| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/4/2008 3:05:05 PM | Here is the context :
I am a divorced dad, the kids stay with me by decision of the court; They go to their mother's place during their school hollidays; they are 6 and 8
They asked me to phone regularly to them while they are in vacation with their mom, i bought a HP to them; last vacations my daughter managed to call me on the second day with her mother, and then the following week, it was impossible to contact them. All the phones including the hp of the kids were shut down.
Finally they called me for the first of Jan/ my son told me that her mother forced them to shut down theyr HP "in order to avoid beeing disturbed every 5 minutes"
While i understand that she wants to keep thekids for her furing vacations, not beeing disturbed by a phone call from me to her main phone , she legitimately might be willing having her own private time with the kids, i can not understand why she forces the kids to shut down their own phone;
Am i abnormall not understanding this and willing to phone to my kids 2 - 3 times a week when they asked for, or what ?
Your ideas on this are welcome * cheers | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/4/2008 7:23:52 PM | | She doesnt' seem happy with the custody of you having them primarily, so she's doing this out of spite. does she call them when they are with you? It seems she's letting her feelings bypass her kids by not calling them or have them call you. If they are with her for a long vacation, then you should at least call them once in awhile to talk to them, that shows you care for them. Perhaps you should let her know that this is hurtin gthe kids more than it's hurting you or her to have you call. It is sad that you'd have to tell your kids to call you when she's nto around or when she's asleep to get the phone. Do they go online? perhaps you can email them? | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/4/2008 7:37:07 PM | Of course, without knowing the whole story, from what you've said, I agree with you. I go nuts when I can't reach my kids. When my ex is mad at me, he turns off his phone. It's called parental alienation, and it's not ok. You have to document what's happening, and keep phone logs or records from the bills. In any event, it's wrong for one parent to keep the other parent from contacting the kids - unless there's a court order or restraining order. So, document - try communicating by e-mail and see if she'll admit in writing that she's screening their calls. Try not to put your kids in the middle. And, talk to an attorney.
Good luck. | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/4/2008 7:42:29 PM | | Ask your ex-wife to have the kids call you every other or every third day when they are with her for visits. That way she has some control over the situation (which is probably what she is trying to establish) and you get to talk to the kids. You need to talk with her (away from the kids) and try to come to a mutual decision. Approach it with the positives for her and the kids (leave your +'s out of it for now). | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:53:03 AM |
Here is the context :
I am a divorced dad, the kids stay with me by decision of the court; They go to their mother's place during their school hollidays; they are 6 and 8
They asked me to phone regularly to them while they are in vacation with their mom, i bought a HP to them; last vacations my daughter managed to call me on the second day with her mother, and then the following week, it was impossible to contact them. All the phones including the hp of the kids were shut down.
Finally they called me for the first of Jan/ my son told me that her mother forced them to shut down theyr HP "in order to avoid beeing disturbed every 5 minutes"
While i understand that she wants to keep thekids for her furing vacations, not beeing disturbed by a phone call from me to her main phone , she legitimately might be willing having her own private time with the kids, i can not understand why she forces the kids to shut down their own phone;
Am i abnormall not understanding this and willing to phone to my kids 2 - 3 times a week when they asked for, or what ?
Your ideas on this are welcome * cheers
call her on it.
It's irresponsible for a parent to stop their children from contacting the other parent when they want to unless the child runs up the phone bill doing as such.
This may be a violation of the child custody agreement.
As others have written on here w/o knowing the full background of what's happening it's hard to say.
If necessary ,haul her ass back into court and have a judge tell how things are going to go.
Never saw why people use their kids as weapons.
It only comes back to haunt them when the kids grow up.
I'm from the US....what's an "HP?" | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:20:31 AM | | I would agree that you need to sit down and discuss this with her...set up times for calls or whatever needs to be done. Beyond that, what is the policy when they are in your home? Does she have phone access anytime she wishes? If she does (which she should at reasonalbe hours), remind her of this. What does it say about this situation in your custody agreement? Might be covered there as well, so if you are remind her, and then document to act on it if it doesn't improve. | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:33:13 AM | Some folks just like twisting the rules. Check out what the rules are in your parenting plan and if they don't specifically allow you the phone contact then really you are screwed unless you can be amicable with your ex, which if you could she probably wouldn't be your ex eh?
