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| God and Disease
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:43:18 PM | I am currently undergoing a rather severe illness, which was less than a day from reaching the point where only extensive emergency surgery and reconstructive surgery could have given me a shot at a normal life. The medical specialists involved in my case have explained to me that the speed at which the infection spread would have put me in danger of going blind at two days, and at three days, the chance of me living through it at all would be slim to none, even with several massive operations and constant monitoring.
As such, I have been doing a great deal of thinking, as one is prone to do when faced with their own mortality. For me, the toughest part was not the blinding agony as the infection reached my nerves, it was overcoming my petrifying fear of doctors enough to call them. Anyway, back to the subject I wish to discuss.
The phrase "because God willed it" is often used to describe healing, or beneficial, events. It is also used by some overzealous sects as a pretext to denying themselves and their families medical care, on the grounds that any disease is the result of God's will.
Since I do not believe in a sentient higher power, I often wonder how one can face themselves in a mirror after denying an obviously very ill person in need of immediate care any sort of medical treatment. (This analogy applies to me, as well: I was rushed from my primary doctor to a specialist, who first flat-out refused to treat me, then demanded payment up front, then examined the infection with a single un-gloved hand and announced to me that- upon my paying him- he would perform the same treatment my doctor had already attempted, which had failed. I intend to serve him with a malpractice suit, as soon as I am finished with the series of operations needed to ensure my own health).
Now, my own perspective on this scenario would not be conducive to conversation, as I'm the only Etherealist I've so far met. :-P
I posit the following:
What would each of your individual faith systems react to such a scenario?
I add the following provisos:
1) I don't care about your book, I care about YOU. How would YOU react, and if in doing so, you would utilize your book, which parts, and more importantly: for what reason would those excerpts help you.
2) No mention of other faith systems, including any you have held in the past. If you converted at any point, provide your current context, I do not want to know how the Old You would have responded.
There's the background scenario and the provisos for discusion. Talk amongst yourselves. :) | |
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| God and Disease
Posted: 12/13/2007 10:19:07 PM | Trippy - let me first say I am sorry to hear about your illness - I hope you get better soon. As far apart as we are on the forum spectrum your presence here would be missed by us all.
Now if I'm understanding you correctly you want us to comment on the physicians refusal to treat you without money up front and how my faith system would respond.
Hmmm, I thought you were in Canada, but checking your profile you are in the US.
Your situation would not occur in Canada if you were a Can citizen.
My faith system would look upon the physicians demand as highly uncharitable. However that said the US medical system is tied to the "for profit motive" rather than a public or humanitarian service.
If this happened to me I would be very upset.
The phrase "because God willed it" is often used to describe healing, or beneficial, events. It is also used by some overzealous sects as a pretext to denying themselves and their families medical care, on the grounds that any disease is the result of God's will.
I know that some religious adherents place all their faith in their god to heal and refuse any medical intervention for say their children, this is quite rare. I would compare that to someone who expects god to feed their children instead of working to produce income or the food that is needed for them. Kinda bogus application of faith.
I'll get back to this thread later as I'm still a little unsure what you are wanting in the form of replies.
You take care, and I hope you get the care needed. | |
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| God and Disease
Posted: 12/13/2007 10:23:27 PM | Thanks, Never: both for the prompt response and the condolences. Both are appreciated in equal measure. :)
Looking over my OP, I will admit that I wasn't very clear: blame the painkillers. Anyway, I am hoping to steer discussion more towards encroaching mortality: specifically, potentially fatal illness. I've heard all the Doubt-Anger-Negotiating-Acceptance jazz, but that's so impersonal.
Basically, I want to see how different people react differently to the same scenario: being one of encroaching death, that may narrowly be avoided.
I hope that was clearer. I'm still fairly doped up right now, though. :-P | |
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Posted: 12/13/2007 10:32:52 PM | First of all Trippy, let me say that I am awfully glad you are still here with us typing these words! May you heal swift and complete
I shattered my ankle a few years ago... a single mom of three and a student at the time... I had to have surgery which has left me with a metal plate and 8 screws..
Anyway, I know it really isn't comparable to what you are experiencing Trippy and that is not what I am getting at.... just that it most assuredly physically rocked my world... and is the best way I know how to relate to your question...
