| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/18/2007 11:59:41 PM | If you sleep with a guy on a first date because everything seems so right.,he never calls . If you don't sleep with him he never calls. The thing I hear from friends is if you sleep with them and they are looking for happily ever after they think you sleep with everyone, so it means nothing to you. If you don't sleep with them after a perfect date they think you are frigid. So how do you show a guy your interested and yes even really want him that way, but also let him know that you don't just fall in bed with every one.
Are you supposed to deny yourself the pleasure ?
I want a happily ever after relationship, and that has to include a good sex life.
Now that you have read this are you as confused as I am??
I think my question is, when is it safe to sleep with a guy you are interested in? | |
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Rys_
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 2 | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 12:27:08 AM | | You have to do what feels right for you at that specific moment, with that specific person. There have been men that I've slept with on the night we met because the chemistry was so strong and it felt right. There have been others that I haven't slept with for quite a while. Most fall somewhere in the middle. If there is a connection there, it doesn't matter whether you sleep with them on the first date or not. If they want to see you again, they will. If they don't, they won't. Do what feels right to YOU. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 12:56:05 AM | A actually prefer the top bunk, please n thanks!!
This is a question that has been passed down through the ages.
You know, from 15 to 90!
To me there is no right or wrong answer here. It's an individual choice each and everyone of us makes at one time or another.
Here may be one thing to think about. If there is that level of comfortability that early in a first date, then don't you think that expressing your uncertainty upfront is a good thing? | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 12:58:17 AM | Oh brother.! Where do I start.!
Ok grenee
1/ The things you hear from friends means nothing. Yur frineds are females. But worse. Their own love lives are an even bigger disaster than yours with a new boyfirend and a new break up and roudn of tears every week.
.No sane person would dream of taking financial advice from a bankrupt accountant. Or engineering advice from an engineer with a record of collapsed buildings..
And yet from thirteen to thirty the average women’s main source of relationship advice comes from relationship bankrupts of one sort or another, with a record of collapsed relatinships.
2/ Sleeping on a first date garantees NOTHING. Guys are neither turned on or off by it. The only garantee is that the KIND, of guy, who would think that the owmen who slept wiht him on the first date is automaticaly a slut is the kind of guy you don't want anyway.
3/ Guys don't care how many other guys you HAVE slept with. Only if you are sleeping with other guys behind their backs.
4/ Why are you putting ALL your cards onto some sort of ahpply ever after relatinship. The risk of an unhappily ever after relatinship is very real. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 1:09:15 AM | I agree with Crayonzz..I also wanna add..DO NOT take the earlier advice n go halfway..becuz they aint gonna think about whats to come..only that youre a freaking tease..you wouldnt want someone to be all over you n then just back off would ya? Of course you wouldnt.. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 1:30:01 AM | Flirting n making more body contact than necessary is teasing..making a guy think youre into him n getting him all hot and bothered n not to mention stiff and then leaving him to go home and nurture his Blue balls isn't...but to each their own  | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 1:30:19 AM | | Unfortunately I don't think there is an easy answer to this question. I think the most important thing is that you and your partner feel comfortable about sex if and when you want to do it. I think going a good part of the way there is a good compromise, though if he really is just using you for sex I doubt it matters when you do it. I say, if you feel comfortable with it than do it. If it works great, if not, oh well... | |
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Rys_
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 11 | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 1:40:12 AM | | Its teasing when you no intension of sleeping with the guy ever. I f you decide to be intimate in other ways, and let the guy know youre not ready just yet, i dont think thats teasing. But hey thats just me. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 2:03:45 AM | I guess its an age thing...at 49 I know what I want and how to get it....and I dont tease...if he is a wonderful listener I had a great time and I want him in my bed...I just don't say no......if it works well in the bed room..... I am thrilled when the come back..... but.....for some reason it always only leads to a sexual relationship.....its hard to build love from great passion!!!!!
As for the guy who suggested half way is oral...yeah thats half way...he gets something.....and I love giving..but AHHHH I want something in return too!!!!! | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 2:16:34 AM | Are you supposed to deny yourself the pleasure ?
No! you shouldn't OP......try the reverse club approach...
Instead...you club him and drag him back to your cave.
It might work
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 15 | |
| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 2:38:14 AM |
Are you supposed to deny yourself the pleasure ?
I want a happily ever after relationship, and that has to include a good sex life.
Now that you have read this are you as confused as I am??
I think my question is, when is it safe to sleep with a guy you are interested in?
I think this has a lot to do with commitment and guilt. It sounds like you're OK with having sex, it's just that you'd prefer it to be sex associated with commitment. So first date sex seems unsteady for that.
