| | Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?Page 1 of 17 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17) | I used to think that people that have never been married were wise. They waited until they had met their true partner.
Now, I feel totally different.
I think after a certain number of failed marriage attempts (maybe 2-3) then you should question if you are marriage material.
But marriage is a commitment. And those that have lived long enough to reach the 45 category should have found someone that they felt they could commitment themselves to. Maybe the marriage did not work out (this is a singles dating site right).
But the point is, people that did try marriage and it did not work out, they are least did try for commitment. .
It is easy to walk away from relationships compared to actually being married.
Sort of like you can talk the talk by living with someone.
Waking the walk is marrying that person. | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 3:47:00 PM | I am of the opinion that those who fall into this catagory of person are usually one of two types, Those who have had made work their goal and, now find that it's not all they thought it was cracked up to be. Or, those who have gone from one short-term relationship to another, getting out of each what they could for themselves. (There is a third, those who have devoted they're lives to looking after someone else - Be that parents or relatives - and, are now free to look for someone for themselves.)
Whilst the first group may be financially well off, they may not adjust to the demands of sharing their time with someone else. & have no doubt been able to buy whatever they want when they want it. A marriage would be such a change for them. Could they cope ?
Those in the second group wouldn't necessarily be able to change either. Having had the option to move on whenever life got rough, they wouldn't find it easy to change and have to stick it out, and see the problem as a challenge to be overcome.
Neither group would make for a good basis for a mariage. Although not a lost cause.
Now the third group, they have shown that they have the commitment to another person and, unlike the first two groups, would be an ideal candidate for a long-term relationship / marriage. | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 4:03:30 PM | I appreciate your viewpoints. I'm over 45 and I've never been married. My views might differ from yours but may be of interest. I don't think that it takes a marriage license to be fully (with all of your heart, mind, soul) committed to another. Matter of fact, I've known far too many people with marriage licenses who weren't comitted. Commitment is keeping promises made to each other. Sometimes those commitments are lifelong and are never bound by a marriage certificate, but remain solidly in tact. It is fine and wonderful to stand before and make promises to a higher power (in my personal case, God), but either way, it's got to be within the two partners (deep within) to honor commitments/promises regardless of legally binding papers.
I'm not at all against marriage. Not at all against it. I would only want to ensure that me and my life partner were fully prepared to honor our lifelong promises to each other -- no matter what and with or without additional steps-- before we promise anyone or any higher power that we'll do that. In other words: my observation is that these days (statistics backing it up), marriage doesn't seem to be what holds two people together. Two people hold two people together. However, certainly if you are both of strong faith and religious conviction, marriage can further strengthen and deepen the bond. | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 4:08:50 PM | The old "they've never been married, something must be wrong" line.
I knew before looking but checked anyway. Of, course this comes from a divorced person. Your profile reads like you are actually looking for someone who has their commitments out of the way. You actually say "And this is my last attempt to show women that there is life outside the family ". Why would it be so wrong if a person chose to do some of these things you speak of in your profile early in life then look to find a life long partner?
I have no reason to judge anyone that has been divorced based only on the fact that they are divorced. Likewise judging a person soley by the fact that they have never been married is quite narrow-minded. A marriage that ended in divorce is no more/ no less a sign of ability to commit to a relationship than a person who made a decision at some point to end a relationship before marriage.
Sinlge, divorced, kids, none:
I hope to remeber to stay openminded enough to get to know a person first and make a decision based on who they are instead of a title they carry. | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 4:11:40 PM | | I don't know why not. Just because someone has never married doesn't pigeon hole them into my criteria for not dating - it MIGHT by coincidence, but not necessarily. It's good to find out why they never married, just like it's good to find out why a person is divorced. Everyone walks there own path - and, that path is interesting to discover. Gotta have an open mind, instead of just finding ways to chop people off your list. Good luck! | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 4:12:12 PM |
You have to rremember that the 45 - 65 generation grrew up in an era where marriage was scorned and men were hated.
We did? That's news to me. I could see you possibly saying that of the next generation but when I was growing up all the adults in my life were married. I don't remember it being scorned. I don't remember anyone hating men or any of the men hating their wives.
The Dads drank beer, mowed the lawn, fixed things, worked, and were there to let us ride on their backs like a horsey. The moms drank coffee and smoked cigarettes, baked cookies and told us to go outside.
Of course I am from the other side of town, that might be all the difference.
Oh and to the OT: Everyone has their own reasons why their life is where it is at this age. Crap happens all the time. I do find it curious when a man has never been married but at this age I am not looking to marry again either so he might be just right for me. | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 4:20:56 PM | Just the fact that one has been married or not is not enough to go on but...
If those are my choices, without any other information, I would rather have an over 45 who has never been married than an over 45 with multiple marriages. Making a commitment isn't the important thing; keeping it, once made, is. The multi-married person has proven that he/she likely can't keep a commitment, while I'm left to guess if the never married just has a problem with commitment or is waiting until he/she knows that they'll be able to keep it.
But like others have said, in the end, it depends on a lot more than that, but that's all you gave us. | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 4:31:05 PM | tho iam not yet 45, iam 40 next. I have never been married or had children.
from certain parts of society i might be branded !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
not being married or have any children does make me any less of a person or any better than any one with children or married.
Personally speaking i would prefer a partner around my age that has either no children or grown up ones..........but having said that i would not rule any one out who has younger children still living at home, i do get on with children.