I was initially in a wheelchair, on pain pills, crutches for months, underwent another surgery, followed by another couple months of a walking cast..
Anyway, I could NOT figure out why it happened! At the time, all I could think is WTF?! What do you want from me God? I am doing good here going back to school, taking care of these kids on my own... like wtf?! (feeling sorry for myself bigtime)
More stuff happened when I got home from the hospital too... it was like everything was falling apart on me...
When things happen in my life I want to know what it means.. what is the lesson... what do I need to learn or grow past... I look for it, pay attention to my dreams, synchronicity, inner guidance and most importantly.. my feelings..
I try to see what it is a symptom of... what is my body/life/soul trying to tell me? I believe that everything begins on an energetic/spirtual level and if not dealt with, eventually manifests in the physical...
My eventual answer as to the lessons behind my shattered ankle is that I was a HUGE stress case trying to get straight A's and raise three healthy kids... I wouldn't slow down.. so I was forced to... not to mention being put into a completely helpless position, I HAD to rely on others help... and I am not overly accustomed to that..
It sucked in a massively large way... but when I look back now, I can see the perfection in it all....
What would I do in this situation? (this is in no way meant to come across that this is what I think you should be doing, only answering the question honestly) I would be sitting there trying to find the meaning... the why... and I know... some people believe that sometimes things just happen.. and I may be able to apply that to others.. but not to myself... so I know what I would be doing..
I would also make sure to love myself through it... I think I missed that all important step last time in my haste to get through it all quickly so that I could get back to accomplishing all the things I needed to..
Anyway, what a life-altering topic to bring here Trippy... I am in awe at your courage right now in so many ways and as I said earlier, I wish you a thorough healing.. many positive vibes from me
ps.. sorry for the novel! Lol.. | |
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Posted: 12/13/2007 10:46:39 PM | Anyway, I am hoping to steer discussion more towards encroaching mortality: specifically, potentially fatal illness. I've heard all the Doubt-Anger-Negotiating-Acceptance jazz, but that's so impersonal.
Arrr - Ok, got ya. Well, in a sense we are all facing that encroaching mortality. As Spike Millian once joked " Life is a long drawn out illness, curable only by death".
But I think you are more leaning towards a very soon to be exit out of here. Frankly it would scare the hell out of me, which for a Christian probably ain't a bad thing :).
Death for me itself is not scary, rather the possible pain involved and in your case there is pain.
Personally, if I was in considerable pain and life became intolerable while staring at a terminal illness I would consider euthanasia - not that I'm suggesting you do so. While there is no allowance for this in Christianity as far as I can see, it is a position I hold for myself. I have lived through chronic pain over about 5 - 6 years. And during that time it did sap the "life" out of me. There was very little joy in life. Just a wanting for the pain to go away. The thought of ending it did creep in there at times. My faith did not dwindle, I can't say it got any stronger. Eventually they did find the cause.
I know that some claim that suffering is good for the soul - I'm not one of those souls. Trials do cause growth, but pain is a debilitator in my experience.
Anyway, I hope that addresses a little of what your post was about.
I realise you can't respond due to posting restrictions - | |
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Posted: 12/14/2007 12:08:07 AM | Trippy--I am very sorry to hear of this emergency condition you are going thru now...it is my hope and prayer that you recover from this and continue to have the same quality of life that you have enjoyed prior. You are a very intelligent young man.
Since I do not believe in a sentient higher power, I often wonder how one can face themselves in a mirror after denying an obviously very ill person in need of immediate care any sort of medical treatment.
I don't get it either...except to say that their's is the love of money and truly an evil prospect all the way. He should also be called into question by his supporting medical authorities. Someone like this should have their license pulled IMO. I know that here in NY... I believe-- the hospitals at least, CANNOT refuse medical attention/treatment to ANYONE if they have no insurance even from what I remember. We're not talking about somebody taking their tv set in for a repair....this is a matter of LIFE AND DEATH for GOD's sake.
