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 Nascarguy80
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 1
not single/not looking well "just for friends"Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Well I am not sure if I would say this bothers me, but it makes me think . Finding profiles of people that are in the not single/not looking well heres my thing, if you are not single then why are you on a "dating" website. Yes I do know that this is a social network, and yes I am also aware that people do come on here to just read the forums.

Then theres the profiles of the not single/not looking that say what kind of man that they want to meet, as if they are still looking but not really looking. This is how I look at it, If i am dating to the point of it being a relationship, I have no need to be on a website looking for friends of the Opposite sex. I mean thats like almost saying that the person you are with isnt really good engough for you and you have to always be on the look out for some one better.

I know theres hundereds of arguments for this, and i know what half of them are, I am not saying that I have any thing agaisnt it, just makes me wonder, thats all

Wanting to hear what everyone else thinks

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays
 Nascarguy80
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 2
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:54:08 AM
Yea thanks that cleared things right up for me @#$ hole lol j/k like you were.
 *NauticalStar*
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 3
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:57:58 AM
OMG I did a similar thread that was deleted because people thought I was looking for pity. It is annoying isn't it? I'm here to meet people to date, not sit around and read profiles where people say they've found the one but they are going to stick around. What a load of crap. It's like they aren't sure things will work out so they keep the profile open just in case. Lame.
 rune3
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 4
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:01:19 AM
They don't let you choose "nothing" or "forums" in the "looking for..." category, so most people who choose to remain here after they found someone simply make it clear with the rest f their profile that they are not looking to date. Changing the gender of the person you are looking for (you can only choose "man" or "woman", not "neither" or "either") tends to get interpreted as homosexuality, even if you have only chosen the "friends" category, and when you are posting your opinions on relationships etc, being thought of as presenting a homosexual view would be confusing. My partner and I both maintain profiles here because we get a lot out of participating in the forums still and there are no silly trust issues for either of us to worry about. Our profiles are also hidden, so we would never come up in searches.

As cuba bay says, "not single/not looking" can mean "not single AND not looking" or it can mean simply "not single" or just "not looking". The / is short for "or", not "and".
 Nascarguy80
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 5
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:02:40 AM
Well this is not a pitty thread, and yes *NauticalStar* thats all i was trying to say was that it is annoying. Guess I should of said that in the first place.
 Nascarguy80
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 6
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:06:25 AM
Replying to rune3 Like I said I know people docome on here to just read the forums, and do understand the other point you brought up as well and can agree with you. So then my point now becomes if you are on here just for the forums then why A. do you still say what kinda pf person you are looking for/ look for in a person. B. why not hide your profile.
 raychass
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 7
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:08:09 AM
I would say a lot of these people are here for the forums. Not everybody has bad intentions and is looking to cheat on their husbands/wives. If you have been here long enough then you will see that the forums can get addictive. It's better then watching tv actually. If you are here only for the forums then they is no category for that so what else are people supposed to put?
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 8
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not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:31:47 AM
Guilty... another Forum addict here. I'm not looking because I found someone on PoF. I did edit my profile to delete what type of person I was (woo-hoo) looking for... and tweaked the bits about me so people in the fora can get an idea of who I am.

There's no real established protocal; People change their status without editing their profile beyond that for a variety of reasons....
* nostalgia? (in a relationship but that was the profile that "hooked" him, so they've left it intact)
* although they have begun to date someone, it is still in the initial stages so they aren't going to change their profile (beyond "not looking") until it becomes a committed relationship?
* they ARE still single, but are taking a break from dating for a while?

Not sure... my bf completely changed his and I keep meaning to ask him if he has a copy of the original saved because it was a wonderful profile.
 jebra
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 9
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:34:03 AM
It indicates to me a certain lack of integrity.

Why would someone need to sneak off to chat to complete strangers on an online dating site when they have someone right there that they could be talking to. Despite coming clean about being in a relationship, these people are still tempting fate. They may say they are not looking but the people they are talking to are and lets face it, there is a very high possibility the conversations will become flirtatious. I think that there are different levels of cheating and talking to other people on a dating site behind your partners back falls somewhere in there.

