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Posted: 1/2/2008 11:06:15 AM | Happy New Year Gents!!!
Simple question yet determines how trully different we all are..
When it comes to dating... does it determine which way the relationship will go if:
*intimacy happens within first date..
*takes longer to develop...
I've had men state that they would loose respect for a woman if she gives in so easily and others say that it has nothing to do with respect but its all about chemistry...
It can be very difficult to know which way to take this one... due to the idea of making it or breaking it .. really...
*** the ones that say they would like to wait for it even thouth the chemistry is not only on a physical level ... still do admit that they try to seduce and if she gives in, makes them loose interest to a certain extent... **** This is when it all really starts getting blurry.... TO DO OR NOT TO DO.... gosh we trully are from two different planets... lol.
just how far to go without overstepping the line??? | |
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Posted: 1/2/2008 11:13:41 AM | it's a tough call...and i suspect the answers will vary widely, but i prefer to let the chemistry simmer for awhile. if your goal is a meaningful relationship, i think it has a better chance of succeeding if there is a basis of frinedship before the physical intimicy comes into play.
having said that, if you are on a date and you just find the other person so hot, you have to have them, there is nothing wrong with that, but accept it for what it is, lust. don't try to read a relationship into it. | |
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Posted: 1/2/2008 11:14:54 AM | Everyone's different, and everyone's looking for something/someone a little different.
For some, the intimacy doesn't matter. For others it does.
Personally, I wouldn't lose respect for a woman if she felt ready to be intimate me early in the relationship.
I'd only lose interest if she happens to be doing the same with a bunch of guys at a time. ;)
If she wants to wait, then that's fine too.
Myself, I believe in making love... and I can't do so, unless I truly love the person.
So, it usually takes a while before I'm ready for intimacy of that level. Though there's always those times when you can fall head over heels for someone real quick. ;)
How far you go all depends on you.
What do YOU feel comfortable with? | |
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Posted: 1/2/2008 11:21:05 AM | Personally I respect a woman more if she doesn't do the "let's jump in the sack" thing on the first date.I'm looking for a GREAT relationship but I don't feel that those GREAT relationships come from a few nights in bed together. Right now I'm trying to get to know a lady from where I live and I have a lot of respect for her because she doesn't wish to share a pic. She's told me that she wants people to get to know her for who she really is and not just for what she looks like. I respect her for this and I figure that if I some day get to see her for real then we can go from there but for now I'm just happy to get to know who she really is.
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Posted: 1/2/2008 11:21:53 AM | I think that the answer depends more on the two people involved than the actions themselves. What are you each looking for in the relationship? Some people are hunters they enjoy the chase and get bored once it's over. Some people are all about passion and the relationship will die if it's not burning bright right from the start. Some people are about drama and it will rise and fall and the physicality is only one aspect that may or may not manifest right at the start. Some people just want a quiet, constant security blanket. And so on and so forth. What works for one person will not work for everyone.
I've had a wonderful multi-year relationship with a woman who not only had sex with me within an hour of our meeting, but moved in with me that same night. I've just left a similarly wonderful 3+ year relationship with a woman who waited. In each case, it was what was right for that specific person and the "flavor" of the relationship the two of us had.
For fun, track down and take the "seduce me" profile here on POF and see what it says about you. It's a guide so people know how you want to be seduced. But it was pretty revealing about me when I read it. | |
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Posted: 1/2/2008 11:25:15 AM | I've had long term relationship stem from both ways...
The issue is ... I know why and when i do what i do... but how does he feel or think my actions might portray...
Simple horny moment or meaningfull experience...
Is me resisting a sign of respect that i want from him or a sign im not interested...
Is the sign of me jumping into it soon a sign of wanting a meaninfull relationship or a sign im not that seriuos about him??? I know what it means to me... It all is in the way THAT HE WILL INTERPRET these actions...
and others say : I JUST THINK ABOUT THIS TOO MUCH... lol... | |
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Posted: 1/2/2008 11:28:43 AM | tough to say without knowing the man or the situations involved.
i don't think i would think any less of you for sleeping with me on the first date, but i might question who else you are doing this with (a cause for concern), and what you were seeking in the way of relationship or just a FWB. | |
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Posted: 1/2/2008 11:39:45 AM | First I quibbled with this thread's title, then it made more sense, because a simple yes or no response is the tip of an iceberg.
I'd lose respect for myself if "intimacy happened" within a first date (if by that you mean sex) but I'd lose interest in her if intimacy did not happen within a first meeting (if intimacy means really revealing some more of ourselves, directly and openly).
During youth, yeah, I suffered the typical testosterone poisoning. But since then I've experienced relationships being crippled by rushing into sex too soon. And I've felt that sometimes too much methodical deliberation has spoiled passion as well. So, you're right, the pic ain't clear. Maybe this question requires braille, sign language or a keen sence of scent to find the answer.
One good thing about being older is being more comfortable with your own motives and ethics. But trying to shape one's attitudes and behaviors to match the expectations of somebody else, still just as difficult and fruitless as it ever was. | |
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Posted: 1/2/2008 11:42:09 AM | ^^^ exactly^^^^ so playing russian rulet... sort of speaking...
My motives are always clear to me... but its a pickle when trying to understand the interpretations of what he sees these motives to be ....
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Posted: 1/2/2008 11:48:45 AM | I think it's not so much WHEN you are intimate... but HOW you are.
If you just go for dinner, get home, then start fooling around... then it might not seem as sincere.
If you sit there talking, and lose yourselves in each others words... and admit your desire for each other... (and it all is honest)... and then things happen... well, that's different.
I mean, I've been on dates where at the end she was just expect me to jump her.
It had nothing to do with attraction on a personal level... she goes on about me being "hot" (whatever that means to her) and wanting me.
Sorry, but if physical appearance is all it takes for someone to sleep with another... I'm not that interested.
Now, if she's made it clear that she adores WHO I am... then that's different... because that spark can hit you like a Mack truck a times. ;) | |
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Posted: 1/2/2008 1:07:02 PM | Great Question OP but I also think you will find a varied supply of opinions...
Myself, I believe in making love... and I can't do so, unless I truly love the person.
So, it usually takes a while before I'm ready for intimacy of that level. Though there's always those times when you can fall head over heels for someone real quick.
I think this comes close..to my opinion..I want to the anticipation to build a bit. I want to flow from the emails, chats, and phone to continue..I want the intimacy to be the next step..
So this really is going to come down to personal choice. The one thing here is if I was a guy. I would wonder has she done this before and how many times.. What makes it special.. But I am girl, so I don't know if guys think like that or not.
But I also want my guy to value me and what we are going to share so I would be put off if he wanted it on the first date.
Just my opinion | |
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Posted: 1/2/2008 3:42:31 PM | | There is no right or wrong, this all depends on the people. Where their values, morals and even upbringing. Some find it totally unacceptable and others think nothing of it. Really it is your own mindset. | |
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Posted: 1/2/2008 3:47:09 PM |
The one thing here is if I was a guy. I would wonder has she done this before and how many times.. What makes it special.. But I am girl, so I don't know if guys think like that or not.
Nah, you pretty much nailed it there.
It's wondering if this is what she always does... of if you're actually special to her.
Because it's not easy to tell when someone's being open about their feelings, or if they're just trying to make you feel special to get some.
I give them the benefit of the doubt. But it pays to be careful. | |
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