The phrase "because God willed it" is often used to describe healing, or beneficial, events. It is also used by some overzealous sects as a pretext to denying themselves and their families medical care, on the grounds that any disease is the result of God's will
I heard a case of this..where the father denied his son insulin as he trusted God for the healing without faith wavering. The son died. The man was charged criminally. Later he wrote an article of his experience. He also phoned a leading pastor with his reflections on what occurred. He stated that yes, he had believed God completely for the healing of his son. But he said that where he had utterly failed was in loving his son. The man realized too late sadly, that love is greater than all --including faith.
I think if I were facing a similar situation(as you are now) personally, my heart's cry would go out to God, the Father--the same one I cried out to when my mom passed away. And the same one I cried out to when I sensed that time in my life when He was calling and knocking (I was 21 at the time). My cry would be for my children first of all. I would not want to leave them. Of course, I'm sure my own self-pity would rise up at some point and my rage at Him as well. I know the feeling already. When my finger was caught in a machine press and the tip was crushed on the last day of a factory job..and when I was admitted for a major knee surgery back in the day it seemed like the bleakest day of my entire life when I entered that hospital for admission. Around me were many much older patients who were awaiting their own surgeries and such. My heart went out to those people as the sense of mortality filled the air like a thick, overpowering fog. Up to that time I don't think I ever felt quite as helpless, lonely or weak as I did then. And to be honest, if it hadn't been for Annette, my friend from the church, I would have felt even more crushed in my soul. There is a strength that comes from loved ones surrounding us in times like these Trippy. I hope yours are there as well.
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| God and Disease
Posted: 12/14/2007 12:39:14 AM | I don't believe in a religious or spiritual book.
I don't believe in a god, religion, or spirituality.
But I will take this opportunity to tell you that I hope you come out of this unscathed, and 100 %. A young man that holds much promise shouldn't have to deal with things like this.
So... get better soon.
All the best. | |
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Posted: 12/14/2007 3:48:46 AM | Just wanted to send you my best wishes for a speedy recovery Trippy.... and give a great big cyberspace hug.
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Posted: 12/14/2007 5:08:48 AM | I'm adding to the chorus of those who have already expressed their well wishes for a spectacular recovery.
It's difficult to know what I would feel about religion that I already don't, if you follow. If I'd been pulled from the brink of a horrible death... firstly I'd thank god I was in England at the time... a big OUCH! in the States. Not wanting to get into the politics but I'm sure you know that we have a National Health Service that supplies free treatment... that is to say no one would be charged a penny for an operation, let alone live-saving surgery!
In a way, I think god provides us with love… if the ability to seek the love of each other... this forum is an example of such a place in which to find it, yes?
God doesn't have to be a biblical figure, bellowing demands and expecting worship, it can be right here on this page and in your words.
I was thinking about what Sassy said, you know I never broke a bone in my 55 years... but tomorrow I could be crushed by a double-decker bus... the thing is, what's happening right now and how we make the best of it for others and ourselves.
I hope I've left something of worth trippy, and all the best to you! | |
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Posted: 12/14/2007 6:26:53 AM | Trippy, I would like to add that it is my hope that your health returns. I have no words of wisdom for you. I just want you to get better.
I shattered my ankle a few years ago
Me too, but closer to twenty years ago, plus a broken leg in two places. Pins, screws, rebuilt ankle from the hip, pain, crutches, the whole nine yards. Followed by a lovely bout of rheumatic fever. Like Sassy, it was the worst possible time. Life seemed to heap issue after issue on me, and I felt overwhelmed, alone, very scared and not prepared to entertain the thought that I may be slightly handicapped for the rest of my life. What amazed me though was the help that seemed to materialise. I was just beginning to deeply follow the Red Path at this point, so I believe I was being put to the test in that the Universe was saying to me, well, now's the time to judge for yourself.....
And DID the help EVER materialise, even when I didn't ask for it. I managed to get the best orthopedic surgeon this side of Montreal by sheer luck (!) of the draw. The hospital social worker just happened to be one who I went to school with so I got immediate assistance on short term disability assistance, babysitters, meds. I was somehow edged in to physical therapy closest to my home. My brothers and sisters in spirituality would pick me up and take me to healers, and I have some pretty strange stories about that! Long story short, all of my needs were met, and although I was told I would have limited mobility in my right ankle for the rest of my life, today I have full mobility, although I do experience some pain when the humidity is high. It would seem that it was almost magical...
