| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 2:00:33 AM | | Now I have reached the grand age of 45 I find myself looking back over the years to the various relationships I have had since the age of 14, and wonder what became of these ladies - are they successful in life, where are they now, but most of all - do they remember me or ever think of me? If they do, do they remember me with a smile or a frown? Am I alone in this or do others do the same, and is it healthy to look back at the past...... | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 2:11:47 AM | A few years ago I googled two women who had fairly unique names.
"Stephanie" from 1975 and "Charmayne" from 1988.
Stephanie won a poker tournament around 1996.
Nothing else.
Not a single entry for Charmayne.
I can only presume that she got married early and changed her last name.
I run my own website, and yes, I get "greater than average" google hits from where I grew up and graduated. I assume it's former high school or college friends (or enemies). It's hard to separate those from job-related hits, but my guess is five or six searches per year. What's most interesting is that I've only received one email from anyone and that was almost ten years ago. | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 3:33:16 AM | | There is nothing wrong with reconnecting with old friends and family as long as you don't expect the relationship to take up where it left off. I found my former mother-in-law online in 1997, and because of that, my son and his father were able to reconnect after seeing each other once in 23 years (his father's choice). Although they never had a close, father/son relationship, they were at least able to meet and talk before my ex-husband passed away in 2002. | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 4:07:23 AM | My parents divorced when I was three--I never saw him again--he died 40 years later. I did locate my 1/2 brother and we talked on the phone, have never met--not very friendly the last two times, so I don't call anymore--it will never be a close relationship because we have nothing in common except the father he grew up with is the one by whom I was conceived. I was raised with an adoptive father whom I love very much. The 1/2 brother and I look more alike than my two 1/2 siblings I grew up with.
I am glad I located him, answered a lot of medical history questions.
I have wondered about previous guys in my life, but I leave it alone, there was a reason why they were "previous". | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 5:03:14 AM | | I say look forward. The past is the past. We learned lessons and have had so many experiences, some good and some bad. We have all learned something from them. There are so many more to come in our future. Embrace them and enjoy each day. | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 6:18:32 AM | Sometimes I brew coffee beans and think about has beans and might-have beans.
I do not consider the study of personal history to be unhealthy. Memories are like bottles of wine. Some taste best fresh then sour with age, others mellow, and the rest are taken quietly from the cellar by the wine steward when he thinks no one is watching, to be drunk after work at home in the dimly lit room he keeps in town for his sordid assignations. It is healthy in moderation but do not drink deeply of a bitter harvest, just enough for roses to blossom in your cheeks and the last names not your own to become a taunting lullaby. | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 6:55:36 AM | Live for today but remember the past!
I love to meet people from my past!
So...I travel to Europe to meet some of them...
We change physically...but we still have the same sense of humor...like it was more than 30 years ago...and we are still young in our hearts! | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 8:04:57 AM |
Now I have reached the grand age of 45 I find myself looking back over the years to the various relationships I have had since the age of 14, and wonder what became of these ladies - are they successful in life, where are they now, but most of all - do they remember me or ever think of me? If they do, do they remember me with a smile or a frown? Am I alone in this or do others do the same, and is it healthy to look back at the past......
don't look back. something might be gaining on you.
-Satchel Paige. | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 8:09:54 AM | Maybe it's like driving a car. You need to focus on what's in front of you, but with a look behind to see if anything is gaining on you. Sometimes you even have to look back to make sure there's nothing in the way of side-stepping. When you spend too much time looking in the mirror, you'll wind up in the ditch ahead.
Me... at 55 I sometimes wonder about some of the relationships both male and female in my checkered past. I did a search on a few of them. One is a successful nurse, another a published writer, a few have died much too young, a few have 'disappeared' with no trace, not even other family members. I don't regret looking any of them up, never reconnected or contacted, I was just feeling nostalgic and curious. Those parts of my life are over. Chapters read with no turning the page back. If they think of me at all, I hope it's with some kindness.
Dwelling in the past and keeping focus in that mirror may not be healthy, but I don't see any harm in the occasional glance to the rear. | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:22:53 AM | nothing wrong with being curious about the well-being of past SO's, but more than a passing thought could be seen as "dwelling" on the idealism of the past.
there's one man from my past that I would love to know about, but I'd never go so far as to seek him out.
muse about the past, but leave it in the past. | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:44:09 AM | | Im kinda where mz taken is here.....there are 1 or 2 that I am really curious about, maybe because the relationship was so strong at the time. Nick Hornby describes it so well in High Fidelity, about looking up ALL his old girlfriends, and I dont think I would even try that.....at least I now know its not just an ego trip to see if I am still the same as I was 20 years ago, (which, thankfully, I am not!!) | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:51:50 AM | I've had folks(guys and girls) from my extreme past look me up and I've looked up a few. If you haven't seen someone in 20 years it's odd. Like another middle aged stranger who just happens to know you.
I wouldn't want to date again any girl from my past.
They probably feel the same.
We were just WAY too wild back then.
