| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 8:58:02 AM | I would say I am a male who thinks a lot. I am cerebral, I like to talk, but I definitely pause. A couple of women said I overanalyze things. My major was political philosophy. I like talking sometimes, but I know how to end a conversation and move on. I am not just about feeling and being silent. It's not me. Anyway, I bring this up because this girl I am going to meet says I analyze things a lot and should just feel. In a way, though she might be right to some extent, I feel it is who I am. I am sure I could change this somewhat, but it wouldn't be genuine to just be a pure feeler who doesn't say much. I guess one thing I could add was I was in a relationship with someone who didn't reveal certain things about herself, so I was asking this current girl all these things about her. I understand that could be much. I was having trust issues. Anyway, I am looking at this girl as mostly a potential friend, not something very serious, because no one wants to risk having to feel they may have to change themselves to be accepted...
Your thoughts? | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 9:10:27 AM | | Thinking a lot doesn't bother me. Being unable to make up one's mind and stick to it drives me bonkers. | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 9:21:18 AM | Different women find different things about men to be sexy or sensual.
I find cerebral and intellectual men to be very interesting and sensual. Sometimes I don't understand fully what they're trying to convey :):) but I really respect them being a little smarter:) than myself in certain areas.
I actually have met men like this and really couldn't care less about what they looked like physically because I was far more intrigued by their inner self.
I find men like you try to be the best at everything they do. They really care deeply about what interests them. So if a woman is their love interest... you can guarantee that they are doing much thinking about you too! :)
good luck in your searching:)
and don't conform to anyone.. you always have to make some concessions because..well let's face it. A perfect match would be boring... no surprises:):) | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 9:44:18 AM | If this woman is Asian it might be that she's wanting you to embrace a more positive kenning in the substance of your analysis. Every once in awhile we have to step out of our comfort zone to get back in touch with who we in fact are. Never give up on accountability and reason but never, never, EVER give up on finding something to trump your empirical hope chest. Don't write this woman off before you even have a chance to undertand how deeply she just might be able to touch you and make you never shortchange feeling again.
Whatever your course great luck to you man. | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 9:46:04 AM | If they are saying you "overanalyze", they're NOT saying "don't think about the relationship", they're saying "don't second guess everything about the relationship". Don't think too much about planning the future (even little plans)--it maybe takes the thrill out of it if you plan so much that there's no "surprise" any more.
I have found that men who think too much are often quite methodical in most ways, and it drives me NUTS. Spontaneity is the fun stuff! | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 9:51:13 AM | I think we all have sort of dominant "ways that we are"... thinker, feeler, intuitive, whatever. And we will likely always fall back on that way when we are stressed/time-challenged/tired/whatever. It is our default.
However, we are certainly capable of exploring and enhancing other ways of thinking/feeling that are less innate, if we make an effort.
OP, I think I can relate. I am more of a thinker than a feeler. But as I have pushed myself to explore and expand the "feeler" side, it has definitely been a positive in my life.
Ultimately - we are who we are. Yes, we are a work in progress, but we do have specific starting points.
For somebody else to essentially say "What you are is wrong, and you should be more ____", would raise a lot of red flags for me. Now it isn't about who you are (or are not), but this person is displaying rather rigid thought patterns which may lead to bigger problems down the road.
Since you say it is likely just a friend, I'd be tempted to push the envelope. Turn it back on her. Maybe she should "feel" less and think more. See how she reacts.
My (trouble-making) two cents.
Good luck.
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 9:53:50 AM | | I enjoy men who love to talk. I find men who are the combination of over-analytical and stoic to be the most infuriating kind. Being stoic is simply a way of dealing with same crap we all have to deal with it without putting yourself out there or taking any kind of risk. The strong, silent type of guy isn't really attractive when you think about it like that. | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 10:52:40 AM | | My ex was quite political and liked to get into deep discussions about worldly things. Needless to say he was SOOOOO boring. Lost his sense of humour and was serious all the time. No fun at all. Our friends didn't even want to come for dinner anymore because he constantly carried the serious conversation..... Funny about friends... they all come around for dinner now. LOL | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 11:40:24 AM | You used "I" 23 times in one paragraph. Listen to your friend. Your friend has given you some golden advice that sounds tailor-made:
I analyze things a lot and should just feel.
Stop over-analyzing. As for "It's not me", well, sometimes a new clothing style isn't you either, but there's no harm in trying something new if it may improve your life. "It's not me" sounds like an excuse not to change something that may be holding you back. | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 11:55:05 AM | Try to think of it this way: Maybe you don't really have to "change" to learn to communicate better and to be less anxious. Because you're coming off here not as "analytical" but sort of WORRIED.