I believe that I was taught the lesson of patience and the lesson that EVERYONE needs a hand sometimes. Humility, for me, was an alien feeling at the time, and very painful for me to accept. Now, as I look back, I find this experience changed me to the very core of my being. It also changed my outlook in my professional life. I was shown most clearly that sh*t happens, and that people are left seriously vulnerable, and that I was shown the manner in which help should be respectfully offered.
I haven't looked back since. I've not been sick to the point where my life was at stake, but I have been in other situations where this was so. At those times, I just accepted that if it's time to go, then make it fast....when it was all over, I had meltdowns and medicated myself with the help of the Captain...... The next morning, business as usual....
Cheers, Raven | |
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| God and Disease
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:51:56 AM | Good luck with your treatments, I'd hate to not have you around here anymore.
I follow a kinda mishmashy self religion I call "non-denominational". Included in that is the idea of reincarnation for the purpose of experiencing different things, learning different lessons, and perfection of the soul. While smaller bouts of good and bad fortune might be more karmic in nature, I think the really big events in our lives are things we're meant to experience, lessons we chose for ourself before we even began this life. With that in mind, I wouldn't fear death if faced with some sort of incurable terminal illness or whatnot, but that doesn't mean I'd want to go right now, there's still alot of things I'd like to do first.If I'm not bedridden I'd try to jam as much experience into my final time as possible. I suppose the fact that I have no dependants colors that a bit, if I had children to worry about I'd probably spend my time getting my affairs in order to make sure things go as well as possible for them.
Reguarding letting God be your HMO, I don't agree with this at all. Why would you bug God to heal you when the treatment is readily available, maybe making the treatment available is God's way of healing you. | |
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Posted: 12/14/2007 7:14:45 AM | Just in case it helps Trippy, I'm sending as much positivity as I can your way... You never know, right? I've gotten positive vibes from reading your thoughts many times, so hey... Don't lose the smile!
Because God willed it... That always gets me... If God willed everything then It/He, (whatever you wanna label it) willed the medicines or operations to be made or performed.
I don't understand how many doctors can deny help... Maybe they should get paid less and have cheaper schooling so only the ones who genuinely want to help people would become doctors... Too many times money comes first over people... I don't get it... How much trouble do they get in for helping someone with no insurance... Sorry, I'm from north of the border too and don't really know what it's like to be refused.
My belief system says that we all have things to teach us... Letting somebody go when you can do something to keep them(not against their will, mind you) is taking away knowledge that person can later pass on... Kind of like burning books. | |
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Posted: 12/14/2007 7:29:36 AM | Trippy, sorry to hear about your illness, and hoping you recover soon.
Me, I go to the doctor regularly, try to live a healthy life, got my flu shot, have regular BP readings, etc. I also live where specialists don't demand money up front. When I get sick I go see my doc (or go buy an over the counter kit or do whatever seems best if I know he can't help) and I pray. It works for me.
My advice to you? Reconsider that supreme being and ask for help. It can't hurt and it might help. | |
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Posted: 12/14/2007 9:36:53 AM | I'm overcome with emotion on this... I've liked you with every stubborn arguement we've ever had. And what's more I fully expect to have many more.
1. I would call every christian I know and ask for their prayers. I would pray cry and probably whine about it to my God until I was blue in the face or had an answer that brought me peace of mind. I know this because once when I was near death I felt the spirit of the Lord showing me catagoricly why I was where I was and that I would be given another chance.
2. Like that country song I think I would probably call everyone I knew of that I needed to either forgive or be forgiven by.