So if its not in the rule book it means nothing and you would have to go back to court to get it added . If it is in the rule book it still means nothing as then you would still have to go back to court to prove she was doing it. Another alternate route may be if you have laws about parental interference. You could still take it to the idea of child abuse at it is considered abusive to purposely withold communication with the other parent in some states. So, how much time or how nasty do you want to be or you can talk to her but the end point in the last paragraph still applies.....
The easiest thing you can do for yourself and your children is to just let it slide. Make sure you have the connect with the kids and that they feel it in thier core. Nothing else matters. | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:59:11 AM | Im gonna throw a whole new twist into this thread.
The reason I mention this is because most divorces/breakups are not amicable and mine was (he's still my best friend & his wife is just as wonderful).
So Im offering up another perspective simply because what's happening now isnt working for you...so maybe an alternative will.
Okay...think of it from her perspective...
She only has the kids on holidays which is effectively *her* time with them.
Because breakups often come down to power plays with each other...try... just giving it to her. <<< this is a longterm/bigger picture result
For as silly as this may sound...smiling and handing over the kids & letting them all just "be"...and then smiling when she brings them home/you collect them...and while mum's around asking about what a fabulous time they had with her, is likely (if your ex has a brain)...but is likely to let her see *you*... & let her appreciate you in allowing non-interfering contacts.
Once you stop butting heads and negotiate a little better by giving where it doesnt matter so much to get that bigger picture result (eg. ringing them when they're with her & her not feeling threatened)...is probably the objective you should be looking at. JMO.
Oh and PS...absolutely talk to the kids about it...say something like...well you know mum only gets to spend a little time with you, so how about I leave you to it to have fun and I'll be waiting for you at home to tell me all about it.
Get the kids to keep a diary of their time away so it gives them purpose, they dont miss a detail and they still feel "connected" to you. | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/5/2008 9:27:35 AM | I agree with Kynnie as long as there is a way to reach her in the event of an emergency.
She is probably not pleased that you have custody and she'll be damend if she'll let you have any time with them when they are supposed to be with her.
Once she becomes more accustomed to the visitation, she will likely back off. The suggestions about allowing them to call is also a good idea but something to be broached later on, maybe saying you don't want the kids to think you forget about them when they are with her. Making it more about the kids is key and what you should be both working toward anyway. | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/5/2008 10:24:58 AM |
It's irresponsible for a parent to stop their children from contacting the other parent when they want to unless the child runs up the phone bill doing as such.
I'm not sure this is what's going on here. It sounds more like he's upset that she won't let him contact the children. Quite frankly, I can't say I would blame her. When I have little time with my daughter, unless it's an emergency or she's sick and her mother is just calling to see how she's doing, I can't say I'd appreciate her calling all the time. In order to get a chambers session to even have a judge hear our custody issue we both had to take a post-separation parenting course. One of the issues discussed was not incessantly calling the children when they were with the other parent. 2 or 3 times a week might not seem "incessant" to you, but if you don't get to see your children very often, that time can quickly add up.
Am i abnormall not understanding this and willing to phone to my kids 2 - 3 times a week when they asked for, or what ?
If your children asked you to let them drink shots of Crown Royal until 2 am on a school night, would you do it? Sometimes kids just need to understand there are rules. Sometimes parents need to understand that too. | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/5/2008 1:45:32 PM | When kids are at their Dad's house, I call to say good night.
When kids are at my house, Dad calls to say good night.
The kids talk to both of us every day! 6 and 8 are still young. I wouldn't expect daily calls while on a trip but 3 times during their week away is not excessive. Good luck! | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/5/2008 5:24:21 PM | Usually court orders spell out allowing reasonable phone contact with the parent who does not have physical custody of the children (I.e., you when she has them and visa versa).
