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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 11:10:42 AM | These are example of man-speak I have collected (via my experiences and those of friends), and the real meaning that I found behind them. CAUTION: These statements should be never taken by their literally.. hence I feel there’s a need for translation/explanation. Guys I am asking for your input - please feel free to make corrections and clarifications…That way the number of “why didn’t he call after a great date” threads can be greatly reduced.
#1. “Please call me anytime, I would love to hear your voice” ..( repeated very excitedly and eagerly several times so that it does sound genuine)... MEANING : “Right now I kinda like you and mean it AT THE MOMENT. But if you will be naïve enough to actually CALL me sometime, I probably hardly remember who you are, it will go to voice mail and I will not bother to return your call”. Variations: text message, email. I may reply to a text message coz not sure who it’s from.
#2. “I like you soooo much. I think we are so much alike. I had such a great time with you when we met. I cannot wait to see you again. So when is the next time you are available to meet? The sooner the better”(must be said with a lot of eagerness, enthusiasm and repeated several times, preferably over the phone and in the emails. So she won’t think it’s just a guy being nice but actually believes it) .. MEANING: “I think I do like you AT THIS MOMENT. But by the time we made plans to meet next week I may have already have another prospect who may put out more easily. Be glad if I call you and cancel/reschedule (or I just may “forget” to call altogether one day before we were to meet!!!)..You were kinda cool, so you will be my Plan B. Then, if I spend a few days chasing the new prospect to no avail, I will repeat the # 1 and # 2, even more eagerly and enthusiastically, like nothing happened. And you are supposed to believe I am genuinely interested”
# 3. “ I always was attracted to women like you – intelligent, strong, beautiful, classy, confident, and sexy” (also repeated with sincerity in the voice several times). MEANING: “That all is good and that’s who I’d like to be attracted to, but I know that time after time I will fall for yet another capricious, whiny, slightly dumb, golddigging and trashy immature chick because I can feel superior to her without much effort and can easily impress her. Interacting with someone smart and classy way out of my comfort zone!! Besides, confiden and secure women usually don't put out so easily“
# 4. “I thought that since we hit it off so well, maybe we should forget all this internet stuff and focus on seeing just one another and not other people..see how things develop..” (variation: “I see you as my GF”).. MEANING: “I want YOU to assure me that you won’t go out with other people while I am having my options open - someone may come along and put out after just one date, so But I want to make sure to have a solid Plan B and have you available if my other option does not pan out, then back to #1 and # 2, repeat”.
Please feel free to make corrections and additions to these translations. I do not deem them to be 100% accurate or all-encompassing, but rather derived from experience and observation. Please do add more entries WITH their meanings as they may be helpful to other people trying to learn the man-speak as it comes to dating. | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 11:33:06 AM | Have you been dating a lot of 16 yr old boys ?
Adult men actually talk this way ?
#1. Yes, call me anytime, you'll be the 1st woman in 5 years besides my mother who has.
#2 Why don't I just castrate myself right here in front of you.
#3 You will be picking up your part of the bill, right ?
#4 You don't know how to file for a restraining order do you ? | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 11:33:55 AM | it sounds like you have personally experienced all that.
the thing is tho, the above isnt exclusive to men, i have experienced much the same from many women, hot one minute and cold and not interested the next.
i would have liked to have asked many women their ideas of WOMAN-SPEAK because i dont understand them. | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 11:36:55 AM | I don't think they're at all accurate. and they're very negative. I am not saying they never happen, but it depends on the guy. You're reading way to much into what are some pretty generic comments. I don't understand how you can add the disclaimer "don't take them literally" but then get very specific about what they mean.
The only one I would partially agree with is #3, but that isn't limited to a specific gender (in fact, none of them probably are). There is often a difference between what we think we should be attracted to, and what's actually right for us.
In the females case, it's often being attracted to jerks or bad boys, and always lose interest in guys that probably much better for them long term. In my case, I am attracted very much physically attracted to girls who are girlie and do themsevles up, but a girl who is a little more of a Tom-boy is what I seem to end up with long term, and probably what I should be looking for.
You sound very bitter and jaded. You're probably falling victim to #3 yourself, and not going for the right guy for you, or just haven't found someone who feels strongly enough about you to cancel out 1,2, and 4. That just takes time, and sometimes you just have to take a break.
BTW, this is a thinly veiled "man bashing" post. I don't think you're looking for the answer to anything in particular, except a chance to vent your frustrations to the rest of the male population. Fine, have at it-I don't personally care-but I'm really not sure what you're trying to accomplish. | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 11:41:49 AM | BUSTED! You got "us." All that palaver is merely excess jawgrease spilling over into the bullshit reservoir. Do NOT buy into it. It describes a guy who not only cannot be honest with women, he cannot be honest with himself.
