| racial restrictions [CLOSED for review]
Posted: 12/29/2007 10:22:48 PM | | I'm a "minority" and since i've been on this site i've sent messages to some women of different races, and alot of them have rejected me after sending the first message saying, "I'm not into interracial relationships" or "your too old for me".(even though it's only by 2 years, but i get the hint)....and it annoys me to take the time to tell someone how i feel, and then get rejected because of my race, not because they don't want to go out with a black guy(because i respect everyones preference)...but because i would've liked to have read it in their profile before i put myself "out there", if someone has racial restrictions it would be good for EVERYONE if they put it with their other preferences.....don't you? | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/29/2007 10:36:12 PM | | Yes, I agree. On many dating sites, racial preference is specified. I think it would be an excellent idea on POF also. It would save a lot of time, energy and hurt feelings to know ahead of time if you don't meet a person's racial preference. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/29/2007 11:11:32 PM | people have different preferences, op... some people don't like fat chicks and they would not go out with me... but, they do not put that in their profiles. i don't get upset about it... i just move on.
the only race i would not date are STUPID people. but, i don't really put that in my profile since i think that they would not figure it out anyway. nevertheless my profile scares most of them away -- too many words, sentences... even paragraphs.
looking into your profile, op, i have to say race would not be much of an issue for me... but you being wishy-washy about your age would. so, how old are you? either spell it out in the about me section (if you honestly made a mistake) or don't even bring it up. because the way it is stated it just seems that you would want to have "adjustable" age...
PS i lie about my age, but that's only because i have to kill anyone who discovers the real number... such is the vow i have taken.
*continues re-writing her birth certificate* | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/29/2007 11:24:25 PM | Bergslim, don't let it get to you too badly.
I get the same thing over this way, and I live in a country that's ummm...The multi-cultural centre of the world? According to all the hype anyway. S'pose it just means that we're all here on the same continent, not that we necessarily have to like one another. We actually have songs over this way about how we're all equal etc. but all you have to do is look at the 'ideal' couples in all the ads around the place and you'll see just how far it REALLY goes.
The situation seems to improve with time though. The larger cities this way have had more people from more ethnicities in the same areas for long enough that people are beginning to get along with one another. The smaller/younger cities are another issue.
Bottom line is, don't consider yourself a victim. The fault is not in you, it can't be considered a fault, simply because none of us can help which race or creed we were born into. You do the best with what you have, and if people don't appreciate that, well, they can all just go ahem...pleasure themselves. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 5:56:17 AM | | If it were a restriction it would be a barrior to those who wanted to contact you from the forums for simple friendship. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 6:09:08 AM | I've had many men work that issue with me and I've had to say I don't find blondes attractive either, so what would that make me? Certainly not a racist!
I don't find black men attractive SEXUALLY. If someone wants to take that personally, that's on them and that's a SHAME. It has nothing to do with a conscious choice... it is what it is!!
If I got offended every time a guy said he thought freckles were unattractive I'd be one sorry sot.
Now if someone is purposely saying no just because of race, then that's their problem.
Move on to someone that matters.....  | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 6:24:27 AM | It doesn't even have to be in the profile so much...it could just be in the preferences in a way that women who are looking for your race will come up in your searches...like on a couple of other sites. It's set up so that not only people you are looking for, but people who are looking "for you" will show up in your searches. In other words, if I put in my preferences that I'm only looking to meet Asian men for example, I wouldn't even show up in your searches.
I kinda know how you feel, because when I was on Yahoo about a year ago, a lot of men would come up in my searches who were looking for women with no kids. And there was no way to filter them out. I have kids, so there's no need for those men to show up in my searches. On the flip side, I wasn't showing up in THEIR searches because they could filter out women with kids...you just can't filter out people who WANT someone with no kids. LOL, does that make sense?
It would be nice to be able to set the filters so that only the people we are looking for AND who are looking for us, would show up...then the matches would be closer. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 6:30:20 AM | | Guys, I don't think he's complaining about people not liking him for his skin color, he even said that he doesn't have a problem with people having their preferences...his point is that there's no way to filter these people out in our searches. If he could select in his searches, women who have no racial preferences, or women who prefer a specific list of races, and his was listed, then only women who are "looking for him" would come up in his searches. It's kind of a "reverse" search. Instead of searching for who you are looking for, you could search for who is looking for you. There are a few sites that have this now, and it's kinda cool. It's a way to weed out who is NOT looking for you for a specific reason, whether that be race, kids, hair color, whatever. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 7:01:40 AM | yep, you can't really help who hits on you, only who you seek out. you can search by race here, but it's just not on to forbid contact based on race. and many people who may have a preference of race they date, it is most likely only due to them just having the strongest attraction to people of that character. i would not turn someone down based on race, but it would be likely to have an unconscious effect on how physically attractive i thought they were.
