| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:49:27 AM | I've reached my limit with "why do men always ____" and why do chicks _____" threads.
For crying out loud, people... individuals are called that for a REASON!
If you continually find members of the opposite sex have the same poor behavior sets, then instead of making the observation that an entire gender shares these characteristics, you might want to consider that something within you is leading to your picking "broken"and/or dysfunctional people.
If you find that the last several people you have been with have treated you like shyt, then you need to realise that the common denominator in all those situations was YOU and act accordingly to fix the problems that you have in selecting mates or dates. DON'T start generalizing that all of an entire gender are corrupted when it's probably just you either picking or attracting jerks.
OK. I feel better now 
What are your opinions on generalizing the dating behavior of the sexes? | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:55:46 AM |
sometimes people get stuck in a pattern of behaviour that is harmful. sometimes they can recognize that, and sometimes they can't. the ones that continue with the same decisions and complaints just find it easier to blame everyone else for their woes than taking responsibility for their own actions. changing one's lifestyle in order to better it is a lot of work. sadly, many people are just lazy | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:57:51 AM | Nice thread OP
I hate generalizing, stereotyping. It drives me crazy.! The internal mechanism to be a "rescue Ranger" was one of my problems when I was younger. I always thought I could "fix" people. I chose relationships where I thought the woman needed to be saved. As I grew older, I realized that is was me that had to change, not other people. | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:58:35 AM | | It depends on the generalization and whether the person means ALL or MOST. Men have tendencies; women have tendencies; cultures have tendencies. Sometimes generalizations are warranted. The question that has to be asked is, "are they meaning MOST or ALL". | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:00:36 AM | dunno what you're talking about , Paulguy... this has a very valid topic 
Fairmont, I'll give you an example of the kind of scenario I'm talking about...
A successful, ordinary looking, middle aged man puts up a profile that advertises all the expensive stuff he owns, states that he's very generous and likes to spoil his dates.
After a few dates picked up this way, he draws the conclusion that "most" women are avaricious gold-diggers who only want him for his money.
My point is that sometimes people set themselves up to attract a certain type of person , then they ascribe the qualities of that "type" to an entire gender without ever having the emotional maturity to realize that much of their romantic problems are self-fulfilling ;) | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:08:25 AM |
DON'T start generalizing that all of an entire gender are corrupted when it's probably just you either picking or attracting jerks.
Does that include crazies, darlin? Nevermind..I gotta go hide in the bathroom again. :P | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 9:26:08 AM | The good thing about people who make those threads is when you are aware of their generalizations and bitterness BEFORE they msg you and want a date/chat.
I guess thats the only 'bright side' of it... but nonetheless, it's one thing to be thankful for : an early warning of their behavior.
*shrug* | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 9:38:34 AM | You got it, Mr. D ~
The Forums are very interesting for the insight they give into the individual poster's 'true' disposition & outlook on life. It's quite easy to set up a stage of smoke & mirrors in a simple profile....much harder when asked to speak off the cuff.
A savvy person might ask their prospective date to comment on at least 5 topics BEFORE arranging a meet & greet. | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 10:08:05 AM | Some of us always want to take the easiest road. For some that means externalizing all those problems by whipping out the victim card instead of the survivor card. Some of us take responsibility for the failures of our past, some of us don't.
As for the "generous" man in question: Women obviously don't own the farm on contradiciton however true that has been in my experience. You know I kid ladies. | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 11:53:42 AM | | yes.people draw what they percieve themselves to be.oh wait thats a generalization.people whoact a certain way will get the same in return...nope thats a generalization to.starting to see the paradox here.generalization is an act of cautiosness,expecting or assuming everyone you meet falls under the basaes of that generalization is steriotyping.hating people for the steriotypes you create is prejudice.now that thats out of the way.yes.if you use your money to meet people,you will likely find people who want money.if you use your looks to meet people you will likely find those who want you for your looks.if you are not responable enough to make sure thats not all they want,thats likely what you will get. | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 1:56:49 PM | I don't necessarily agree with the author of this post.
If a woman is constantly ending up with guys who beat on her, yeah she may be partially to blame for the kind of guys she tends to GO after (certain personality traits or characteristics that she may be ATTRACTED to) but it's not as if she ASKS to get BEAT on. You're acting as if the beatER, should be BLAMELESS.
Even if the one common denominator is HER, it STILL doesnt make the GUYS she dates any LESS GUILTY of HITTING her lol.
So after so many people display the same characteristics, one CAN argue that "all" or "most" ppl are like that. Because if they WEREN'T cheaters, or abusive, or liars to BEGIN with, ONE PERSON can't "turn them INTO" that type of individual. | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 3:06:20 PM | One reason people generalize about the "opposing" sex, other than bitterness with their own past experiences, is that most don't see complexity, nuance, or ambivlence in others or in fate or in feelings. If someone isn't making them feel "ecstatic", then they're automatically "scum" or "insensitive" or "only interested in sex" or "playing hard to get" etc etc etc ....
This then gets extrapolated to the entire gender, especially if they've only had one or a few relationships (or even dates) in the past many years, because to reason through relationship ebbs and flows takes a discriminating mind, and an honest and courageous self-appraisal, and many obviously shrink from that, to go by these boards. It's why, IMO, (to ironically make a generalization ) most toot their own horn with relationships that have gone bad. But how many acknowledge their own problems in it? I've been selfish, pigheaded, cowardly or dismissively blithe regarding my feelings, retreating during difficult relationship transitions, impatient, and much else besides, but what I see here is that it's always "the other guy (or gal)", which is indicative of the entire gender, who's to blame.
So, yeah, I agree, pandy: it would be great to see at least some acknowledgement that the same posters who continually whine about the opposite sex in absolute terms could see (or admit to seeing) their own part in the envelopment. I don't think it'll happen, though, human nature being what it is. | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 3:19:24 PM | Pandy I completely agree with you!!