If trust is really an issue, the first person you have to learn to trust is of course yourself. For example, trust yourself to be enough of a watcher/listener that you can TELL if someone is misrepresenting him/herself without having to ask that person a million questions and make her uncomfortable. Trust your own values and your own perceptions. Spend more time listening to the other person and watching her body language, and then an intense analysis won't be as necessary. much love, Scarlett | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 11:57:34 AM |
"Never give up on accountability and reason but never, never, EVER give up on finding something to trump your empirical hope chest." ~Double Cabin
Wow, well put man!
"I think we all have sort of dominant "ways that we are"... thinker, feeler, intuitive, whatever. And we will likely always fall back on that way when we are stressed/time-challenged/tired/whatever. It is our default.
However, we are certainly capable of exploring and enhancing other ways of thinking/feeling that are less innate, if we make an effort." ~To Woman
Another valuable insight offered from one thinker to another, thanks for that (even though I'm reading over OP's shoulder, lol).
Seavoayage- I hear the same type feedback. Anything that interferes with rapport (with a stranger, chum, co-worker, or mate) can hurt a little, but it's good when someone offers the feedback, rather than looking at their watch and begging off. Whether this woman is a potential lover or "merely" a friend, it never feels great when you're truly "being yourself" and another person doesn't "get you." But when they take the personal risk to give you gentle advice on how you may be engineering your own obstacles...that's a gift! I'm taking the two lessons quoted above to heart as if they were golden.
Or, we can wait until a bold woman breaks through our logical mapping, grabs our lapels and says "kiss me, you fool." In the meantime I'm writing some crib notes on my forearm ("shut up" and "smile") | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 12:20:13 PM | | Thinking v. feeling is actually one of the measurable dimensions of personality in the Myers-Briggs system. Some of the T types are arseholes. ENTJ, aka the "fieldmarshal" personality, is something I would never date again. So if that's you, eh, sorry to hear that. But if you're just a T and otherwise a nice guy, like the others said, don't take "thinking" to the point of second-guessing everything, and also, try to avoid cataloging everything she does into some label. That's really annoying. And yeah, it might make your life easier in the long run to practice understanding people by feeling rather than thinking. Not to change who you are, but just to have that skill. | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 12:34:46 PM | Thinking vs. feeling is how we make judgements, either mostly thought or on feelings. I can be quite analytical, but my primary way of dealing with the world is through Extraverted iNtuition.
Based on the OP's history of posts, I would wager him an "NF" type, an Idealist, perhaps, an INFJ, who likes to analyze their feelings - and everyone else's for that matter. 
Arseholes are relative. Being an ENTP I can get along quite well with an ENTJ. | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 12:35:49 PM | this girl I am going to meet says I analyze things a lot and should just feel The only one's I know like that don't want to bother thinking because they aren't very bright. There is a time to think and question and there is a time to let things go. I analyze a lot too, but it's not just sitting around wondering what happened in past relationships. When that relationship ended I spent the time I needed to think on that, I found my answers, and then I was done with it. But, I sit down and wonder why people are they way they are, and how am I going to deal with it? What's acceptable in society versus unacceptable? On what things are the masses being lead astray and on what things do they have right information? What constitutes truly correct information and what is a **stardization of the facts? Is there any such thing as a true chance in society, or are only little minute facts or behaviors changed, with no real change in the society as a whole? Would red underwear turn on my boyfriend?
And, my ultimate question I think every morning as I pass the sign that shows all the millions available in the lottery..... what is the perfect mathematical equation that would maximize my chance of winning?
EDIT: With my first few lines I guess I should qualify that I have some very specific people in mind that used "feelings" as an excuse for not thinking....ever!! I have to remind those particular ones that stupid does not qualify as a feeling. | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 2:18:51 PM | No, she isn't Asian. She's an American. You do have a point that some women from other nationalities might respond differently to this. Certianly nationalities with certain character traits don't. It doesn't mean the person doesn't have a point. I just know I lean towards a certain way of speaking. I don't know how to be another human being to just suit someone. I can change somewhat if it has merit, but who wants to be born to be another human being? ). I suppose for me, it's that I like feedback, hearing what the other person has to say about something, and I may have talked about it before. But, some don't like that. I just see it as I sometimes might say something twice, but it's just the way I talk and some women just want you to feel and not say much about the relationship. But it's not really my style. I am not sure I would be comfortable in that situation. I like feeling, but I like expressing myself.
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 3:43:04 PM | good topics thanks...I also suffer this...I said "suffer" because I think there is a balance between being theoritical and being practical...and obviously you and myself lean towards one and distrubt the balance... I enjoy thinking about subjects that are too deep for an average person, for instance, one of my favorite topics is quantum physics...It is not my profession, I am a banker, but somehow I have a deep passion for quantum mechanics...It is so challenging and nothing pleases more than thinking about the problems described in quantum mechanics...
