| | No Children....WhyPage 1 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | | I was just wondering why some people our age haven't had kids. If it was for medical reasons, I am very, very sorry for your misfortunes. I myself have none because I didn't grow up in time. My kids were my cars and other toys. I can think of four or five close relationships that ended because of my not wanting children. Another part is that I grew up in a large family that was lacking a lot of love. Maybe I was afraid that I could not give enough love, also. Am I the only one that feels this way? | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 8:09:21 AM | I chose not to have children. That is a choice that I made when just a very young child myself. Do I like children? Absolutely for short periods of time and as long as they are someone else's children. I have chosen my "children" from the SPCA and they have enriched my life.
Just because "society" says you should grow up, get married and have children is not reason enough to marry and produce children if you know that you have no desire to either marry or procreate. There are those who disagree but that is their entitlement.
Tink | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 8:24:27 AM | Considering the over population of the world, North American society might want to start encouraging people not to have children.
I think a friend of mine said it best. She was so tired to everyone pestering her to have children that she finally started saying the following. She was a women who owned her own business, as did her husband. She and her husband had decided not to have children because they were tired of picking up the piece left when there friends marriages failed and the children were ignored. They didn't have time to run two businesses, and do all the other things in life that needed to be done, so they made a decision not to have children.
I am a strong believe in the fact that the best thing you can do for your children is to love your spouse.
I see too many partents spending their time trying to find themselves instead of using that time to see to their children's needs.
My whole group of friends don't have children except one. When we were younger people pressured us often about not having children. Now that we are older, not one of us regrets our lack of children. We spend our spare time helping society in various ways.
I do have two Goddaughters in a foreign country, who come to me for my council with their problems, which I enjoy very much.
My family consist of me and my furkids. Over the years, I have offer a home to many furkids.
My father was an only child, as I am. When I go that will be it for our family line. I have never felt the need to do anything to change that. | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 11:32:59 AM | When I was in my twenties, I assumed I would have them. As inevitable
as death & taxes, but no real internal urge. I come from a large extended
family, so exposure to children was constant and I do enjoy them, but also
could see how much energy was needed to parent.
In my thirties, I was open to having them if my husband really wanted them,
but since I never had a husband, children did not follow. I became Godmother
to 5 different little tykes over the course of that decade & still love that role.
At the end of my thirties I made a conscious decision not to have any myself.
By this point I figured that even if I found a man, chances were that he would
have children already, and I was fine with that. Still no urge to personally
procreat, but loved having children around.
Now in my forties, I am thankfully past the point where people ask if I'm
going to have them. I am not, but am completely open to giving love
and energy to the children that already exist around me.
Not once have I regretted the path I have taken.
A friend of mine once said:
You don't have to give birth to a child to have a positive influence on it's life.
I took that to heart, and it has been my mantra. Treat children with tender
respect and offer them words of kind wisdom. I feel like a parent every time
I do that. It does indeed take a whole village to raise a child. I'm just one
of the villagers.......hopefully not the village idiot, but not the crazy cat lady either.
That was my journey down the reproductive road,
KK | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 11:35:13 AM | | I haven't had kids because kids need a stable home (well, they are better off with a stable home) and I have never been in the position to offer such a situation and because I don't think the world is a place that I could in any conscience bring a child into. | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 11:42:20 AM | | In my 20s and 30s, I was very career driven and in an industry/position that required extreme hours and a lot of travel. I never gave marriage or children a great deal of thought. Now, in my 40s, I don't regret not having children, nor do I plan to have them. I have had many opportunities to enjoy children and contribute to their growth through my good friends who made the choice to parent. I never felt any 'biological' clock tick... | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:36:42 PM | I chose not to have children in my early teens. I have a great love for kids, even helped raise my nieces and nephews. It was great when I could send them home at the end of the day :). I also work with young kids all day, and am very thankful I can have peace and quiet at home in the evenings. No regrets! But I am looking forward to have grandnieces and grandnephews.  | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:41:33 PM | I have one son who very much wants children, but has not found the right woman. The other says he does not want the responsibility. I have never nagged for grandchildren nor will I. Having children is a personal choice and people need to mind their own business. I had a very hard time getting pregnant and was married 6 years before having a child and another six before the second one. People were always inquiring and it hurt. I felt an explaination was none of their business. I had a friend who never married and she was nagged beyond belief. People can't take care of their own "house" and need to leave others alone. People have and don't have children for all kinds of reasons. Some often figure out they are not good parents after the fact. Poor children. I applaud those who decided on the front side of procreation that they did not want to and didn't. Be true to yourself. No one knows you better than you know yourself when it comes to children. When you have them, your life is never again your own. My 28 and 21 have come back home for various reasons, just when I cleaned out the nest. But you let them come back because you love them, you reaarrange the furniture, cook more for dinner, check in with each other, adjust bathroom times since you only have one, schedule laundry and go back to finding the steps in the dance with other adults who happen to be your children.
