| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 2:39:09 PM | I have wanted to ask this question for a while now, so here goes!
Do you folks think that because we are older and have been through our battles that we self-evaluate more than we should? A lot of my friends, male and female, are always talking/disecting their relationships, the way they live, their moods, their jobs. I sometimes think perhaps we are so busy with evaluating that we forget to just get out there and live life? Remember when we were young? We never truly put so much thought into things. We just did them! Your thoughts? | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 2:45:01 PM | Are you kidding me?
Look at where my not thinking about something and just doing it got me.
It's because of all that lack of thought that many of us now tend to over analyze each new situation. Who wants to make the same mistakes as when we were younger?
Not me.
Gun shy? Maybe.
Cautious? Perhaps.
Wiser..I sure as heck hope so. | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 2:45:04 PM | | Yes. When I was younger I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. Now --partly because everyone is telling me so -- I know there's a LOT wrong with me. So I evaluate myself base don years of people whining, I mean, helpfully explaining, about certain aspects of my behavior. | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 3:16:16 PM | I have to agree with firstlight on this one.
Who wants to make those mistakes again? Not me!!!
Self-evaluation is a good thing, I think, because it gets down to what you really want out of life instead of just beine spontaneous. JMO | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 3:35:46 PM | easy answer..
this line is self ego..lots of responses..lots of emails..plus a free line..you women and
guys got so burned in your past relationships.so, you get off putting a stupid ad on
here..fat guys want skinny women and fat women want fit guys..everyone forgot the
meaning of love..women blame the men for leaving them,and guy s blame them for cheating..you folks lost your desire for love..this site would close tonight if their was a charge..fake pics, fake profiles,fake people....most of you lost your homes,friends,
family,integerity.too bad.....alas...good luck to all of you.. | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 3:40:49 PM | Learn from the past... but don't live in it.
It's one thing to reflect on your life and actions... it's another to sit there and overanalyze every decision you make. | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 3:47:30 PM | Gee Mr positivity. Why are you here missinginaction? That post of yours put the boost in your ego?
To the topic.
Self evaluation is not bad if you work on changing what you don't like. Try not to get too caught up evaluating and not doing. Then follows self-doubt. | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 3:50:18 PM | I am one person that has :
1. made mistakes
2. learned from the mistakes
3. changed, adapted and improved who I am and my knowledge
4. moved on, refusing to let life pass me by.
I agree with FirstLight - I will be more cautious, but move forward as a wiser person. | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 3:58:26 PM | You got to be kidding, self-evaluating?...if you have no life.
I don't know how people can live with themselves by day to day analysis of their lives.
Might as well be dead, because life is to short for pettiness of small insignificant things like moods, jobs, lifestyle, and crap like that. I personally don't think about those things - just go where life takes me and have fun every friggin' day. | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 4:14:29 PM |
I am one person that has :
1. made mistakes
2. learned from the mistakes
3. changed, adapted and improved who I am and my knowledge
4. moved on, refusing to let life pass me by.
I have to agree with Smilin bob. I've learned from my mistakes (and there have been some beauts!), but refuse to subject myself to constant introspection. I try to be the best person I can be and I really like the person I've become. | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 4:30:27 PM | | I think it is normal to do some self-evaluation but it is very abnormal to dwell on it. The most self-evaluation I've been doing since my break up was to try to figure out what I did wrong or what went wrong. My initial thoughts were that it was all "me". It took a while to realize that it was several factors. I definitely feel that self-evaluation can and frequently does interfere with our daily lives and our relationships. I think we have to be willing to accept changes in ourselves and with each other to keep a job or maintain a relationship. Though some of the rules may be written in stone they still have a way of getting changed. | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 4:44:53 PM | Self-evaluation is a good thing, but not if it keeps you from opening up to a new relationship or a new adventure.
Sometimes I catch myself over-thinking situations to the point that the person moves on or the door of opportunity closes. This may sound like I am talking in circles, but I am only trying to verbalize how I feel about missed opportunities. | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 4:48:08 PM | It's a two edge sword.
We want to avoid the mistakes of our past,
but it often makes us avoid the adventure of our future.
I can't change the past so don't dwell on it.
I can only change the future.