but that is not all there is to a relationship. i think blondes are generally hotter than brunettes, but i've never dated a blonde for more than a few days. it's just because race is so noticeable that it seems to make a difference. most people aren't counting your race against you, but just that it's not what they grew up with or find most beautiful. it's still worth a try, and if you knock someone's socks off it doesn't matter a toss what you look like. sooner or later, blondes will die out and everyone will be born with a mild to moderate pigment level. and we'll all be wearing the same clothes (see other thread).
if race is a dealbreaker to someone, that's lame. of course everyone has the right to screen who they choose to date (for whatever reasons), but to explicitly state/feel that you "don't date (insert race) people" is just rude and short-sighted imo. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 7:06:46 AM | | For every white woman that is rejecting you...there is a nice black woman that your rejecting....I know several very nice african american women that is single , lonely..goes to church. The best places to meet nice african american women is in the church..they don't get on the dating sites ..the only thing I see is they are shy and humble. Try there.... | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 7:37:47 AM | Guys, I don't think he's complaining about people not liking him for his skin color, he even said that he doesn't have a problem with people having their preferences...his point is that there's no way to filter these people out in our searches.
I hear ya now.... but the onslaught of anger that would come from just STATING your preferences would mean too much unwanted mail too!
It seems that some are looking for the easiest route to happiness, and that's not the way anything of value is ever found!
Yes, it's a pain to weed, but you gain so much in the process if you stop b*tching about it.
You never know what you'll learn and who you'll meet in the process!
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 7:45:09 AM | | I'd like to see this feature as well. I wouldn't bother to ever respond to anybody that had race restrictions on their profile. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 7:53:44 AM | RE: Msg 12
On two of the most well-known pay sites, m***ch. com and y*h** personals, you can filter for racial preferences. I NEVER received any angry emails in protests, much less an onslaught. It's like filtering for height requirements and body types. It's just a preference. And no matter how liberal you and I may be, there are many people who aren't as open-minded about interracial dating. I would just as soon know that up front, to avoid an uncomfortable exchange of emails. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 8:00:43 AM | I have on my profile that my ideal match would be of the same ethnicity as I.
That is my preference. I get mail from guys all the time that try to persuade me otherwise. The latest one told me that black guys are more loving than white guys. Seemed like a racist statement to me.
I also state that I would like to date someone within five years of my age, yet get mail from older or younger, and most of these gentlemen are insulted when I reject them.
I'm sorry but I do not see this preferences as any different than some of the other's that people have.
By putting it on my profile my hope is that it saves a lot of time. Yours and mine. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 8:08:50 AM |
I have on my profile that my ideal match would be of the same ethnicity as I.
I think that's a good way to put it.... if people won't take the time to acknowledge your profile and what you're looking for then there's no real reason to expect a response.
I also think that having a filter is a good idea so people can search by preference.. What I find really annoying is when someone puts on their profile, "I won't date people of [so-and-so race]". I mean, we all have our preferences (myself included), but no one needs to be so blatant to go around offending everyone. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 8:23:50 AM | I understand that some people are generally physically attracted or unattracted to a certain race, body type, or hairstyle. However some people will use the word "preference" to hide the real reason why they wouldn't date a certain race. The real reason is often based on some false stereotype or a few bad experiences. If a black person does contact a person, then IMO there is no need to state that "I don't date black people" as a response. Lack of tact. Simply state that "we wouldn't be compatible or a match." BTW there is a difference between preference and requirement. A preference would be 'I am usally attracted to white people, but I would date a black or another non-white person if they matched most of the other things that I am looking for'. A requirement would be that 'I only date white people'.
If he could select in his searches, women who have no racial preferences, or women who prefer a specific list of races, and his was listed, then only women who are "looking for him" would come up in his searches. It's kind of a "reverse" search. Instead of searching for who you are looking for, you could search for who is looking for you.
That's a good idea. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 8:26:44 AM | And no matter how liberal you and I may be, there are many people who aren't as open-minded about interracial dating. I would just as soon know that up front, to avoid an uncomfortable exchange of emails.
I understand what you're saying rowdy, and respect your opinion, and from the place I sit and with what I've personally gone through, I'd rather deal with 'em one on one, as opposed to people not understanding my meaning by mentioning I'm not attracted to black men. I'd need a filter for blondes and guys with accents (hearing disorder) and on and on....
And THEN I'd lose out on possibly someone I'd never have thought was my "type"!
To me, the filter is akin to saying "No blacks allowed" and stinks, in my book.
