| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:14:37 PM | Recap:
A friend of mine dated this guy for about 4 months. Spent Christmas together and exchanged gifts. He makes at least 10 x more than she does. She spent $400 and he spent $40. She made him a nice dinner and spent the day well.
She was appauled at how unthoughtful his gift was and saw it as a reflection of how he truly felt about her. Blah blah blah....
She broke up with him, stating that they were not a good match. He apparently is so confused and hurt. He keeps calling her and asking her why they broke up. She doesn't feel comfortable discussing the gift exchange with him and just wants to leave it.
I say....tell him the truth!
She said that was the ONLY reason why she ended it so abruptly, other than the thoughtless gift, he was a decent guy.
What would you want to hear if you were the boyfriend? | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:24:16 PM | you dont give a gift expecting the same in return.
Apparently she felt a need to give this $400 gift and he felt a need to spend $40.
I have to ask why would this woman spend so much, in such a little time knowing each other, then blame the guy because he handled his gift appropriately? | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:25:44 PM | If I were the boyfriend, I would want to hear the real reason, no matter what. It would not hurt me either.
The gf made the $40 gift mean that the bf is thoughtless, does not care, etc. That meaning was added by her to what happened; anything has only the meaning that you give it-nothing else. That meaning is not the truth-just a meaning. | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:29:17 PM | My first thought is that the woman was more intimately invested in the relationship and thought that he was just as invested.
So, when the uneven gift exchange happened, that broke the bubble. Then she got hurt by it and reacted a little strongly to it.
To break up with him over this WITHOUT communication is just plain stupid. But might show that they didn't communication well to begin with. If they had, they probably wouldn't have this gift issue.
I think that if he found out the reason she broke up with him, it might make him just wipe his brow and be thankful.
Its just unfortunate that this happened when it could have been avoided.
Bottom line, is she needs to be honest with herself and most of all him. She needs to come clean and clean the slate. | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:37:30 PM |
My first thought is that the woman was more intimately invested in the relationship and thought that he was just as invested. [quote/]
I think you are so right with this comment and I think that is exactly what happened with my gf. I think she felt he was more into her and when he showed up with a $40 gift as opposed to her $400 gift, it burst her reality bubble and she dumped him.
I told her to be completely honest with him and see what he says. | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:43:13 PM | A $400 gift after four months? Whoa. I want to ask who would spend that much money that early in a relationship, but that's neither here nor there, since it's already done.
Some guys are just bad gift givers. I know, I've dated them.  But cheap is one thing, thoughtless is another. Was the $40 gift not purchased with her in mind? (I mean, if she's a vegetarian and he got her a $40 gift certificate to Omaha Steaks ...)
Yes, she needs to fess up. This poor guy deserves at least that much. She needs to explain to him that there was a lot of thought, caring and money behind her gift and in her eyes, giving gifts is a way to express how you feel about a person. When he gave her what he gave her, she translated that into how little he must care for her.
She truly needs to talk to him about this from the angle that its HER misunderstanding -- and not make it about this guy not spending "enough."
If they get back together, put a spending limit on Valentine's Day, or better yet, agree to no material gifts. | |
|
naeco
|
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 7 | |
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:45:35 PM | If I were the boyfriend, I would want to know that she broke up with me because she's shallow, and not because I did something that almost any other guy did.
$400 for gifts for someone you met 4 months ago? That's pretty extreme, isn't it? | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:46:21 PM | The holidays are all about giving and not expecting anything in return..
I think the fact that he got her anything.....was a sign he was thinking about her.
After 4 months, its hard to put a whole lot of thought into the perfect gift for that special someone...and how much it costs doesnt mean anything as far as how much thought he put into giving it!
would she be happy if he just popped into a jewlery store and grabbed the first thing he saw?...By the sounds of thing..she probubly would be , as long as it came in that little velvet box!
I say... she should tell him the truth so this guy realizes that he will be better off without her. | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:46:34 PM | | I would want the truth from her, plus I am sorry that is so shallow..................did she forget that it is the thought that counts! | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 3:01:04 PM |
She said that was the ONLY reason why she ended it so abruptly, other than the thoughtless gift, he was a decent guy.
What would you want to hear if you were the boyfriend?
I'd want to hear "Honey, I made a foolish snap judgment, and I was wrong. Can we try again?"
Not everyone is good at giving gifts, picking out just the right thing, or knowing what a gift might mean to someone else. Not to mention figuring out exactly what someone else might have spent and matching it! Whatever happened to being happy with the thought behind the gift? Maybe he gave everyone else $5 or $10 gifts, and her $40 present was HUGE in comparison.
If they'd been together for many months or a year, and she saw a pattern in other ways that clearly showed she was less "valued" than the way she had treated him, THEN she might have some cause to back away. But this just seems asinine to me, especially since she says he was decent and this was the only reason she broke up with him.