I would be quiet upset if some one had sinister thoughts about me because i had never been married, i have allways been busy and had hobbies all my life.
i came on this site 2 years ago to change my life, i have met 5 women in that time from off this site, 2 became girlfriends but didnt work out , i have been honest with them all and as far as i know never being married or not having children played no part either way. | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 4:41:37 PM | Thank you for hitting the nail on the head. Brilliant! Was a workaholic in radio/tv in my 20's and 30's and never found time for a mate. Only dated those within the profession, much like law enforcement and doctors. Then the late 30's were upon me and eldercare issues arose. Happens to only children.
Took care of Mom for 17 years. Dad asked for 6 weeks.
Would I have changed a thing? Not on your life. Which is why it's my turn now. | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 4:53:34 PM | I have to strongly agree with cms2008 on this. You've said it so well.
I have never been married, have no opposition to married, and have never set out on any mission to be married. I have everything going for me and have always been a "good prospect: - attractive, successful and well adjusted. Personally, I have simply never met anyone that I felt sufficiently compatible enough with to marry and consequently devote the rest of my life to. My practical definition of a good marriage with regard to myself only does not require finding Mr. Perfect. We all know the divorce statistics, and those odds never looked too good to me. I may unwittingly wait to find marriage material to my dying breath. I'm sure Mr. Not Bad for Me is out there someplace, and if I am really lucky and wear neon flashing clothing and pasties, I can only hope he will drop out of the sky and land on my head.
Until then, I don't need a contractual license to the eighth runner up. That's why dating was invented. Sharing anything mutual never has to lead to marriage - it can stand all by itself and everyone wins.
Happy applicants are encouraged to apply.
/I | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 4:56:58 PM | | Absolutely!!! Most do not carry much luggage and the reason they never got married is mostly due to career or other life circumstances. I know of a couple who both married for the 1st time when he was 67 and she was 61. Now about 10yrs later they are still like newlyweds. It is so wonderful to see. | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 5:02:06 PM | I know I was on the fast track and work was my life. I had never known men to supply security and was going to make sure I had that for myself.
Then I wound up caregiving and have been doing it for the last 15 years. I still work, but then I come home and work even harder. My enjoyment time is limited but I still hope there is someone out there who would understand my committment to giving care to a disabled person and the sacrifice I have made. Either way, I know I've done the right thing and I can live with my single myself. | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 6:15:45 PM | First off, you are shooting yourself in the foot strictly looking for "marriage material". How about taking a breath, taking a step back and actually getting to know someone BEFORE you consider the "material" aspect.
You are creating SO much undue pressure on yourself and unattainable expectations of the intended, therefore, squelching your chances of ever meeting someone that you might enjoy being with before you ever get out the gate!
Relax already and enjoy the opportunities that present themselves and go with the flow! | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 6:24:55 PM | You can't just put people into one, two or three categories. There are millions of people on this planet and millions of reasons why someone may reach their mid 40's and have never married. I wouldn't want to imagine why until meeting that person and hearing their story.
Those of us who have had failed marriages have baggage, we can't deny that, we just have to learn not to let our past relationships affect our future ones. It's tough, I just ended a brief relationship because he treated me the way his ex-girlfriend wanted to be treated.
We are all individuals and we all want to be treated as individuals, so we need to learn to treat others as individuals as well and not stereotype for whatever reason! | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 7:02:13 PM | The Dads drank beer, mowed the lawn, fixed things, worked, and were there to let us ride on their backs like a horsey. The moms drank coffee and smoked cigarettes, baked cookies and told us to go outside.
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No no no first light. Thats your PARENTS generation.
I'm talking about you, me and your girlfriends. You and your girlfreinds didn't BAKE cookies. You worked and bought cookies. Once you were pregnant the men were surplus to rrequirement. Divorced if married simply all contact broken off if they were boyfriends.
Lets just see if I can find a few choice opinions of marriage and child care from the time.
"No woman should be authorized to stay at home and raise her children. Society should be totally different. Women should not have that choice, precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one."
— Interview with Simone de Beauvoir,
"Sex, Society, and the Female Dilemma"
Saturday Review, June 14, 1975, p.18
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[W]omen, like men, should not have to bear children.... The destruction of the biological family, never envisioned by Freud, will allow the emergence of new women and men, different from any people who have previously existed.
— Alison Jagger,
Political Philosophies of Women's Liberation:
Feminism and Philosophy
(Totowa, NJ: Littlefield, Adams & Co. 1977) | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 7:47:26 PM | I'd go out with them if they'd been in a longterm common-law relationship instead of marriage but not if they've never been in either one.
I don't think it's so much about commitment for me. Rather it's that unless they've experienced daily living with another person they've got an entirely different mindset about priorities.
It matters little if I made poor decisions about the people I got involved with or why I entered a union. Once I was in the other person was always my first thought...even moreso than the kids because luckily none was ever so bad that my kids were at risk due to their actions. | |
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| Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 12/26/2007 7:54:17 PM |
No no no first light. Thats your PARENTS generation.
Well my dear sir. What you said in an earlier post was that we grew up in an era...blah blah blah so I believe my response was appropriate even if it is not what you meant.
You and your girlfreinds didn't BAKE cookies.You worked and bought cookies. Actually I worked and baked cookies; sold cookies as part of my duties as Girl Scout leader, baked cookies for the home and for bake sales that the PTO and little league had (both of which I was involved in).I also baked cookies for my husband to take to work for his crew. It's possible that things are different here in my little town. It's possible that each one of us has had our own life experiences that have made us who we are. Single, multi divorced, widowed, never married. These things don't define us they simply add another element.
As to the rest of your post I gotta be honest: I don't even understand it. I don't know if I am tired, it's over my head or it's just plain gobbledygook. I think it reverts back to coming from different neighborhoods. | |
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