Yet at the same time you're afraid that without sex there won't be a second date. IMHO, that is a bad assumption.
Basic rule of thumb is, if a guy is pressing so hard for sex in the first couple of dates that not getting it is going to make him run, then he was going to run anyway. So quit fretting about it.
Sex is not going to command a guy to stay around...it may give him a reason to stay a bit longer, but it is not going to seal the deal. Really great sex may give him more motivation to stay and try.
But, if you meet a guy that you really want to sex up, just be honest (gee, don't we hear women asking for that all the time)...understand where it's at in your mind, go ahead, have your orgasms, but then tell him afterwards "Hey, no pressure from me. I'm not thinking LTR or anything, I just really wanted to have sex with you tonight. We'll figure out later if we want there to be tomorrow nights." At least that allows you to have sex and not have to wrestle the guilt/commitment issue.
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 2:55:47 AM | "Are you supposed to deny yourself the pleasure ?"
See, here's where you're going wrong. You act like this is something your trying to get. Relationships are about what you can give, not what you can get. What is it you have to give a man (besides sex)? Are you a warm person? Do you give off a welcoming vibe? Fun to be around? These are the things that keep a man coming back, and keep you coming back to a man.
Men aren't stupid, we (usually) know when someone is in it for us or themselves. A relationship based on selfishness (even mutual selfishness) is doomed to fail. When you do decide to show someone physically how you feel, it should be based on an honest assessment, not just because you shared a laugh over chicken wings and beer within the last 3 hours. Get to know someone and let them get to know you. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 3:07:27 AM | I think any guy who gets pissed off because he doesn't get any isn't worth your time anyway. Why get upset when losers don't call back? I consider that a good thing.
As far as should you have sex with someone on a first date... It's your life, who cares. If you are comfortable with that situation, have fun and be careful. As far as "He might think I'm easy..." Well 1) You are if you give it up on the first date (and that's not a bad thing) and 2) Do you really want a guy who would get upset because you had sex with him? He should be thankful. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 4:46:25 AM | | I would have seconded the "go halfway without the whole shebang" idea but apparently that makes you a tease! (actually, some women on this site are afraid they're being teases if they even KISS a man on a first date). So you're right that a woman can't win.....with SOME men. You certainly won't be able to please every man and some men will NEVER be pleased. It's about finding the right man who will be pleased with you and what you have to offer....yeah, I know, that's no help at all! | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 6:40:55 AM | | What do YOU think about YOU? That's what matters - being able to live with your decisions and actions. Don't look outside yourself for validation or condemnation. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 6:46:59 AM |
If you sleep with a guy on a first date because everything seems so right.,he never calls . If you don't sleep with him he never calls. . . The thing I hear from friends is if you sleep with them and they are looking for happily ever after they think you sleep with everyone, so it means nothing to you. If you don't sleep with them after a perfect date they think you are frigid.
This isn't my experience--perhaps it is peculiar to you. If it is, I would have to ask "Why?" If a man thinks a woman is frigid because she won't have sex with him the first date, there is something wrong with that man. If a man thinks that a woman sleeps with everyone on the first date, I think it has to do more with the woman than his general assumption. In both instances, maybe the man is using the excuse of sex to not pursue a relationship.
I guess its an age thing...at 49 I know what I want and how to get it...
If you are talking about sex, there is no secret to "getting" it--none!
If you are talking about anything else, obviously you don't know how to "get" it because you are in a forum on POF not understanding why men drop you after you sleep with them or don't sleep with them.
I am not being catty when I say that your profile pictures might give you a clue about why you are not taken more seriously--they promote nothing but a sexual image, carefully cultivated. Is there anything wrong with that? It depends upon what you want to promote and what you want from the promotion. I want my pictures to hint of my sexuality, but I want men to understand that I am more than just about sex.
.for some reason it always only leads to a sexual relationship.
Always?
It isn't totally the men. | |
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Iowa44
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Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 23 | |
| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 6:55:13 AM | | Maybe it is simple this:After one or two dates the guy decides you two are not a good match,whether you slept together or not is not the deciding factor,other things can decide what a guy wants. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 7:01:01 AM | your profile says you are looking for long term, but your pictures say DO ME NOW. a man that is looking for a serious relationship with a woman will not contact you simply because of your pictures. the men that contact you will be players that will lie to you, so you hear what you want and think...this is the guy. you will sleep with him and he wwont call.
you can put whatever pictures you want on your profile, but just remember, nice guys don't want a woman that puts it all out there on the net. do as you please, but know the consequences.
plus you have this question on your profile...basically telling men you sleep on the first date...WTF do you expect. | |
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