How do people think their partners would feel if they find out and how would you feel if you found out your partner was doing it? Its just a bit tacky when there are plenty of social sites like Facebook, MSN and MySpace where you can socialise without risking creating doubt about your intentions.

I know if youre going to act inappropriately outside your relationship, you can do it anywhere, its just that using a dating site would make your partner assume you are crossing the line (many of the people you are talking to would also think it was worth taking a shot).

I have assumed that when people do this, they are doing it behind their partners back. Are there people out there who do so with their partners full knowledge and what do you get out of a dating site that is different to other sites?
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 10
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not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:50:06 AM
jebra... there are a number of couples who participate in the Forums... often thought-provoking, entertaining, exasperating... the fora become very compelling and suck you into the vortex. We're not here for the dating site, we're here for the forums. Plus, you do get to know some of these characters pretty well and develop friendships. In many, many cases... both partners post in the fora. Some people exchange passwords etc., so there are no issues.

In my case, my bf and I use PoF's IM to chat when he's at work and, although he doesn't post himself, he does regularly stalk my posts. ( Hi Sweetie!)
If he had so much as a moment's hesitation about my continuing, I'd be vamoosed, gone, outta here. He doesn't have any difficulties with it at all, so I happily continue to get my "fix". Really, I haven't found another message board as diverse as this one.
 Dare to
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 11
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:57:34 AM

I have assumed that when people do this, they are doing it behind their partners back. Are there people out there who do so with their partners full knowledge and what do you get out of a dating site that is different to other sites?
Well i participate on the forums with my partners full knowledge. In fact he is sitting beside me right now.... What do i get out of the forums? An ongoing accumulation of knowledge about people, particularly of the differing ways men and women think, and i believe that will only help me in my relationship.

Also i'm not sure if you realise that many of the not single people in the forums have profiles that, while they seem to be unhidden because forum readers can click on them and see them, they are actually hidden from the usual searches of people looking to date. They can only be accessed via the forum..
 Nascarguy80
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 12
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 2:11:52 AM
Let clear something up, I wasnt talking about the few decent people that come on here just for the forums, the ones that are not hiding things form their parnter, or the ones that dont have what type of person they are looking for

Its the ones that say that they looking to meet new people and so on, most often the not those that are on here looking to "meet new people" dont say anything about just here for the forums.
 a bit nomadic
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 13
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 2:12:48 AM
They do it just to torment you, bless your precious little heart.

Seriously, if the couples left the forums, many of us would be desolate. I personally would be crushed by the departures of either rune3 or Margot (and I mean that). I LEARN from them!

:)
 jebra
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 14
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 2:52:52 AM
Hey I definately get that people in relationships enjoy this site for the forums and use the option of hiding their profiles (or not).

But Phoenix guy must have come across enough profiles that arent on for the forums and do want to meet people on this site for 'friendship' despite being in a relationship, for him to start this thread. We havent heard anything from them and they are the ones he is targeting for this subject.

I know I have read profiles from men who state they are married but are looking for dating opportunities. Theyre not for me but at least they are not hiding anything or pretending.
 Goddess of dreams
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 15
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 3:27:31 AM

Then theres the profiles of the not single/not looking that say what kind of man that they want to meet, as if they are still looking but not really looking. This is how I look at it, If i am dating to the point of it being a relationship, I have no need to be on a website looking for friends of the Opposite sex. I mean thats like almost saying that the person you are with isnt really good engough for you and you have to always be on the look out for some one better.


It could be due to a number of reasons.

1. what the poster #2 said

2. there is no option for just "Not looking" it's "Not single/not looking "...probably no one has ever bothered to ask admin to sepate that option to
Not single
Not looking


3. they may be single and not looking..........but that doesn't mean someone else can't look for them so it's safer to write what type of man they are looking for to scare the wrong man
 TillyToo
Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 16
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 3:52:16 AM
Jebra
"It indicates to me a certain lack of integrity.
Why would someone need to sneak off to chat to complete strangers on an online dating site when they have someone right there that they could be talking to"

