| Women and commitment..
Posted: 12/19/2007 8:09:35 AM | | Do you women think women have become less and less interested in having commitments and just want to enjoy themselves? The stereotype is this is what men want and few women want this. Women are often afraid of losing their freedom just as men have been historically afraid of losing their freedom. What do you think? I know the old stereotypical stuff you used to hear about men versus women often doesn't really apply, that they are more and more similar... | |
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| Women and commitment..
Posted: 12/19/2007 8:41:15 AM | I don't think this is something to be generalised about - does a 20 year old want to be out having fun and not getting caught up in commitment...I hope so. Does a women just out of a relationship want to be out having fun - probably. Or a women who's first commitments is to her child(ren), she will probably want to put her children first and have some fun when she can (not take on more commitments).
And me personally, am I interested in commitment? If I met a good person (who can be trusted) then yes, would be great to have a committed relationship ...but until then I'm out having fun and not making any commitment to anyone.
Women (generally) have it easier than guys because guys wont stop us seeing our friends or doing the things we like. Generally women will stop spending time with friends and doing the things they like, this leaves the men to be the main source of fulfilment - very bad idea (guys this is not a critism, you just can't totally fulfill a women, same applies visa-versa). People (guys and girls) should keep their identity and their own reasons for being happy and alive.
I'm sure one of the reasons guys generally have hated commitment is that it means giving up their life, and having to become a slave to a miserable female.
So are women getting smarter, are they learning that to have a happy relationship you need to be a fulfilled person first...I hope so. Does it mean we're not at home washing dishes - yep! And if you guys aren't doing your share to maintain the relationship, we're out of there! | |
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| Women and commitment..
Posted: 12/19/2007 9:41:26 AM | ^^^ I agree - times have changed, but women still want commitments. They just want to have fun and enjoy themselves until someone worthy of a commitment comes along. We have plenty to do to keep ourselves busy until that man comes along, if he ever does. It's just that the conditions of that commitment have changed.
Finding the happiness within ourselves frees us from needing to have someone else come along and make us happy...if we're already complete on our own, then we're not as willing to settle for less than we are, and we're also ok with someone never coming along, because we're already happy. Win, win, no? Men have had that luxury for years...women are now discovering it. | |
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| Women and commitment..
Posted: 12/19/2007 9:52:41 AM | | I have found I want a commitment for certain reasons, with certain men. But with other men, yeah, I don't really care. "Get in, get out, quit messing about". I think we DO have this option, too. I don't NEED a man, I WANT a man. | |
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| Women and commitment..
Posted: 12/19/2007 9:54:00 AM | yes times have changed but you know what every one wants someone ! its just that now us girls are more well ...... lets say have more to do with our lives than stay at home with the kids ! we enjoy going out with our mates and dont need a guy to prove anything to any one .....if you can deal with the fact that a woman does not need to be with you 24-7 then you will stand a better chance of keeping her ......
good luck | |
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| Women and commitment..
Posted: 12/19/2007 10:48:41 AM | Well, I think, form has changed but substance hasn't changed. If she had to get married to avoid the social stigma of "old maid" or worse yet "hussy" or for political/economic union, and yet wanted to remain independent, marry a homosexual, a merchant marine, suicidal occupation, genetic heart disease, old man with one foot on banana peel, etc..Lots of anything goes arrangements took place to give appearances for social and economic status, where she is free to do whatever she wanted without stigma, and as long as she keeps up appearances, just like today. Today, we have other acceptable appearances arrangements for "men are completely useless other than for socio-economic power and status" in a man's world. It seems to be just as based on property, paternity, and sexual rights in a patriarchal culture as unions or divisions, as bargaining and governing relationships. I don't believe women largely ever want to bargain for such.
This sort of social or economic bargaining or governing female sexuality and paternity does not exist in matriarchal cultures such as in much of Native America. We did and do not not have marriage, property, or exclusive sexual rights. Children are children of the tribe and not the exclusive "property" of biological parents, etc...Her sexuality is hers. If she chooses none, one, or many partners, good for her. It does not change her status or power. Nobody owns her or land or little men and women. | |
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| Women and commitment..
Posted: 12/19/2007 6:09:39 PM | | Of course, you can't expect to be with a man or woman 24/7 unless you are actually married to each other. I was just saying more and more women seem into flings, FWB, short term pleasure etc....... It's true, in the end, everyone wants someone, but more and more younger women just want to have fun and like males feel the idea of commitment ties them down and the pleasure of sex seems more appealing then dealing with feelings....... I've seen that there are more and more girls out there like that.... I guess that's okay if that's what you're looking for at the time. One of my friends who is in her 40s gives me these views about women that I tell her was maybe true of her generation when women and men were socialized differently. They are socialized pretty much in the same way now, I think. | |
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| Women and commitment..