Funny side, now they want to know where I am going, with whom and what time I will be back at night.  | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:49:11 PM | simply never with the right man at the right time in my life - last one during major child bearing ages was more a child himself and "never ready" ( hindsight I should have moved on quicker) | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:54:53 PM | | Some people can't have them, and some don't want to have them. (and some people SHOULDN'T have them!!!) It's really a personal matter . . . | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 1:17:50 PM | | I always wanted children and have 2, 21 and 16 now. I enjoyed 90% of the time I raised them. They weren't perfect all the time, nether was I. I tell people who are on the fence about having kids that if they're not sure, then they probably don't want them, but are being pressured by society or a parent to have them. If you can't or won't give up your money or time for a child of your own, then you really shouldn't have them. If you would like a child in your life part-time and don't have little ones in your family, then join Big Brothers or Big Sisters. They're always looking for volunteers. I've always respected the opinions of others who don't want kids, that's their choice, and they shouldn't be hassled for it. | |
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Tramp
| | Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 12 | |
| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 4:34:10 PM | Was married 15 years no children... Not because we did not want them.
Then, when I thought I was not going to be a father, bang ....she came along, it has been wonderful ever since.
Want to share this.
I do not lavish praises easily nor use many words to show affection.
Few days ago my daughter told her mother I do not end a phone conversation with " I love you" (She does), wonders if I love her.
Of course she knows I do.
Next day, she had me write two pages with two words : love and care.
Of course I had to get back to her... asked her to write two pages with the words: respect and hate.
The two of us sitting side by side.
Priceless. | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 6:47:11 PM | I came from a big family with dozens of cousins and I did not like the crowding and the constant noise and disorder. I knew early that I did not want children and it followed that I didn't have a strong desire to get married, tho' I wasn't against it.
After I turned 30 I began to mellow. I became more patient and I could be around kids longer, entertain them a bit so their parents could rest, etc., but I was always glad when the kids left. I only have a 2 hour or so window of endurance. No, it's not all pain and irritation, but I know I'm just NOT a nurturer. I can be a care-taker, but that's not quite the same. I think kids neet nurturing, too.
Despite my preferences, twice I have lived with women and their kids. I don't hate kids, I just don't want to be a parent or raise any children of my own. | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 9:23:15 PM | I don't remember particularly wanting children...ended up having 2. I never mentioned anything about grandchildren, now I have 8. I enjoy my grandchildren more than I ever enjoyed my children...I can send them home.
It's a personal choice, and it's not anyones business whether someone wants children or not. I have never and would never ask anyone why they have no children.
And I agree with what someone else said, some people should not have children, and those are the people who usually have them. | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 9:34:28 PM | | I wanted kids but luckily found out in time that she had severe Psych problems that she had hid from me. | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 9:34:34 PM | I have children , I had these children because I always dreamed of being a mom . I know of 2 people in my life who have no children .
1. This woman came from a physically abusive family of many children . She became pregnant in her teens . She made the choice to give the child up for adoption . She realized she was too young to care / give that child everything it needed . I have to wonder if her choice to have no further children was based on the fact that she gave the first up , or on the fact of how she herself was raised.
2. This man came from a physically abusive family of many children . He never married. He has never had a steady girlfriend since his teen years. Many of the family members wonder if he might be gay . He is not overly feminine. He lives in a city away from the rest of his family members alone. I have to wonder if his choice to have no children was based on the fact of how he himself was raised. | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/29/2007 9:45:09 PM | I never really wanted them, although I like them a lot. Over the years I've had a lot of great experiences with my nephews and nieces.