Actually, the most significant "Manglish" are the words that aren't spoken. Actions are the measure by which men judge and admire others; words are cheap substitutes...kinda like silicon implants. | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 11:50:54 AM | I know you are asking the men here but I have to agree with them on this one. Women use lines all the time...whether they mean it at the time or not. I know personally that I have been told some of these but I have done them also. Sure call me anytime...but expect to get my voicemail. I still do that one to be honest. Some people just cant handle rejection very well so you do what you think is best as not to send them to the mental ward or totally psycotic on you.
Dont second guess what is being told to you because if you believe these interpetations then when the one comes along for you and is sincere you will be second guessing everything he tells you and in the long run will push him away.
Make sense? JMO
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 11:51:54 AM | It may apply to both genders, but I do not date women.  Probably being wishy washy and knowing what one actually wants applies to both genders. But again, I don't date women so I don't know what they say to the guys. My dating range is late 30s and early40s. So I thought at that age there is at least SOME maturity and manners. Alas, I have been proven wrong.
What puzzles me is why would a guy "rave" about someone and insist on "call me anytime at all" or how much they like someone if they mean no such thing . Just be polite but lukewarm if you don't want to get that call, and a woman most likely will get a clue and not disturb a guy. Instead of insisting "call me anytime" or "oh cannot wait to see you!!!" and then not call or return the calls.
As for # 3 - had my times of falling fro bad guys, that was long time ago. Only the "good" guys still act like #1, #2 aside from maybe chasing other prospects blatantly. But still lack of maturity and manners. | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 11:54:23 AM | There's a diff. between "sure, call me anytime" (a polite nonesense) and INSISTING/inviting several times in person and over email to call. Or so I thought.  | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 12:16:54 PM | Sounds like the OP recently was hurt but this is really nothing more than a male-bashing thread and should've been deleted.
I don't know what happened to you, but I've never done any of what you describe above and I would also venture that most mature men have not. Maybe it was the cynical bitterness that made them think twice? | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 12:19:10 PM |
Probably being wishy washy and knowing what one actually wants applies to both genders.
Funny, when I starting reading this I thought the same you mentioned, I don't date guys, so this almost seems like an Ask A Girl question (and yes, I am aware that you can't post there).
But one of them I didn't post (mainly cuz u were looking for things that guys say) that I see religiously in women's profile is the girl speak of "I want a guy who know's what he wants."
For the first few months I came across this, I thought it was an odd thing to say. Who knows everything they want? Am I supposed to have my life completely planned out before I date you?
But not long ago, I figured out what the true meaning is, and it's completely applicable to the discussion were having here. The girls who have been int their profile have been i the exact the same position you are now. They have met guys they were interested, and they feelings weren't returned... possibly the guy used some of the statements you listed above, and the girls took it literally that the guy was confused or without direction.
However, I personally feel that it's mistake to assume the guy doesn't know what he wants, when the reality of it is, he may just not want you. Like I said before, a guy who is into you probably isn't going to give you the responses like you mentioned above. There's interest-just not enough to make a long term commitment. (and no, I am not saying they're arent guys out there who really don't know what they want, and are completely clueless-I am sure there are).
Anyway, it is frustrating on both ends ...but like Coloradacwgrl said, you just have to read between the lines and move on to someone who returns your affections. | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 12:22:35 PM | For a 39 year-old the OP certainly doesn't seem to have aged well maturity-wise.
What possible good could venting such idiotic generalizations do you? Did it make you feel for about 0.5 seconds after being dumped? Do you think it will prove an attractive selling point to any potential men that read this drivel?
There is no man-speak, there is no woman-speak, only honesty and lies. Either gender is capable of both, and there are no hard-set rules or tell-alls for when either principle will be applied in a given social situation. 
If you haven't learned this simple truth by YOUR age, it's going to be a long road of cat-herding lying in wait for you as you dwindle away the better portion of your booming spinsterhood.  | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 2:58:36 PM |
"I want a guy who know's what he wants."
Is THAT what that means??
OP, your post seems to be more of a complaint than a question.
I suggest that you find the kind of guy who thinks that "I want a guy who knows what he wants." (And maybe you'll have to define it to him what exactly that means) to be a ridiculous statement.
Gain sides from both perspectives. Pretend like you're dating yourself or another woman. What would you say to her to make her like you? If you weren't that interest, or wanted the option of changing your mind later, AND keep her around/have a chance with her in the future, what would you say? Remember, keeping women impressed with you is VERY fragile, especially at first. Once you get her locked in and some form of attachment is formed, it's pretty much smooth sailing from there. But at the beginning? That takes a LOT of delicate careful effort. As long as men chase and women choose, you have to be the one that she chooses. Anything less, and as a guy, you could be found as "uninteresting" or "no chemistry". And that is NOT a position a guy wants to be in.