--Ms. Flis | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 3:01:11 PM | | I'd want to know the truth. Then I'd know that she's after my money. Spending $400 on him is crazy. 4 months is not very long so $40 is fine. There should have been better communication so each of them would know what to expect. Tell your friend to stop being so greedy. Xmas to grown ups is about loving each other not how much money he/she spent on you. I'm happy for him | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 3:01:21 PM | What would you want to hear if you were the boyfriend?
If I were the boyfriend?
I'd just be elated to hear the words "good bye"
coming from the selfish, self centered wench.
The dood should just be glad it's over, and move on. | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 3:01:25 PM | | If I was dating some crazy woman whose emotions lived or died by the price tag of Christmas presents, and suddenly she wanted to end things, I would take the news well, and go into the kitchen to make myself a snack. | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 3:04:57 PM | I think your friend is a selfish b itch, and she did the guy a favour, doesn't matter what I want to hear, most decent people would tell them the truth, she's pissed over the price of a gift? WTF , this is the reason why some people hates Christmas, its become so commercial , now the price of the gift is all that matters?
I dont know why the guy only spend $40.00, and she was dumb enough to spend $400.00 on a person who shes dated for 4 months, that tells me she's not too bright either.
the guy has to remember the old saying" dont let the door hit your ass on the way out, well make sure it leaves a mark so you remember" | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 3:05:27 PM | If I were a friend of either I'd be appalled that they know how much the gift costs or would mention it or the fact that he makes 10X the amount of money she does.
I don't consider either of those facts relevant as to showing a person how much you "value" them, throwing money at something is not an indication of that.
If there were an emphasis on how much money was or wasn't spent on me, I think if anything I'd feel more like an object than a person. That's just me, though.  | |
|
| |
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 3:12:55 PM | I'm gonna echo Piquebu:
"Was the $40 gift not purchased with her in mind? (I mean, if she's a vegetarian and he got her a $40 gift certificate to Omaha Steaks ...)"
What was the gift? Was it something 'personally appropriate'? I mean, I got a woman I've been chatting with on here (and we haven't even met yet) a nice xmas-tree pin (she likes "christmasy stuff") and a couple books. Got another friend of mine a dog sculpture, because I know she loves dogs. Is what he gave her "inappropriate" to her *only* because of its cost, and not intent? That sounds a bit "golddigger-ish" to me if so. And did they have any discussion beforehand about how much to spend on each other? | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 3:44:01 PM | Forget it, they are not the right match!
1. the woman is materialistic. she think a gifts VALUE has something to do with its PRICE. from a non-materialistic point of view, clearly not. One single rose may worth more than a billion dollar castle . provided that the rose came truly from heart and wanted to make her happy!
2. the man isn't materialistic, or it's also an option so afraid of "materialistic women" that he always gives low price gifts to see who loves him for Himself! He bought a 40usd gift, to see if the woman still loves him after all. it's also another option that the man doesn't care of "objects", presents.
Divorce statistics show that a huge number of divorces are due to finances (the other is sexuality, faithfulness). These 2 people have clearly sharply different view on that.
Match detector says: 0% compatibility, not a good start for a relationship.
Wonder, what was the 40usd gift? | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 4:10:00 PM | Hey...I want $400 spent on me the first night. Let me see...classy Italian dinner with vintage wine, roses, and some light dancing....yep I think thats about $400 if my memory serves me correctly.
What the heck did this guy buy her that cost only $40? Obviously there was no sentiment behind it or she wouldn't have responded as such. Then again, maybe she's just a selfish arce....whichever the case, doesn't sound like a good match, lacking the "Everything you do is cool" chemistry. | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 4:24:16 PM | Maybe I'm strange, but I don't care to know what a gift costs no matter who gives it to me. And I wouldn't consider it in good taste for someone to ask what I spent on a gift for them. (unless it's a gift certificate, of course..haha)
People think about things differently, though. That what's makes getting to know people interesting.  | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 4:33:05 PM | | She should tell him. It would definetly help him get over it faster if he knows she fell out over such a trivial matter. | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 4:43:16 PM | What would you want to hear if you were the boyfriend?
The truth. In this case it might not make him feel better, but at least he'll have the consolation of knowing that she did him a favor by leaving him so he can find someone who isn't going to flip out over a Christmas gift.
Maybe she was a little too invested in the relationship, though. As others have said, $400 is a bit much 4 months in, especially if she doesn't make a lot of money. $40-$100ish seems far more reasonable. | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 4:43:37 PM | Pardon me...
But didn't we already settle this in another post you put regarding this??? Rewriting it will not change the fact that your friend is STILL only concerned about the MATERIAL....
But thanks for trying........... | |
|
| He wants to know why they broke up!
Posted: 12/29/2007 5:02:29 PM | It's always about the money, isn't it?? Give someone an expensive gift and expect something similar or more..........some ridiculous thinking. It's better to give than to receive. Now if he bought her a more expensive gift SHE would probably have been insulted.......maybe not in this case because it's all about HER. Breaking up because of a gift, some people are weird and most of all SHALLOW!  | |
|
| |
Home
login 