I guess a large part of it was due to coming from a rather dysfunctional family. My Dad died when I was nine, and that left it's mark too. Before then, he had divorced my mother a few years before.
One of the things I never wanted to do was to be divorced , or die, with a young child involved - based on my experiences on the other side of that situation. I remember being quite young, and vowing never to place anyone else in that position , ever.
The other part was not being with someone who wanted children, or who would have not been a very good mother to them. From just raising a young puppy with her, I quickly realized that having a child was never going to happen. I wound up doing most of the raising. That additionally reinforced my desire not to ever consider have one.
At my age now, it's too late to consider.
I don't regret my choice at all. That's the way I wanted it. | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/31/2007 2:44:56 PM | I knew in high school that I didn't want kids. I found out in my mid-20's that I couldn't have kids. I felt in the early 1980's that we were out of the "norm", because we were the only married couple in our neighborhood that didn't have kids. I have no regrets about not bringing kids in the world. Like some of the other posts say:
#1 - it's no one's business but your own. It's a personal decision and to decide to bring kids into the world should be made with great care.
#2 - some people aren't cut out for parenting.
#3 - some of us consider ourselves "childfree", which means it was a "choice" not to have kids.
#4 - some folks can't physically bring children into the world. | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/31/2007 3:16:03 PM | msg 17: You would have been a great Dad. I know not having kids was your choice, but you already knew more than most "Dads"..... | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/31/2007 3:51:19 PM | I choose never to have kids, since I never had the biological urge to want kids. I never had that motherly instincts to want a kid, and I felt I was too self absorbed to change my lifestyle. When I was younger, I didn't have the patience and children can't pick their parents, but you can decide honestly if you want to have children.
I have many friends who think I'm great with kids, they have fun with me, & I can give the kids back at the end of the day. Its all about making the right choices for you, and not doing what society expects you to do. | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:06:10 PM | My sister was in a lousy marriage but had three children anyway.... Bad decision. She's spent the last twenty years raising 3 boys by herself and two of them are autistic.
It seems like I see a lot of unhappy parents around who would have been better off not having kids. | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:07:00 PM | You would have been a great Dad. I know not having kids was your choice, but you already knew more than most "Dads"...
I also have the great luxury of never tarnishing that impression, with any practical experience that proves other wise.
I have many friends who think I'm great with kids, they have fun with me, & I can give the kids back at the end of the day.
Exactly the way I see it. 
I have a great time with them, for a few hours , and everyone's the better for the experience. I still get some of the same benefits of that wonderful experience , and the luxury of never having to do it 24/7/365.
I still remember bringing my nephew to see "Sesame Street On Ice" at about three years old. We spent some serious money doing that, but value wise it was one of the best deals I ever had.
Sitting on my lap, for about an hour and a half, and totally dazzled by what he was seeing. He didn't say a word, nor move. Big Bird had about the same impression on him as Jesus Christ suddenly appearing in front of me right now would....
To have actually shared that experience with him was one of those priceless moments that I'll cherish until my last breath, honestly. | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:11:48 PM | I was looking at profile choices for Want Children and there was no selection for (>3 times/week). Should we tell the webmaster??  | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:30:13 PM | | At first I didn't think I would make a good mom because I didn't think I knew how. Then, I did get pregnant and miscarried and could never become pregnant after that. My ex and I decided we did not want kids although never used any protection and I never became pregnant. I took it as a sign as it was just something that was not meant to be. Now, at times I regrett not having kids, but I don't believe in pushing what is not meant to be, maybe that is why I love my pets so much. A few months ago, my boss and I were having a talk, we know all about each other. I said "sometimes I regrett not having kids." He said, " you would have been a good Mother, because you care so much." That touched my heart and I know now, that if I could have, I would have been a great Mom. | |
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| No Children....Why
Posted: 12/31/2007 5:30:24 PM | Never wanted children... even as a child. No regrets. To each his/her own.
Today, my challenge is finding a man who isn't still spending more time parenting than he is willing to spend partnering... | |
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