| From POF to Facebook....tracking you down
Posted: 12/31/2007 5:41:42 AM | Has anyone else had people who've they've rejected on POF track them down on facebook and try for a 2nd time to get added to that list?
This really bothers me. I come HERE to do the whole on-line dating thing. HERE I have a bit of anonymity. I'm finding that on about 4 or 5 occassions now I've rejected people who are trying to add me because of some POF association i.e. they have seen my profile and recognized me from this site (never met or spoke) or maybe they managed to get on a friend's "friend list" and recognize me from my friend's POF pics.
Does anyone else feel this crosses a bit of a line? When I meet someone in an anonymous environment I only give out so much information until I get to know and trust them. I have pictures of my young niece on my facebook and I'm not going to let just anyone in to see all these pictures. To me, the people who can see my profile there have earned a level of trust and I know them.
I don't have huge fears of this on facebook because POF seems a much more appealing place for predators looking for vunerable people. However, if someone tracks me down from POF on facebook I feel that's intrusive, an invasion of privacy, and a bit stalkerish.
I can't say I'd add anyone I recognized from a dating site because I recognized them from a dating site. To me, facebook is a more personal thing and I wouldn't assume that just because someone was open to someone contacting them for dating on an anonymous dating site they'd be open to that kind of contact through a networking site that releases true information as to your identity, family, and life etc.
Your thoughts? | |
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| From POF to Facebook....tracking you down
Posted: 12/31/2007 6:04:24 AM | I agree.
Facebook has caused me as many problems, as it has entertained me.
I get all kinds of people from here trying to add me.
If they don't know my full name, how in the hell are they finding me. It must be very time consuming..
I have had people from here who have gone into my profile and try to add all my friends too.
Weird.
Oh well, the set backs of being a super star  | |
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| From POF to Facebook....tracking you down
Posted: 12/31/2007 6:18:01 AM | I think social networking sites are more likely to attract internet scammers than a personals site...because social networking sites are so full of information about people.
I think people who spend a lot of time on social networking sites and dating sites ought to get out more.
Social networking sites are designed to gather up your personal data for free to be sold to advertisers. In addition, people leave enough data out in the open that yes they can be profiled and cataloged.
By the time people figure out their privacy has been invaded, it'll be too late... and the harm cannot be reversed.
So, if you're going to participate in several online communities....you should structure those identities so they are difficult or impossible to easily cross-reference to You...if you use the same Nickname (and Password) across multiple sites for example...you're a babe in the woods with a bag of candy and a "Steal My Data" tattoo on your forehead to the dataminers.
For example, if you "mark" your data on each site with an obvious error and track it for yourself, you'll eventually find out who they sold your data to...in the Direct Mail industry it's called "seeding". I had a Time subscription 35 years ago for which I used a different middle initial and to this day, I still get junk mail at the family home from various companies with that wrong middle initial...that tells me Time has sold my name...again and again...they've certainly made more money selling my name and address than they ever did selling me their magazine.
I've never even been on the facebook type sites and refuse to go to any of them. It's all a big private data scam.
Then again, I also refuse to give my Postal Code to the cashier at Marks Work Wearhouse...I don't have an Airmiles or Club Z card, either. My consumer purchase data has value and it's not for sale...my activities are worth more than a toaster or free car wash, that's for sure.
Lucky for me there are three or four men around my age with the same first and last name as me who are really active and open with their data online...a reggae singer in Ontario, a Chinese guy in Texas and another Chinese guy in California are the top 3...I keep my eye on them once a year or so because with all the data theft going on sooner or later I'll probably have to talk to them or their bank when we're invariably wrongly cross-referenced!
The world is now a very small place...chances are good some little hacker sweatshop in Romania has a file on you with stuff your Mother doesn't even know... | |
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| From POF to Facebook....tracking you down
Posted: 12/31/2007 9:48:36 AM | | Hey, if you're going to put your profile out on the internet, regardless of where, it's available to everyone. That's the chances you take. Don't want to be "harassed" by people...don't create the profile. | |
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| From POF to Facebook....tracking you down
Posted: 12/31/2007 10:23:41 AM | | FAcebook can be really private though, so if you don't want someone to see any of your profile you can hide it (there's ways for you to not even appear in searches) ... or you can limit what they see ... so really it's up to you to reject freaks. | |
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| From POF to Facebook....tracking you down
Posted: 12/31/2007 11:08:31 AM | i use facebook for business/communication.I keep close friends and aquaintences on facebook,I dont mind the odd person from time to time,i'm not sure if it bothers me to have more on it.If anyone in this thread wants to add me feel free!!
