| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 1:10:43 AM | Given my string of failed relationships & the fact that in the recent ones I have been cheated on, lied to & stolen from I am wondering if it would be better to get **** buddy & go into a casual relationship rather than persue a full, meaningful, emotional & trusting relationship.
Also given that my faith & trust in others has been shattered repeatidly & I am becomming ever more depressed, stressed & cynical of other people as a result is it a viable solution?
BTW I should say "exclusive **** buddies" cos I don't sleep around with more than one person at a time & would not want my partner to.
What say you all... discuss please. | |
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 1:27:22 AM | It sounds like you need to look within for solutions to your problems rather than looking outside for a quick fix.
You have gone through a rough patch. We all have. If you want to fix the problems then look within and ask yourself honestly what did you do to cause the problems you had. It could be bad choices in women, personal boundary issues, confidence issues or a myriad of things.
In my experience going into a f*ck buddy situation only slows down your progress. It can also exacerbate your trust and faith issues because at its core the relationship has neither of those characteristics. It is there to fulfill animal needs at its core level and rarely do they involve trust or faith. The only faith you may have is if they or you will be available for a 2am session.
Also the concept of "exclusive f*ck buddies" is an oxymoron. You are asking for a committed casual relationship. It is really the same thing but on opposite sides of the spectrum.
But that is from a guy who, from experience, thinks there is no value to f*ck buddy relationships but you will get other folks to swear by them and will tell you to go for it.
Good luck! | |
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 1:30:19 AM | | I've been through the **** buddy thing, and let me tell you, it isn't worth it. At first you kinda like the excitement etc, you have some fun. But I don't know about you, but when it happened to me, I found after a while, the guy I was doing it with, I started to have feelings for him and I wanted more. But he just wanted sex, so I ended things and I don't speak with him anymore. It's a temporary fix to me. And it makes you feel kinda low sleeping with someone without having a relationship with them. Unless you are completely devoid of emotion and just don't care. If that's the case then knock yourself out.. | |
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nogo3
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Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 4 | |
| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 1:39:53 AM | Jest covered it pretty well but i want to ad to what he said, you need to start asking question and finding out what they think about things to find more compatability, you are doing something wrond if you have so many failures, change what you are doing, ask some female friends.
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 2:29:42 AM | im sorry buddy but u aren't the only one to have strings of messed up relationships. Its a fact of life. You just have to suck it up and move on with ur life. having sex with someone jsut to have sex is not the way to go. learn how to pace urself with ur trust and dnt let people into ur house man duh. if u have a failed relationship cry get mad or whatever it takes and then get over it and move on and hope to learn from the past mistakes to make the next relationship work out better. if you keep repeating the same pattern the outcome will always be the same. think about it man. move on with ur life. im a woman and there arent any women out there that are worse or better then most men. it happens to the best of us | |
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 2:32:35 AM | | Is this really a young man asking if he should be looking for something that is obviously going to be in the short term? I was under the impression that everyone under 30 had that as an agenda! But that is casting a wide net and I do not mean to insult anyone with that comment. Now when you are alone at 55+, it may be that is all you can find. Although I have had a relationship where he would not 'perform sex' , prefering to wait until he was sure of his feelings. Love And Sex or Love Vs Sex. It is an old argument | |
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 2:48:53 AM | I continue to think that the f**k buddy or FWB relationship is misunderstood, at least
from my thinking. For me, it is not possible to just jump into a FWB situation. There has to
be the existence of friendship first.......and that doesn't just happen.
OP, in your case, you may just be expecting too much, too fast in the relationship department. It takes time....two people are making decisions here.....it is not like buying a car or a new suit.
And furthermore, the issue of f**k buddy or FWB is not exclusive....maybe in rare cases but if a woman is willing to accept these demands on a relationship....it is because she is hoping that it will become more. JMHO.......
Becca | |
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 3:02:13 AM | Im sorry to say, you seem to be making out that you are a victim.Well you are now,the whole world and its dog knows since posting you cry for help,so why have you allowed yourself to be in this dilemma.
Fact! These woman, dont physical withstrain you.You can say no,and mean it.
Fact! And if they are stealing, lying, and cheating, get rid, and dont invite them into your life.
Both woman, and men can be cunning, decietful, and whatever else,guard yourself and learn people skills.
And finally!If you make yourself a big enough target,they will always hit the emotional
Bulleyes! | |
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 3:05:47 AM | Op, it sounds like what you want here is some sort of guarantee.. ie committment of exclusivity but freedom of all the head**** stuff not being thrown in. This kinda makes sense but also doesn't (the idea of an exclusive FB IS oxymoronic.)
I think what you suggest will not help, as it sounds like you need a break from the committment thing.
My advice: try being single for a bit. It can feel scary because you don't always have someone there for just you, but is also very much fun ;o) and most importantly, gives you a chance to get to know yourself and what you want better.