Anyway that's it. I will ask for healing in the name of my savior if you want me to... well... guess I'll do it either way. May you come through this with a new revelation for us all. I am blessed within myself to know you... you have a formidable force of honesty and frankness that has corrected me at times. Above all things at this moment I pray this continue.
peter | |
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Posted: 12/14/2007 9:45:22 AM | | Trippy; my prayers go forth as well. | |
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Nergal
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Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 16 | |
| God and Disease
Posted: 12/14/2007 9:55:29 AM | I'm lucky, I am rarely ill. I get the occasional cold and nearly killed myself treating it with the over the counter medicines so I dont even touch those these days. The worst I've had was a broken arm and that healed in two weeks, I went to school a couple of days running with just a bandage on it before I went to hospital. I managed to put a drill into my hand the other day, its nearly healed now, went to hospital but it had stopped bleeding by that time. If I did get something serious I would be down the doctors and get it fixed, like a few others I live in the UK and its free. I put a lot of it down to positive thinking. A lot of women in the UK complain that guys with colds treat it like they are dying, I just work through it. Some people seem to constantly harp on about their illnesses and act as though they are hypochondriacs. That appears to make things worse. Having a positive attitude has been proven to help post-operative recovery. And it doesnt matter whether its natural optimism or just faith in a higher power as long as its positive ...
Trippy .. you are generally very positive, I wish you well and I am sure things will go ok. Enjoy your recovery ... ) | |
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Posted: 12/14/2007 9:57:56 AM | It lies in your past to heal the past is towards your future your own magnificent within is sometimes ignored, todays projection is yesterdays fear.
A test you are always ready for, a blind person is not always blind and can see trust, you see a blind person and that is all. | |
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Posted: 12/14/2007 12:53:30 PM | trippy_hare,
i am truly sorry to hear of your situation, and even though i don't know you as well as others here, and we don't believe the same way, i'm still gonna (have, lol) pray for you in hopes that God will hear my prayers for you!
Basically, I want to see how different people react differently to the same scenario: being one of encroaching death, that may narrowly be avoided.
Personally, if i were in your shoes, i'd really have to take a step back, and analyze my past. Take care of all the what if's, the why did or didn't i's, and any other questions that might arise. Of course i'd be praying for answers, any answers, even the slightest hint of an answer. (i've had yelling matches with God, of course, i was the only one yelling, lol). I'd want to make ammends to anybody that i may have harmed in any way. I'd be preparing for the worst, while hoping for the best! Anything to give me some peace of mind! And then maybe i'd do some things that i've always wanted to do, if i could!
1) I don't care about your book, I care about YOU. How would YOU react, and if in doing so, you would utilize your book, which parts, and more importantly: for what reason would those excerpts help you.
I would utilize my book (Bible), and the main scriptures would be the Psalms and Proverbs! Because they have always brought me great joy, knowledge, and peace!
P.S. the song statueman refered to is by Tim McGraw, "Live Like You Were Dying", here's where you can hear and see it~
http://www.videocodezone.com/videos/t/tim_mcgraw/live_like_you_were_dying.html
He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how's it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what'd you do
he said
CHORUS:
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.
He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn't
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn't such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I'd do if I could do it all again
and then...
CHORUS:
Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about
what'd you do with it what did you do with it
what did I do with it
what would I do with it?
Sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I watched an eagle as it was flying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying..................................
trippy_hare, if ya ever need someone just to talk to, b*tch at, cry to, yell at, whatever, just send me an e-mail. I won't preach, lol, but i'll do my best to comfort you in your time of need, mano e mano!
God bless
Tom | |
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Posted: 12/14/2007 1:08:11 PM | Trippy_Hare,
my personal path is one of contacting other realms, so I really have no doubt of where I'm going when this life is over.
If we all share the same fate, which I believe is true, then I want to tell you that everything will be alright, even if you die. The next realm is kind and gentle, it forgives all sins, and it loves all its denizens.
As far as survival and why such a thing would happen to anyone, I'll tell you and everyone my personal opinion on why bad things happen to good people.
Even the greatest healer would be nothing, if that healer had never needed healing of his own.
Whatever your body is experiencing, and whatever stress you may be feeling around the system, all of this will eventually be yours to carry with you, should you decide to possibly do more than just sue, but also try to see to it that your nation sees such illnesses in a more giving light, rather than acting like profiteers.
The point is that every pain we suffer is meant to let us prevent the same pain happening to another. All the pain I feel every day, with my neurological disorders and loneliness and so much else, helps me to see the plights of others with a kind face. Like all of us, I see you as a fellow human being, regardless of your spirituality.
I will see what I can do to help you, and I also pray that you will find healing.
