| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 12/14/2007 10:49:08 PM | Okay let's be honest about what us guys do on these sites. You sign on, see lots of attractive people in your area, select the few that you seem would be best for you and write a different e-mail to each and wait for the dating to begin. Then you get no resonses, more e-mails and then still no responses. So then you figure to play the odds and write one basic e-mail, copy it and send it to every compatable girl in your area. Now after sending about 50 or so e-mails out you may get a few responses. You try to correspond with those and they usually fizzle out.
Because most guys do this, the girls all get tons of e-mail every day and just pick and choose the ones they want. And lets be honest, it's the same hot guys that can get girls anywhere anyways.
So girls if you'd just give us nice guys an actual chance then we wouldn't have to send so many out and you wouldn't get so many every day. (and remember that the hot guys are the same guys you've had so many problem with in the past which is what brought you to an internet dating site in the first place)
Argee or disagree? let me know. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:46:18 AM | I totally agree. I have never been one to put so much weight on physical appearance, though I do have some limits. I go more for personality, face it, beauty fades people! I would rather find a good man to spend the rest of my life with and be happy than one who will obsess over his looks more than me!
Problem is the same with us girls though, the guys tend to look at the women who are top model material and could care less if someone actually has a brain and a heart. I guess we just keep on kepin on...it's all a part of the online dating world, or the dating world in general! | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 12/18/2007 4:51:45 PM | | Isn't it interesting that both genders complain about the same thing? I guess men and women are from the same planet.....we just don't seem able to meet on the same ground.... | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 12/30/2007 3:46:38 PM | Once_More hit it on the money.
Beauty fades. Essentially, my happiest relationships were with those who didn't obsess or my looks and I didn't obsess over theirs. I hear guys complain about how they seem to meet these women from hell... well, for starters, stop trying to date exclusively top-model material. I also hear women complain about how tough it is to meet a good honest guy... well, for starters stop trying to date only the 6' tall underwear model types. In my experience, the majority of both genders are guilty of it. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 1/16/2008 8:18:20 AM | Hey Jo:
I read your post and relate with it. It is a numbers game unfortunately. Just like the vaccum cleaner salesman going door to door. I also compare it to fishing. In order to catch fish you must know what bait the fish are eating at that time. If you offer them something the wrong color or size forget it. I won't discuss here how I tell what the fish are eating. I leave it up to your imagination. Many times I come home skunked but so what. That's why it's called fishing. Try looking at this in a positive way if you can. You wouldn't want those women who ignore you anyway. They appear to be like a face card.... nice photo of a queen looking at it face up but turn it on edge and what do you see. Paper thin. They all say they are looking for a nice man etc,etc,etc.
But when confronted with one they are lost. They don't know what to do. At 58 I know what I am talking about. Yeah sure, there are the exceptions but that's even more of a numbers game and I don't have that long a time on earth to wait. A long time back I used live by the sick concept that having a beautiful girlfriend that gave me 10% pleasure but 90% frustration and aggrevation was an acceptable ratio. NOT! I had the whole thing in reverse. Ever try driving backwards very long? That's why they put Drive. I now spend my time doing things I enjoy and have learned to be my own best friend. If by some chance I stumble upon a great woman great....then I will set off the fireworks. Cheers to all. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 1/28/2008 8:00:04 PM | I don't believe in copy and paste...right away that makes me think that you think that woman are interchangeable and that men are too. I always hear about how women have the upperhand because there are soooo many men online. Since I am looking for a quality man ...it doesn't matter to me HOW many guys look...I want a good match for me and it is still a challenge to find that guy...let alone the fear that someone is LYING..
I know that men are not immune to that either.
I think you ned to put your best foot forward and then use your best judgement as you get to know a "hello" stranger... Be optimistic...and believe that you deserve love...I know that I do....ok..before I need to sign off as Pollyanna...good luck!!!!
PS...if internet dating is "unfair for men" don't do it! | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 1/31/2008 7:04:47 AM | It happens to women too. I have seen a few men that when reading their profile I thought looked nice. Send them a nice email and no emails back.
That is ok-I won't give you.
Keep trying! | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 2/17/2008 8:41:57 PM | I think it is interesting that both 'sides' complain about the same thing: Most people write emails and respond to emails based on looks.
I have a friend that is disabled. He has been blind from birth. He hates the word disability. he actualy thinks that his blindness is an 'ability'. People take for granted what they see and for him, he can truly judge people based on there personalities. This idea was again reinforced on a TV show recently.
Now dont get me wrong, there needs to be attraction in a relationship, but it does not have to be based all on looks. Try this, respond to emails, or write some emails without looking at the picture. In my opinion, attraction should be 70% personality and 30% looks.
Oh and girls, we guys sometimes like the be the recipient of first emails :-D | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 2/20/2008 5:08:10 PM | Fiddling around with search, it looks like the ratio's around 2 to 1 man to woman -- bad but not hopeless.