Pssst: This is just my opinion and in no way reflects anyone here or their expressed opinions!!
*peace! | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 9:42:23 AM | It's all about preference.
Many women DO have it in their profiles, actually most do if you take the time to read it.
They're pretty good at listing their preferences, be it Physical, Racial, sometimes it's even Occupational.
If you're not sure, well you try. If you get rejected, well how is online any different from face to face? It's like you've never had anyone say no to you before. If that was the case you wouldn't be online looking for a date. Realize that there are REAL PEOPLE behind each and every profile and they will accept or reject you. Online is a bit easier for most people. Accept it and move on, just like you would do in real life. Just because there's more people to contact doesn't mean you'll get rejected any less. We all have our crutches to bear. I usually end up being the "cute fun friend" more times than anything else. But I accept it and realize one day a woman will enjoy me as more than that. You should do the same, enjoy the fact that some day you and her will cross paths and everything will end up being worth it in the end. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:27:51 AM | | Bullielover and My2, i don't have a problem with the women not being attracted to black men, and i do uusually go out with black women, but there are some women of other races on this site that do have profiles that catch my eye, but i think it would save me time and THEM time if they put ttheir racial preference up, for what ever reason they have that restriction (it's none of my business)...if their not sexually attracted to black guys or WHATEVER the reason, i would like a warning....yeah i understand the woman wouldn't want to put it because it comes across like one of those "whites only" signs in the 1950s..lolol.and yes that might rub me the wrong way too, but if you reply to my message and you give a excuse why your not interested, that has a racial reason to it...your doing the same thing, just not for everyone else on the site to see. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:44:24 AM | I also state that I would like to date someone within five years of my age, yet get mail from older or younger, and most of these gentlemen are insulted when I reject them.
Would you reject a man that could be a good match for you just because he is 6-7 yrs younger or older than you.
Many people are usually attracted or not attracted to a certain physical trait. However sometimes, you can be attracted to someone who is somewhat different than your physical type. I am dating a man that is 12 yrs younger than me. One of my friends is dating a man that is 2 inches shorter than her. A second friend is dating a man that is a few pounds overweight. A third friend is dating a black man. IMO it would be lame not to date a person that you ARE attracted to and COULD be compatible with because of race, age, height etc. Maybe 9 out of 10 black men, younger men, shorter men etc aren't attractive to you and/or aren't compatible with you, but maybe the other man is attractive and could be compatible with you. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:11:53 AM | Bergslim, I agree with you very strongly on this. Now, I may get heat for this, but I've seen a lot of this on POF, even from the moderators. As a result, it is more important for those of us who are of minority or "mixed" backgrounds to spell this out in our profiles in an eloquent way without obnoxiously idiot-proofing ourselves.
I still get letters from 19 year olds and 70 year olds. That's another story altogether. I get 'em too.
Best of luck!
/I | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:23:00 AM | | Well, it's kinda a well known fact that you get less replies if you have no pic so why not try to put a pic up? Not saying it will help loads, but may get you messages from other users. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 1:52:02 PM | Once again, I never said that it should show up in the profile anywhere that anyone ELSE could see it. It would be in your preferences, and would just affect whose searches you showed up in. I don't claim to know how it could be implemented, but it seems like there should be a way. Other sites have a "reverse search," where you can look up "who is looking for me?" and that's all I was talking about.
For that matter, on my previous yahoo and match accounts, my "ideal date" does include my racial preferences, right there on the profile. I never got one single email from anyone who had a problem with it. Basically when I can see that I am not what someone is looking for, (as in the example of men who want women with no kids,) I don't waste my time emailing them in the first place. If I could see that someone wasn't interested in someone of my race, I wouldn't waste my time emailing them.
I wish there was a place on our profiles to show what age group we are looking for, for that matter. Not that it really matters, because few people actually read the profiles. But for people like me, and the OP, who do read them, and don't want to waste our time on people who wouldn't be interested, a little more detail on the profiles would be helpful. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 1:53:28 PM | | Dang, Rowdysheis, I should have read further...you said what I was trying to, with much fewer words. LOL | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 12/30/2007 2:04:30 PM |
Would you reject a man that could be a good match for you just because he is 6-7 yrs younger or older than you.[/quote/
Older, no. Younger, absolutely. I couldn't be comfortable with someone that much younger than me for him to BE a good match for me. Just because you are dating someone with a huge age difference doesn't mean that everyone else should be comfortable with it.
You can call it lame or whatever you want to, but you don't get to decide what everyone else's preferences and comfort level is. Your comfort level isn't the barometer by which the rest of us make our choices. Having our own preferences and choices doesn't make ANYone wrong. | |
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