| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:44:25 AM | hey, tell me, if you are in a relationship for say bout a year and you both have email accounts, and 1 dAY you find out he has been sending messages to a pretty girl and states that hes single, PLUS, states a specific date and time to meet this women, isnt that cheating? OR (in his words) "i just said i was single so i could flirt because nobody talks to me online but you". he sais it was a game.
he told me he loved me, would never cheat, and would of never met her even on the day. he said sorry alot and even told his parents what he did.
this happened to me say bout a year ago, just wanted to know peoples opinion.
was i right for dumping this guy? | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:50:59 AM | | Yes good ridance to the guy!!! YOu did the right thing.Why would he be messaging other girls for fun its not normal if you are in a relationshio to be doing that | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:52:31 AM | He didn't love you. He was setting up to cheat on you. He would have met her on that day if you hadn't caught him.
You did the right thing. | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:53:00 AM | Definately he was found out end of story, move on and try find a guy that is true to his word, got to say I haven't come across that many truthful men on here (guess a lot of women are the same too) but what the heck I live in hope
take care and hope you find someone honest, decent and kind | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:56:52 AM | Given half a chance most (or at least a lot of) men will cheat. Let's look at it the way it is. If you aren't engaged, married or living together, you both are single. Don't make too big a deal of it. Just do what I did when I was dating my husband. "I am not going to refuse to see you or harass you about this. However, I don't feel that this is an exclusive relationship anymore and I will feel free to date others as well." I also reminded him (as the old joke points out) with one of these I can get as many of those as I want.
See what his reaction is. If that is fine with him -- move on and make good on your threat. If he decides he doesn't want you to date other men, he will reevaluate is behavior. Just don't let him get away with it. | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:57:00 AM | You say this happened about a year ago....why are you still ruminating over this decision?
Are you thinking of starting things back up with him????
The guy was EMOTIONALLY cheating on you. Why is there such a hard time for people to understand that FAITHFULNESS doesn't have gray areas???? He was untrustworthy.
Its time men and women held each other to higher standards and to stop tolerating such immature, destructive behavior...imho!
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:07:04 AM | | Yes betrayal online is cheating! If he is wanting to talk to someone online then he is not happy with u. He is telling u all that since he got caught and he has to worm his way out of it. Yes dumping him was the way to go. Alot of guys cheat and lie online and if they are seeing u and online, well they really are looking for greener grass! | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:16:49 AM |
was i right for dumping this guy? Whether I feel if it was right or not is irrelevant, what matters is if you feel you were right.
BTW, I do feel you did the right thing. | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:23:10 AM | As a matter of fact this just happened to me. I meet this wonderful guy here on plenty of fish and we were exclusive and seeing each other daily for a few months. I always emailed him but he never emailed back. Just called. Every time I got on to email him he was online. I asked him serveral times whats up and he said just emailing friends. Why not use your yahoo account I asked and he said this was easier. Went over to his place to fix his webcam and noticed quite a few emails to girls on this site. I asked him about it and said they were friends. This just sent up a red flag and even though I hated to investigate this, its my heart we are talking about here. I emailed some of the girls and asked them what was the deal. They told me the truth. And I confronted him. He not only denied it and blamed me for being jealous he said I embarressed him and humiliated him. Ok I thought we were dating steady and all now Im the bad guy. Chatting on line with girls is cheating. If you are dating and talking dirty to someone its cheating. Chatting about the day to day stuff is different. Its just cyber friends. Everyone could use more friends. I just want to let you guys know that all isnt what it seems in some cases. And as they say Love is Blind. Broken Hearted in Sin City
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:36:57 AM | | yep! Ithink in your instance, thats cheating. He might have been sorry for it, but none the less, he was setting up to meet her and do you wrong. | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:45:41 AM | | This happen to a friend of mine last year. Her and her boyfriend were chillen at her place. After he left she went online and she found his adult friend finder profile that he forgot to log off of and read all the messages and how he planned on meeting several women. Needless to say she was devestated but ended up kicking him to the curb. | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 2:42:18 PM | | A year is a long time to be thinking of the past...but you have to learn not to let guys disrespect you...have a great future and be all you can be.. | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 2:52:37 PM | if he wrote it he thought it. i think you done the right thing. you'll have no problems finding someone. your beautiful!
Happy New Year! | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 3:01:46 PM | IN YOUR HEART, YOU KNOW YOU DID THE RIGHT THING ...
LISTEN, YOU KNOW THIS GUY WAY BETTER THAN YOU THINK YOU DO. YOU SAID HE HAD DATE AND TIME TO MEET...HELL YEAH HE WAS GOING FOR IT...THINK OF IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT...I BELIEVE IF HE DID IT THIS TIME...HE DID IT BEFORE.
...WHAT ? WAIT TILL YOU CATCH HIM IN YOUR BED BEFORE YOU WISE UP?
YOU ARE A VERY SMART WOMAN TO SAVE YOUR HEART BY LETTING THIS
SMOOTH TALKER GO. NOW HE CAN CHEAT , LIE AND MANIPULATE SOME OTHER WOMAN...OR MANY OTHERS FOR THAT MATTER.
MEN WILL BE MEN, SOME ARE HAPITUAL LIERS, CHEATERS AND DOWN RIGHT SCANDOLOUS...
I WANT TO SAY THAT ALL MEN ARENT DOGS. HER ARE SOME BEAUTIFUL MEN OUT THERE THAT IS READY TO HAVE ONLY YOU. A QUEEN!
