| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/7/2008 11:41:58 AM | We men are accused of wanting the wrong type of woman.
If you were a man, knowing what you konw about women but trying to look at it from a man's point of veiw, what makes for a perfect, or close to perfect, woman? | |
|
| |
| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/7/2008 11:45:47 AM | One whom you can relate to, who can relate to you.
One who genuinely appreciates you for who you are.
One who you can appreciate for exactly who she is.
One who doesn't require anything of you other than that you are true to yourself.
One whom you don't require anything of other than that she be true to herself. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/7/2008 12:16:36 PM |
Now... how does one go about finding such a person?
If I knew that then I'd be able to make the world a much better place! I wish I did.
Part of it has to be that you have to be able to be the counterpart.
Is it within your ability to be that?
Then I believe that an awful lot of it has to do with expressing your true self in all that you say and do, rather than trying to be what you think most other people want you to be. How can someone who will love you for exactly who you are, even get the chance to see who you are when you keep projecting what you expect "most women" to like?
And then there's the whole thing of taking care to always relate to the actual people you encounter, rather than deciding to have relationships with them. People hunting for relationships is such a bizarre concept, really.
And finally you need a shed load of luck, I think...
However, I'm a very quirky person, I'm a 6ft tall, stubborn, awkward, vegan, mathematician who refused to post a photo and and wasn't even looking, but was just playing in the forums. I've never even met a single person who was entirely on my wavelength before. Now, surely if I can find someone, it's possible for anyone. :)
I wish everyone could find someone they could be with in this way.
I believe the world would change very much for the better. | |
|
| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/7/2008 12:55:09 PM | Rune, as a mathmatician, you should realize that "luck" is simple probability. All one has to do is improve the probability (odds) to improve their "luck". The exposure of the internet vastly improves the possibilities but also amplifies the noise. The ability to search for someone near "perfect" and weed out the imperfect through automation really is not so bizarre as it filters the noise.
In order to carry this out most effectively, we need to fix what we are doing wrong. Since we men are accused of seeking out 'wrong types", what do we need to search for to get the "right type"? Keep in mind, we are men, not women. Try role reversal to visualize what we "relate" to. | |
|
| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/7/2008 12:59:34 PM |
Rune, as a mathmatician, you should realize that "luck" is simple probability. All one has to do is improve the probability (odds) to improve their "luck". Yeah, but you'd need to know all the factors and how they inter-relate. And a butterfly might flap its wings and all hell could break loose.
As for the whole gender roles thing. I hate "roles". My role is to be me. We are all people and don't deserve to be pigeon-holed. If men and women related to each other as human beings rather than lifestyle accessories, it might help quite a bit. | |
|
| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/7/2008 4:12:33 PM | | If I was a man and wanted a perfect woman (perfect for me, I assume?) . . .then I'd be more than perfectly happy with the girl that would light up every room the second the tip of her big toe touched the threshold and knowing that "that girl "was "my" girl! | |
|
| |
| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/8/2008 7:15:03 AM |
Yeah, but you'd need to know all the factors and how they inter-relate. And a butterfly might flap its wings and all hell could break loose.
Probability (luck) is all about NOT knowing all the factors. The more lottery numbers (factors) we know and the more tickets we have, the greater our chance of winning (luck).
Internet dating gives us the ability to know some factors and at the same time, having a much larger number of "lottery tickets" to improve our chance of finding the winning one. Not really that bizzare. Understanding the factors important to both sides, including ourselves, improves our "luck". I feel role playing pushes people to examine the other side's motivations and lets us know more "factors".
The odds of butterfly wing turbulance causing "all hell to break loose" is extremely small. One need not be paranoid of butterflies.
The search for intelligent life continues. | |
|
| |
| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/8/2008 7:36:26 AM |
And one who won't be afaid to help me change my bike's oil or retune the carbs If you can make sushi rolls for dinner and clean the house, you got a deal. ;-)
Turning it around, with my current personality, I'd still be looking for the same thing. I like the delightfully strange. (with big hooters)  | |
|
| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:00:24 AM | @msg12
Try reading the book "why do buses come in threes" some time. There are some brilliant explanations of probabilities in real life and coincidence phenomena.
For sure you can increase your chances of finding someone who you can relate to in he way I described. But I truly believe there are many factors what are completely out of our control. When I found my special someone here he was 3 days away from deleting his profile. We would never have found each other.
Role-playing in the way you suggest seems rather absurd to me, because it implies that you have a preconceived notion of what a relationship should be and are just looking for someone to step into the shoes of the role you have imagined for them.