bit judgemental wouldn't you say?
if you read all of this thread, you'll see that a lot of people post on the forums with the full knowledge of their SO, therefore no "sneaking around"
I know of several couples who post on the forums together, having "met" here in the first place and formed other friendships along the way.
They remain on the site because of those friendships, because the forums can be very thought provoking, and beacuse it's a free site
 Eternity999
Joined: 11/17/2007
Msg: 17
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 3:52:59 AM
I was wondering about that as well. Thanks for also letting me know folks!
 hala-steve
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 18
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History
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 4:38:53 AM
True...i think people are either being dumb or ignorant (must be either of the two, no doubt)
Hellooooooooooooooooo...this is a 'DATING SITE', and if people who are 'not single/not looking' want to make friends, i reckon there should be other sites for that (Google would always help out)
Thanks for posting worrying issues like this (just don't understand people on planet earth, what the f**k is going on)....shit!
 raychass
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 19
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 4:44:47 AM
This is not only a dating site . It is also a site that has the best forums. I have read where people said that other sites had good forums too and i have tried them and they were no where near as interesting and fun as the one here .

If you are not single/ not looking then there is not much else you can choose from except for talk email . There is nothing else to choose that says forums only.
 butt_uglee
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 20
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 4:47:02 AM
Just because the site isn't filled with people in your exact situation doesn't make them wrong - it's just the way it is. Dwelling on it isn't going to make things any different. Get over it. Get over yourself. Filter out the ones you don't want and focus on the ones you do. No one is under any obligation to explain themselves to you.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 21
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not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 4:53:18 AM
I know a man who met a woman on here ... they are now married and he just never bothered to change his profile. It still says he's looking for "long-term" and the "about me" part of his profile is still the same in that it describes what he seeks in a woman. The "first date" part is also still the same.

It apparently just doesn't matter to him as long as he can still come here to POF and keep up with his friends. I know his wife as well. They sit in the same room, their computers side by side, playing on the forums and answering their emails.

This is not the first thread I've seen about this. What I don't get is why it is a concern of others. Who cares?
 MeloFelo
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 22
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 5:13:17 AM

It indicates to me a certain lack of integrity.

Why would someone need to sneak off to chat to complete strangers on an online dating site when they have someone right there that they could be talking to.


As several other people have mentioned, participating in the fora is not "sneaking off to chat with complete strangers", if one's SO is fully aware that one is posting in the fora. I met her on POF, and she occasionally posts herself, and reads my posts. My profile is hidden, but accessible from the fora. That's the way POF works.

I don't know about you, Jebra, but being in a relationship 24/7 does not mean that you are spending every hour of every day talking at great length with each other. I go on the fora, when she's doing something with her kids, or doing her own thing on ebay, or watching something on TV that doesn't really interest me. It's more interesting to participate in the fora, sometimes, than doing random web surfing or reading a book, when I'm not in the mood.

The point being, if someone's profile says "not single/not looking", or one says "just here for the forums", why would you doubt that it means just what it says? Why would you care?

As someone else posted, some of the more interesting posters for me, are those who specifically state that they're in relationships. I'd hate to see there be some rule that, after you meet someone and are in a relationship, tha tyou have to leave POF and the fora.
 cupatea2010
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 23
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not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 5:19:09 AM
It's the way you have to set up the profile...only options..male/female.

It's wise just to alert people out there that your just interested in voicing opinions on the forums without being harrassed by men looking for friends w benefits.

Why is it that males still sends invitations of hellos..when you have no interest in meeting them? I have no erotic pics, I have no hotsy totsy ."come and get me" invitations. I don't do IM sex . yet...I have males commenting on my profile being just as negative as they feel..so why don't we just hook up? ......uhhhmmm no thanks.

To be honest a friend of mine noticed a guy I am dating on here and when I was looking him up ..I noticed that little FORUMS link..I clicked on and noticed there are people all over the world askings for advice/commenting...

You get a general feel of what is going on in the dating arena by the experiences people have when they date online....observations and getting my2centsin is something that I like to do when I can...

So there you have it..I answered your question on people who are not looking....
 lonestardaddy
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 24
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 5:50:49 AM
phoenix, I've met a very dear, loving, and lovely woman via these Forums, so I'm not about to put them down ...or others who've opted to change their status to reflect the fact that they are currently seeing/dating/making love w/ someone in particular. Sorry it's not you.