~ David | |
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Posted: 12/14/2007 1:37:28 PM |
1) I don't care about your book, I care about YOU. How would YOU react, and if in doing so, you would utilize your book, which parts, and more importantly: for what reason would those excerpts help you.
What I have to say can help you or hurt you which ever way you wish.
Back ground on me a bit so you know I can and DO have the ability to provide you with what you seek.
I grew up on top of a mountain next to high voltage lines. As with many people that are around this type of trouble I HAD developed a terminal brain tumor.
After time it got to the point that I started having strokes. I started loosing the ability to control certain muscles.
What do you do when someone tells you that you are going to die?
Well for me I got PISSED. I set out on my journey to heal myself using any and all means available.
I took a bite from the tree of knowledge and as a result I no longer have any tumor no more strokes, I rarely get sick, And I can manage to solve most problems I am confronted with.
Most of the physical troubles I had that were the result from the strokes have been repaired and I am almost back to normal.
So my question for you would be....
How badly do you want to be healed?
From the time I have known you.....you seem stubborn just like I was and a perfect candidate to receive your healing.
The cost was high. It cost me the life I could have had to receive it. So how badly do you want it? | |
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Posted: 12/14/2007 2:34:10 PM | I don't know where I am going with this.. I am very emotional about your news. Bear with me...
Healing and mortality are things I have spent a lot of time on.. studying, reading about.. and I've had a few close calls myself.
First off I would like to say that I wish you WERE in Canada.. medical help would be available no matter what your situation.
I believe as Sassy, that all physical illness has a spiritual or emotional/mental base. I believe deeply that we are creatures of various interconnecting levels. I have had problems with my health that were directly related to deep-seated beliefs I had...examining them and letting those go became healing for me. I have also been healed of plantar fascitis (was due for surgery) by my Reiki master. Two treatments and it just went away...the doctors are mystified! I also believe in seeking medical attention when necessary, but also to be open to alternative treatments and such inner work as needs to be done.
As for mortality... death is a release... a doorway to home. As for a supreme sentient being...who knows? I do know there is more after this.. it's subjective, sure, but I am convinced of it.
Please know that my deepest concern and care is with you. With your permission I would like to light a candle for you and send as much healing energy as I can.
Your friend,
Ravenstar | |
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Posted: 12/14/2007 10:44:53 PM | Due to certain restrictions, Trippy is unable to post at this time... but he wanted to say:
sniffle*
Aww, geez. If I were still capable of blushing, I would be quite red right now. All the more evidence that, despite our differences, we- as human beings- have much more in common than we do difference. I am genuinely touched. :)
So far, I have indeed learned many lessons from this experience: letting others help me was one. Putting aside my abject fear of something in order to utilize it was another. Though I am still terrified at the prospect of what it still to come, and doctors in general scare the pants off me, I also discovered a group of people who are a great credit to their professions, and to mankind as a whole.
I also met a miserly old **stard who- as a result of his refusal to act like a decent human being- is in the process of losing his licence to practice medicine... and possibly charges of criminal malpractice and criminal negligence. I prefer to think of it as karmic, and it has ocurred to me that my ordeal may not even be intended to teach me something, but rather as a lesson to the doctors. I'd give one an "F", and the rest resounding "A"s. :D | |
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Posted: 12/14/2007 11:01:43 PM | | Thanks for posting Trippys feelings Sass. | |
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Posted: 12/15/2007 2:59:52 AM | Trippy ~
In 1991, I was given an epidural for pain management during the birth of my youngest daughter.... having had one before, I quickly realized that this one was not going well as the pain of my contractions was increasing rather than decreasing. I told my doctor that the epidural was not working, that I was losing sensation high in my midsection rather than in my pelvis. He was not overly concerned because he was preoccupied trying to deliver my daughter. I had been in forced labour for 12 hours, and it was no longer possible to do a caesarean section since the baby was engaged in the birth canal but "stuck".
On top of being so worn out, I started getting sick to my stomach. When I tried to cough to clear my throat, I could only make the feeblest attempts but chalked this up to exhaustion. When I tried to tell my doctor that it was difficult for me to cough, it took all my energy just to voice the words and I doubt that he even heard me. It was becoming impossible to move.... and only then it dawned on me.... the anesthesia was ascending instead of descending.... which was why my esophageal sphincters had opened and I had lost my cough reflex....