Yet, quantum is definitely not too many women's decsription of fun...lol
but the problem is not the girls...the problem is: the more you put yourself in your thoughts, the less you become an observer...Brain cannot function both activities at the same time. I think there should be a balance... I noticed this long time ago and really work on this hard to fix it...I suggest try to be more connected with the environment rather than your idea world...but that is just my humble opinion...
lol...I always wonder if there is any body out there for me who likes quantum/cosmology type of stuff...there are not too many...lol | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 4:06:01 PM | | Ahh, political philosophy---of course you analyze. But, that's a not a bad thing and neither is asking her about herself. But, did you offer those same things about yourself? I don't like to feel like I'm being questioned but not getting the same info back from the other person. But, no, you're analytical, so you shouldn't have to change. We all have trust issues to some degree most likely. No, you don't have to change yourself to be accepted. | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 4:10:49 PM | | Did you ever think that the women your going out with might be annoyed with you, because your doing something THEY want to do?.....i mean they might like to talk alot but when their around you they can't "express" themselves because your busy expressing your self?.....so instead of saying "I want to talk too"..they say you talk to much....i think psychologist call it "deflecting" | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 4:22:18 PM | | I think it's a fantastic quality to be curious of things around you, analyze things, think. I'm sure you don't lack feeling entirely. So what's the problem besides second-guessing who you are because of something one girl said? | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 4:27:39 PM |
Yet, quantum is definitely not too many women's decsription of fun...lol
but the problem is not the girls...the problem is: the more you put yourself in your thoughts, the less you become an observer...Brain cannot function both activities at the same time.
LOL. You've just described your philosophy in terms of Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle. Quantum Mechanics indeed......... | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 4:30:35 PM | my thoughts?
at 35 you cannot change in basic characteristics, so you will remain an "analytical thinker". I feel with you as I was also told the same "you think too much". it helps at my work though...analyzing a lot of financial impacts and risk characteristics of investment projects...well, what differs from you, we need to do it structured and focused. strict time limits, deadlines...actually I am happy with them as I would never finis analyze anything if there weren't deadlines. because there is alys something more to see, one more time, deeper, from another angle and so on.
in private life though, it doesn't help. most people "jump on" premature decisions on relationships, so...as they feel it. I found that my feeling are actually not reliable....rather would listen 90% on my brain, and only 10% on emotions...whenever I listened to emotions only....it always ended not very well...so, based on my experience, emotion-based judgements don't work. I will stay as a THINKER.
we are also similar in the feature of our travels...I also lived and worked in many countries....and as a hobby I also travel from Japan to America.....just hardcore traveller.
so that's my thoughts, reflected on my own experience.
bottom line is don't worry much, I can tell you are a great catch ,
if you want to improve something is the area of SELF-CONFIDENCE.
you really need to believe about yourself that you are Great,
not arrogantly, just analyze a little bit of your backround?
you see.....you are able to give to Miss Right really a lot!
just think a little more pratical maybe: such as flowers for example may be valued 100 times more than your analytical thoughts | |
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| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 4:34:57 PM | I don't agree with the above post....
It is not a fantastic quality at all......
if you are deep into your thoughts then
.....you tend to be busy with yourself but not paying enough attention to the others
.....you are not paying attention what is going on around you
.....you stuck with certain issues and not be able to expand your horizon
.....you become boring (because you only want to talk about certain issues and when you do you -most likely- know too much than the rest of the group and you turn conversation into a lecture...)
.....others bore you quickly
.....you cannot decide quickly and your judgements become too vague
find the balance...that is the key to everything... | |
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Savona
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Joined: 1/28/2007
Msg: 25 | |
| Males who think a lot...
Posted: 12/21/2007 4:39:03 PM | I would say I am a male who thinks a lot.
Now you know this will never change, and it shouldn't ... over thinking can be annoying at times, but aren't we all, annoying at times?
I bring this up because this girl I am going to meet says I analyze things a lot
Yet she is going to meet you so it can't really bother her all that much.
Anyway, I am looking at this girl as mostly a potential friend, not something very serious, because no one wants to risk having to feel they may have to change themselves to be accepted...
NOW here in lies the key, you have overanalyzed this to the point that you have already decided that you and she will only be friends, is that because you actually like her quite a bit and so are afraid she might want to change you? Yet she knows you are like this and is still going to meet you. BUT there you go analyzing what she will do before you even meet.
Your thoughts?
My thoughts? Try to keep your thoughts quiet for a bit, enjoy the moment. Listen to the woman and try not to plan your answer before she is done talking. Maybe you are missing some great conversations between youself and a woman ..... instead of those great conversations between your mind and your mouth.
Savona | |
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