| | Making Enemies... Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | I am realizing that the longer I am on here, the more enemies I am making. And, I don't mean any of the people from here, who I might get into a fiery discussion with. I mean... with the single men, who hit on me. It seems that now, anytime a man hits on me, and I don't reply, or do reply an am kind in telling them I am just not interested, I make a new enemy. I've had a few REALLY go off on me, telling me how I was going to be alone the rest of my life because THEY were the best I could ever hope to do as far as men go. I've had a few tell me to get over myself. I had one call me a racial slur... and it just keeps getting worse and worse. So, I'm wondering, why is it like this? Why are people SO angry and hostile when it comes to rejection?? Is there any safe way to let them down, that won't result in hate mail, and a block??
Edit: just to be clear, the MOST I ever say is, "Thanks so much for the message, but I don't feel this is mutual. Thanks anyways, and best of luck to you."
... I have been using the same message, for a while now. Does that put off a bad message??
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 7:46:20 PM | There are lots of haters on here, but you might want to take another look at what message you're sending when you turn them down. I've turned down literally hundreds of "query" letters and out of that only two responded in a negative fashion.
Keep it simple. "Thank you for the note but I will not be accepting your offer to correspond. I do wish you luck in your search."
Do not give them a reason that you are not interested.
Thank them for taking the time to write.
Wish them luck.
If they whine, hit block.
Have the decency to say something but keep it short and simple. | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 7:48:22 PM | 
You do recall how to use the Block feature?
I've had a few REALLY go off on me,
A man with a tiny penis angers quickly.
Is there any safe way to let them down
Try, "Sorry, but I don't feel that we're a match."
If they get hostile over that, tell them that their mother
drinks out of the toilet, and then block them. | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 7:51:04 PM | Block and delete functions works like a charm,
or send them a poem before you block them
Roses are red, violet are made out of glass
pucker up and kiss my (beeping) a$$
tootles | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 7:56:40 PM | I just made my first one tonight...it bugs me, but I also realize that it happens. Generally tho if I'm just not interested I tell the man why (i.e. age, distance, etc.) and wish him luck and have gotten back postive feedback.
It's awful that these men have been so hurtful to you, but remember that thier feeling embarassed and hurt too. Just keep trying to be empathetic to them feeling that way and write back with your heart as to why you don't want to get to know them better. If you need an out one of my friends always tells the person that they just started to date someone and wants to see where it leads, she's never gotten negative feedback that I know of. Good luck! | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 8:00:36 PM | From what I read here, it's fairly common.
Don't let them get to you, ignore them. The worst a guy gets is a unread/deleted message, or a read/deleted message. Even then, it's no biggie, unless the guy is unstable. | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 8:09:18 PM |
"Thanks so much for the message, but I don't feel this is mutual. Thanks anyways, and best of luck to you."
What kind of b**l Sh*t is that anyways? What kind of person are you? So heartless! They are just trying to get laid man! And here you are just being a D**k tease! You should be happy they are even mailing you at all! Even if it is just to tell you what a rotten person you are!
Get over your self! Nobody's treating you bad! It's all in your head! Stop whining! You fecking crybaby!
I'm just joking! Thought it was kind of funny.. There are going to be people that act like that! It's the net! Those are the cowards that would never try that crap in person.
I doubt they could get the nads up to even talk to a woman in person much less reply to one that has rejected them..
It's part of the party...
~Belly~ | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 8:17:35 PM | Holy cow... you almost gave me a heart attack just now!!
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 8:25:05 PM | I don't care enough to notice if anyone hates me. Bet that pisses them off to no end. | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 8:41:47 PM |
A man with a tiny penis angers quickly.
That's because they're hard wired with a... short fuse. | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 9:05:35 PM | I just had this happen recently as well. He seemed like a nice enough person, but I gave him my yahoo to do instant messaging and because I never turned it on last week while I (gasp) studied for midterms and took my midterms, it means I am a b*tch who plays games! I blocked him on yahoo, but forgot to block him on here apparently so tonight he instant messaged me on this site to tell me what a b*tch I am who plays games (he already said that on yahoo message he left me, but felt he needed to track me down this week to say it again). I blocked him here now as well.
I haven't been on this site long, but hope this isn't regular. That was the first one and he lives uncomfortably close to me so I just hope there is never an issue out in the "real world". | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 9:10:11 PM | | I am learning that "you're playing games" often just means, "You're not giving me what I want". And that whole "game" thing, is a way over used phrase here in online dating. | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 9:20:14 PM |
A man with a tiny penis angers quickly.
I think Confucius said that.
I had an e-mail like that this weekend. He even had the gaul to tell me how I SHOULD HAVE turned him down. I got the game-playing cry and the I didn't want you anyway tactic. | |
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Rys_
| | Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 15 | |
| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 10:12:03 PM | | I wonder if there are any women that snap like that. | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 10:25:28 PM |
I haven't been on this site long, but hope this isn't regular. That was the first one and he lives uncomfortably close to me so I just hope there is never an issue out in the "real world".