Play by the rules, or change the rules.
You see, I'm the kind of guy who isn't interesting at first. With my personality and the way I do things, I don't have that instant charismatic charm. I get called "uninteresting" or there's "No chemistry". But, if someone were patient enough to give me 2 or 3 dates, I'm pretty confident that I could prove them wrong. I'm plenty interesting, and I can bring a lot of chemistry once someone takes the time to get to know me. And that I'm finding that it's the WOMEN who "Don't know what they want." Women SAY they want one thing, but it's that charm that sucks them in. Collectively, their words betray their actions on this subject. | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 3:13:03 PM |
I want a guy who knows what he wants."
Is THAT what that means??
LOL.
After much deliberation and in talking to some of the females on here, yes, I think that's what it means. Some may claim they mean it in a literal sense- they want guy with direction and focus (and who doesn't), but in context I've seen it used and the opportunities I've had to investigate this with some of the women who've employed it's usage- it's usually them lamenting the fact that they are tired of meeting guys who are not willing to move forward, or make more of an effort towards achieving something that resembles a relationship.
A follow discussion involving the details of their particular case, generally seemed to indicate that the guy in question just really wasn't into this girl. That is to say, you may have gotten the impression that he didn't know what he wanted-he may have even told you that explicitly- but it looked and sounded a lot more like he just didn't want you specifically. | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 3:24:40 PM | #1. “Please call me anytime, I would love to hear your voice” ..( repeated very excitedly and eagerly several times so that it does sound genuine)
I don't want to always have to keep calling you.
#2. “I like you soooo much. I think we are so much alike. I had such a great time with you when we met. I cannot wait to see you again. So when is the next time you are available to meet? The sooner the better”(must be said with a lot of eagerness, enthusiasm and repeated several times, preferably over the phone and in the emails.)
I want to sleep with you. We are nothing alike. But if it is what you need to hear to sleep with me, I'll say it.
# 3. “ I always was attracted to women like you – intelligent, strong, beautiful, classy, confident, and sexy” (also repeated with sincerity in the voice several times).
I'm horny. I'm not that attracted to you, but I haven't got a better offer for sex.
Men don't say things twice. They expect other people to REMEMBER what they say.
If a man says anything repeatedly, and it even remotely sounds like WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR, then he's telling you WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR, TO GET LAID.
Remember: IF IT IS WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR, IT IS A FANTASY.
SOME of it might turn out to be reality. Maybe even all of it.
But when people are honest, you generally find a lot that you don't like, and even more that you don't want to hear. It won't allow you to drift off into fantasy-romance land, but it's the real thing.
Love is: I DON'T WANT THE SAME AS YOU, BUT I'M WILLING TO COMPROMISE.
Lies are: I WANT THE SAME AS YOU, AND I WON'T GET UPSET IF YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 4:24:12 PM | # 3. “ I always was attracted to women like you – intelligent, strong, beautiful, classy, confident, and sexy”
HEY!!!!
I SAID THAT!
And MEANT IT!!!
(always do!)
Either your friend is someone I hit on, or someone has cribbed my line!
LOL
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 4:50:54 PM | OP. I have to join in.. I really don't see a question here. I see a rant from someone that just got burnt by missing some clues.
Please call me anytime, I would love to hear your voice”
I have said the exact same words and meant the. Till the person called me so much I had a phone hanging off my ear... He very well could have meant it.. But after how many phones calls a day? I noticed you didn't say. Texts etc..
I like you soooo much. I think we are so much alike. I had such a great time with you when we met. I cannot wait to see you again. So when is the next time you are available to meet? The sooner the better”
I again have used similiar words and meant them..But I didn't mean to be glued at the hip joint. Smothering me. Yuck...
I always was attracted to women like you
Again there is a certain type of men I am attracted to.. Doesn't mean I want to keep them.. I can also be attracted to Bad Boyz but.... I don't play with them anymore..I know better.
“I thought that since we hit it off so well, maybe we should forget all this internet stuff and focus on seeing just one another and not other people..see how things develop..”
This one is way open.. Can't go there.
Please feel free to make corrections and additions to these translations
Okay not a problem.. I am seeing someone saying normal things and I feel maybe you went over board.. I have said these types of things. But holy crap! If all the sudden I am smothered..I am backing off, I wont' be answering my text, my phone, or my emails I need to breath...
What I have found is, with alot of people yes, there is a spark. But I am old enough to want to go alittle slower check it out.. I don't want to be breathing his breath.. not in the beginning anyway.
BTW, this is a thinly veiled "man bashing" post.
