PSVT
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Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 1 | |
| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:23:20 AM | I am dating and living with a girl 6 months. Last weekend her and I both went out to seperate events. I went out to shoot a rock band and she went out for a girls night out with one of her single friends. Before we parted we flirted that we would meet back at her place after the bars for some hot drunken sex. We both agreed and off we went on our ways. I was hit on several times during the night of which I polietly refused. She went out very close to home and I text messaged her dirty most of the night. At around 2:15 I texted her to ask how she was doing and she relpied "I'm Good". I then went to bed expecting her to wake me up shortly for sex. At around 3:30am I woke up to find myself alone and immedately called her to see if she was OK. Her phone was turned off. I could no longer sleep and waited up for her worried if she was ok. I called several times and her phone was always off. I sat there staring at the walls waiting for her to come home and to see if she was alright. At 7:15 am she walked in the door. She claimes to have bumped into a guy that she knew from just before me. HE likes her and always has and she was never sure if she liked him back. In the past they went out on one date alone that she found uncomfortable and then another that she invited others to to make it less uncomfortable. So dated 2 times....they have remained in contact on MSN and talk frequently while her and I have been dating.
Her story for the night was she met him at one bar with her friends, they went to another bar and her friend left leaving them alone. They drank a bit more and then left around 1am (remember I texted her at 2:15 am and she said she was good), heading out to get some food downtown. This guy lives nearby and invited her to come back to his place to watch a movie. She went and they sat together on a couch and watched a movie. They talked and eventually fell asleep together on the couch. She woke at 7 am and took a cab home. Of course we fought and I am very hurt. There have been other incidents of less severity in our past from her, from text messages at 3 am to phone calls at 3am to dirty dancing at a Christmas party while I stood and watched. I am typically a pretty smart dude. Fairly cautious. But I want to know if I am blind? Am I crazy to trust this girl.
Also if it matters, she is 25 and I am 39.
I am on this site because we have broken up and I now consider myself single so no need to point out that I am here...I know I am here.
Another bit of info, I was always there while she did these things. I never strayed or looked elsewhere. After the latest incident we broke up and I flirted with a woman on Facebook and she kinda fell for me after some talking. We had agreed to meet this weekend and I told GF since I decided to at least give her the benefit of knowldge. She got really upset and said she wanted to work things out with me and insisted I cancel the date. I did. Am I stupid? Ladies? Men? | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:16:40 AM | | You are stupid. You are stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant say that enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go out on the date and forget the wayward Biotch!!!!!!!! | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:33:56 AM | | Well, I wouldn't be living with someone who thought it was OK to spend the night with someone else (even without sex), when she'd made plans with you. She's not ready for a committed relationship; she's not done partying yet. | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:52:12 AM |
Also if it matters, she is 25 and I am 39.
This is the part where I start laughing and ask what in the world were you thinking?? Find someone your age and you'll get better results.
I am on this site because we have broken up and I now consider myself single so no need to point out that I am here...I know I am here.
Another bit of info, I was always there while she did these things. I never strayed or looked elsewhere. After the latest incident we broke up and I flirted with a woman on Facebook and she kinda fell for me after some talking. We had agreed to meet this weekend and I told GF since I decided to at least give her the benefit of knowldge. She got really upset and said she wanted to work things out with me and insisted I cancel the date. I did. Am I stupid? Ladies? Men?
Make up your mind... are you single or not? You started out saying that. I assume the two of you are still living together as well. Then you antagonized her by flaunting you had a date. Then you canceled the date.
I think I'm going to have to answer your question "yes". | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 9:00:21 AM | I don't know if you're stupid, so much as more emotionally invested in having a 25 year old on your arm at the tender age of 39. I wouldn't say love, because I think it's just lust.
Lust can make you crazy. So, yes, you are crazy to trust this girl, and crazy to make and cancel dates. Don't drag other women into this.
I'm not sure why you would 1) tell her about your date and 2) follow her commands. Don't play foolish games. You're 39. Time to be a grown up, not relive high school.
I agree with Desi. She's not done partying, yet.
I wonder if you are ready to be in another relationship this close on the heels of these events. Please take this into consideration.
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 9:02:47 AM | Uh, you are living together and she spends the night out with another man "watching a movie" (lol! Yeah uh huh....) at his place, and you are asking if you are wasting your time........?! Yeah, I guess they didn't want you interrupting the "movie", and that's why her cell phone was off/she was not reachable, eh?