Stray | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:56:08 AM | ...I only had two long term relationships, very little dating. My first husband is living somewhere inthe states , haven't heard from him in 15 years and barely think about him anymore. My second husband unfortunately, passed away. I sometimes wonder about a few of my high school crushes...I met one at a 7-11 a few years ago and was shocked at his appearance....he looked NOTHING like when he was 16 haha
Edit:..But then I don't either
....maeflowers | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 1:35:50 PM | | OP, seeing you are "happily married" as you state in your profile, I believe what you may be experiencing is a mid-life crisis. I certainly wouldn't pursue this any further than maybe looking back and wondering what these women are doing today. To go further than that could be detrimental to your life and marriage. JMO | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 1:59:39 PM | | I think everyone has one past relationship they can look at as the "one that got away". I do wish I knew what happened to a few guys, not al of them. My first live-in BF just upped and left and was never heard of again by ANYONE, it'd be fun to Google him (Google I shall!) | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 6:42:18 PM | Interesting thing...looking back, two of my ex boyfriends from much younger years, one is married to my best friend from HS and another is my daughters uncle, I dated both of them very briefly before they discovered their now wives. From seeing how things turned out, I am thankful that I didn't end up with either of them, not that they are losers or anything, just that they chose a path that I would not have wanted to travel. Yes, they are both still married after all these years...and that is great for my best friend and former sister-in-law....it just wasn't the life I wanted.
I'll keep looking forward, I'm still young, the best is yet to come!!! | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 7:11:23 PM | | I prefer to move forward in life, and wish any former ex boyfriends well. I have spoken to some of my formers over the years, and was glad that I didn't remain with them. Its strange to run across them, and the clarity or distance you see now, makes you appreciate the right choices you made. I like to think that all my former remember me with happiness but we both know, that ex's are that, in your past and we all have moved on in the right direction. | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/4/2008 8:11:46 PM | Oh, look forward for sure....who knows what is around the corner, hopefully all good !
When I think about the past, I know it was all a learning experience, and has made me who I am today, I wouldn't change a thing. The past is for reflecting and fond memories, especially of our children and family times.
Looking forward means more memories to come, and the opportunity to make of life what we want.
It's like the half-full or half-empty cup dilemma.
Cheers ! Mine is half full ! | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/6/2008 1:53:48 AM | | Thank you Ageless Wonder, I kind of had that suspicion myself. But it would never have got to me in such a way that it would prove detrimental to the life I have now, if I wanted to be with any of my ex's I would have married them, my wife is my soulmate and my best friend, and my kids are the sweetest part of my entire exsistence on this mortal coil; I suppose it's me being unable to deal with anyone feeling bad about me, and my guilt for treating anyone badly over the years. Mid-Life Crisis? Sucks! Hope it ends soon...lol | |
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fay98
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Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 20 | |
| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/6/2008 3:50:33 PM | I setup a Myspace page and have reconnected with some of my "I wonder where
they are now" friends. I don't think its bad to wonder whatever happened to ? | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/6/2008 3:57:27 PM | I look "side to side" watching out for those who may "blind side" me........
OT.........Learn from the past, to make the present that much better, and look to the future from the lessons learned....... 
Just my opinion.......   | |
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notard
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Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 22 | |
| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/10/2008 5:34:15 PM | | Early on when I was separated from and in the process of divorcing my now former spouse I spent some time reflecting back on the girls I had dated in high school and college and whether any of them would have worked out. It was a healthy thing to do at the time because I wanted to evaluate what I perhaps would want in a future partner. I have not done it since. No need to. | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:13:54 PM |
I find myself looking back over the years to the various relationships I have had since the age of 14, and wonder what became of these ladies - are they successful in life, where are they now, but most of all - do they remember me or ever think of me?
Good question, OP!
Whenever I go on Classmates dot com, I think, "Whatever happened to Claudia and what is she doing now?"
So, Claudia, if you're listening, "Good night dear friend, wherever you are." | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:09:24 PM | I don't spend a lot of time dwelling on the past, but once in a while I do think of someone I had known and wonder what has happened in his or her life.
At the top of the list would be my first wife, I lost track of her in the 70's after we divorced. I assume she re-married. I can't imagine ever getting back with her, but I would like to know if she is still alive, and whether she found happiness.
A couple of buddies from my high school days I would like to find and talk to as well. One played guitar, I'd love to jam with him some time.
I did find my first girlfriend, actually located her sister and phoned her. My former g/f is living in Florida and happily married, didn't want to be contacted by someone out of her past. I had a nice conversation with her sister though, and got caught up on my ex g/f's life.
One of my cousins found me through googling, found something I had written with my real name and email address on it. We corresponded for a while, but didn't have a whole lot in common.
There are some people I wouldn't want to be in touch with at all. Let that sleeping dog lie. | |
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| Look back or look forward?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:14:32 PM | | I have 30 some first cousins scattered across the country. I email with one or two and hear from a couple more at Christmas, other than that I have not seen most of them in a decade or more. I can't think of anyone from my child hood that I would go to any trouble of finding but I would love to reconnect with a few cousins that I spent most of my summers with as a child. | |
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