| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 5:32:05 AM | Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate? Or will you just frustrate yourself? I am big into self improvement, & I don't mean just New Years Resolutions (like lose that 10 pounds you gained from Thanksgiving thru New Years) but really making positive changes in your life, better habits, goals ie. better job, save $$ in the bank, explore new places, join a gym, drop losery fiends..um...friends.
Or do you believe in fate or karma & think even if you are a chainsmoking, overweight, under-employed slob w/ drunken leechy friends, you can still meet a quality person??? | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 5:57:12 AM | Good question Angel!
After everything I have seen and done, I think we should change simply for ourselves if we so choose. Changing to enhance your options to meet your SO doesn't sound realistic to me. We are who/what we are. I simply believe that if you are meant to meet someone, you will. Nothing you do to change yourself will change that. I could see someone setting themselves up for big disappointments if they did change and still nothing came of it. Really when it comes right down to it, I think its a crapshoot! | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 6:16:55 AM | I think what ever positive changes you make in your life you should make for yourself, not to impress or snare someone into your life. However, I do think if you make positive changes and change your life for the better you open yourself up to new experiences therefore making it more likely for you to meet people who observe the same life choices you do.
But as I said earlier, if you are making a change in your life, you better be making it for yourself, because if you are not, you will never stick with the change. | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 6:58:59 AM | Making changes in yourself is good only if you make the changes in order to feel happier about yourself.
A happy, contented person attracts more attention and admiration.
None of us (my opinion) want to hang out with someone who's bitter and twisted in their thinking, no matter how good the outside package looks at first glance.
Be kind to yourself, be happy within yourself. You're the person who has to spend 24/7 with you.
I know I'm not attracted to guys who are negative, whining, bitter about their past experiences, slobby or emotional black holes (wanting people to be kind, giving, caring but never giving anything back). | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 7:19:08 AM | If we are not working on improving ourselves,
then we must be satisfied with the way we are.
I don't think we should do it with the intention of finding a mate,
but we should do it for making ourselves into the person we want to be.
If we are happier with who we are,
I am sure it will make us more attractive to others.
...
,,,,"Or do you believe in fate or karma & think even if you are a chainsmoking, overweight, under-employed slob w/ drunken leechy friends, you can still meet a quality person???",,,
Why are you picking on me????  | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 10:12:54 AM | Like others have said...improving yourself for yourself is the ideal. The fringe benefit is finding someone worth being with.
Karma is the same thing. Do you do good things to attract "Karma Points"...or do you do good things because its the best thing for all to do...The fringe benefit being good Karma.
Right now...my house is not in order, literally and figuritively. But the baggage is down to purse size~ | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 10:24:30 AM | For those of us of "an advanced age," let's be friggin' realistic here, y'all! I've reached a point in my already long-enough life where I'm comfortable with where I am, who I am, etc. Am I on the verge of embarking on yet another long, tedious, seemingly-perpetual voyage of self-discovery, self-fulfillment, self-improvement? Not bloody likely! According to the media, there's only one thing MISSING in my current life: Viagra, Cialis, brand-name/generic/herbal/homeopathic nostrums of similar nature... Somehow, I'm not quite buying the concept - for even "...a Dollar."
Before we all rush off to "Group," I remain convinced the true keys to happiness are:
1) be realistic. I'm probably not going to be able to "get" that 20-something high fashion model who doesn't look like a heroin addict, has millions of dollars and a Ph.D. in something like neuroscience (unless I'm dumb enough to believe what dozens of Nigerian women-who-want-to-bear-my-progeny tell me on "Messenger") But the "40-somethings" variant just might be do-able (avoiding, of course, the "wannabe geriatric trophy wives")
2) git yer libidos under control, fer chissakes! The irony here, despite protestations to the contrary, is as follows: if the only thing that MATTERED to me was sex, I'd be busy every night rather than pounding away on a keyboard with, duh!, no one on the receiving end!
3) never, ever "settle," but make friends even if there's no chance of romance (no extra charge for poetry)
4) be comfortable with yourself
5) be tolerant of others (well, actually, I DO need to work on that, but, like the proverbial old dog...)
6) if all else fails, leave 'em laughing! OR, "quando omni flunkus mortati" ("if all else fails, play dead")
(note: "Schadenfreud" see "shadenfroid")
Happy New Year to you and yours from your humble and obedient servant, a not-really-inflexible-nor-irascible old codger! | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 12:28:19 PM | | Good questions! As we improve (whatever we individually consider 'improvement') and feel better about ourselves, I hope to think that we direct more positive energy into our lives. I'm more aware of this the older that I get. I am better now at identifying behaviors in myself that aren't productive and working on them, and I'm better at identifying behaviors in others that aren't healthy for me and disengaging from them. I'm a life-long learner, hopefully improving as I go. Thanks for triggering me to reflect on this! | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 2:53:25 PM | "For those of us of "an advanced age," let's be friggin' realistic here, y'all! I've reached a point in my already long-enough life where I'm comfortable with where I am, who I am, etc. Am I on the verge of embarking on yet another long, tedious, seemingly-perpetual voyage of self-discovery, self-fulfillment, self-improvement? Not bloody likely! "
Well said. Let's get real. Maybe someone who hasn't done any growning (do people like that exist?) over the last few decades might want to go there.
By our age, I expect good self esteem from myself and others. If you don't have it by now, when are you going to get it? | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 4:10:50 PM | | I am making the changes for myself, and was already working on them before my new interest came into the picture. Here's something I learned from experience a long time ago....A partner who expects you to fit a certain mold is never going to be happy with you, no matter how compatible you are otherwise, if your outer shell does not fit his preconceived notion of what is ideal. And making those changes for anyone other than yourself dooms them to almost certain failure. | |
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