If you believe that....I'll sell you the Brooklyn Bridge 1/2 price..................
Best,
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 2:25:14 PM | Ok, haven't read the other post replies yet....just goin strictly on what you've said here, ok?
You've been with her for 6 months.
You were supposed to have a separate night out, then meet back up later for sex or whatever.
She didn't show up because she ran into another guy she had been talking to, ate, watched a movie with him, and fell asleep (no sex I'm assuming since you didn't mention it) and then came home...Hmmmm.
Other incidents....yet none you mentioned that sounded bad to me.
Ok, my take on this so far...you didn't get any that night and were irritated, and the fact that another guy was why didn't help it much. That being said, I also can tell by the way you posted that you really care for this girl. She may seriously be a free-spirited person and not think a thing about the things she's done that upset you, or she may just not give a care. Only she can tell you that.
As to the "other bit of info".....you are no longer with her, find another seemingly nice lady, cancel a date with her for someone you are now estranged from???? why on earth would you do that? You say you never strayed or looked elsewhere, and that is very commendable. Still, you obviously had issues with your past SO, so why revisit it? I would not call you stupid, but I do think that if you cancelled on the other lady, it should be because YOU wanted to and not because your ex gf insisted...she is an EX for a reason is she not? You need to sit down and find out in your own heart what you really want, and if it is your ex, then talk to her and try again. If it doesn't work out, then forget it cuz it most likely never will. On the other hand, you have stated the second lady kinda fell for you....I'm sure it hurt when you cancelled on her, and she may not ever give you a second chance. You should have (JMO) gone out with her, then talked to your ex, had your say, and if it ended up you got back together tell the other lady you still have things to iron out. That can't happen now, since you cancelled, and she may be afraid to ever give you another chance. You say you are 39 and your ex is 25. That may or may not be part of the problem....it could be she's just not "where" you are at this point. Whatever happens, I wish you luck. | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 2:53:08 PM | You know.....there was actually a time in my life where I can honestly say I would have been a sucker for that 'we can work it out' thing..... And every time, I always regretted it, because there was some HOTTIE that I turned down in order to go back with someone who just turned out to be a sadist, always prolonging what they KNEW would be the inevitable anyway, and taking great enjoyment in sucking the life force right out of me until I was bone dry...(and I ain't talkin' Linda Lovelace here....) always, consistently needing ONE MORE TIME to prove they had POWER over me.... Until one day...... 'click'......no more.
Be done with this sort of practice in your life, will ya? If you don't stop it NOW...this will not be the LAST time she pulls this crap..... | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 5:06:56 PM |
I went out to shoot a rock band
<< checking OP's profile, REALLY hoping he's a photographer.
Sorry, had to....carry on............... | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 6:17:39 PM | Let's put it this way....she was out on the town with her gf's-girls night out..then it ends with a guy at his place with her cell phone turned off....for privacy.
Does not take a Rocket Scientist to know she was having sex with the dude...she crossed the boundaries of trust. and...she is lying to you...lies and deceit..it's not going to stop you know...once she knows she can fool you once...shame on her..fool you twice..shame on you. | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 6:30:09 PM | Do you have “Thank you, sir. May I have another?” tattooed on your scrotum? You’ve been dating and living with this girl for six months and she continually sniffs around other guys. You break up with her, and then feel the need to give her “the benefit of knowledge”? You could benefit from some knowledge, yourself:
You are wasting your time.
The more you know!! | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 6:38:53 PM | OP, Does she regularly turn off her cell phone? Doesn't sound like it if txts at 3 am have been a problem in the past. That seems premeditated to not have you interrupt her night... again.
Yes, I do believe you are wasting your life. | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:05:59 PM | I wouldn't say you were stupid ( I read your profile and you appear to be a creative man.) however, just by reading your story, I'd say that you are giving your time and heart to a woman who is unable to appreciate them. There are indiviuals who only want their mates when the mates find someone else. Take it from someone with experience, LEAVE now and find someone who can apperciate what you have to offer.
My Best to you,
R. | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:10:36 PM | | She insisted you cancel the date with the new chick and you did. You're definitely stupid. | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:30:09 PM | Yes, you were wasting your time. She obviously used you as an "in between" guy till the one she really wanted came along. You were much more forgiving in the relationship than I would have been.
Good luck to you, not all women are like that. | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:34:39 PM | OP;
I am not going to join the vultures and destroy you with cutting words.