Take a look at your custody order - it should specifically mention allowing reasonable phone contact at the very least.
I would then take mom aside and show her that paragraph, explaining that calling the children 2 - 3 times a week when she has them is very reasonable and that you would hate to have to have the court intervene on your behalf. (Which they will - they will tell her to allow your contact, if she continues to refuse, they will spell out specific times and probably even find her in contempt of court).
If she freaks out on you, just keep your calm - and talk to a lawyer.
It is unreasonable to prevent phone contact 2 to 3x a week, especially with the custodial parent! Sorry she is behaving like this. | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:37:06 PM | I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND YOUR SIDE OF IT, OF COURSE!!
BUT
I understand that she wants her alone time with the children. and maybe the contact with you (even though it's through the kids) may be upsetting to the "peace and quite" of her alone time with them.
It has to be hard to have her kids not live with her and then having to make them available at all times to the custodial parent (you) when she does have them.
Someone has to be more-mature here, and let their arm be twisted more than is fair... Either she has to set up some sort of arrangement that is acceptable to both you and her, or you have to set it up.
Hopefully your kids are in good hands when they are with their mom and there is no real reason for you to call them more than once a day... but if that is not the case then you have to do what you have to do.
I say.... always think of what is best for the kids. Either if it's having a fun (undisturbed) time with mom, who protects them and cares for them as well as dad does.... or if it's always speaking to Dad to make themselves feel safe and reassured.
I don't know the background of your situation and I am basing my comment on your initial post.
But good luck to you. | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:54:50 AM | This is terrible! When I was first separated my children didn't call me while at their dads and when I would call they would seem distant and not talk much. (and it was rare i would call) While trying to figure out arrangements for a friend to visit I told my son to just give me a call and let me know what the details were. This is when I found out his dad would not let the children call me and gave them a hard time if I called them. That it was HIS phone and his say about its use.
The next day I went out and got the children a cellphone.
From day one I have given him full access to contact them whenever he wants. The fact that he rarely chooses to is another issue. I want them to have the contact, I feel very strongly that they have a good relationship with him.
So.................
Added into the divorce decree I asked to have put that the children have full un-interrupted, un monitored access to BOTH parents by phone or email no matter which parent they are with. Not sure the of the full line but it also says at reasonable times.
My children had already figured out how to "work it" so they could call me when they wanted, but their dad has become very good about letting the older children call when they want.
If you are not yet divorced or have the means to go back to court to have the visitation amended I would highly suggest it. Even though they live with you most the year they still need to know you are "THERE" for them even when they are with their mom. It is all about making sure the children feel secure.
Good luck! | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:08:57 PM | | You have a right to be upset. What she is doing is immature and selfish. She should know better than to block your communications with your own children. Hopefully you two can come to some kind of understandment. | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/7/2008 12:53:01 AM | Wow... I turn my phone off at night often, my Ex will phone and wake 2 out of three people up on weekends or phone to chat with our son as I am trying to get the kids off to school. I have tried several times to ask him not to call early on weekends or before school. I do not consider that parental alienation. (I wonder if I should)
To the OP... I do not think it is fair for her to try and block all communication. I would try and work out a calling schedule with her; before they go again. | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/15/2008 5:38:51 AM | Thanks to all, for all your comments... Indeed, i got my kids after the vacation in a rather bad shape (psychologically). Yes the mum wnted her own time not to be spoiled, but the kids wanted to keep contact with me 2-3 times a week (xhich is not excessive) and this was not allowed to them. despite i gace them their own cellular.
I believe the mother conceive her own time rather exclusively, and do not consider really what the kids prefer.
In fact she is maybe mad at the fact that the kids, even young, prefer to stay with me for the main part of the custody.