Posted: 12/19/2007 6:28:31 PM | | In my 20's I didn't want to be tied down...career to pursue, see the world, do as you want, play...but now it's a matter of not willing to settle, and not having met that one stand up guy. I always get asked...mostly by guys...why am I still single...and my response is because most guys are liars, cheaters and players...and they usually agree with me...go figure. Guys know too...that there are a lot of these sorts of guys and I haven't had the good fortune of meeting that one amazing stand up guy. If I found Mr. Right...I would be totally down with doing the whole settling down commitment thing. | |
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| Women and commitment..
Posted: 12/19/2007 8:09:49 PM | | We now understand the guys and their supposed former (?) avoidance or disinterest in commitment. We get it.. we're on board. Though not all of us. | |
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| Women and commitment..
Posted: 12/19/2007 9:02:11 PM | | Hmmm... I am finding that all the women I know want to commit but the men don't. | |
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| Women and commitment..
Posted: 12/19/2007 9:44:42 PM | I think that many women still want a commitment and are looking for THE one. But, until he comes they are more open to being involved in casual relationships.
As a friend of mine says: "I am perfectly aware what's the difference between having sex and making love. But, untill I meet a person with whom I can make love, I will be having sex and not sit around and cry."
Why is this happening?
Well, women do not depend on men in the way they used to in times when they were pretty much stuck at home. Financial independence also means more freedom in terms of personal relatiosnhips. Secondly, birth contro and sexual revolution certainly changed the way in which women (and men, I suppose) think about relationships. Thirdly, there is not as much stigma as there used to be if a woman is not married, or if she is sexully active in a way that would have been seen as inappropriate in the 50s for example.
But... as the posts above make it cleat the fact that some women are more open to other options, does not mean that they have completely abandoned the idea of a commited monogamous relationship. And, reading some of the threads in Ask a Guy, I would think the same holds for men.
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Beedo
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Joined: 11/29/2007
Msg: 12 | |
| Women and commitment..
Posted: 12/19/2007 10:49:45 PM | I cant just play around, never worked,
dont mean I dont have thoughts or needs like everyone.
I see commitment type men as smarter, stronger, just have it together.
the phobics and refusers I have no use for, dont appeal to me at all,
it's usually immaturity, alcohol, abusive tendencies, addictions that I
see running their lives more than them running their lives.
Just what I've seen. | |
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| Women and commitment..
Posted: 12/19/2007 10:59:27 PM | I'm not interested in playing around and the longer I am single, the less interested I am in a relationship.
I find them often stressful and for the past two years I have had peace.
I kind of like it.
Someone might surprise me. But I'm not being very proactive about it because, honestly, I actually don't care right now. | |
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| Women and commitment..
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:49:00 AM | I can't speak for all, just my crazy corner of the world....
Commitment and marriage are two different things in my book, OP. While I may never again yearn for the bonds of matrimony, I do desire a committed monogamous relationship. Having "fun" after a certain period of time is, not to put too fine a point on it, well.... boring. It's the same run-round with different faces. If one does find a good relationship where you aren't hampered by possessiveness and jealousy, the loss of freedom isn't a factor. It makes the experiences that come after feel as if they're more expansive, because your partner is aiding in doubling your enjoyment from his view-point, too. | |
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| Women and commitment..
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:18:36 AM | i cant believe it when i hear of some women wanting a guy to commit to a relationship and finding it near immpossible to findsuch a guy.
i have always wanted to commit my self to a loving, caring and stable relationship.
i wear my heart on my sleeve but.........................
the trouble is in the fact that the guys who the women fancy dont want to commit but the guys who want to commit no one fancies.
ive met 2 women from off here who i really thought were the ones, i gave my all and really wanted to blend in , be caring, helpfull, considerate and commit to a loving stable relationship, after a VERY short while both these women decided they had had enough of me tho........even tho they said i was pretty much what they were looking for and out came the usual typical female response " your a lovely guy but..............."...............................boy do i hate it when women keep telling me that.
the commitment has to come with other things tho.
i certainly am one who will commit but its just finding the other half who will want to commit to anything with me..........
it really is as simple as that. | |
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| Women and commitment..
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:25:11 AM |
I'm not interested in playing around and the longer I am single, the less interested I am in a relationship.
I find them often stressful and for the past two years I have had peace.
I kind of like it.
Someone might surprise me. But I'm not being very proactive about it because, honestly, I actually don't care right now.
I soooo get this right now. It's scary how accurate that describes my state of mind. It's like I could date but....why bother? | |
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