**** buddies can again be very good fun but perhaps not all personality types are suited to it & often one party is more interested in the other (but isn't this the case for so many other types of relationship?!) Just play safe, be openly communicative & honest & go for what feels right without getting too heavy...
Good luck, enjoy yourself & you'll probably meet someone when you're least expecting it!!
:o) | |
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 3:11:42 AM | | E, there are users in both genders that will pick your bones as clean as new fallen snow. If you find you are falling prey to the female version of these vulures, do yourself a favor and take a step back, take some time and think about the commonalities of these failed relationships. Look for the similar actions and behaviors (both yours and theirs) and avoid them in the future. There's an old saying about men and putting the past to rest. "You can't get over the last one until you get with the next one." Just sayin, just sayin. It's not PC but it's true. Sword | |
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 3:21:46 AM | Welcome to OUR world.......most people on here are just settling for friends w benefits.
After diving into the world of the fast and the furious..it's a shame no one dates anymore. Most are t addicted to the wonderful world of online chat sites...
Our feelings get detached and just becomes self gratifications... | |
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 3:38:18 AM | | Yeah, I'm thinking you can't expect a fbuddy to be exclusive at all that's more loyalty than should be expected. My idea of a fbuddy is just sex...maybe dirty text messages and pics but you don't care about their personal life, work, or anything else other than "what time are we going to meet and knock boots?" The problem I see with a fbuddy agreement is, no matter how much you want to have no emotions for this person, feelings and emotions usually creep up and affect the agreement. I don't think people are meant to thrive on meaningless sex, we are emotional beings that want to be fulfilled emotionally too. I think it's great in theory however the feelings and emotions cannot be ignored that will almost always arise.... | |
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 3:54:15 AM | OP - first, having been where you are, I can only tell you what worked for me.... although, it would not surprise me if many have us have been down a similar path regarding relationships.
First, the lack of trustworthy partners in your life - fix whatever it is within YOU that is attracting that sort of person, then go back into the dating pool. I think all of us have seen people who go from relationship to relationship, with no healing time in between, and they are going to the same type of "wrong" person time and time again. Definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
Second - FWB or f-budy ... well, they are not the same thing in my estimation. FWB is a FRIEND first, a bed partner second.... and if the bed partner part doesn't work out, there is still a friendship remaining. They are more friend than bed buddy. Having never experienced it though, I don't know how well it works in reality, especially after the bed partner stuff is over. A f-budy, on the other hand is not a friend first... they are more of a bed warmer than a friend. From what I have heard, they do not work, as inevitably one person ends up having feelings for the other, and when it ends, someone is always hurt. The difference between the two is the emphasis - one is "friends first"... the other is "bed buddy first."
These are just my opinions, hope it helps.
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 4:03:21 AM | I hear ya eternity999..this is an issue that I have battled for many years..I kept getting what I profess I didn't want. It's real confusing to the opposite sex and they end up taking advantage of you. I want and need a LTR..start off as friends..there has to be chemistry..date and get to know..fall in love with..show that love by having sex..turns into love, get engaged, married, and stay together forever..........................ahh. Now, what have I got?..meet a man, sparks are flying, we flirt, we laugh, we are having FUN, expression of sexual desires on both sides immediatly..because I feel it is morally wrong to have sex on the 1st meeting....it is mutually agreed, but I show him that I will soon...2nd "date" is meeting at one or the others place, cuddle, have sex...in my experience one of two things happen
1.this man is now professing that he loves me and I would feel the need to say it back and we are suddenly in a relationship..I find out more about him and he doesn't fit up to my standards for a LTR, I break up with him, he becomes abusive and obsessive, or a stalker. Question to self...What did I do or didn't I do to cause this?
OR
2. Is uninterested in taking me out on "dates" , acts preoccupied with other things as I ask him how his day is going , "prepares" me by saying that he doesn't want a realtionship after we have had sex for the 4th time that week, and "cheats" on me and has no problem hiding this fact. I'm left devestated, hurt and angry . I then become synical and untrusting of the opposite sex.
Question to self...What did I do or didn't do to cause this?
Once you see the patterns within yourself..you can change these..this may come with hittting the wall a few more times..and some maturity, maybe some therapy as well..but it starts with you. #2 post hit right on the head!
A suggestion...stop "looking" for a LTR...put down "friends" or "dating" on your profile..and I agree it is an oxymoron to say "exclusive ****buddies" ...that is a relationship my dear | |
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 5:12:02 AM | yes goddess, you are correct.
there is a difference between a f-buddy and a FWB.
a f-buddy (never had one) is the 2 am in the morning phone call type of thing. no friendship, just sex.
a FWB (have had this) is a friendship first. you know and trust the person. you definitely like the person and maybe even love the person. but you also know that this is not someone you would have a long term relationship with. this fact must be very clear in your mind. when you get together, you have a nice time, share a meal, some wine and of course sex.
it is not a long term arrangement by any means, it is not exclusive and there are no expectations, but it provides some romantic nourishment, some comfort and takes the 'edge' off. and you have fun!
i recommend it to anyone who is in-between relationships or who, due to needing time to figure a few things out, is not ready for a relationship.
if you are a woman who is self-confident and knows what you are worth and does not need the validation of a man, this is a good arrangement to have. if you are not at that place yet, then do NOT do this. | |
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 9:20:10 AM | Fook buddies ey??