Because of my medical background, I knew what would happen next. My respirations would become depressed and if no interventions were made, I would stop breathing. However, by this time the anesthesia was so entrenched that I could not communicate at all.
So there I lay, for all intents and purposes paralyzed and completely unable to warn my doctor what was happening. Perhaps I was not being monitored as closely as I should have been because they were still having a hell of a time getting my daughter out. Realizing that I had, at most, only a few minutes of consciousness left and was in no way able to communicate, this is what happened....
I said my goodbyes silently. In my mind, I enveloped my other two daughters in all the love I had and told them I was sorry that I would not be there to see them grow up. I sent out waves of love to my third, as yet unborn daughter and asked her to be a good girl for her daddy. I silently asked my husband to forgive me for leaving him with 3 small girls to raise by himself....
This was neither scary nor sad. In the moments before I stopped breathing, the energy that was me became the purest love for my family. I had never felt anything even remotely like this before in my life. The important distinction here is that I did not feel love, I became love ~ almost as if I were irradiating and illuminating my husband and daughters.... and I was totally at peace....
My life did not "flash before my eyes".... there was no "tunnel" that I passed through.... there was no "white light to move toward".... I did not "leave my body and float to the ceiling to observe the chaos that ensued".... I was not given any options as to whether "I should stay or I should go".... and I did not have "relatives who had passed before, come to greet me"....In short, all of the things that one so often hears about near death experiences did not happen to me.
I suppose I could liken it to finally being able to take a nap after a hard day's work (your life to date).... perhaps it is raining and blustery outside (events going on around you).... you have wrapped yourself in warm, soft blankets (said your goodbyes and I love you's).... and are finally able to succumb to your overwhelming fatigue (slipping away) while someone helpfully uses a dimmer switch to turn the lights out (cessation of breathing)....
I cannot tell you what lies beyond death's door. My daughter finally entered this world just moments before I left. The doctors were able to return their attention to me and I was resuscitated. In fact I was brought back 4 times before I finally stabilized. However, Michelle was born with severe brain dysfunction.... the doctor had attached a vacuum extractor to her skull to try to pull her out of the birth canal and unfortunately pulled too long and too hard....
I do not believe that all physical illness has a spiritual or emotional/mental foundation.... I've worked with too many children who succumbed to cancers and leukemias and I find it rather fanciful to believe that "innocent" children would be exempted from this notion but adults would not (who determines the cut off age whereby one passes from exemption to ownership???).... cancer is cancer.... it is indiscriminate ~ not an entity which decides whether you'll get a pass or not based on your emotional or mental status.... it has no way of knowing if you are a "good" person or a "bad" person.... and bad things happen to good people as often as they happen to bad people.... that being said....
As I read through these posts, I see a common theme ~ respect.... you continue to challenge posters to examine their beliefs and to leave the comfort of their safety zones to fully look at issues from all angles.... whether we agree or disagree with you is irrelevant.... we respect you.
I also see and feel an outpouring of love for you in this, your time of need. This community of posters is embracing you in your dark hours. Draw strength from this.
I am a practicing Buddhist.... during my meditations, I will inhale your frustrations, fears, anxieties and pain and exhale warmth, peace, love and the hope that you get the intervention you need so that you may continue to challenge us for many years yet to come.... but if it comes to pass that it is time for a new beginning outside of this earthly realm ~ don't be afraid Trippy ~ it's all about love and peace.... there is no fear.... really and truly....
Namaste my brother......... with love from Rains | |
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| God and Disease
Posted: 12/15/2007 7:19:08 AM | | My God got me thru my struggle with cancer at 37 with a 6 yr old child! He taught me to rely on him and Him only;and that much as I didnt like the idea my family could survive w/o me.He taught me to slow down and smell the roses and to be thankful for every breathe I take.This is after losing 3 immediate family members already one of whom was only 10.Some things we will never understand;if we did we would do even more stupid things to each other with so much knowledge.We simply must trust! | |
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