| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/27/2007 1:46:10 PM | | What must he or she materially posses in order that you take into consideration the person in question as a serious potential partner? I mean, do you follow your heart, or do you follow your senses? Could you allow yourself to fall for a person who couldn’t financially aid you? I mean, is it about romance, love or stability? Or is it the fact that love doesn't pay the rent! Simply put, if you are financially set, would you allow yourself to be with someone who isn't? | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/27/2007 1:51:33 PM |
I mean, is it about romance, love or stability? Or is it the fact that love doesn't pay the rent! Simply put, if you are financially set, would you allow yourself to be with someone who isn't?
In a hearbeat. | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/27/2007 2:02:52 PM | This is an *excellent* question.
Fortunately, I am financially stable and entirely self-supporting. That being said, I most likely would not consider dating a man who lives in his parents' basement, is not gainfully employed and stable.
I've worked very long and hard to get to where I'm at now. I would expect the same out of my potential life partner.
I'm not looking for a millionaire, but I am looking for a responsible adult who takes his responsibilities seriously. | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/27/2007 2:26:37 PM | I was going to say "yes I would absolutely marry someone I loved if they didn't make as much money as I did".
But greeneyedkat brought up an excellent point... I wouldn't even consider dating someone who lived in his parents basement who wasn't employed.
If he lived with his parents because of their aging health issues it would be a whole different matter. I would still expect him to be working though or on some kind of temporary sabbatical from work. | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/27/2007 2:38:37 PM | | alright! extremes aside! i'm not referring to some dude who is pushing forty and living with his mother. i'm referring to a person who is holding his or her own. but unable to financially help you. could you take that person serious! prime example, i know many people who are grad students, and usually they just date each other, because many people have a hard time being with someone before he or she has made a place for themselves. this may be the reason many couples meet and marry while in grad school. i don't know! but let's not concentrate on the dude in the basement! it's fairly simple, either the person must be fully established, or there's degrees of what established means depending on the person in question! | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/27/2007 2:40:19 PM | Yes it is a rare thing & lucky are those who find it... you ask the proverbial "Do I follow my heart?" question & I for one must say yes, I would & have... I'm a most happy woman for doing so...
cata | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/27/2007 2:56:35 PM | | I've loved wealthy and one who was hand to mouth. Both are wonderful men whom I wish the best in life to. I've found it best to follow my heart. These days, I feel that the ideal is to live alone and receive "service (not booty) calls" from a special person who also has a life and can take care of himself too. I take care of myself so I don't think that's too much to ask for. Bravo to you Cat! | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/27/2007 3:03:08 PM | Being a single parent that has worked hard for what I have including my own home, I would not date someone was wasn't gainfully employed and capable of supporting himself. Some may call that cold, but I consider it practical. He may not have to make as much money as me, however, he would need to be able to take care of himself.
I'm not looking for someone to take care of me, and I don't want to take care of someone financially either. | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/27/2007 4:52:30 PM |
but unable to financially help you. could you take that person serious!
I understand what it is you're looking for, but the majority of the women who post in this forum are in their late 30's - 40's, single moms, who don't need anyone to help them financially. We also aren't looking for another son that needs us to support him.
I would marry for love regardless of the mans income, as long as he didn't bring a whole boat load of bills he couldn't take care of himself. | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/27/2007 4:58:00 PM | I think there is something to be said for a man's financial status. At my age, men should be thinking about retirement. Being responsible is important. Not money.
Of course there are always life's little financial disaster's. Saying that, while my man doesn't have to make as much as I do, he has to know how to live within his means.
I don't think you should have to make a choice. Have it all. It's about Character. | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/27/2007 6:23:25 PM | Why are love and money mutually exclusive? Are you saying that you can't have one without the other? Eh.
I'm financially stable, and support myself, I don't need someone else to pay my bills. i created them, I should be able to pay them.
That being said, I would hope the other person has the same going for them. | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:22:32 PM | No one has ever supported me financially (except family) but it's been a long time since I lived at home.
Saying that, I am not about to financially support any man. They work. They have their own money and they can spend it as they like. The same goes for me.
If it comes time to co-exist financially then I would expect to put in my share as does he. | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:54:54 PM |
Could you allow yourself to fall for a person who couldn’t financially aid you? I mean, is it about romance, love or stability? Or is it the fact that love doesn't pay the rent! Simply put, if you are financially set, would you allow yourself to be with someone who isn't?
Don Q -- You'd have to define 'financially set' ... actually no ... my answer would still be the same. What would I have in common with someone who can't pay thier rent or who lacks responsiblity? I'm only into lazy if a person can afford to be (and even then...is it truly a desirable quality). I wouldn't see any connection with someone less driven than me in life.