There is never a situation which happens - that you don't allow in some way! When you really start to look within - look honestly and concisely - at all aspects of your relationships and encounters - YOU have indeed provided the conduit - for a means to an end. 'People' behave badly sometimes - not gender specific when it comes to dysfunction in your life! Only you can change how you function in all of that! | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 3:43:17 PM | | now,now leeanne thats a generalization..true,but a generalization non the less. | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 15 | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 16 | |
| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 4:18:56 PM | Stereotypes and generalizations are shortcuts our brains use to cope with the amount of people and information that we have to deal with on a daily basis.
Short answer:
They are essential to our functioning in our daily lives, but we must constantly be aware of their context.
For example:
Men are stronger than women. (False.)
The average man is stronger than the average woman. (True.)
Men are always after sex on a first date. (False.)
The men I have gone out with so far are always after sex on the first date.
(If someone was making the first generalization, than this would be the true one.)
Generalizations are a very important and necessary part of our understanding of the universe.
It's simply too big... so we have to chunk groups of things together.
However, using improper context for those generalizations can get us into loads of trouble.
At best, bad generalizations give us a more inaccurate and/or warped view of reality.
ie. "Why are all men always after sex on a first date?"
At worst, bad generalizations get people killed.
ie. "The Jews are the source of all our problems! Stick them on a train for a concentration camp!"
Long answer: For the more accurate, in depth answer, google "Dunbar's Number".
Or, for a much more entertaining and poingent answer, google "Monkeysphere". Take the first result.
It is a wonderfully fun and effective description of the same phenomenon.
I highly recommend it. | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 4:23:56 PM | | Always remember that you're unique OP. Just like everyone else. | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 4:52:41 PM | Generalizing the sexes is not limited to discussion boards. I was shocked at how many dates of mine were men making generalizations about me as a woman without even knowing me. That combined with those that thought they were like their personality profile discription (but weren't) made me call it a day on dating - for many a day for a while.
I think generalizing, assumptions and putting past experiences onto others has been the number one shock to me as far as dating goes. It seems to be wide spread to considering how much I have read of it here and other boards as well.
Many of both genders are guilty of it - that's my generalization ~ | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 5:04:53 PM | The only thing you can say in general of both men and women regarding sex is that both men and women are capable of the same good choices as well as poor choises regarding how we treat one another or why we choose to engage in a relationship. | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 6:06:25 PM | Great question, Pandy. A very good point. Lots of people seem to make generalisations that only apply to them, because of the way they act.
I think it's very easy for us to see the difficult things, but we often take for granted the obvious stuff. When we generalise that we've been hurt by others, we often don't realise that the things we take for granted, are actually not always true. Because we take them for granted, it often doesn't even occur to us that we should question those things.
I got hurt by a few women who I asked out and rejected me. Each of those women flirted with me outrageously, we seemed to get on great, and she really seemed to care about my welfare. It seemed clear to me (and to others) that each of these women were genuinely interested in me, even after they rejected me.
At the time, I blamed the women. I couldn't see what I did wrong.
It just never occurred to me that if a woman flirted outrageously with a man, and they seemed to get on great, and that she seemed to care about him, that she might not be interested in dating him anyway.
It took me coming to join POF, and several months of reading a LOT of posts by other men, before I realised that most men get rejected 8 out of 10 times at the least, that lots of men get rejected much more than that, and that I simply cannot expect any one woman to agree to a date, just because I asked her out, no matter how she acted, or how well we got on. | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/28/2007 2:50:12 AM | Has anyone else besides me noticed what a stunningly beautiful woman OP is? Yeah she's a tough Moderator and rightfully so---she's given me a time out for good reason--but OMG those eyes! There's a spark in them that is just amazing to behold.
Wait--------what was this about again? | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/28/2007 6:03:19 AM | | The whole generalization business bothers me as well. I really didn't know how much venom and spite there really was out there until I joined the POF Forums. What surprises me most, is that the very same people that are continually bashing the sexes.. are actually here to seek a relationship with someone of the very sex they have such a hate on for... LOL Totally boggles my mind... | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/28/2007 6:46:21 AM |
I've reached my limit with "why do men always ____" and why do chicks _____" threads.
For crying out loud, people... individuals are called that for a REASON!
If you continually find members of the opposite sex have the same poor behavior sets, then instead of making the observation that an entire gender shares these characteristics, you might want to consider that something within you is leading to your picking "broken"and/or dysfunctional people.
If you find that the last several people you have been with have treated you like shyt, then you need to realise that the common denominator in all those situations was YOU and act accordingly to fix the problems that you have in selecting mates or dates. DON'T start generalizing that all of an entire gender are corrupted when it's probably just you either picking or attracting jerks.
OK. I feel better now
What are your opinions on generalizing the dating behavior of the sexes?
Generalizing is easier than either asking questions and listening or carefully deducing patterns (w/o confirmation bias) from past experience how people will act.
Most people go through their own lives w/o examining them...so why would they take the time to exam the lives of others?
To my way of thinking,if men and women communicated more openly and shared their feelings (No..I'm not gay) most generalizations would soon disappear.
At least for intelligent people. | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/28/2007 6:54:38 AM | It is mainly the opposite sex that bring emotional pain and those that are in pain seek solace in understanding why this person of the opposite sex hurt then.
Others are general things that might be handy in understanding the opposite sex....as a for instance.
Why oh why is 100 pairs of shoes still not enough? | |
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| generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/28/2007 6:57:10 AM | OP: I'm in total agreement with your post. It gets old after way too many threads on the battle of the sexes! lol
People need to stop trying to analyze the opposite gender and analyze their own behaviors. | |
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