That my gal from here has changed her status to ISO "Friends" doesn't seem to register w/ some guys who just don't 'get it' that she's occupied w/ me ...and I w/ her for this and more. "Thank you", at least, for reading and paying attention to what's too difficult for so many to understand, but she and I still enjoy reading what the other has to share regarding various posts here. It adds another venue for our growing to better understand each other and how we interact and communicate w/ others in a social/dating environment. It's extremely helpful as there's a full day's drive for distance between us ...for now. Forums bring her and I closer till we can live together.
 *UltimateHeartSurgeon*
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 25
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 7:37:01 AM

Then theres the profiles of the not single/not looking that say what kind of man that they want to meet, as if they are still looking but not really looking. This is how I look at it, If i am dating to the point of it being a relationship, I have no need to be on a website looking for friends of the Opposite sex. I mean thats like almost saying that the person you are with isn't really good enough for you and you have to always be on the look out for some one better.


You're a man looking to date/get into a relationship with a woman.

As a fellow male, let me share an observation,

Most to many to nearly all women never say what they mean, what they are looking for or what they want. My best guess is because they have no idea themselves. Men are usually very direct about their intentions. Yes, there are deceitful men, but for the most part, men tend to be very straightforward in their interactions. Most to many to nearly all women, however, are socially and culturally conditioned to not be straightforward. It's not very appealing to men or professionally or socially to be the "mean nasty b!itch".

Mean Nasty B!tch = Someone who doesn't pretend to be nice to your face

I mean let's be honest, if you meet a woman who doesn't like children, doesn't like dogs and doesn't like ice cream, you are going to look at her a little funny. She's not "marriage material" or "girlfriend material" at that point.

It's why most to many to nearly all women will smile to your face and nod and give you the song and dance when they reject you, when deep down inside most to many to nearly all of them are kicking you the curb because you aren't tall enough, or you aren't old enough, or your job isn't good enough, or your clothes aren't nice enough or she can't show you off to her friends and family.

You are asking why female profiles rarely line up to their intentions or behavior. I challenge any man, any male, of any age, of any background to come into this thread right now and tell me that over 90 percent of the women he has met has been consistent in words and action. I.E. She says one thing, and her actions line up accordingly to her words. Anyone? Anyone want to speak up? Anyone want to share?

Those are crickets you hear.

Most to many to nearly all women never say what they really mean. It's not polite. It's not politically correct. It's just not very nice to give you anything other than the typical song and dance to your face. How can you be sure?

This is your proof - Find a group of women who are talking and think no men are around to hear them and listen to them talk about men. Every guy has run into this at some point in his life. Usually the conversations are brutal, they are raw, they are merciless. That's the real truth, the truth men don't get to see, the reality that lies deep down that decides who gets to sleep with who and who gets to marry one person versus another.

Here's something my grandfather taught me - If you are a man and you are good looking enough and have enough money for the woman, she is single. If she has a boyfriend, but you have enough good looks and enough money for her, usually far more than her current boyfriend, then she is single. If she has a husband, but you have enough good looks and enough money for her, usually far more than her current husband, then she is single. Most to many to nearly all women want to date and mate up on the socioeconomic ladder. Once on a rung, most to many to nearly all have no problem trading up from one man to another if the trade up means the new guy is much better looking and has much much more money. Of course, most to many to nearly all women will tell you I'm wrong, but go outside and look at the world and how people truly interact, am I wrong?

There's no point is asking most to many to nearly all women why their actions are rarely consistent with their words, you will never get the truth anyway. To be fair, most to many to nearly all women don't think they are lying, it's their perception of the truth. As delusional and illogical it might actually seem to you. The best answer is this, don't call them liars, because to them they are not liars, just realize you will never ever never ever never ever get the real truth from them.

When I deal with most to many to nearly all women (99.9 percent of them, remember, I never said all women are like this) , I don't believe a word that comes out of their mouth. Not one single word. Instead I watch their behavior and I judge them for their actions. Occasionally you'll find a woman who says what she means and does what she says ( Though you are more likely to find a Dodo egg omelet with a side of blue whale bacon for breakfast at Dennys before you find such a specimen) and when you do, hold onto her.

Go make more money, make lots of it, make more than you can see with your eyes, if you do, you'll find most to many to nearly all women will suddenly become very and suddenly single for you.
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