Lyle Syliboy
Cheers and happy new year | |
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| From POF to Facebook....tracking you down
Posted: 12/31/2007 11:23:06 AM | My 19 year old son has about 200 friends(?) on his Facebook, my teen girl has about 60 virtual friends on her Facebook. Mind you, some of them are the real life friends added on to Facebook. It 's a great place for them to socialize when they don't want any parents to accidentally listening to what they have to say to their online buddies. My 50ish girlfriends have their presences on Facebook but later cancelled.
It has been great for the creators of these online communities. Owner of Facebook was selling 1.6 percent ownership of Face book to Microsoft for about 240 million dollars . Some smart cookies out there are benefiting greatly from our human needs of friendships and the needs to fill the voids.
Personally, I have no interest/ no desire to have online imaginary friends. There are only so many good friends I would let into my life. Quality verses quantity, I would choose quality any day.
It's bad enough to be on any dating sites to have hope to meet our special someones, and to expand myself into other communities online, I might as well live online. Unfortunately( maybe fortunately), there are only 24 hours in a day.
Internet friendships can remain as just online and/or imaginary friendships, if no one get themselves in gear and moving into real life. Internet communities are safe places for friendships on screen or friendships on demand at the click of the mouse, there is not much of the real life implication.
If you are tracked down and don't like them, just shut them off. Click! He/she is gone .
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| From POF to Facebook....tracking you down
Posted: 12/31/2007 2:28:30 PM | I'm quality versus quantity as well. I'm not really sure where people find all that time to be obsessive or friend collect over the internet. I'm not even sure what the appeal is.
To me facebook's benefits out weigh the risks. Its been great to reconnect with many of my high school friends and even some from earlier. My best friend from when I was 9 years old tracked me down not too long ago. She actually saved my life when I fell through pond ice as a kid so I never forgot about her even after her family moved away. I would wonder occassionally what happened to her. ...now I know  | |
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| From POF to Facebook....tracking you down
Posted: 12/31/2007 3:08:30 PM | | If you want to seperate dating life from friends, try using different pictures for each. Your friends don't care if your main picture is blury, mirrored, or even distorted. Just restrict access to your facebook. | |
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| From POF to Facebook....tracking you down
Posted: 12/31/2007 3:21:58 PM | | I think the writer has a point. Whether you're male or female, when you say NO I am not interested, it means you are not interested. It does not mean "go to another social networking site and try there". Creepy and intrusive. | |
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| From POF to Facebook....tracking you down
Posted: 12/31/2007 3:23:44 PM | MM, as you say "I think people who spend a lot of time on social networking sites and dating sites ought to get out more."
From the size and ever-changing contents of your POF profile, and your many comments on several Forum subjects, it appears that you yourself must spend an inordinate amount of time on this dating site. Perhaps you should take your own words to heart and get away from the computer and out in the fresh air once in a while.
Helps clear the head. | |
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| From POF to Facebook....tracking you down
Posted: 1/1/2008 1:46:17 PM |
If you want to seperate dating life from friends, try using different pictures for each. Your friends don't care if your main picture is blury, mirrored, or even distorted. Just restrict access to your facebook.
There, I changed my pic here :P that oughta attract.
It's not about pic or what I look like. Anyone who knows my real name can find that stuff on the web. It's about making people aware there are boundaries. If they are interested enough to seek me out on facebook then they are likely interested enough to read my posts here.
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| Maybe he's your future intended...
Posted: 1/1/2008 4:39:19 PM | Canadian prima ballerina emeritus Karen Kain's husband stalked her at all her performances for about a year trying to meet her. Sent roses to all her gigs.
She had him removed from post-performance receptions, etc...and was about to get a court order against him.
Then one night she was at a party and he was there on the other side of the room...and she saw him differently, went over and talked to him.
They were married within the year. | |
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| Maybe he's your future intended...
Posted: 1/2/2008 5:45:30 AM | how can someone add you to facebook unless you already told them your name ? It is a fact that they cannot add you unless they know your name . Friends in common you say ? | |
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| Maybe he's your future intended...
Posted: 1/2/2008 6:06:57 AM | It is a very romantic stalker story. Not sure how true it is, but I'm sure many stalkers envision this as the outcome of their actions.
Karen Kain's husband was an actor/producer with his own credits to his name. They met at a ballet rehearsal. She asked him to marry her.
It just doesn't make sense to me that a performer like Karen Kain would react that way to a producer. I could be wrong.....just don't want to feed into stalker delusions.
how can someone add you to facebook unless you already told them your name ? It is a fact that they cannot add you unless they know your name
Err, just a wild guess but how about all the advanced search functions where you can filter by age, location etc. etc. ETC.???
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| Maybe he's your future intended...
Posted: 1/2/2008 7:32:52 AM |
It's not about pic or what I look like. ...
I would think if your speaking in reference to internet stalkers it has a lot to do with your pictures and what you look like... By the way the goggles won't be much of a deterrent...