Another light on the point : when the kids are at home with me, they would like their mom calling more often... and she gives a phone call only every 10 days or so (she says to be too busy, that the phone call oversees is too expensive - with skype, webcalldirect, or such items, it sounds crazy, and finally argue that it is not good for the kids that she calls too often -sounds crazy again , isn't it ?0. the boy (8 years) plays brave, but the little girls is very sad of that. I tried to engage the mother than to use the web cam, to make it more lively... and whatis a pitty, is that after two minutes of conversation with the kids, she runs out of subject and comes to "hmmm hmmm what to say ?"while when the kids skype their grand parents, they hold on for 15 to 30 minutes everytine, 2-3 times a week !
Having been married with her during 10 years, i know how much she is unconfortable when it comes to express her feelings to people, always beeing very cold,... but dammit ! They are her kids ! She could try to mak ethem happy, no ? Giving a few phone calls is not like beeing tortured, isnt it ? | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/15/2008 6:14:04 PM | You never mentioned the visit was overseas. I would have been a nervous wreck sending kids out of the country with no contact for a week. But i do have to say if they are old enough to travel alone they are old enough to pick up a telephone or email daily.
My teen visits my parents in Florida (direct flight met at gate only by parent or grandparent) and I can barely handle it. | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/16/2008 5:11:15 AM | they are 6 and 8... and as much as i can, i travel with them. Deliver them to the mother in the airport, and then we have our seperate lives. still they are able to grab the phone and to phone to me, if they want, but maybe i was not clear : the mother forbid them to take their Hand phone to phone to me. And at 6 and 8, it's not so easy for then to go against the mother, fear of dispute, etc. when they are in her house.
Not easy for them, that part, being cut from dad. they told me later they waere upset buy it, but trying to play a lot etc not to think about it (very mature, isn t it for young kids like they are, i was surprised), while from my side when they are with me, i encourage them to phone to their mom, to send drawings etc to her, etc. even if i find her not behaving well with them, she is their mother, and she is important to them. I believe that even a bad mother is better than no mother at all, or no contact at all with her ! | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/16/2008 2:41:14 PM | HOLY MOLY!! you NEVER said that the visit(s) were OVERSEAS!!!!
That puts everything into a new spectrum all together!!!
Scratch everything I said before, you should get to talk to your children as often as they and you wish to do so when they are on an OVERSEAS visit with their mom!!!
I think you are doing great as a Dad and it is sad that their mother is so unaffectionate but we (other parent) can only do so much. Kids also need to learn that things aren't always nice and okay. They don't need adults to pretend cause they are very clever in areas such as they way your kids' mother interacts with them.
Sometimes, they just need to hear words that validate whatever feelings they are experiencing which they may not know how to express yet. for example, "Too bad your mom doesn't call more often, I know you wish she would because you miss her." etc..etc... I know doing that 'validation' for my son has been great.
Kudos to you.
God bless. | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 1/16/2008 4:56:59 PM | | MY EX WIFE DOES NOT ALLOW ME TO CONTACT MY 2 DAUGHTERS WHILE ALL THE TIME SHE CAN CALL OUR SON WHO LIVES WITH ME ANY TIME SHE SHOULD WISH. AFTER SOME TIME I GOT MAD AND INSISTED SHE LET ME TALK TO THEM AND WAS CHARGED WITH PHONE INTERFERANCE AND SERVE WITH A STALKING ORDER. JUST FOR CALLING MY DAUGHTERS. I TELL YOU THIS SO YOU WILL BE CAREFUL AND GO BACK TO COURT AND REQUEAST PHONE RIGHTS TO THEM AND OFFER HER THE SAME IN RETURN FOR THE RIGHT. EVEN IF IT IS GIVEN A TIME PERIOD YOU WILL BE GIVEN A TIME YOU CAN CALL AND SO WILL SHE. SIDE NOTE: SHE NEVER CALL OUR SON SO IT MENT NOTHING TO HER BUT IT WILL TO A JUDGE. | |
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| why the ex wife blocks the dad from contacting his kids ?
Posted: 8/26/2008 3:09:35 PM | | wow, i can't believe the lengths some people will go to just to hurt their ex spouse. I don't get along with my ex, but i would never try and keep him from communicating with our children, ever, unless he is harming them in some way. | |
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