And that's what i dwell on now. | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 4:48:25 PM | Moonchild,
You Asked:
Do you folks think that because we are older and have been through our battles that we self-evaluate more than we should?
My Thoughts:
Absolutely NOT! It’s how we grow. It’s how we educate ourselves. And, maybe most important, it’s how we rediscover ourselves. I’m sure there are a lot of people who joined POF after a major change in their life. Maybe it was a divorce or the end of a significant relationship. Maybe their loved one was taken from them by an untimely death. But whatever the reason, most of us have come here to meet new people & perhaps meet someone special that we can begin a new relationship with. In other words we've opened a new door and are moving on with our lives.
In my case my marriage of 30 yrs had come to an end & after 2 long yrs of self-analysis & working on me … I felt I was ready to start dating. That was more than a year ago & now I’m not so sure. I’ve met a lot of wonderful people & had several dates but so far I haven’t met that special someone I’d like to share my life with. Since I was married for 30 yrs this is the 1st time I have dated as an adult. I met my wife at 16 & that marked my last date before last year. So for me … I am constantly self-analyzing. But in doing so I learn so much about myself …things that I never had the opportunity or motivation to do when I was married. It’s GREAT!
I think the problem arises when ALL you do is analyze & never take any action based on your analysis. I think they call that “analysis paralysis”. So far that has not been a problem for me but I can’t imagine never stopping to take stock of where you are & how far you’ve come. Never considering the multitude of wonderful options we all have available to us. To aimlessly let our lives drift along with no clear objectives or plan. That’s just no way to live!
Look, I’m the first to admit that I’ve made mistakes & I konw I will continue to make mistakes. But the key is to learn from your mistakes & to continually get to know yourself better through life’s wonderful experiences.
There is a successful author & self-help expert by the name of Stephen Covey who wrote a book several years ago titled “The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People”. It’s a terrific book & one that motivated me to take a good hard look at my life & then commit to making some major changes. Stephen’s entire philosophy in his book centers on learning what is most important to us & then living our lives in a way that enables us to focus on those important aspects of our life. It’s a great book & I highly recommend it to anyone who has started a journey of rediscovering themselves.
So once again … do I think as old timers we self-evaluate ourselves too much? NO … self-analysis in a wonderful thing, as long as once we have done it – we take positive action based on what we have learned.
Good Luck!
Gary | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 4:49:52 PM | A lot of my friends, male and female, are always talking/disecting their relationships, the way they live, their moods, their jobs. I sometimes think perhaps we are so busy with evaluating that we forget to just get out there and live life?
I'm not going to enjoy the stretch of highway I'm on or keep my eyes on the road ahead, if I'm overly focused on my present circumstances or constantly looking in the rear view mirror.
Do you folks think that because we are older and have been through our battles that we self-evaluate more than we should?
I think a certain amount of introspection and self-evaluation, is necessary and a good thing. It helps me make better decisions. But, if I'm gazing at my own navel too much, I might miss some really good stuff. | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 4:51:40 PM | To not evaluate ones self seems foolish to me. To go through life thinking everything I do is cool without a care in the world seems to me a very selfish attitude. We interact with lots of people everyday, some cool others not. I like to evaluate why things happened the way they did andwhat I may have done differently to have a better outcome. Then I may be more prepared to deal better if a similar situation ever comes up again.
MHO | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 7:05:44 PM |
most of you lost your homes,friends,
family,integerity.too bad.....alas...good luck to all of you..
Geeze! One has to love assumptions like this fellows! My point to this thread I guess, is just that sometimes we have a tendency to re-think, overthink what we do/who we are? Perhaps we are doing ourselves an injustice by dissecting everything? | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 7:12:32 PM |
I can't change the past so don't dwell on it.
I can only change the future.
And that's what i dwell on now
Well written Stray Cat, my thoughts exactly. | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 7:46:31 PM | I should have clarified my earlier post. Self evaluation is a GOOD thing, but don't make it your life.
What would be the use of doing a self evaluation if we changed nothing? Then we are destined to repeat the same things over and over, expecting something different (the definition of insanity).
Would it be helpful to NOT do a self evaluation? that is sticking your head in the sand, or worse, blaming everyone else for everything.
