| Dating the expat woman...
Posted: 12/29/2007 3:11:50 PM | Here's the thing.
I'm in a situation of living in another country living as an expat, so it's a bit of a challenge to find a fellow expat woman to date over here.
I would love to find a woman around my age, mid-40's, in similar circumstances and I've been out a couple of times with ladies I've run into.
There's been a common theme in that they've all told me up front they are happy to keep their own company and aren't looking for a relationship.
That's fine and I respect their position, but I'd like to think the door was open, if I was dating someone, for a relationship to develop at some point.
The message I'm getting from them is a relationship is out of the question from the start.
Many of my fellow western males go down the 20-something local bimbo road, but I want the type of relationship I had back in Australia.
I got the impression from these ladies the job was the only thing they were here for, and that's it.
Can any ladies who've worked overseas tell me about how they approached their personal life when they were there, was a relationship out of the question? | |
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| Dating the expat woman...
Posted: 12/29/2007 3:30:25 PM |
What's an expat?
An expat is an expatriot, someone who goes to another country to live and work. | |
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| Dating the expat woman...
Posted: 12/29/2007 3:33:43 PM | | how long are you here for and what is wrong with local women? are you only interested in expat women? | |
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| Dating the expat woman...
Posted: 12/29/2007 3:50:51 PM |
how long are you here for and what is wrong with local women? are you only interested in expat women?
I've just signed on for another year.
There are plenty of local women about, but they are pretty obvious about wanting a western man to hook up with, any western man, and that's not what I want.
I'm basically living in a third-world country and life is tough for the majority of people over here, and many of the local women see the expat males as walking ATM machines.
I love dating and I love the intellectual engagement that goes with it, I couldn't imagine going out with someone I couldn't communicate with on more than a basic level, which is why I'm attracted to the western women over here. | |
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| Dating the expat woman...
Posted: 12/29/2007 3:57:28 PM | ahhh...I see.
I wasn't sure where you were located til I saw your profile.
it makes sense...but I don't know what to tell you.
maybe they (since they know they will be there for a short period of time) don't want to bother with emotions just so in the end they get separated...sometimes it's easier to put up a wall from the beginning so no hopes are crushed in the end.
good luck | |
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| Dating the expat woman...
Posted: 12/29/2007 4:50:45 PM | I'm not a woman but I'll throw in my .02 since I was an expat (and it's spelled "expatriate" by the way) . I'm American but lived and worked in South Korea and Japan for several years. I don't know many details about the country that you're in but my general experience in Asia is that the women are interested in Western men but sometimes don't have a way to relate. For Asians, cultural identity and history are very important to personal and national identity so, while the curiosity might be there, the personal connection might not be mainly because there's no common cultural background. Truly meaningful cross-cultural relationships can be very hard to maintain because you always have to be mindful and respectful of the differences. Factor in the real possibility that the expat will eventually leave and you have already have a looming break-up or unsatisfying long-distance relationship looming overhead and it might be evident that it might not really be worth the hassle.
Good luck to you nonetheless. | |
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| Dating the expat woman...
Posted: 12/29/2007 5:14:14 PM | Ive never been in this particular situation, but I daresay that you havent quite come to terms with the full comprehension that being an expat really is a lifestyle and not just a job.
I got the impression from these ladies the job was the only thing they were here for, and that's it
^^^ These people have figured it out...they know what the possible scenarios are likely to be and how much effort to make anything materialise realistically are just above & beyond what is practical considering the circumstances and particularly if their future includes remaining in their current career choice.
Best to accept the situation and if you "accidentally" come across that someone/something special...it will likely naturally progress. But to expect anything else will probably just lead yourself to disheartened expectations.
You dont have to go down that 20 something path...you dont have to totally alienate yourself from interaction either....there is middle ground and that is to enjoy everything and every moment you have and let life & love deal you that hand when its ready and you are too. | |
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| Dating the expat woman...
Posted: 12/29/2007 5:16:18 PM |
For Asians, cultural identity and history are very important to personal and national identity so, while the curiosity might be there, the personal connection might not be mainly because there's no common cultural background. Truly meaningful cross-cultural relationships can be very hard to maintain because you always have to be mindful and respectful of the differences.
Thanks for that Rupan.
I guess that's my problem in a nutshell.
I don't want to be someone's 'curiosity', I want that intimate connection with a woman I can trust to open up to and know there isn't another agenda in play. I feel this can only happen with a western woman because there is no cultural connection with the locals.
So thanks again Rupan, and I don't even mind being chipped about my spelling.lol | |
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