I wouldnt say it is easy to find one but if you can good luck though like many people say it isn't really the solution unless you are using this thread as an advertising fook buddy puller lol.
You don't sound like you need to change anything about yourself like suggested on the women you attract
- you sound like a nice guy and some people will take advantage of that if they can, not everybody are good people un-fortunately maybe what happened with past relationships, but i do not know you so im just throwing it your way as an idea.
Also if you are getting down and depressed you may not look for the type of women that you are attracted to and end up un-happy in another relationship or come across wrong to people you chat up as it is hard to act happy when down.
Personally i would either have a go at sex sites if you just want some fun with out the hasstle of a relationship or chill out and date without rushing anything.
Dont forget your right hand will never let you down - u could always put lipstick on it and ta da problem solved.
JK good luck with whatever u decide amigo with peoples advice on here or not :)
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jf468
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 18 | |
| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 10:07:11 AM | | There is nothing with a casual relationship if that is what both people are clearly interested in. Sometimes people don't have the time or energy for a serious relationship. However sometimes one person ( often the woman or the less attractive person but not always ) develops real feelings for the other person and wants a serious relationship. But the other person wants to keep it as a casual relationship. That is the potential flaw for a casual relationship. | |
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 10:10:45 AM | Why don`t you just give it a rest dude and take a time out. Enjoy life and don`t worry so much about getting it. So if you can make some lady "friends" before going straight to the sex, it may be a good thing. It might be nice to get to know someone`s character, to see if you want to be with them before you are in another mess. You won`t die from taking a break from sex. What`s so wrong about waiting a while before sex, at least until you know who you are dealing with? It might avoid alot of problems. Does this make any sense at all to anyone? I know alot of guys would just like to poke away until
they find a "good" one. But is that really the best direction to go? I know that the
accepted norm of behavior nowadays is that guys are guys and they have a right to get it as much as they want it. Do you really want to hook up with a girl that thinks this way to? Start treating yourself with a bit of self respect and you just may meet someone that also respects you. | |
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 10:52:40 AM | You are already lucky enough to have 2 "F" Buddies!! .. they're called the palm sisters and yours are Exclusively Yours!
Otherwise save your money and get a hooker. JMHO
A.S.is
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 11:18:54 AM | I am not currently looking for one. I was just asking if it is a viable solution.
Perhaps "Friend with benefits" would be better though.
Oh & BTW I came out of a relationship 18/19 months ago then took a break of oh about 15 months & then found 3 bad women in a row. It is not as if I am going through loads of women here. I simply don't want to be alone for a long period of time again cos I hated it last time so I am looking for a solution that fixes:
a/ Me not being lonly
b/ Me getting some
c/ Me not having yet another head **** in a relationship
If anybody can suggest any other solutions that will work I will be happy to listen and think about them. I really would.
oh Also, I do not jump into bed with anybody on a first or second date etc etc. I do like to know them (as far as these things go) before making that decision. That is if I am in a relationship though.
I have several friends at the moment (all female BTW) who have "friends with benifits" and they like that arrangement, so I wonder if it is a viable option for me while I sort my head out from these last 3 (& 2 ex-friends who also ****ed with me, another story though).....  | |
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| Fuck Buddies/Casual Relationships: Advice Please
Posted: 12/14/2007 2:02:18 PM | merry0707 wise words young tamahawk and lol to aliensecrets
eternity999 - just realised how good the name is. other similar names could be addiction or human fook up.
ie always need the emergency services for something, alky, druggy or what not.
- no idea where that came from and no reference to you by the way :)
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If you have a few friends that are in that ideal situation then u will be swayed that way more perhaps though whether it really works only they deep down know.
But having said that there are many different personalities out there and u will always get a different view and people with previous experience will give their advice and even that advice will change from each person so best to either go out there and do it to experience it for yourself or think of something new.
but all in all do what you feel is right and not based on other peoples ideas no matter how good they are as each situation changes to each person - what will be best for them may not be best for you.
ie i havnt been out with a girl for a while and a friend recommended a prostitute and i thought a lot about it as it may make me more confident etc but then it really is not me i dont like the whole sleaze thing about it all and it isnt special but to a lot of people that probably would work if that makes sense.
i blame disney films brain washing all of us as kids, moulding us into what we think is the perfect husband or wife lol
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