think all we ask for is a legitimate shot by someone who is truly available and giving us a real chance on a date.
Personally, as a guy, I wished more women would cut bait sooner. Something I think most women don't quite get is how expensive going on a date can be. Sure you can find less expensive things to do, but there is the cost in terms of your time. I can make more money, I can't make more time. Time wise, if a woman is wishy washy about me, she will probably stay wishy washy about me, and that time lost is pretty expensive in my eyes. | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 11/22/2007 4:41:19 PM | Why would anyone voluntarily agree on a first date to sign up for an extended period of mediocrity, even if it's by mutual consent? If you've been talking on the phone for a while and you don't have the same rapport or there's no interest on date one, move on
I don't think people are stating that you should go on a 2nd date with a person that you are completely NOT interested in. What some people are saying if it the first date was okay. Then it is possible that the second date could be better because you know the other person better or both people are more comfortable. If there still isn't a strong connection after the 2nd or 3rd date, then move on. I think some people can reject a person that could be a good match for them simply because there wasn't "instant fireworks" right away on the first date. I know plenty of couples that didn't "click" right away, but a strong connection gradually developed over time. | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 11/22/2007 5:18:59 PM | Correct me if I am wrong, but I think the OP is not questioning whether to have sex on the third date...but is asking when do you feel you've given them a fair chance to learn their personality without 'first date jitters'.
There shouldn't be any awkwardness on a first date. By then you should have already communicated via email, IM - phone or whatever and have a good vibe on who they are and vice versa.
If the first date is awkward, either there isn't any chemistry or one person lacks self-confidence. If it's the latter of the two - it will spill out into the date and chances are there won't be a second. My advice...be YOURSELF.
Too many people analyze things...  | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 11/22/2007 5:48:36 PM | It's an interesting observation but I think the odds of turning the corner on weak chemistry to start on a second date isn't very high. I'm sure some people might have had a bad day or whatnot, but I think there's the basic savings of time/effort/money by cutting bait sooner if you think it won't work out.
For me, if there is weak chemistry on the first date, then the man is usually unattractive, has a poor personality or I have completely different interests and viewpoints than he has. Those are the situations where I wouldn't go out on a 2nd date. There have some situations when the first date was great, but I quickly lost interest by the end of the 2nd or 3rd date. There have been other situations where the first date was decent but not spectacular. Then I became more interested in a man after the 2nd or 3rd date when I learned more things about him.
There shouldn't be any awkwardness on a first date. By then you should have already communicated via email, IM - phone or whatever and have a good vibe on who they are and vice versa.
I disagree. It's the first time that you are meeting the other person face to face. Seeing a person face to face is different than talking to a person by email or phone. Awkawardness can sometimes mean lack of mutual interest, but it can also mean that some people are a little bit nervous or shy on the first date. | |
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| Three Date Rule?
Posted: 11/22/2007 5:54:24 PM | so many rules ... so little time to break all of them *sigh*
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