So, I would say everyone does a self evaluation, whether they know it or not. Simple example.. have you ever burned your hand on a flame? Hmmm.. Self evaluation - flame is hot. Fingers are soft.. Fingers are burned. Lesson learned: be careful around flames.
So, we learn, change, and improve, then things should be better in the future, but we should not dwell on it for too long. | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 8:07:43 PM | | Great analogy, smilin Bob. Thanks for putting it so eloquently. | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 8:53:48 PM | I eventually had to clear out the medicine cabinet of EVERYTHING.....the valium...the oxycontin.....the zoloft.....the percadans......the nyquil, because that stuff will flat out knock you on your ASS if you drink too much...... EVERYTHING....I just watched it swirl into a little tiny tornado with one big flush......gone.....all gone....I was doing it way too much..........
Ohhhh....you said self EVALUATE........... | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/19/2007 9:27:30 PM |
Do you folks think that because we are older and have been through our battles that we self-evaluate more than we should?
Maybe, but it's probably a good thing to do it too much than not at all. I think most of us know we were responsible at least in part, for things that didn't turn out all that great. I don't know if we can change, but at least we can stop blaming so much, (bitterness) if we can accept our share of the blame. We can also learn where we are most vulnerable to help make better decisions in the future.
There's extremes in everything. I guess, at some point in time, it's good to quit dwelling on the past, and move forward. I think we kind of know when that point is reached.  | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/20/2007 12:23:57 AM |
Do you folks think that because we are older and have been through our battles that we self-evaluate more than we should?
Yes I do .....and no, i do not.
Let me dwell on that for 10 years or so and get back to you.
“Older and Wiser” is a nice place to be, in theory, but often people only get half way there.
We MAY learn from the past. What we learn is to often BS.. We learn to be bitter. We learn to not
trust. We learn to check and verify every thing and in doing so, miss opportunities . We assume cause and effect relationships between unrelated events. We assume that we should never compromise because we feel that we got the short end of the stick in past compromises. We become close minded and call it “maturity”. We are judgmental and confuse it with wisdom.
If you disagree with what i am claiming, read a few dozen threads on POF before you present an argument.
But who wants to be around someone who keeps sticking their hand in that fire ? Sure the first few
times it may be entertaining, but the smell of charred flesh is so unappetising . Some people in some
situations do over think things as much now as they did in the past. And some have very little flesh left on their paws.
No matter what mistakes i have made in the past, i am quite happy that i am still above ground. I have watched to many friends and Family loose the ability to make that claim. Yeah, i claim to be Older and Wiser now, but i seem to recall thinking i was pretty damned smart 40 years ago. Care to dwell on what any of us will be thinking, about our own actions today, in 20 years ?
Nahhh.... me neither. Just enjoy the ride. I hope i will be laughing at the Now as much as i laugh now about what i was 20 years ago.
“Older and Wiser at 50 ? What a fool I was ! Now pass me some Viagra, I got a hot date with a woman i met on the Over 75 Forums on POF!” | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/20/2007 12:39:17 AM | gaining insight into oneself and assessing different situations does not have to be the same as analysis paralysis. as long as you are walking the talk and continuing to learn, then i think it's fine. however, i was the same when i was young as i am now. my mother said the first word i spoke was not mommy, but "why"!
so, why do you ask?  | |
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| Self Evaluation???
Posted: 12/20/2007 3:53:44 AM |
I have wanted to ask this question for a while now, so here goes!
Do you folks think that because we are older and have been through our battles that we self-evaluate more than we should? A lot of my friends, male and female, are always talking/disecting their relationships, the way they live, their moods, their jobs. I sometimes think perhaps we are so busy with evaluating that we forget to just get out there and live life? Remember when we were young? We never truly put so much thought into things. We just did them! Your thoughts?
IMHO,a quick perusal of the majority of profiles on this site show a serious lack of self-evaluation and introspection.
It's not likely that so many "fun"."interesting","good looking" and "intelligent" people gathered anywhere,much less this website.I've yet to see anybody say that they are difficult,needy,set in their ways or addicted to drama.
And some of the profiles by OLDER people show an almost pathological lack of insight or self-criticism.
In short,while self-evaluation may come w/ age...I think it's often used like honesty.
Sparingly. | |
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