I disagree I feel this is not a thinly veiled bash post..I feel it is a sneaky and underhanded attack. Because IMHO Someone upset the OP and now OP comes out here to rant and rave and bash men.. labeling All Which is an immediate  for me.
Now Kevin, you made a statement I liked, but I would like to elaborate on it a bit.
"I want a guy who know's what he wants."
Yes, I want to know a man has goals in life.. Some dreams something, not just drifting.
I actually would prefer him not to have this grocery list of what he wants instead have a list of what he doesn't want..
That is my take on that statement when I see it on either men or women's profiles. | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 5:05:12 PM | ^^It absolutely could be taken literally in some cases, Sass.
But with some of the people I've talked to, it was in reference to them not wanting their hearts toyed with. They liked you, so you're supposed to like them back, damnit.
It's kind of like when I see someone with NO GAMES as a criteria. Yes, some people do play games... using someone as a standby when they can't get other dates, etc. But with some, "no games " is just a bitter reaction to them not getting what they wanted.
You met someone, you liked them, you went on a few dates and it looked like it might be going somewhere.. but they changed their mind or decided not to pursue it... and out of sheer frustration, you decide your emotions were played with. When in all reality, it may be the person just didn't pick you and was doing what people do in the dating world every day. You can't blame them for not liking you, everyone knows that- but you can accuse them of playing games or not knowing what they want. Now you have an objection on which to vent your frustration.
Haven't we all been rejected and frustrated to the point that we felt this way, even if it was only for a minute? | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 5:07:02 PM | | I think men and women both speak two very different languages. We often don't say the exact words we want to say because we don't want to upset anyone. | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 5:26:54 PM | | I think the idea that women and speak different languages is a tricky one. Generally, our emotions are somewhat different, but you can have a male and female who are very similar and direct in the way they say things and deal with people. I definitely expect some differences between males and females besides our anatomy, but we definitely have shared human qualities about us. I have found that we men tend to be more direct. I have met plenty of women, though, who express themselves the way I do, and I didn't have to second guess them all the time. However, there are some women who won't deal and be direct and tell you what's up, but I am sure many women will say the same about guys. I think it boils down to the person more than the gender. I could be wrong.. | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 5:44:03 PM | Who said that I would incessantly call them? Maybe other gals do.. But It was surprisong to me, after I bring myself to call maybe once (after many "please call anytime" invitations) have it to go to VM. After that no - more calls from me....
I have no prob whatsoever with a person not wanting me (when it comes to knowing what one wants). I have met people I didn't want to date/see anymore and if I was asked, I politely but unambiguously indicated that ( I believe it's handling things in the mature way). But what escapes me is why men (again, I don't date women) keep all that enthusiastic tone and excitement if they don't mean it? If you are not interested, don't say anything, or say something polite and lukewarm. It will be taken as a clue and no questions asked. That's why I do believe the translation is needed - because the meaning of the words is EXACTLY the opposite of the literal meaning.
I am sure there are more to be added to the ambiguity dictionary, but these were the 1st that came to mind. | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 5:54:20 PM | I'm curious cus it sounded like those guys really LIKED you!
How did you reply?
Did you do the typical "you can't be real" blowoff?
Maybe it's not what they said, but what you did.
something just doesn't compute. | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 6:11:18 PM | Thread is not about that is it? I can only think that I was not too overeager ( I have a "good, let's take it day by day, get to know each other and see how we mesh.. " attitude). And of course I don't chase them/call them etc other than one time when my VM is unreturned
Please elaborate on " You can't be real " blowoff, I will add it to my dictionary | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 6:14:32 PM | I am taking this much differently than most. I found it amusing and grinned, even chuckled as I read it. Why?...because it has happened to me time and time again. I find it comical now at this point in my dating life.
I feel both men and women say things they don't mean for numerous reasons and motives. I have said things as to not embarrass or hurt someone and that was not the answer. Now, with experience, I am just upfront and honest and do it in a kind, respectful way. Sugar coating it always backfires and then I feel like a jerk.
I now look for more action instead of words, especially at the beginning. Words are nice and it feels good to hear positive ,romantic gestures, but I don't put any stalk into it until they back it up with action. I hold myself acountable for the same thing. If I say it, I better mean it and prove it! | |
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| Man-speak and it's translation in dating
Posted: 12/18/2007 6:22:05 PM | Two more "classics":
Wed: Phone conversation. " I definitely want to see you this w/e. Just tell when will you have time? any time is good for me" - I : Sunday afternoon. " Ok, I will call you on Sat and we will firm it up". Calls up to Friday but NO call on Sat and of course no meeting on Sun.
" My 2nd cousin/3rd aunt/brother in law got sick/died/had stroke. I am going to XYZ city to tend to that" - variations are endless. But emails during those days supposedly from the hospital/funeral/deathbed? | |
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