Love is stable (romance is imaginative) and not irresponsible in my book and in consideration that the number one reason for divorce is 'financial differences.' My answer is no (lol--I think I have something written about this in my profile actually). | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/27/2007 9:33:05 PM | I have been lucky enough to be self supporting since I was 16, there have been ups and downs (the dot bomb cost me more than a little) but I managed through it, came out free of debt (granted, after getting taxed based on my stock value, after it's value had turned to mist I BK'd to clear a couple of business debts that were going to sink me) I paid out of the BK though.
I don't think I would be really all that comfortable with a person that had a fiscal need for a relationship. If you are in your 30's and can't keep a roof over your own head, there are other forces at work that are a bit disturbing.
--Serenity | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/28/2007 7:21:18 AM | Barbe:
I'm not looking for someone to take care of me, and I don't want to take care of someone financially either.
There ya go! | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/28/2007 11:34:13 AM | A man who is self-sufficient and competent in his life (kinda like that certain northcountry cowboy  ) is attractive to me.
One who is overly dependent and lives in personal turmoil, is not.
I take care of myself and a child; I don't need someone else to take care of.
Believe me, I wasn't always this way -- I have done my share of attempting to "save" others, like lots of fishies here, I'm sure. Those of us who work in the field of mental health (or related professions) seem to be especially prone to the "savior" thing in our personal lives.
People who are independent and self-sufficient can be free to nurture each other without providing unhealthy "support."
A peer relationship, based on mutal attraction, interest, and respect (whether or not the "L" word is spoken!   )) ... That's what I'm into! That's the Cowgirl Way!
~Boots~ | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/28/2007 8:15:13 PM | God you are my hero! <img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>
Edit: Cap2 | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/28/2007 10:17:20 PM |
That being said, I most likely would not consider dating a man who lives in his parents' basement, is not gainfully employed and stable.
Oooh, I would. I love Trekkies. 
Seriously, I don’t need financial aid, but I’ve lived with Manny the Moocher before and would not do it again.
Hidee-Hidee-Hidee-hi
Wooooooh
Heedey-hee-dee-hee-dee hee
Hidee-hidee-hidee-ho | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/28/2007 11:28:20 PM |
i'm referring to a person who is holding his or her own. but unable to financially help you. could you take that person serious!
Holding his own is good. But, I want to travel and other stuff and I don't want to have to pay his way to do that. So, let's say we are financially equal. I've already done immature and dependent male. Don't need that again. But, I don't like someone else paying my way, either. I take care of my own financial business.
I heard a married couple once discuss the way they set it up that worked really well for me. They set up an "ours" bills account for shared expenses and an "ours" shared investment account. Then the rest was in each of their personal accounts. Oh, and I think they also had a shared travel account.
That kind of mature responsibility is a turn on for me. Not lots of money, but responsible with what you have. | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/28/2007 11:50:01 PM | | If she's the right one, sure. I don't need financial aid, and even if I did, I would ask it from my family, not from my partner. I don't like mixing love and money, it messes everything up. | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:18:54 AM | | I see this to be the case, for the most part that is: the majority of the replies here are mostly concentrated on a potential partners financial status. That is, even if it is the case that he or she could hold there own financially, but couldn’t give financially, most people would prefer not to take this sort of person seriously. Only two people here actually take into account unconditional compatibility. That is, for the most, love isn’t actually an option, it’s the money that counts. At no point was I referring to a bum on the street. I’m just referring to a person who has nothing to offer you other than their love; pure and undefiled companionship. It’s interesting to me how people first take into account a person’s economical status before allowing themselves to have feelings for that person in question. To me this says a lot. Nevertheless, we all have the right to make our own decisions; but for the most part, it seems that the majority of us have homogenized opinions on the present subject at hand. What if we pass up on a potential partner because we are overly critical! I guess it wouldn’t matter, because we would never know; not necessarily that is. Personally speaking, when in a relationship, what’s mine is hers. But this is only after the fact, that I can see, that money is truly not a factor. But of course, one would reply, that’s too idyllic. One would also reply, it takes money to live. But I’m not referring to one who leeches. I’m referring to one who has nothing more to give, then him or her self. With that said, I understand that many here are a bit more mature, and thus, require in a potential partner that he or she be financially established and thus able to give. I guess once we come out of our youth, idealized romantic encounters are scorned as unrealistic; unless of course, the person in question has a solid financial base. Enough said, I understand! Priorities are more important. ??? | |
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| Is it rare! The love thing!
Posted: 12/31/2007 12:02:41 AM | A friend of mine who is pretty well-off is with a woman who's in a lot of debt. He loves her and thinks her kid is great. He very much wants her to get on a path to eliminate that debt, and will not simply pay it off for her. He's advised her as best he can, encouraged her to get more schooling so she can earn more.
There are two issues going on here. One is whether she values him enough to try to do what he'd like her to do, which would be good for both her pocketbook and pride in financial independence/stability. The other is whether he can see beyond the dollars, that the happiness she gives him is worth something.
He chose to get into this relationship and has stayed in it, so I think he's done his part. I'd hope she tries to do hers. | |
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