Those kind of nads have to work up the courage to even send you the first mail!
The symptoms of S/P/S (small penis syndrome) Include a very low self esteem, the inability to approach the opposite sex in person, and the unique ability to be a tough guy on line behind his computer, in his moms basement.
I got the game-playing cry and the I didn't want you anyway tactic.
The old "I rejected your rejection because I'm rejecting you instead" line..
I can't believe the kids are still using that one..pfft..
~Belly~ | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:04:54 PM | | I have had this happen alot also. But if you think about it, you aren't really interested in them, so why should you care whether they hate you or not. Not everyone is going to like you and if they get upset over your rejection, then that is on them. Let it go. Most of the time the ones who get really upset are looking for just sex anyway and are already frustrated. So no big loss. I always tell them I have just met someone and waiting to see how things go before I proceed to talk with anyone else, but friends would be cool with me. At least that way you are letting them know you are still the friendly type who cares about their feelings. Just remember what it feels like to be rejected yourself and what you would like to hear in return. And most of all, this is a free site, lots of wacko's are gonna cross your path dear. I suggest thicker skin, and hit the block option. Good luck in future rejections. | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:08:02 PM |
A man with a tiny penis angers quickly.
That's because they're hard wired with a... short fuse.
Oh, you are good. Have to remember that one!
OP, I agree just use the block feature. Not sure what those guys problem is, other than SPS (that's a good one, too!).
I haven't been 'blessed' with one of the angry nutjob responses to rejection yet. Guess I'm not good-looking enough to inspire that much disappointment? Meh.
Just continue to respond with a polite thanks but no thanks message, and block the angry ones.
Try "thanks for your message and the compliment (assuming there was a compliment). I am sorry, but I don't think we're a match. You seem really nice and I wish you the best of luck.
That hasn't gotten bad responses yet; most times they reply, thank me for being nice, and tell me to let them know if I change my mind.
Good luck to you! | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:08:48 PM | When a women rejects me via e-mail, I get a court order which forces her to date me. How dare she not find me desireable!!
But seriously SparkintheDark I don't think you are doing anything wrong with the message you are sending to guys you are not interested in. You have to remember that it's not your problem if they react like little pouty little children. Don't feel any guilt or responsibility for their behaviour. YOU are NOT making enemies. It's the twits sending you nasty e-mails that are making enemies.
If you are being inundated with these kind of responses, you might be best to use the block feature right after you get a message from someone you aren't interested in. | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/17/2007 12:07:54 AM | Realize who you might be dealing with. Think of the people who have
no experience in relationships beyond Harlequin Romances,
Internet Porn, bad day time TV, or Penthouse Letters.
You exchange a few emails and .....
“(S)he spoke to me ! (S)he is The One ! (S)he is PERFECT!”
Wait 3 days....add a polite rejection
“(S)he is scum ! A Player/Whore ! My world is over .....”
This is how Forum addicts are born. You know the ones that
come here and bash without mercy, and hand out advice that is
guaranteed to screw up other people.
( DUMP THEM! They are only after sex/your money/
your Star Trek Memorabilia !)
Enemies ? Yes, i bet you might have a few.
The only good thing is many have short attention spans
and a tendency to find “The One” every other week. | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/17/2007 12:11:10 AM | These guys were not your friends to begin with, and I think that had you given them what they wanted, they would have been your enemies anyway, as they probably would have bad-mouthed you to any other guy who was genuinely interested in you for more than sex.
Just realise that there are many people who really don't like people nowadays, and pretend to like you if they think they will get something out of it. | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/17/2007 12:19:45 AM | | The best reply girl is no reply it leaves no room for a comment remember the ones that send out negitive comments in reply are the ones you absolutely don't wanna have in your life not even as friends they tend tobe the violent controlling ones so keep safe. | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/17/2007 12:33:45 AM | I think it puts off the wrong message. You're too polite and they feel they can walk over you... which, when their pride is hurt by your polite rejection, they feel compelled to do.
Why are you polite?
It's not genuine.
I mean, do you really care of a guy has good luck or not? Are you really thankful for his message? Will you lose sleep over these concerns? No.
I think you should speak your mind to guys.
If his profile and email are truly boring, then demonstrate a complete lack of interest. In response to his 300-word question, say, "Nope. Sorry. Bye!"
You must be happy but disinterested, and nothing any guy ever says should faze you. (If you think like this, you will see fewer mean messages). | |
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| Making Enemies...
Posted: 12/17/2007 1:34:50 AM | You're not really making an 'enemy'.... The reality is, they will actually forget the fact they even sent you an email almost as quickly as you determined there was no interest on your part. They hit and run with relative ease, and go to torment some other poor soul pretty quickly. I wouldn't take it personally.
Your 'rejection' notice is not really all terribly bad. Even if you tweaked it to 'perfect', you're still going to get the idiots. Rather than assume you are making 'enemies' (which you're probably only using as a figure of speech anyway....) I think you should just congratulate yourself on your well honed skills in calling ***holes out early enough, so you never have to find out when it's too late......  | |
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