Simply ............leave her in the dust. | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:41:28 PM | | Desi1955 hit the nail on the head (and then some!). While age is "just a number" to some, it is very relative to social pace. I cannot imagine a woman closer to your age spending the night at another man's house especially when you both agreed to be together. She has already been with this dude before (and with your knowledge of it), so goes the old saying "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice.....", you know the rest. You cannot be faulted for giving her the benefit of the doubt, but she is still "out there" finding her own way. Let her continue her journey alone until she figures out what she wants. You are a photographer which means you know how to "capture the moment". Clean your lens and try it again...... Good Luck | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:54:40 PM | | Yes, in a nutshell, yes, you are stupid. The age thing may not matter. It is a matter of character. Do not let her behaviour or any one else's behaviour change who you are though. | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:58:13 PM | | I can only tell you that my son had this happen to him. He broke up with the gal. She wound up married to some other guy 3 months later and it turned out he was the friend she was out with the nights she did not come home. I don't know, I'm just saying............... | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:06:44 PM |
I am dating and living with a girl 6 months. Last weekend her and I both went out to seperate events. I went out to shoot a rock band and she went out for a girls night out with one of her single friends. Before we parted we flirted that we would meet back at her place after the bars for some hot drunken sex. We both agreed and off we went on our ways. I was hit on several times during the night of which I polietly refused. She went out very close to home and I text messaged her dirty most of the night. At around 2:15 I texted her to ask how she was doing and she relpied "I'm Good". I then went to bed expecting her to wake me up shortly for sex. At around 3:30am I woke up to find myself alone and immedately called her to see if she was OK. Her phone was turned off. I could no longer sleep and waited up for her worried if she was ok. I called several times and her phone was always off. I sat there staring at the walls waiting for her to come home and to see if she was alright. At 7:15 am she walked in the door. She claimes to have bumped into a guy that she knew from just before me. HE likes her and always has and she was never sure if she liked him back. In the past they went out on one date alone that she found uncomfortable and then another that she invited others to to make it less uncomfortable. So dated 2 times....they have remained in contact on MSN and talk frequently while her and I have been dating.
Her story for the night was she met him at one bar with her friends, they went to another bar and her friend left leaving them alone. They drank a bit more and then left around 1am (remember I texted her at 2:15 am and she said she was good), heading out to get some food downtown. This guy lives nearby and invited her to come back to his place to watch a movie. She went and they sat together on a couch and watched a movie. They talked and eventually fell asleep together on the couch. She woke at 7 am and took a cab home. Of course we fought and I am very hurt. There have been other incidents of less severity in our past from her, from text messages at 3 am to phone calls at 3am to dirty dancing at a Christmas party while I stood and watched. I am typically a pretty smart dude. Fairly cautious. But I want to know if I am blind? Am I crazy to trust this girl.
Also if it matters, she is 25 and I am 39.
I am on this site because we have broken up and I now consider myself single so no need to point out that I am here...I know I am here.
Another bit of info, I was always there while she did these things. I never strayed or looked elsewhere. After the latest incident we broke up and I flirted with a woman on Facebook and she kinda fell for me after some talking. We had agreed to meet this weekend and I told GF since I decided to at least give her the benefit of knowldge. She got really upset and said she wanted to work things out with me and insisted I cancel the date. I did. Am I stupid? Ladies? Men?
Umm..you were living w/ her AND dating her...and she felt it was Ok to go to another man's home (one she met at a bar,no less) and fall asleep watching a movie?
Obviously she was not that into you (I've been saving that line for awhile...LOL)
She's not able to process that a relationship requires that you DON'T do the things that you described her as doing....even if you WANT to.
If you'd mee w/ her...you'd have just been wasting your time.
Unless she'd changed drastically (unlikely if she's 25) and YOU'VE changed...you'd just head back down the same road.
Also....it seems you don't respect your current GF if you'd even consider something like that.Unless she's really "into" you might have damaged your relationship w/ her.
You know what you need to do.
You got a real mess,man. | |
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| Am i wasting my time here?
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:14:00 PM | Worse case scenario: she likes being with an older man who can provide her with security and balance (maybe $$$). As well as --- willing to kiss her butt because she is a young female and she can behave as badly as she wants.
Best case scenario: She was once truly in love with you, realizes her youthful discretions were a big mistake and will come running back to you next week because you are fun, a party animal, and she just got ditched.
Hmmm. | |
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