When someone is referred to as a stalker it usually because they have negative intentions, like a hunter stalking his prey.
Karen Kain's husband pursued her with romantic intentions, although she perhaps didn't realize it in the beginning and may have felt she was being stalked, I really don't know the story so I'm just assuming what was said here is true.
I've heard people here refer to pofer's as forum stalkers etc. and I'm sure some are but I follow some people on the forums because I enjoy reading their point of view, I have no intentions good or bad, and if I was to come across some of those people on facebook, again perhaps I would try to follow them there as well. (No, LBP I haven't tried to track you down on facebook )
As far as facebook is concerned, I've only read a few articles about it and use it very little but they seem to imply that it is fairly easy to track people down. One article I read advised anyone looking for employment to remove facebook accounts as employers often use facebook to find out more information on potential employees. | |
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| Maybe he's your future intended...
Posted: 1/2/2008 12:40:10 PM |
When someone is referred to as a stalker it usually because they have negative intentions, like a hunter stalking his prey.
Karen Kain's husband pursued her with romantic intentions, although she perhaps didn't realize it in the beginning and may have felt she was being stalked, I really don't know the story so I'm just assuming what was said here is true.
Stalkers see themselves as having romantic intentions, not as hunters. If the Kain story is correct it's just an instance of the stalkee returning the interest.
A stalker isn't a stalker until you clearly tell them to stop. Before that they're just interested.
All I can say is that I'm glad I'm too old no longer indiscriminately charming enough to have stalkers anymore... It was a pain in the ass. More importantly, it was a heckuva lot worse being stalked IRL then online would be. | |
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| Maybe he's your future intended...
Posted: 1/2/2008 3:01:12 PM | I think people are mistaken in thinking the information they post about themselves will only be used within the bounds of propriety and good taste by all the complete strangers who can read it.
Take the "thyroid condition" thread here in the Nova Scotia section as an example...people have posted details of their condition, history, medical procedures, medication and current dosage amount...I think that's reckless.
Some are fond of saying "People with nothing to hide, hide nothing." , which is a mindset I also find reckless...there are lots of things about ourselves that indeed ought to remain closed to the general public...and the internet is indeed open to the general public.
I think it is not only prudent but highly advisable to carefully measure how much hard information you give out about yourself online...because if someone uses that information to cause you emotional harm, to then say they "crossed the line" will be of little comfort when the information probably shouldn't have been left out on the clothesline in the first place.
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| Maybe he's your future intended...
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:33:41 PM | Remember, it's not so much stalkers you need worry about...it's identity theft. Any social networking site is a PERFECT platform to start with
Yes, my name is Joe Blow, I went to this high school, work here, worked there last year, hell you can even call my workmates...here are some of their names........Think about it. | |
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| Maybe he's your future intended...
Posted: 1/2/2008 9:48:31 PM | I think social network sites (dating, chatting, etc) have done one thing well....made people become very paranoid. We live in a world of fear and it effects everything we do. Don't let your child play with that, he'll get lead poisoning. Don't eat that you'll get cancer. Don't forget to put that in the right recycle pile or the world will be over run with garbage. Use those evil, horrible Christmas LED lights and help save the planet. Don't talk to strangers online, they could be trying to hurt you. Don't post a pic of your child online because pervs will find you and get them. Etc etc etc. Not to say that there aren't real fears lurking out there. But if we let fear rule our lives, we won't have much of a life left.
Please don't write and argue that point about the pics, there is already a thread for all of that. I was just making points that came to mind...not defending the ideas. | |
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| Maybe he's your future intended...
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:09:16 PM |
I think social network sites (dating, chatting, etc) have done one thing well....made people become very paranoid.
Agreed and very well said.
The fact is, there is quite a bit of information out there about all of us. You have records regardless if you have a computer or not. At this point, everyone who is born and who dies has an electronic trail. Many employers will require such things as your picture, biography, contact information, work history....and salary even, to be publically available on the internet. It is the Freedom of Information and Protection of Privacy Act. Your name, work history etc. is not considered private information.
So live like a hermit..... you are not going to stop it. There are essential things you need to protect yourself against identity theft but unless you are in a witness protection program, people can find you, get a map to your house and a snapshot via satellite to help guide them if they are determined to do so.
I think maybe its just we haven't really established cultural norms when it comes to boundaries on the internet. I don't think these people are evil so much as sometimes they are simply unaware that what they are doing can make some people feel uncomfortable or annoyed.
Sometimes they are a bit disturbed but its only in rare cases it goes beyond innapropriate to a real life issue. | |
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| What nonsense gets dribbled in these forums...
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:18:16 PM | So many discussions here result in people using Black or White alternatives like that posed above by LDP, which equates to:"either get used to everything about you being available, or live like a hermit."
Baloney!
There is a veritable cornucopia of possibilities in between those two extremes! | |
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