CONTINUE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF...
BIG UPS TO YOU ...  | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 3:02:23 PM | Sounds like emotional infidelity to me, or border-line physical cheating.
The guy was EMOTIONALLY cheating on you. Why is there such a hard time for people to understand that FAITHFULNESS doesn't have gray areas???? He was untrustworthy.
Its time men and women held each other to higher standards and to stop tolerating such immature, destructive behavior...imho!
Thank you! Why can't more people think like this? | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 5:37:40 PM | Yeah, I definitely think that is cheating because it's wrong to lie and say you're single when you're not. And if he wasn't going to meet her then why would he even bother setting up a time? 
I agree with the people that said this was an emotional affair at the very least, and that can be more damaging than if someone just has sex with a person they don't care about and tries to get back with you. | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 5:54:17 PM | Any kind of betrayal like that isnt right....If he had nothing to hide from you, He would have told you about this....
It seems he wasnt happy with you, and this made you not happy with him. So I think you have done the right thing.
Every situation is different and perhaps in time you can work things out after you talk to each other about it...(if you want to talk to him about it)
For now I think it is good you made this break
Best Wishes
T. | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 12/30/2007 6:25:38 PM | YES you were right to dump him. Sometimes I think men think they can turn on the charm and get themselves out of almost anything, no matter how idiotic they sound....and women arent excluded, they do it too. If you hadnt caught him when you did, he still would have gone to meet that girl...why on earth would he not have after he had been chatting to her online, telling her he was single, etc. Just him chatting and playing around with someone else online or off, when he was with you in a relationship, to me is cheating.
Youre better off. You probably wouldnt have trusted him anymore after that anyway.  | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 1/5/2008 5:12:52 PM | | I am living proof that it is cheating. After being married for 28 years, my husband decided to chat with some woman from California, disclosing personal info about our marriage and himself. When I found out, I was devastated. He told me it was only a "game" and that he would never leave me. Here it is 2-1/2 years later and he's still chatting with her and has taken it to the level of physical affairs. Game playing.... I hardly think so. Cheating is anything that you feel you need to hide from your partner. If he sneaks behind your back to speak with someone...he's cheating. At first I thought it was a midlife crisis or a means of building up his ego, but I learned rather late in the game that it grew into more of an intimate relationship. Needless to say, we are separated and heading for divorce court. Now he claims he is sorry for what he did, yet she's still part of his life by means of email and phone calls. Forget him... move on..... keep your sanity and self-pride! The chances of him being faithful are slim to none. | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 1/6/2008 3:06:43 AM | OP I don't think I need to say again what everyone else else is saying, but I'll tell you this... even if he was telling the truth you lost trust and once trust is lost this early in a relationship it cracks the foundation of the relationship and in the end it's a hopeless cause so you did right regardless of the truthfulness of his words
Plus you're hot as hell you don't need to deal with that crap... | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 1/6/2008 3:44:51 AM | If he was UPFRONT and honest with you about it and you agreed to it. No you wouldn't be "right."
Considering, that he was sneaking behind your back. You were perfectly right in doing so. You just caught him early before he got an opportunity. Probably. | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 1/6/2008 3:50:50 AM | | You were right. It was a game he was playing with you too that would have led to cheating. There's really not much else to say on the subject. | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 1/6/2008 3:56:47 AM | | Yup I agree with a couple ppl...it is cheating. My sisters husband did that to her..of course he actually went and met a few of the women. BUT in my eyes just emailing that is cheating..kuz if ur emailing something like that to somebody ur either thinking about cheating or u are cheating. Theres absolutely NO reason to do that what so ever. | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 1/6/2008 4:59:00 AM | OK. You are having doubts about having dumped him. He sounds like the sort of guy that lies and looks for ladies who will gobble up those lies. He's a predator. BUT you want to be sure. OK. Let's look at this. (1) His says that he needs additional flirting, outside of the relationship, which is insulting to you. If you look outside the relationship for satisfaction, get yourself out of the relationship. (2) Why not try writing to this woman from your own account? Ask her for her version. She may be quite innocent and uninformed about you as other women online. If she is looking for a "single" man and he identifies himself as such... She may be quite happy to receive your info. (3) If it is "fun" he is looking for, why not make it a grand ol' time for everybody. Why doesn't he include you in meeting this woman. Or, why not just include you in the online communication if that is all the thrill-seeking he wants. (4) Meet with her. Set up to meet her with him. He doesn't have to know where he is going. It's a "fun" surprise. If he really has not met her, he may be surprised to fianally see who he has been talking to.
The part that is disturbing is that he finds it amusing to intentionally deceive. He is either deceiving her by telling her he is single and will meet with her OR he is deceiving you by not telling you about this questionable "fun" webgame. Either way, he finds it "fun" to deceive and mislead.
Also, it is a disrespect to you. A decent guy would not find deception fun in the first place but after an argument with the woman he loves.... the right thing to do would be to stop that game whether he is still WITH you or not. It's a personal choice and perception of what "fun" really is.
Count yourself lucky that you found out. Learn. Don't doubt your gut. It was your gut that made you check his email anyway. Move on. | |
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| betrayal online: is this cheating or fun?
Posted: 1/6/2008 5:18:51 AM | One thing men don't really get !!
Ain't no way to love them unless they let you ..
There are so many men who want your love!! really ...
Just say to yourself ..NEXT !!!!!! and to the jerks who will be old men someday sitting at a bar ,asking WHAT HAPPEND ????
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