I don't carpet bomb email, myself. If you're doing that, you have to ask yourself what you're really trying to accomplish. Besides which, that's one of the things that women complain about, so it potentially makes the ratio worse, you guys who are doing this.
I doubt it's only hot guys and supermodels getting dates. That seems unduly pessimistic. Maybe people in this thread just need to take a little rest to let your self esteems build back up again.
And you can't fault people for their choices in dates. It's their lives. Personally, I really really really don't want some woman picking me as someone she can have after giving up on what she wants. How insulting would that be? It reminds me of a time I was unconvincingly bragging about how few responses I was getting and a friend sent me this: http://www.gk2gk.com/topten/waystotell.asp (so I'm a geek then, thanks friend). This is a good thing? Maybe I get someone thinking something like, "you know I was looking for someone really exciting, passionate, creative, and cute, maybe a writer type, but it's too hard. These guys are knocking the stuffing out of me. **** it, I'm just going to pick out one of those 10,000 computer programmers on eHarmony. At least he won't screw around on me." Woohoo. Where do I sign up.
No, things are fine how they are. You just need patience and ways of thinking about things to help you wait it out without getting bitter or defensive. And consider this. It's possible that there are people who get a lot of emails and lots of dates from these sites, but because they're generally appealing, someone everyone wants to go out with, they're seeing a lot of people they don't actually have that much in common with, no filters having been invoked, and trading time alone for meaningless encounters with strangers. I don't know about you, but I have other things I like to do. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 3/11/2008 5:16:24 PM | | I agree with you as a women. I get home and there are at least 20 new messages daily. I read them, but I do respond to each one within a day or two. But again, there is a women on here who I will not use a name who is a great person, kind, caring, loving, giving, and she has her pic online and she never gets emails. She said maybe she would get some if she took her pic off. How many guys out there write....I am looking for an attractive, fit, slim, athletic women........well, if me dont feel me meet that discription, should we answer? Or,, Hey sexy, love lost long legs and know what I would like to do with them.............Well, I delete that, and I dont consider myself all that fit, just average.........so, what do we do? But I do agree with you. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:40:51 PM | I think there is too much emphasis put on the numbers here....having a slew of people put you in their favorite doesn't give you the man or woman that you want to spend the rest of your lif ewith....enjoy the journey and know that in the eighties you would NEVER have had access to this many men in your life ....it is the responsibility of the seeeker to weed out the riff raff.
I don't care how many favorites a guy has or if he snores...but if he has been "UNFAITHFUL"...then bye!
K | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:11:28 AM | | Amen brother, I'm a witness! If they want someone with more depth and personality, that's hard to pick-up from an email. Besides, some of us don't photograph like models! | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 4/17/2008 4:13:29 PM | | Please, please, please don't give up and start sending form letters. I get a some emails (not a huge number), and few of them click, but it's not because the senders aren't gorgeous. It's because they send me an email that says "hey babe, want to hook up?" and tells me nothing about them. Usually their profiles are the same--a line or two and a photo--and I'm left feeling that I would do just as well picking someone out of the phonebook. I tried really hard to write a profile that says who I am, good and bad, and if you do the same, or if you write me an email that says to me "I'm writing this just to you," I promise you I will write back. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 4/17/2008 5:00:23 PM | Always thought of the favorites type thing like a friend's list, actually... But that's just me being me, I guess....
In any case, it is a numbers game, but at the same time, it's more... and less...
Less because you can never let your life be dedicated to just being here or the search. After all, you would go mad if that was all you lived for, right? (I know I would... hell that's why Im here... so I can be seen without worrying too much about it.)
But it's also more... at least to me. I mean, if fate has it in the cards, you will be found. (And yes, I believe that.) Also why Im here, since I see this as a way fate could work if that's the will of it. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 4/20/2008 11:13:54 AM | | In response to what you have posted I think you are on to something as it seems to be quite true. So that leads to the question: What are people really looking for cause we are all in it together? | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 4/20/2008 9:47:01 PM | | I disagree, I think internet dating is unfair for women . I think most women not all but most go on these dating websites because they actually want to meet a guy to date etc.. figure it's easier to find someone they are more compatible with. Guys do internet dating for the opposite reason they just want SEX. A man will pretend to want a ltr , say they have similar interest as you only to get sex. Alot of the women online make it almost too easy for the guys to get sex. Guy's know this and take full advantage of it. Either way if you sleep with a guy you know you will never hear from him and if you don't he will find someone else who will and you will never hear from him. Alot of guys won't even take women on real dates, a cup of coffee isn't a real date. Years ago guys would buy you drinks at a bar in hopes to get in your pants, nowadays guy goes online line tells some random woman she is " hot" and then he is off driving to the local dunkin donuts to get an ice coffee and a BJ. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:52:23 AM | | Maybe your trying to date women out of your league and thats why you have no luck? Trust me a cup of coffee just isn't a cup of coffee anymore. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:59:41 AM | | Coffeelover you look fine, it's the men on here that have the problem. The men in your age range are indenial of being older and try to date young 25 yr olds. Maybe you should try dating younger guys? | |
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