| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:11:22 AM | i was just refelecting on times gone past where ive missed the boat with a potential relationship due to bad timing ect.
do you think its better not to know someone before embarking from the off on a relationship?
"sorry,but i respect your friendship and dont want to ruin it"
a relationships become so platonic that it would never get off the ground even though you both feel/or one of you feels that if you had met as more than friends it could have worked?
have you ever known strong friendships developing into successful relationships?
can it work? | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:19:26 AM | i met a guy on here we met and yes he was nice, good looking and we got on great,
i then went camping and had a blip with someone which didnt become a relationship but when i met up with my friend again it was to late i saw him as a friend and that was all.
we are now really good friends and hopefully the friendship will go from strengh to strengh as time goes on, will it ever become a relationship in the sexual sense i dont think so, but we still meet up for meals, drinks walks or whatever and i care deeply for him | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:24:39 AM | | Never say never.. getting into a relationship with someone of the opposite sex ( or your chosen gender preference ) that is already a friend would make a good foundation for a relationship that will last beyond next Friday. | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:35:03 AM | I have refused to date people due to the fear of it ruining a perfectly good friendship on so many occasions and i do find myself wondering what if or what could have become of it.....
At the moment i am looking at pursuing something with someone who i have been speaking to for well over a year now on here and on msn, yes we have met and we get on well but because we got on so well as friends i was VERY reluctant to changing the status of our relationship to anything else.
Life however is too short, and the very thing i am seeking may have been infront of me the whole time, so why waste further time by ummmming and arrring? What have i to lose?
Actually the only thing i fear losing to be honest is a good friend if it all goes tits up  | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:35:37 AM |
sorry,but i respect your friendship and dont want to ruin it"
Isnt that what people say when they dont fancy you but dont want to hurt your feelings? lol
My sister was a good friend to her boyfriend for years before they started dating and they were a little worried about spoiling their friendship. It has worked out though and she's been seeing him as a partner for 2 years. | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 10:06:36 AM | but doesnt it all become so cloudy when you have been surounded by them for some time while at least one of you are in a relationship and know so many faults as well as personal things that would normally put you off someone.
where as if you start a relationship from the off then those faults only surface once you are allready in a relationship and may not be so easy to struggle out of.
after all familiarity breeds apethy and tollerence once in a relationship.but those things can very slowley erode a relationship.
im struggling to work out what actually is best. | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 10:09:53 AM | O.P i agree with another poster in respective that it's usually said to save another persons feelings...
I always believed a good foundation for a relationship is based on friendship first.
But what do i know!
Well as for it breading contempt etc least you are aware of what each other is like before entering into anything more than friendship. Surely if you found that person not suitable you would take it any futher anyway? | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 10:18:16 AM |
Never say never.. getting into a relationship with someone of the opposite sex ( or your chosen gender preference ) that is already a friend would make a good foundation for a relationship that will last beyond next Friday.
Did this last week, ended it this week, lost a very good friend in the process too. This guy knew I detest liars, and turned into one as soon as we started 'seeing' each other I'm so glad we didn't get 'intimate' ...how quick things can change | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 10:34:16 AM | ^Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but did you rush into it too quickly? Not criticising but it's sounds as though you may have. And now you'll probably look darkly at the prospect of this kind of relationship, and who can blame you.
What's right for some isn't for others.. que sera.. nothing ventured, nothing learned. | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 10:36:37 AM | If the friendship is that strong, it will survive the change in focus. It might take time, and it might not ever be quite the same, but just think how fabulous it could be if it works out.
I married my best friend. We were married for 16 years. And when we split up, yes it got a bit awkward, and he is no longer my best friend, but we are still friends, we can, if we wanted to, tell each other anything, and I know, as does he, that we will always be there for each other.
I think, that it's got to be worth a shot. | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:04:27 AM | Personally I've never wanted to get into a 'relationship' until the foundations of friendship were firmly in place. Inevitably there are times when you realise that you don't see that friendship leading to intimacy but you're less likely to hurt a friend by waiting until you are sure of your feelings than by rushing into a relationship too quickly.
As for the words "I can't date you because I know you as a good friend" well yes, as Message 5 pointed out, that sounds like a friend gently letting a friend know that for now that's as far as it goes. | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:26:52 AM | My ex was my best friend, the one drunken night things just progressed..
As a boyfriend he was absolutely crap, and not a very nice person at all, however as a friend, he was one of the best ones I have ever had ..
So just because you have an excellent relationship plutonically, it does not necessarily follow that a physical relationship will be as successful..
And I also agree with sprite, its a good way of letting someone down gently.. | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:38:36 AM | A good friend of mine married someone who she was great friends with for years, they have since divorced and have returned to being good friends but the thing is the marriage was good and they had a daughter together so if it was me I would give it a go.
The only negative that I can see is that sometimes you dont fancy your friends unfortunately and that is usually the reason why they are friends as opposed to lovers lol.