This missed the whole point of finding someone you can relate to, rather than someone you would like to have a relationship with -- do you see the difference? Practising actually relating to other human beings seems more constructive than focusing on a laundry list of what you imagine you would like in a relationship, imagining your chosen lifestyle and the perfect accomplice to that. The first approach encourages openness and acceptance and the second encourages narrowness and judgement.
I doubt anyone on the planet would have picked my special someone for me using any match criteria. We come from totally different backgrounds, have different vocations, had somewhat different approaches to spirituality, were such a long way apart... the list goes on. Yet I've never in my life met someone who thinks and feels so much like I do,as he does. I would never have found this if we hadn't both been here expressing our core beliefs about the world and relationships and if I hadn't contacted him and been open to relate to him as we communicated, without having any preconceived ideas about wanting anything from him and without wanting him to fill any role in my life.
I do think that the more you express your true self openly, honestly, without hiding because you think "oh people don't like people who talk like that" and the more you are open to taking notice of what other people are truly expression and seeing the human being behind the words, the more likely you are o find people to relate to in some way; and the more you relate to people the more chance you have of finding one you can profoundly relate to.
Just my thoughts. | |
|
| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/8/2008 10:57:36 AM | If I was a man? I'm joking about this........ but I'd prolly want a man with boobs! 
It would be the exact same quagmire as it already is, just with different body parts, I'd like to think. I don't believe that men have it easier, nor do I believe that women ultimately make the decision on which man... Yadda, yadda, yadda... There is no perfect man out there (I've deemed myself as being nondateable due to being too far out of the "norm") just as there is no perfect woman. You settle for someone that is near to those ideals, and let the hating begin. *shrugs* I'm feeling rather pessamistic at the moment, but it'll pass and some blue-bird of happiness will crap on my shoulder..... | |
|
| |
| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/8/2008 1:23:46 PM | "One who genuinely appreciates you for who you are.
One who you can appreciate for exactly who she is."
eHarmony.com often talks about loving people "for who you really are." This is a myth. No one ever loves you for who you really are - only who they THINK you are. There will always be a difference. | |
|
| |
| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/8/2008 1:32:17 PM | Being a man I can speak as a man, I know you want to hear or understand what a woman thinks but i think that might be part of the barrier for you. Rune3 is bang on in my opinion. I just want to add that even if you knew exactly what a woman wanted you are still you. You may be able to wear a likeable hat but if you start off with a manipulation then unless you actually change for real then you'd have to lie for the rest of the relationship.
I think if you think in terms of behavioural sets to attract someone you'll never find any lasting relationship. Even though behaviours can be changed there would be a spottable incongruence that would make people uneasy or unable to be truly intimate with you. You'd also have to keep a dual life to be able to cope with the incongruence which would only lead to your own unhappiness as well.
Re-read rune3's posts with an open mind. If your clever enough to be as logical as you are you should be clever enough to see the truth in it. I know you'd have to put aside your arrogance and patronizing side away for a little bit, but if you are interested in your own self preservation its a good trade.
good luck | |
|
| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/8/2008 1:36:23 PM | @voclare
eHarmony.com often talks about loving people "for who you really are." This is a myth. No one ever loves you for who you really are - only who they THINK you are. There will always be a difference. I didn't say "for who you really are" I said "for who you are", I wasn't getting itno the whole Johari window perception of the individual. Read it as "for who you are to them" if you prefer. The idea being communicated is the appreciation (different from love) for you as you are, rather than for the elements of their dream man/woman that you nearly measure up to or potentially will measure up to after they've 'helped you to overcome your flaws'. It's about seeing what is in front of you and not thinking "it would be better if...". | |
|
| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/8/2008 3:47:23 PM | .having found this wanted to share it....heart charkra tech support............ring ..ring ..ring... ..................Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What
do I do first?
Tech Support:The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located
your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is
it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and
Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from
your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory
but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually
override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-
Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and
Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly
installed. Can you turn those off ?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and
Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that
normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.
You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the
upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error -
Program not run on external components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up
to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In
non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before
you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following
files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your
Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system
will over-write any conflicting files and begin patching faulty
programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all
directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely
gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile
is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying
themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually
everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and
running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure
to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in
turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
Please share this. If you delete that is okay, God's love is not
based on emails. | |
|
| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/8/2008 4:25:59 PM | | I have to agree with those who say if I were a man, the things I look for in a woman would be similar to what I currently look for in a man. Someone intelligent, respectful, honest, trusting etc etc etc. | |
|
| |
| Role reversal, what makes a perfect woman?
Posted: 1/8/2008 5:03:38 PM | | First, a lady who I relate to and am attracted to. Next, someone who would bring love, unity, order, and beauty to the home and family, while I am busy providing. That way we can enjoy an intact family without either of us flipping out in resentment because we both are trying to do everything. I'm an all-the-way traditional values gal! | |
|
Home
login 