Life is deff too short though so as long as you have a good talk about it beforehand then hopefuly if it doesnt work out then you can still rescue your friendship! | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:56:02 AM |
^Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but did you rush into it too quickly? Not criticising but it's sounds as though you may have. And now you'll probably look darkly at the prospect of this kind of relationship, and who can blame you.
Two years as friends = a rush 
I don't look on the situaton darkly at all, each to their own, but i'm less likely than I would have been to tread that path again.
(oh no offense taken ) | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:58:12 AM | | Well.. I was thinking more along the lines of, how long you had both thought about / talked about taking things a stage further and what plans, shared goals did you have, if any.. you can be friends with somebody for TEN years and still rush into a relationship with them. | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 12:28:24 PM | from my experience i have had it go bad and good when you try to progress things with a friend. Personally I think there should be a basis of friendship to really get a good thing going though. Many of my ex's were friends first and thankfully all of them still are. It does change the friendship but sometimes it makes you better friends...and well vice versa as well lol
i think everyone has a different idea about whether or not to date their friends so it all depends on the situation and the person | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 2:08:29 PM | | well i end up chatting to woman on here and through various chats i end up being an agoney uncle so they stoope seeing me as dateing matrial so where do draw the line between becomeing a good friend or boy friend or is there one | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/2/2008 2:10:51 PM |
well i end up chatting to woman on here and through various chats i end up being an agoney uncle so they stoope seeing me as dateing matrial so where do draw the line between becomeing a good friend or boy friend or is there one
nothin wrong wiv bein an agony uncle, ur in a prime position cos wen they r feeling low n hav probs u can hit on em wen theyre feeling vulnerable | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/3/2008 2:35:50 AM | Surely if you found that person not suitable you would'nt take it any futher anyway?
agreed,but on first impressions you can both be attracted to each other physically and mentally.due to circumstance your not able to do anything about it.
then once the oppertunity presents itself both of you or one no longer thinks its a good idea simply due to knowing too much about the other.
some people know that the other wants from a relationship is what they are not ready for.
example; one wants long term,the other isnt sure they do,so doesnt want to ruin a friendship,even though they do click on very many levels.
but,if they had started dating from the off the one who wasnt sure they wanted long term could have ended up falling hook,line and sinker! result- a happy couple.
As for the words "I can't date you because I know you as a good friend" well yes, as Message 5 pointed out, that sounds like a friend gently letting a friend know that for now that's as far as it goes.
thats most likely,but i was presupposing that that wasnt the case to begin with.
The only negative that I can see is that sometimes you dont fancy your friends unfortunately and that is usually the reason why they are friends as opposed to lovers lol.
agreed allso but im talking about when you are attracted to each other.
sometimes the friendship is so deep that you never end up letting each other know that you want to become intimate in fear of spoiling what you allready have.
but if that relationship hadnt have started platonicly there could have been a great chance of it working.
i guess that life can just be a biatch?
im still unsure what is best,friends first or lovers first? | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:18:31 AM |
i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
how about a shag then
i have been on both sides of this, and i dont feel comfitable either way, i dont like someone i like close to me knowing she did not feel the same, or someone being around me who likes me but i dont return it, i have in the past tried to stay friends with people who i like and in time you get used to the situation and can and do become friends only, but this can depend on each person or the person they are attracted to and how deep | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/3/2008 11:05:42 AM | One of my lady friends on POF sees progressing things beyond friends as a double-edged sword, you risk losing the friend, another thinks friendship is the best basis for a relationship.
With POF we need to look at how close a friendship really is, are you just chatting here and occasionally meeting up at events, or are you starting to meet them outside of POF : coffee, New Years' dos etc. Have you become more than an acquaintance to them???
Ultimately the friendship only lasts as long as the other party wants it. (Great advice Col.)
It is a big risk to manoeuvre things beyond friendship, do you want to risk losing them?
I broached the D* word with an ebuddy via IM - well they didn't hang up on me  but were umming and arring about it!  *Dating them
Its tough enough to get some people to socialise outside of POF, let alone procure a date!
I know building friendships is a benefit of POF, but are some building friendships instead of applying themselves to the nitty gritty of dating? hmmmm | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/3/2008 11:11:51 AM | | There are two types of friendship between men and women. The type where you see them as a very good friend but do not find them physically attractive and the type where you value their friendship but at the back of your mind you're aware that you could possibly feel more than that for them. | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/3/2008 11:28:04 AM | You have a very good point there sprite - until I've met people offline, I don't know which type they are!
When I get msged by ladies wanting to date (this does happen ), I can only know which way the cookie crumbles at the date. Til then the brain can get worked up something chronic, only for the date to be an anti-climax! | |
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| i can't date you becouse i know you as a good friend!
Posted: 1/3/2008 11:56:07 AM | So is it best to go for plain gals, then Leannie?
Based on your previous profile main pic, the glasses/scrunged face - definitely friend material, but now I see your pretty, but too far
As I say you can get the hots online, then face cold reality! Specially in Bognor | |
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